a ball on board—fishing with a seine—ordered to cruise off porto rico—news of the battle of camperdown—the boasts of napoleon—views on matrimony—a sailor’s courtship—futile boat attack on a spanish war vessel at st. domingo—author loses hearing of his left ear from effect of a wound.
the officers gave a dance to the inhabitants of the town of donna maria, which was attended by the governor, who was a well-bred, gentlemanly old frenchman, his wife and sister-in-law (whom i had seen dressed as men when we first arrived). the quarter-deck was filled with mustiphenas, mustees, mulattos, sambos, and delicate, flat-nosed, large-mouthed and thick-lipped black ladies. had vestris been present, she might have taken some new hints in dancing. the waltzing was kept up with so much spirit that four couples were hurled to the deck one over the other, and it was truly laughable to see the melange of blacks and whites struggling to be the first on their legs. at one o’clock in the morning they took their departure, highly pleased with their entertainment.
the following day i was sent with another midshipman with two boats to haul the seine in a bay about a mile to the westward. on the first haul we caught about four bucketsful of rays, parrot-fish, [pg 87]snappers, groupers, red and white mullet, john-dories, some crabs and two electric eels. one of the boat’s crew hooked one of the latter by the gills with the boat-hook, when his arm was immediately paralysed, and he let it fall, calling out that someone had struck him. the man near him laid hold of the fish again as it was making for the shore, and the shock he received threw him on his knees. i ran up to him, for he appeared in great pain. however, he soon recovered, and before the ill-fated eel could reach its element, he caught up a large stone and made it dearly atone for the pain it had inflicted. we made another haul, but were not so successful, as we only caught some ray, crabs, and an alligator three feet long, which had torn the net. we stunned him by a blow with one of the boat’s stretchers, threw him into the boat, and after taking in the net, repaired to the ship.
in one of my excursions at this place i found a large manchineel tree. the fruit is nearly the size of a pippin, of a light yellow colour blushed with red; it looked very tempting. this tree expands its deadly influence and poisons the atmosphere to some distance. we in consequence gave it a wide berth. i also found a number of sponges, and some beautiful shells and sea-eggs. we had been enjoying ourselves for nearly three weeks at this agreeable place, when a sloop of war arrived with orders from the commodore to join him off the east end of porto rico, as he had information [pg 88]that a french squadron had been seen by an american schooner off the caicos islands steering for st. domingo, which report in the sequel proved a tarnation yankee lie. when near the platform we experienced a heavy squall, which carried away the foretop-mast and jib-boom, and, most singular to relate, although some miles from the shore after the squall had passed, we found some scores of very small crabs on the decks. i leave this phenomenon to longer heads than mine—although mine is not the shortest—to explain. we had seen two waterspouts in the morning between us and the land. it might possibly have happened that the suction which forms them drew up these unfortunate crabs and crabesses, and discharged them with unrelenting fury, through the medium of a dark, lowering cloud upon our decks. they being too small to eat, were given to the muscovy ducks, who found them a great treat, and soon made mincemeat of them. we soon got up another top-mast and jib-boom out, and the following morning signalled the ships lying in the mole.
five days after we joined the squadron near the mona passage, when the commodore acquainted the captain that the intelligence he had received respecting the french squadron was all an american humbug. the next morning we spoke three ships bound to jamaica, from whom we took seven good seamen, and procured a newspaper, which informed us of the gallant action off camperdown, and that bonaparte had frightened men, women and children [pg 89]by his threatening to invade england, take up his residence in portland place, turn the royal palaces into stables, make a riding-school of st. paul’s and a dancing academy of westminster abbey! the cockpitonians said he might whisper that to the marines, for the sailors would not believe him. here, reader, i beg you will pause and reflect that you must die; and may your departure be like that of our worthy captain of marines, who died as he lived, in charity with all his frail fellow men. his loss was much regretted by nearly all on board. his messmates declared they could have spared another man, looking hard at the purser whilst they uttered it; but “nip-cheese” would not take the hint, and lived to return to england, where he took unto himself a better half, and i hope he is happy, for who is not so when they take a fair lady for better—i dislike adding anything further, so, reader, finish it yourself. i hope to get spliced myself one of these fine days, and i sincerely trust it will be a long splice. but we must keep a good look-out that in veering the cable does not part in the hawse, for if it unfortunately does, ah, me! the separation, most likely will be a permanent one.
