after luncheon, she told her mother that the sun had given her a headache, and that it was likely she should be obliged to go to bed for the rest of the day; she had no intention of appearing at dinner. her own room seemed the one bearable spot on earth, and she was grateful that it was far from the other bedrooms, at the opposite end of the long house.
she locked her door, and ordered her brain on duty. this was no time for throes—she had the rest of her life to mourn and rage in; now was the time to act in a fashion that should be worthy of her, of all she had tried to make of herself, of those three years in india, of the succeeding four when she had risen so high above the mere female. she must face with dignity, both in public and in private, whatever ordeal still awaited her; that she owed to herself; and the best of all good friends is pride. nor should she condescend to fight or scheme for a love that had turned from her, even for a moment. if it had turned once, it would turn again. she had always despised men that could be “managed,” and could imagine no happiness with a man who must inspire her with recurring contempt.
if she loved tay, it was her part to make him happy, not to force him into a marriage with herself when he loved another woman. of course he would insist upon keeping his engagement with her, for he was honorable, and, no doubt, as miserable at this moment as herself. but it had never entered her plans to balk and torment the man to whom she had given her love, and she could force his freedom upon him, persuade him that her cause had conquered. as for fanny, what right had she to assume that she would make him unhappy? were not all girls brutes? the most selfish and heartless of them often made the best of wives when they got the man they wanted. no doubt all that fanny needed to become a good woman was a baby. the vision of fanny, a placid domestic cow, fat at thirty, gave her comfort.
when a woman has made up her mind to be noble, she generally succeeds, for a time, at least; she admires herself in the r?le, and self-admiration giveth much consolation. but the duration of this attitude varies in different people. nobility as a fixed attitude of mind is possible only to the stupid; it can find no vested place in the subtle active intellect. julia remained noble and sacrificing—even unpacking her koran and reading it diligently—until precisely eight o’clock. at that hour she heard the rustle of skirts in the corridor, then fanny’s excited voice as she knocked on her door
“oh, julia! julia! look at me! i’m dressed for the party at bath house. please let me in!”
julia ground her teeth. her eyes emitted steel sparks. once more her strong fingers opened and shut.
“run along, dear,” she managed to articulate. “i have such a headache i can’t see. i know you will be the belle.”
“oh, i know i shall!” julia saw that triumphant face above her best gown. “even granny says i look beautiful and i can see it for myself. i’m wild with excitement—and so happy!”
this was the last straw, but it braced instead of breaking. julia rose with the fixed smile of one who is walking to the scaffold, dignified to the last, and opened the door. there stood fanny, looking more beautiful than any girl she had ever seen. her hair was dressed high for the first time, and in it was a string of her grandmother’s pearls and a flaming hibiscus. the floating white gown was caught at her breast with another flower, and her neck and arms and the soft rise of her bust were as white as the cloud on nevis. her heavy eyes were glittering with excitement, and her cheeks and lips made the tropic flowers look old and wilted.
“i have never seen a girl as beautiful as you are,” said julia, deliberately, “and you will certainly make all the pretty girls from st. kitts turn green with envy. i don’t believe there is another west indian girl with color. of course you will be the belle, and of many more balls. what luck that a british cruiser is here.”
fanny smiled, and a slight sarcastic inflection, not unlike her grandmother’s, sharpened her rich contralto voice. “well, if you find me beautiful, julia, i must be. and i owe it all to you. thank you again for this lovely frock. good night. i’ll tell you lots of things in the morning.” and she lifted her head with a movement that would have been fatuous if she had been a few years older, and almost smirked in her proud satisfaction with herself and her looks, as she sailed off for conquest.
julia flung the koran across the room, herself face downward on the sofa, and wondered how on earth she was to stand it. “if it only were over and they were married and gone,” she thought. “or if only the royal mail were due to-morrow instead of eleven days hence, and i could go! or if i could go out and kill somebody, or get drunk like a man! passive endurance! that is all the hell that any religion need promise us.”
she lay for three hours without moving, then heard the clatter of a horse’s hoofs. a moment later denny knocked and handed her a cablegram. she opened it without interest. it was from ishbel, and informed her that nigel might take the next steamer for nevis. julia broke into hysterical laughter.
“is my tragedy becoming a farce?” she thought. “but not if i can help it!”
she answered the cablegram at once, that the messenger might take it.
“tell nigel am leaving immediately.”
then she returned to her sofa, too indolent to go to bed, and this time exhaustion gave her sleep.
