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Chapter III— The Rafts on the River

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we contrived to keep afloat all that night, and, the stream running strong with us, to glide a long way down the river. but, we found the night to be a dangerous time for such navigation, on account of the eddies and rapids, and it was therefore settled next day that in future we would bring-to at sunset, and encamp on the shore. as we knew of no boats that the pirates possessed, up at the prison in the woods, we settled always to encamp on the opposite side of the stream, so as to have the breadth of the river between our sleep and them. our opinion was, that if they were acquainted with any near way by land to the mouth of this river, they would come up it in force, and retake us or kill us, according as they could; but that if that was not the case, and if the river ran by none of their secret stations, we might escape.

when i say we settled this or that, i do not mean that we planned anything with any confidence as to what might happen an hour hence. so much had happened in one night, and such great changes had been violently and suddenly made in the fortunes of many among us, that we had got better used to uncertainty, in a little while, than i dare say most people do in the course of their lives.

the difficulties we soon got into, through the off-settings and point-currents of the stream, made the likelihood of our being drowned, alone — to say nothing of our being retaken — as broad and plain as the sun at noonday to all of us. but, we all worked hard at managing the rafts, under the direction of the seamen (of our own skill, i think we never could have prevented them from oversetting), and we also worked hard at making good the defects in their first hasty construction — which the water soon found out. while we humbly resigned ourselves to going down, if it was the will of our father that was in heaven, we humbly made up our minds, that we would all do the best that was in us.

and so we held on, gliding with the stream. it drove us to this bank, and it drove us to that bank, and it turned us, and whirled us; but yet it carried us on. sometimes much too slowly; sometimes much too fast, but yet it carried us on.

my little deaf and dumb boy slumbered a good deal now, and that was the case with all the children. they caused very little trouble to any one. they seemed, in my eyes, to get more like one another, not only in quiet manner, but in the face, too. the motion of the raft was usually so much the same, the scene was usually so much the same, the sound of the soft wash and ripple of the water was usually so much the same, that they were made drowsy, as they might have been by the constant playing of one tune. even on the grown people, who worked hard and felt anxiety, the same things produced something of the same effect. every day was so like the other, that i soon lost count of the days, myself, and had to ask miss maryon, for instance, whether this was the third or fourth? miss maryon had a pocket-book and pencil, and she kept the log; that is to say, she entered up a clear little journal of the time, and of the distances our seamen thought we had made, each night.

so, as i say, we kept afloat and glided on. all day long, and every day, the water, and the woods, and sky; all day long, and every day, the constant watching of both sides of the river, and far a-head at every bold turn and sweep it made, for any signs of pirate-boats, or pirate-dwellings. so, as i say, we kept afloat and glided on. the days melting themselves together to that degree, that i could hardly believe my ears when i asked “how many now, miss?” and she answered “seven.”

to be sure, poor mr. pordage had, by about now, got his diplomatic coat into such a state as never was seen. what with the mud of the river, what with the water of the river, what with the sun, and the dews, and the tearing boughs, and the thickets, it hung about him in discoloured shreds like a mop. the sun had touched him a bit. he had taken to always polishing one particular button, which just held on to his left wrist, and to always calling for stationery. i suppose that man called for pens, ink, and paper, tape, and scaling- wax, upwards of one thousand times in four-and-twenty hours. he had an idea that we should never get out of that river unless we were written out of it in a formal memorandum; and the more we laboured at navigating the rafts, the more he ordered us not to touch them at our peril, and the more he sat and roared for stationery.

mrs. pordage, similarly, persisted in wearing her nightcap. i doubt if any one but ourselves who had seen the progress of that article of dress, could by this time have told what it was meant for. it had got so limp and ragged that she couldn’t see out of her eyes for it. it was so dirty, that whether it was vegetable matter out of a swamp, or weeds out of the river, or an old porter’s-knot from england, i don’t think any new spectator could have said. yet, this unfortunate old woman had a notion that it was not only vastly genteel, but that it was the correct thing as to propriety. and she really did carry herself over the other ladies who had no nightcaps, and who were forced to tie up their hair how they could, in a superior manner that was perfectly amazing.

i don’t know what she looked like, sitting in that blessed nightcap, on a log of wood, outside the hut or cabin upon our raft. she would have rather resembled a fortune-teller in one of the picture-books that used to be in the shop windows in my boyhood, except for her stateliness. but, lord bless my heart, the dignity with which she sat and moped, with her head in that bundle of tatters, was like nothing else in the world! she was not on speaking terms with more than three of the ladies. some of them had, what she called, “taken precedence” of her — in getting into, or out of, that miserable little shelter! — and others had not called to pay their respects, or something of that kind. so, there she sat, in her own state and ceremony, while her husband sat on the same log of wood, ordering us one and all to let the raft go to the bottom, and to bring him stationery.

what with this noise on the part of mr. commissioner pordage, and what with the cries of sergeant drooce on the raft astern (which were sometimes more than tom packer could silence), we often made our slow way down the river, anything but quietly. yet, that it was of great importance that no ears should be able to hear us from the woods on the banks, could not be doubted. we were looked for, to a certainty, and we might be retaken at any moment. it was an anxious time; it was, indeed, indeed, an anxious time.

