we had not been many days ashore, when doctor johnson was espied coming along the broom road.
we had heard that he meditated a visit, and suspected what he was after. being upon the consul's hands, all our expenses were of course payable by him in his official capacity; and, therefore, as a friend of wilson, and sure of good pay, the shore doctor had some idea of allowing us to run up a bill with him. true, it was rather awkward to ask us to take medicines which, on board the ship, he told us were not needed. however, he resolved to put a bold face on the matter, and give us a call.
his approach was announced by one of the scouts, upon which someone suggested that we should let him enter, and then put him in the stocks. but long ghost proposed better sport. what it was, we shall presently see.
very bland and amiable, doctor johnson advanced, and, resting his cane on the stocks, glanced to right and left, as we lay before him. "well, my lads"—he began—"how do you find yourselves to-day?"
looking very demure, the men made some rejoinder; and he went on.
"those poor fellows i saw the other day—the sick, i mean—how are they?" and he scrutinized the company. at last, he singled out one who was assuming a most unearthly appearance, and remarked that he looked as if he were extremely ill. "yes," said the sailor dolefully, "i'm afeard, doctor, i'll soon be losing the number of my mess!" (a sea phrase, for departing this life) and he closed his eyes, and moaned.
"what does he say?" said johnson, turning round eagerly.
"why," exclaimed flash jack, who volunteered as interpreter, "he means he's going to croak" (die).
"croak! and what does that mean, applied to a patient?"
"oh! i understand," said he, when the word was explained; and he stepped over the stocks, and felt the man's pulse.
"what's his name?" he asked, turning this time to old navy bob.
"we calls him jingling joe," replied that worthy.
"well then, men, you must take good care of poor joseph; and i will send him a powder, which must be taken according to the directions. some of you know how to read, i presume?"
"that ere young cove does," replied bob, pointing toward the place where i lay, as if he were directing attention to a sail at sea.
after examining the rest—some of whom were really invalids, but convalescent, and others only pretending to be labouring under divers maladies, johnson turned round, and addressed the party.
"men," said he, "if any more of you are ailing, speak up, and let me know. by order of the consul, i'm to call every day; so if any of you are at all sick, it's my duty to prescribe for you. this sudden change from ship fare to shore living plays the deuce with you sailors, so be cautious about eating fruit. good-day! i'll send you the medicines the first thing in the morning."
now, i am inclined to suspect that with all his want of understanding, johnson must have had some idea that we were quizzing him. still, that was nothing, so long as it answered his purpose; and therefore, if he did see through us, he never showed it.
sure enough, at the time appointed, along came a native lad with a small basket of cocoa-nut stalks, filled with powders, pill-boxes, and-vials, each with names and directions written in a large, round hand. the sailors, one and all, made a snatch at the collection, under the strange impression that some of the vials were seasoned with spirits. but, asserting his privilege as physician to the first reading of the labels, doctor long ghost was at last permitted to take possession of the basket.
the first thing lighted upon was a large vial, labelled—"for william—rub well in."
this vial certainly had a spirituous smell; and upon handing it to the patient, he made a summary internal application of its contents. the doctor looked aghast.
there was now a mighty commotion. powders and pills were voted mere drugs in the market, and the holders of vials were pronounced lucky dogs. johnson must have known enough of sailors to make some of his medicines palatable—this, at least, long ghost suspected. certain it was, everyone took to the vials; if at all spicy, directions were unheeded, their contents all going one road.
the largest one of all, quite a bottle indeed, and having a sort of burnt brandy odour, was labelled—"for daniel, drink freely, and until relieved." this black dan proceeded to do; and would have made an end of it at once, had not the bottle, after a hard struggle, been snatched from his hands, and passed round, like a jovial decanter. the old tar had complained of the effects of an immoderate eating of fruit.
upon calling the following morning, our physician found his precious row of patients reclining behind the stocks, and doing "as well as could be expected."
but the pills and powders were found to have been perfectly inactive: probably because none had been taken. to make them efficacious, it was suggested that, for the future, a bottle of pisco should be sent along with them. according to flash jack's notions, unmitigated medical compounds were but dry stuff at the best, and needed something good to wash them down.
thus far, our own m.d., doctor long ghost, after starting the frolic, had taken no further part in it; but on the physician's third visit, he took him to one side, and had a private confabulation. what it was, exactly, we could not tell; but from certain illustrative signs and gestures, i fancied that he was describing the symptoms of some mysterious disorganization of the vitals, which must have come on within the hour. assisted by his familiarity with medical terms, he seemed to produce a marked impression. at last, johnson went his way, promising aloud that he would send long ghost what he desired.
when the medicine boy came along the following morning, the doctor was the first to accost him, walking off with a small purple vial. this time, there was little else in the basket but a case-bottle of the burnt brandy cordial, which, after much debate, was finally disposed of by someone pouring the contents, little by little, into the half of a cocoa-nut shell, and so giving all who desired a glass. no further medicinal cheer remaining, the men dispersed.
an hour or two passed, when flash jack directed attention to my long friend, who, since the medicine boy left, had not been noticed till now. with eyes closed, he was lying behind the stocks, and jack was lifting his arm and letting it fall as if life were extinct. on running up with the rest, i at once connected the phenomenon with the mysterious vial. searching his pocket, i found it, and holding it up, it proved to be laudanum. flash jack, snatching it from my hand in a rapture, quickly informed all present what it was; and with much glee, proposed a nap for the company. some of them not comprehending him exactly, the apparently defunct long ghost—who lay so still that i a little suspected the genuineness of his sleep—was rolled about as an illustration of the virtues of the vial's contents. the idea tickled everybody mightily; and throwing themselves down, the magic draught was passed from hand to hand. thinking that, as a matter of course, they must at once become insensible, each man, upon taking his sip, fell back, and closed his eyes.
there was little fear of the result, since the narcotic was equally distributed. but, curious to see how it would operate, i raised myself gently after a while, and looked around. it was about noon, and perfectly still; and as we all daily took the siesta, i was not much surprised to find everyone quiet. still, in one or two instances, i thought i detected a little peeping.
presently, i heard a footstep, and saw doctor johnson approaching.
and perplexed enough did he look at the sight of his prostrate file of patients, plunged, apparently, in such unaccountable slumbers.
"daniel," he cried, at last, punching in the side with his cane the individual thus designated—"daniel, my good fellow, get up! do you hear?"
but black dan was immovable; and he poked the next sleeper.
"joseph, joseph! come, wake up! it's me, doctor johnson."
but jingling joe, with mouth open, and eyes shut, was not to be started.
"bless my soul!" he exclaimed, with uplifted hands and cane, "what's got into 'em? i say, men"—he shouted, running up and down—"come to life, men! what under the sun's the matter with you?" and he struck the stocks, and bawled with increased vigour.
at last he paused, folded his hands over the head of his cane, and steadfastly gazed upon us. the notes of the nasal orchestra were rising and falling upon his ear, and a new idea suggested itself.
"yes, yes; the rascals must have been getting boozy. well, it's none of my business—i'll be off;" and off he went.
no sooner was he out of sight, than nearly all started to their feet, and a hearty laugh ensued.
like myself, most of them had been watching the event from under a sly eyelid. by this time, too, doctor long ghost was as wide awake as anybody. what were his reasons for taking laudanum,—if, indeed, he took any whatever,—is best known to himself; and, as it is neither mine nor the reader's business, we will say no more about it.