whilst i am on the tender subject of connubial felicity, i will relate a short dialogue which passed between two of my messmates. the eldest was a benedict, the other about twenty, who wished to be initiated, as he thought he had a kind of side-wind regard for the innkeeper’s sister at port [pg 90]royal. “why,” said the first, “i met my wife at a hop in the country among a parcel of grass-combers. i asked her to dance, which she at first refused, giving for a reason that, as i was a sailor, i could not know how to lead down the middle and cast off at top. ‘if that’s all,’ said i, ‘my dear, i know how to do that as well as anybody in the room.’ i was now pushed aside by a lubberly, haymaking chap, who led her out, but who as much knew how to dance as the captain’s cow. after they all sat down, i asked the catgut scraper if he could play the fisher’s hornpipe. he said yes. i told him to play away, and i would dance it. after veering and hauling on his instrument for a short time, he brought it out. i then struck out, with my hat on one side, my arms a-kimbo, and a short stick under one of them. the bumpkins all stared, and nancy began to awake and find out that a sailor knew how to cut a caper. after i had finished, i ran up to her to pick up her handkerchief, which i thought she had dropped, but found it was only the tail of her gown. she smiled and gave me her hand. i thought this a good beginning, and was determined to follow it up. i observed her plough-tail admirer did not half like seeing me on such a good footing with her. i had not forgotten his push, and if he had interfered i should have knocked him down, for i began to feel that i was already over head and heels in love. about midnight all the clodhoppers took their departure. as the dance, or merry-making [pg 91]as they called it, was given at her father’s house, i remained as long as i could, and as the old governor was fond of sea songs and tough yarns, i served them out freely until the clock struck 2 a.m., when, after taking a good swig out of a large tankard of strong ale, which had frequently been replenished, i took nancy’s hand and kissed it, and wished her good-night. the father, who was a hearty old farmer, asked me to call in again before i sailed, for at this time i was master’s mate of the savage sloop of war. she was just commissioned at chatham, and as we did not expect to sail for three weeks, i had plenty of time to make love.” “but did you think it prudent to marry, knowing that you could scarcely support yourself, much less a wife?” demanded the younger. “that’s all true,” replied he; “but don’t put me in mind of my misfortunes. i was in love, you know, and when a man is in love, why, he’s two-thirds a woman. i only thought of the present—the future i sent packing to the devil.” “well,” asked the other, “how long were you backing and filling?” “about a fortnight,” replied he. “her mother said it was too short a time, and the marriage had better be put off until i returned from a cruise. ‘that will never do,’ replied i; ‘i may be popped off the hooks. there is nothing like the present moment, is there?’ said i, appealing to nancy and her father. ‘why,’ said she, ‘dear mother, i think william’—for that, you know, is my christian [pg 92]name—‘is right; is he not, father?’ ‘do as you like, girl,’ said he. ‘i only wish to see you happy.’ it was now settled that in two days we were to be spliced. all the clodhoppers and grass-combers i had met before, who were mostly her relations, were asked to the wedding, and among the rest her clownish admirer, who, i understood, was her cousin. he was rather sulky at first, but seeing everyone around him in good humour, he came up to me and offered his hand, which i took and shook heartily. the farmhouse not being more than three miles from chatham, we hired two coaches from that place, and with the addition of two chay-carts belonging to the farmers, we made a numerous (for there were twenty-six of us), if not a respectable, appearance. after pairing off and pairing in, we weighed and started with a pleasant breeze. the church soon hove in sight, and the bells struck up merrily. we hove to, all standing before the altar. the parson read the articles of marriage, and i was hooked. nancy piped her eye, and i looked