on the seventh night of our voyage on the rafts, we made fast, as usual, on the opposite side of the river to that from which we had started, in as dark a place as we could pick out. our little encampment was soon made, and supper was eaten, and the children fell asleep. the watch was set, and everything made orderly for the night. such a starlight night, with such blue in the sky, and such black in the places of heavy shade on the banks of the great stream!

those two ladies, miss maryon and mrs. fisher, had always kept near me since the night of the attack. mr. fisher, who was untiring in the work of our raft, had said to me:

“my dear little childless wife has grown so attached to you, davis, and you are such a gentle fellow, as well as such a determined one;” our party had adopted that last expression from the one-eyed english pirate, and i repeat what mr. fisher said, only because he said it; “that it takes a load off my mind to leave her in your charge.”

i said to him: “your lady is in far better charge than mine, sir, having miss maryon to take care of her; but, you may rely upon it, that i will guard them both — faithful and true.”

says he: “i do rely upon it, davis, and i heartily wish all the silver on our old island was yours.”

that seventh starlight night, as i have said, we made our camp, and got our supper, and set our watch, and the children fell asleep. it was solemn and beautiful in those wild and solitary parts, to see them, every night before they lay down, kneeling under the bright sky, saying their little prayers at women’s laps. at that time we men all uncovered, and mostly kept at a distance. when the innocent creatures rose up, we murmured “amen!” all together. for, though we had not heard what they said, we know it must be good for us.

at that time, too, as was only natural, those poor mothers in our company, whose children had been killed, shed many tears. i thought the sight seemed to console them while it made them cry; but, whether i was right or wrong in that, they wept very much. on this seventh night, mrs. fisher had cried for her lost darling until she cried herself asleep. she was lying on a little couch of leaves and such-like (i made the best little couch i could for them every night), and miss maryon had covered her, and sat by her, holding her hand. the stars looked down upon them. as for me, i guarded them.

“davis!” says miss maryon. (i am not going to say what a voice she had. i couldn’t if i tried.)

“i am here, miss.”

“the river sounds as if it were swollen to-night.”

“we all think, miss, that we are coming near the sea.”

“do you believe now, we shall escape?”

“i do now, miss, really believe it.” i had always said i did; but, i had in my own mind been doubtful.

“how glad you will be, my good davis, to see england again!”

i have another confession to make that will appear singular. when she said these words, something rose in my throat; and the stars i looked away at, seemed to break into sparkles that fell down my face and burnt it.

“england is not much to me, miss, except as a name.”

“o, so true an englishman should not say that! — are you not well to- night, davis?” very kindly, and with a quick change.

“quite well, miss.”

“are you sure? your voice sounds altered in my hearing.”

“no, miss, i am a stronger man than ever. but, england is nothing to me.”

miss maryon sat silent for so long a while, that i believed she had done speaking to me for one time. however, she had not; for by-and- by she said in a distinct clear tone:

“no, good friend; you must not say that england is nothing to you. it is to be much to you, yet — everything to you. you have to take back to england the good name you have earned here, and the gratitude and attachment and respect you have won here: and you have to make some good english girl very happy and proud, by marrying her; and i shall one day see her, i hope, and make her happier and prouder still, by telling her what noble services her husband’s were in south america, and what a noble friend he was to me there.”

though she spoke these kind words in a cheering manner, she spoke them compassionately. i said nothing. it will appear to be another strange confession, that i paced to and fro, within call, all that night, a most unhappy man, reproaching myself all the night long. “you are as ignorant as any man alive; you are as obscure as any man alive; you are as poor as any man alive; you are no better than the mud under your foot.” that was the way in which i went on against myself until the morning.

with the day, came the day’s labour. what i should have done — without the labour, i don’t know. we were afloat again at the usual hour, and were again making our way down the river. it was broader, and clearer of obstructions than it had been, and it seemed to flow faster. this was one of drooce’s quiet days; mr. pordage, besides being sulky, had almost lost his voice; and we made good way, and with little noise.

there was always a seaman forward on the raft, keeping a bright look-out. suddenly, in the full heat of the day, when the children were slumbering, and the very trees and reeds appeared to be slumbering, this man — it was short — holds up his hand, and cries with great caution: “avast! voices ahead!”

we held on against the stream as soon as we could bring her up, and the other raft followed suit. at first, mr. macey, mr. fisher, and myself, could hear nothing; though both the seamen aboard of us agreed that they could hear voices and oars. after a little pause, however, we united in thinking that we could hear the sound of voices, and the dip of oars. but, you can hear a long way in those countries, and there was a bend of the river before us, and nothing was to be seen except such waters and such banks as we were now in the eighth day (and might, for the matter of our feelings, have been in the eightieth), of having seen with anxious eyes.

it was soon decided to put a man ashore, who should creep through the wood, see what was coming, and warn the rafts. the rafts in the meantime to keep the middle of the stream. the man to be put ashore, and not to swim ashore, as the first thing could be more quickly done than the second. the raft conveying him, to get back into mid-stream, and to hold on along with the other, as well is it could, until signalled by the man. in case of danger, the man to shift for himself until it should be safe to take him on board again. i volunteered to be the man.

