for a moment it was silent in the room, except for the sound of the electricians outside the door. "goddamit," said an electrician. "you can't use that hookup on the y-circuit. you'll cut out the monitors."
ralph rodkey tiptoed to the bedroom door and closed it.
"surely you're joking," said dr. bruber. "quite a sense of humor. ha-ha."
"no, i'm not. we discovered there was at least one habitable planet here—and where there are habitable planets, there are likely to be human beings. human beings are dangerous."
rodkey cleared his throat. "gentlemen. far be it from me to interfere in a scientific discussion like this, but if i were you i'd try another tack. a large number of our viewers might not understand it."
"you think it would be better, perhaps, if we killed them all without warning?" olbu said, turning toward the director.
"really, mr. olbu," said rodkey. "you don't intend to blot us out, do you?"
"that decision is hardly mine to make," said olbu. "i'll have to report to my superiors. if you're dangerous, you'll have to be erased, and there's nothing that can be done about it."
"excuse me a moment." rodkey rose, went to the phone and ordered liquor sent up to the room. he hung up the receiver. "i think it's best that we make your stay here a pleasant one, olbu."
"if you intend to bribe me, i'm afraid you'll have no success," said olbu. "i was chosen because i am impeccable."
"i'm quite sure of it," said dr. bruber. "and perhaps there is something in your premise that not all human beings are desirable. i should like to know how earth is making out."
olbu shrugged his shoulders. "so far i've seen nothing worth saving," he said. "you're a vain lot. you're trivial. you have no respect for the dignity of man. and your worst fault is ambition. i suppose you have wars?"
"not for a long time. two or three years anyhow," said rodkey.
"how long is a year? ah yes, i forgot. it is the period of the planet on its journey around the sun. and how long does that take? one year. the usual nonsensical way you have of defining things. you don't even know how to measure time."
"how very interesting!" exclaimed dr. bruber. "actually it never occurred to me that there might be an absolute method of measuring time. what is it?"
"it's the mpto. forty-three and a third mptos make an anup, and twelve million anups make a zorex. it's a lot simpler than seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and so on."
"yes, i see," said dr. bruber. "but getting back to our topic. just what should we have that would make us worth saving?"
"stability," said olbu. "earthmen lack stability."
"don't you think you should talk more about your trip?" rodkey asked. "how did saturn look when you passed it?"
"saturn wasn't in the right place to be seen at all," dr. bruber said. "but you did see pluto. how did it look?"
"there was nothing about it and it looked awful," said olbu.
"i hate to be injecting my own personal ideas into this conversation," said rodkey, "because after all, i know nothing about science. but don't you suppose it would please our viewers if we talked more about space flight than about the destruction of the human race?"
"you see," said olbu to dr. bruber. "that's what i mean. no stability."
"after all, the poor man doesn't want to lose his job," bruber explained. "i'd say that was a desire to be stable."
"if he's going to be dead, which he will be when i get word from my superiors, he'll lose his job whether he wants to or not," said olbu.
"i'll go along with a joke as well as anyone," said rodkey, "but gentlemen, we've only got twelve minutes till we go on the air. now let's cut out this nonsense about destroying earth and talk about something pleasant."
"certainly," said dr. bruber. "what planet did you come from?"
"xvik," said olbu. "it's the fourth planet of a star you call gc1242."
"good old gc1242!" said dr. bruber.
"oh, you know that star?"
"yes, it's a minor variable loosely attached to lyra."
"there's nothing loose about my star," said olbu.
"i'm sure dr. bruber didn't mean it that way," said rodkey hastily. he looked nervously at dr. bruber. "did you, doctor?"
"that's one of the things i don't know," he said, wiping his glasses on his handkerchief. "tell me, olbu, if you should decide we aren't worth saving, how would you communicate with your superiors, considering they're 32 light years away. wouldn't it take 64 years—thirty-two going and thirty-two coming—to get a message through?"
"oh, no! i communicate by instantaneous telepathy," said olbu. "it's much faster than energy forms of communication."
"i wish you'd talk about something else," said rodkey. "only ten minutes to go."
dr. bruber disregarded the request. "i don't know why people on a planet 32 light years away should consider earth dangerous."
"oh, earth isn't. it's only the people on it," said olbu.
"how do you know about the people?"
"we have a method of enlarging telescopic photos to bring out every detail. we know all about man, we've watched you from the days when your ancestors lived in caves."
"goodness! you know more about us than we know ourselves."
"why don't you tell our viewers about that!" exclaimed rodkey.
"yes," went on olbu, who also seemed to have forgotten the existence of rodkey, "we saw your ancestors fight with sticks and stones. we saw them use spears, then gunpowder. then we saw the atom bomb and the council decided to send me to see if anything could be salvaged."
"but the bomb was 200 years ago," said dr. bruber.
"twelve zorax," corrected olbu. "i've been on the way here for twelve zorax—or if you will—thirty-two light years, two hundred time years."
"surely the atom bomb can't affect your existence when we don't even have space flight," said dr. bruber.
"my race has developed a type of logic that can look into the future," said olbu. "we know that certain patterns develop from past events. in your case, you'll follow the atom bomb with the hydrogen bomb, and the hydrogen bomb with the cobalt bomb—"
"we have them both."
"ah! you see. our logical foresight is infallible," said olbu. "next you'll wipe out nations; when only one is left, you'll fight neighboring planets. since you haven't any inhabited near neighbors, you'll have to invade alpha centauri. after that you'll battle with other stars, until you've conquered the cluster, then the galaxy, finally the universe. it's a very unstable state of affairs."
slowly dr. bruber nodded. "you're right. i never realized where science was taking us. you have something ready to wipe us out with?"
"yes," said olbu. "just beyond the moon, circling the earth and the moon as a satellite, is a missile which i can bring here by instantaneous telepathy, as soon as i have my orders from my superior."
"i trust you'll postpone the fateful message until after our telecast?"
olbu smiled graciously. "a dying man is usually granted his last request."
"gentlemen," said rodkey, wiping his brow with a damp handkerchief, "they're waiting for us in the next room. we're on in a minute." he opened the door, allowed olbu to pass through first, and then whispered to dr. bruber. "i guess my job doesn't matter now. at least we'll scoop the other networks on the end of the world."
"tish, tosh, old man," said dr. bruber. "your job's safe and so is the world. but if i should resort to murder in the next fifteen minutes, i hope you'll testify in my behalf."