nohow. we made a man-of-war’s cruise there and back again, and took in our moorings at the farm, where i had leave to remain four days. i had asked two of my messmates to the wedding, who were obliged to be off next morning by daylight. the same day my good old father-in-law took me aside and told me he would allow nancy forty pounds a year as long as he lived and did well, and that she might remain with her mother, who did not like parting with her, [pg 93]as she was their only child, as long as i liked. i thanked the old governor most sincerely, and informed him that the secretary of the admiralty was a relation of my mother’s, a ninety-ninth cousin far removed—but that’s nothing—and that i was certain of a lieutenant’s commission in two years, when my time would be served. here i counted my chickens before they were hatched, for i have now served three years over my time, and here i am, with not much a day, except the good farmer’s forty pounds, to keep myself, my wife and a child. you see,” said he, “how i am obliged to keep close hauled, and can’t afford to sport my figure on shore as some of you do. no,” added he, “don’t be after splicing yourself until you have a commission, and if you do then, you will have as much business with a wife as a cow has with a side pocket, and be, as a noble first lord of the admiralty used civilly to tell married lieutenants, not worth a d——n.”
my messmate’s narrative brought me up with a round turn, and i felt my heart working like the tiller-ropes in a gale of wind. “well,” said i, after a pause, “how did you back out when you parted with your wife?” “you may well say ‘back out,’” said he. “i was taken slap aback—it came over me like a clap of thunder. i was half inclined to play the shy cock and desert, and had it not been for the advice of the good old man, i should have been mad enough to have destroyed my prospects in the service for ever. now,” said [pg 94]he, “how do you feel?” “a little qualmish,” said i, “and i’ll take a good stiff glass of grog to wash it down. but you have not finished. how did she behave when you were ordered to join your ship?” “nobly,” said he; “just as i thought she would. after a good fit of crying, she threw herself on her mother’s shoulder, and after fondly embracing, me, ‘go,’ said she. ‘william, may that god who has a particular providence over our sailors always be with you! if your duty will not prevent you, come again to-morrow, and get leave to remain until the ship sails.’
“i joined the sloop, and the first lieutenant and my messmates told me i looked more like a person who had been doing something he was ashamed of than a happy benedict.
“when i got below, my mates informed me the sloop was to fit foreign and going to the west indies. my mind was like a coal-barge in a waterspout when i heard this, and i was determined to cut and run; but when i reflected next morning on the probability of my gaining my commission shortly after our arrival, as i should go out on admiralty promotion, i clapped a stopper on my determination, and held on. we were to sail in two days, and i contrived to get leave to go every evening to the farm, and return by 8 o’clock next morning. i told my wife our destination, and the probability of my promotion. ‘never mind me, william,’ said she, with her sweet voice; ‘go where duty calls you. when in that path you [pg 95]cannot be wrong. the hope of your promotion cheers me. let us do all we can to merit the blessings of a gracious creator, and the good-fellowship of our fellow-creatures, and we shall not be very unhappy, although far distant from each other.’ the last morning i spent with my wife was a mixture of cheerfulness and grief. at last i tore myself away. i have now given you the whole history, from the main-royal truck down to the kelson.”
“come,” said i, “let’s have another glass of grog, and i’ll drink your wife’s good health and speedy promotion to yourself.” “that’s a good fellow,” said he, giving me his hand, and brushing away a tear. “should you ever be spliced, which i hope for your own sake will not be for some years, may you anchor alongside just such another saucy frigate as mine.” i am truly happy to inform my reader that my good-hearted messmate was shortly afterwards promoted into a frigate going to england.
