how gargantua combed cannon-balls out of his hair, and how he ate six pilgrims in a salad before supper.
grandgousier's palace was not far from the ford. in a very short time after leaving the river gargantua galloped into the court-yard, where he was joyfully welcomed by the old king himself. you may imagine how he laughed, and then cried, and then laughed once more, loud and long, over his big son, for whom he had been so anxiously waiting. but the laughter lived after the tears. a queer thing happened after everybody had got comfortably seated. gargantua, feeling a little warm after his ride, had already washed himself and put on some clean clothes, for he had learned to be a neat man ever since ponocrates had given him that mysterious dose. he was now combing his thick hair, in a lazy sort of a way, with his own comb, which had been specially made in africa for the young prince on his tenth birthday. it was very large,—larger, in fact, than any comb that had ever before passed through a giant's hair. each tooth was an elephant's tusk, taken just as it had stood in the elephant's jaw. every time gargantua passed the comb through his locks, half a dozen of those balls which had stuck there when he was going through the wood of vede would drop on the floor with a clattering noise.
the amazement of good father grandgousier, who had his glasses off and was nearly blind without them, when he heard these cannon-balls tumbling down from his son's head on the floor, was something worth seeing.
engraving
gargantua combs his hair.
"ho! ho! ho! my good son, hast thou brought fleas all this way from paris? didst thou think we had none of our own here?"
when gargantua, on looking down, saw several balls at his feet, he did not know what to say. he had not felt them, and was even more puzzled than his father. but wise master ponocrates was always ready to give the best answer, in the best place, and in the wisest way, to any question asked. stooping and picking up one of the balls, he said, bowing respectfully:—
"this, your majesty, is one of the cannon-balls which your son, while he was passing the wood of vede, received through the treachery of your enemies."
"so that's it, is it?" cried father grandgousier. "oh! the audacious vermin, to try and shoot my only son! ho! ho! i hope not one of the rascals was allowed to escape."
"all of them," answered ponocrates solemnly, "perished in the ruins."
"that is just as it should be," the old king said. "now, my lords, to supper!"
there never was a supper so soon ready! for, when the order had been first given, the three very fat cooks—snapsauce, hotchpotch, and braverjuice—all came forward gravely, and with their right hands on their hearts swore they would soon have the finest supper that had ever been eaten, even in the palace which was famed throughout the world for the perfection of its feasts.
and such a supper as they did make!
when the chief cook snapsauce was asked for an account of what he had sent up, here is the list he gave, all the while strutting like a turkey-cock; and he was just as red as one, too, as he read it,—so full of pride and of the kitchen-fire was he:—
sixteen roasted beeves,
three heifers,
thirty-two calves,
sixty-three kids,
ninety-five sheep,
two hundred and twenty partridges,
seven hundred snipe,
four hundred capons of loudunois,
six thousand pullets,
the same number of pigeons,
six hundred young, but specially fat, pullets,
fourteen hundred young hares,
three hundred and three bustards.
besides these domestic birds and beasts there were to be found at this wonderful feast, eleven wild boars, kindly sent by the good abbé de turpenay; eighteen red deer, the gift of the lord of grandmont; one hundred and forty pheasants, from the lord of essars; and such a number of nice things in the shape of turkeys, birds, ducks, wild geese, swans, varied by the best vegetables that could be found, the country round, as had never been known to be brought together on the same table.
engraving
and such a supper!
i have not yet told something that took place a little while before this great supper. while all were waiting for it, gargantua suddenly cried out: "ho! i feel dreadfully thirsty! somebody bring me a lettuce."
father grandgousier, well pleased to grant whatever his son asked, but wanting to see him work a little for his own pleasure, answered him gaily:—
"there are some very fine lettuces growing in yonder garden, my boy. if thou wantest them the best thing thou canst do is to seek them thyself. thou canst find none so tall as they in all this country."
sure enough, when gargantua walked into the garden he found lettuces of all sizes; some as high as plum-trees, and others again quite as tall as walnut-trees. he cut and whacked away at his will, and picked them up in his big arms, without, for a moment, troubling himself about what might be hidden in them. now, it happened that six pilgrims, who, in coming all the way from st. sebastian, had decided to rest for the night, had chanced, unfortunately, to be taking a quiet little nap between the cabbages and lettuces of the royal garden. when they were snatched up by gargantua along with the lettuces, the poor pilgrims, only half-awake, were so frightened that they didn't dare even cough, much less say a word.
engraving
the pilgrims in the garden.
gargantua, being a fine, hearty fellow, was rather pleased with the idea of waiting on himself, and so, after carrying his lettuces to the fountain, he thought he might as well wash them, while his merry old father looked on, laughing at the joke. all this time the pilgrims, being half-drowned and in an awful fright, were whispering softly whenever they could get a chance to do so, one to the other:—
"oh! what is this monster going to do with us? what is to become of us? that fountain is drowning us among all these lettuces! shall we speak? but, if we say a word, that big fellow will kill us all as spies, sure. oh! we are undone!"
while the pilgrims were thus giving way to their fears, gargantua would, every now and then, whirl them around in the water along with his lettuces. then he put the mess, just as it stood, into the biggest dish in the royal household, adding oil and vinegar and salt, and mixed them all well together. he had no sooner done so than he began to eat the lettuces, and, of course, with the lettuces, to gobble up the poor pilgrims. he had already taken five of them. the sixth was still in the great dish hidden away under a lettuce and, what from the water, and what from fear, was in a cold sweat. all that appeared of him was his pilgrim's staff, which he had never stopped clutching and which peered outside of the green herbs. when father grandgousier saw the staff, he cried out to gargantua:—
"i do believe that is a snail's horn under that lettuce! don't eat it."
"why not, father?" answered gargantua; "thou knowest snails are good all this month."
what should he do then but draw out the staff and, with it, the unhappy pilgrim, whom, without seeing,—or, for that matter, feeling,—he swallowed with the greatest ease! then he poured down his great throat a horrible draught of country wine, while saying: "that salad has given me a famous appetite! is supper ready?"
we already know how the supper went off; and, of course, what we want to know now is how the pilgrims could possibly get out of a giant's mouth, having once got into it. the first thing they did, on being gobbled up, was to draw themselves out from gargantua's great teeth as well as they could, thinking all the time that they had been cast into the deepest dungeon of some frightful prison. that was bad enough; but when gargantua began to swallow his big drink, tossing the green lettuces past his teeth and sending it rushing down his throat like a sour deluge, they found themselves in a terrible fix and in danger of drowning. it was then that the poor fellows began to hop for their lives. leaping nimbly, by aid of their staffs, they succeeded at last in getting out of the throat, and finding refuge outside of gargantua's teeth. by ill luck, however, one of them, feeling here and there with his staff to know whether the country around was quite safe, gave a sudden plunge into the hollow of a bad tooth which had been troubling the giant for some time. at this, gargantua began to roar with the pain he felt. all he could think of in his agony was to call for his toothpick. when he got it, he began to prod viciously into the bad tooth. at last he grew tired, and putting his finger into his mouth, he hauled out one of the pilgrims by the leg; another by the wallet; another by his purse; another by the arm; and the poor man, who had caused all the trouble, by his neck; and threw each on the ground as one might a fish-bone.
as soon as they found themselves on the ground the pilgrims, without stopping to explain how it happened that they had been found in the lettuce-field, and feeling sure that gargantua had not seen them, scampered away as fast as their legs could carry them.