after cruising with the squadron for some days, we had permission to go in search of adventures, and next morning, as we were running down along the coast of porto rico, we discovered five sail of vessels in a small bay. the water not being sufficiently deep to admit the ship, we manned and armed three boats and sent them in. i had the six-oared cutter, with nine men; we were soon alongside of them. they proved spanish vessels, four small schooners and a sloop laden with fruit, [pg 96]principally oranges and shaddocks, and a quantity of yams and plantains. we sent them all down to jamaica—why, you must ask the captain, as by the time they reached their destination almost the whole of the fruit was rotten, and the vessels did not pay the expenses of their condemnation. shortly after this affair, two of the boats, with a lieutenant, a master’s mate, and myself, were sent in shore near cape fran?ois, st. domingo, on a cruise of speculation. no object being in sight when we left the ship, about 10 p.m. we came suddenly on three dark-looking schooners, who on seeing us gave us a warm reception. the night, fortunately for us, was very dark, and we were nearly alongside of them without our perceiving them, as they were anchored so near the land. i was mid of the lieutenant’s boat, and he determined on boarding the largest of them. i knew, or rather i could foresee, the result; but as he had taken in the course of the last two hours three north-westers, and was half-seas over, my advice availed little. the other boat was at some distance from us. on we went, when three of our men were seriously wounded and i received a musket-ball through the left side of my hat, which slightly wounded my ear, taking part of the hair, and i felt a distressing whirling noise inside my head, and was so giddy i was obliged to sit down, not before, however, i had shot a man in the main-channels who i thought had fired the shot at me. we had kept up a brisk firing, and must have killed several [pg 97]of their men, when they got long spars with a spike at the end over the side, and endeavoured to drive them through the bottom of our boat. the lieutenant, who was now more himself, found boarding her impracticable, as she had her boarding netting up, her decks filled with men, and nine ports in her side. we reluctantly pulled off. we had unfortunately taken the bull by the horns—that is, pulled for her broadside. the lieutenant and myself, for i recovered sufficiently to load my musket, kept firing at her decks as we retired. she paid us the same compliment, and slightly wounded another of the boat’s crew. had the night not been so cloudy, and without a moon, we should have paid dearly for our temerity. we rowed in a straight line for her stern. the two other vessels were well armed, and they saluted us with a few shot as we pulled off, which, however, went far over us. we soon after joined the other boat, which had lost sight of us when we attempted boarding the enemy’s vessel. we learnt a few days afterwards, from a new providence privateer, that they were three guardacostas, as the captain of her called them—in other words, spanish government vessels, commanded by lieutenants, well armed, manned and equipped. we joined the ship next morning, and gave a flemish account of our cruise. one of the wounded men, through loss of blood, died soon after coming on board. the other three having received flesh wounds, soon returned to their duty. the surgeon examined my ear, and found the [pg 98]tympanum ruptured. it destroyed my hearing on that side for ever, and for years after i was distressed with a loud roaring noise on the left side of my head. a fortnight later we fell in with a spanish eighty-gun ship, a large frigate and a heavy-armed store ship. we were soon alongside the former, having beat to quarters previously. we asked her where she came from. her answer was, “from sea.” we then asked her where she was bound to. her answer was, “to sea.” our skipper then jumped upon one of the quarter-deck carronades, with his eyes glistening like a cornish diamond. the muzzles of our guns were at this time almost touching her side. one of our crew spoke spanish. he was desired to hail her, and say that if she did not answer the questions which had been put she should be fired into. “from cadiz” was the prompt answer, and “bound to the havannah.” “you might have answered that before,” said the skipper; “if i had given you a good dressing, you richly deserved it.” “i do not understand what you say,” was the reply. “you be d——d,” said our man of war, and we turned off on our heel. the same evening a court of inquiry was held by the mids, who were unanimous in declaring that the captain of the line of battle ship ought to be superseded and made swab-wringer, and that their own captain had acted with that spirit which became a british commander of a man-of-war, and that he deserved to have his health drunk in a bumper of grog, [pg 99]which was accordingly done. here the court broke up, hoping the mate of the hold would bring with him, after serving the grog, an extra pint of rum to make up the deficiency. the captain, having heard of our proceedings, sent his steward to us with a bottle of the true sort as a proof of his satisfaction.