we knew that the voices and oars must come up slowly against the stream; and our seamen knew, by the set of the stream, under which bank they would come. i was put ashore accordingly. the raft got off well, and i broke into the wood.

steaming hot it was, and a tearing place to get through. so much the better for me, since it was something to contend against and do. i cut off the bend of the river, at a great saving of space, came to the water’s edge again, and hid myself, and waited. i could now hear the dip of the oars very distinctly; the voices had ceased.

the sound came on in a regular tune, and as i lay hidden, i fancied the tune so played to be, “chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king!” over and over again, always the same, with the pauses always at the same places. i had likewise time to make up my mind that if these were the pirates, i could and would (barring my being shot) swim off to my raft, in spite of my wound, the moment i had given the alarm, and hold my old post by miss maryon.

“chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king!” coming up, now, very near.

i took a look at the branches about me, to see where a shower of bullets would be most likely to do me least hurt; and i took a look back at the track i had made in forcing my way in; and now i was wholly prepared and fully ready for them.

“chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king! chris’en — george — king!” here they are!

who were they? the barbarous pirates, scum of all nations, headed by such men as the hideous little portuguese monkey, and the one- eyed english convict with the gash across his face, that ought to have gashed his wicked head off? the worst men in the world picked out from the worst, to do the cruellest and most atrocious deeds that ever stained it? the howling, murdering, black-flag waving, mad, and drunken crowd of devils that had overcome us by numbers and by treachery? no. these were english men in english boats — good blue-jackets and red-coats — marines that i knew myself, and sailors that knew our seamen! at the helm of the first boat, captain carton, eager and steady. at the helm of the second boat, captain maryon, brave and bold. at the helm of the third boat, an old seaman, with determination carved into his watchful face, like the figure-head of a ship. every man doubly and trebly armed from head to foot. every man lying-to at his work, with a will that had all his heart and soul in it. every man looking out for any trace of friend or enemy, and burning to be the first to do good or avenge evil. every man with his face on fire when he saw me, his countryman who had been taken prisoner, and hailed me with a cheer, as captain carton’s boat ran in and took me on board.

i reported, “all escaped, sir! all well, all safe, all here!”

god bless me — and god bless them — what a cheer! it turned me weak, as i was passed on from hand to hand to the stern of the boat: every hand patting me or grasping me in some way or other, in the moment of my going by.

“hold up, my brave fellow,” says captain carton, clapping me on the shoulder like a friend, and giving me a flask. “put your lips to that, and they’ll be red again. now, boys, give way!”

the banks flew by us as if the mightiest stream that ever ran was with us; and so it was, i am sure, meaning the stream to those men’s ardour and spirit. the banks flew by us, and we came in sight of the rafts — the banks flew by us, and we came alongside of the rafts — the banks stopped; and there was a tumult of laughing and crying, and kissing and shaking of hands, and catching up of children and setting of them down again, and a wild hurry of thankfulness and joy that melted every one and softened all hearts.

i had taken notice, in captain carton’s boat, that there was a curious and quite new sort of fitting on board. it was a kind of a little bower made of flowers, and it was set up behind the captain, and betwixt him and the rudder. not only was this arbour, so to call it, neatly made of flowers, but it was ornamented in a singular way. some of the men had taken the ribbons and buckles off their hats, and hung them among the flowers; others had made festoons and streamers of their handkerchiefs, and hung them there; others had intermixed such trifles as bits of glass and shining fragments of lockets and tobacco-boxes with the flowers; so that altogether it was a very bright and lively object in the sunshine. but why there, or what for, i did not understand.

now, as soon as the first bewilderment was over, captain carton gave the order to land for the present. but this boat of his, with two hands left in her, immediately put off again when the men were out of her, and kept off, some yards from the shore. as she floated there, with the two hands gently backing water to keep her from going down the stream, this pretty little arbour attracted many eyes. none of the boat’s crew, however, had anything to say about it, except that it was the captain’s fancy.

the captain — with the women and children clustering round him, and the men of all ranks grouped outside them, and all listening — stood telling how the expedition, deceived by its bad intelligence, had chased the light pirate boats all that fatal night, and had still followed in their wake next day, and had never suspected until many hours too late that the great pirate body had drawn off in the darkness when the chase began, and shot over to the island. he stood telling how the expedition, supposing the whole array of armed boats to be ahead of it, got tempted into shallows and went aground; but not without having its revenge upon the two decoy-boats, both of which it had come up with, overhand, and sent to the bottom with all on board. he stood telling how the expedition, fearing then that the case stood as it did, got afloat again, by great exertion, after the loss of four more tides, and returned to the island, where they found the sloop scuttled and the treasure gone. he stood telling how my officer, lieutenant linderwood, was left upon the island, with as strong a force as could be got together hurriedly from the mainland, and how the three boats we saw before us were manned and armed and had come away, exploring the coast and inlets, in search of any tidings of us. he stood telling all this, with his face to the river; and, as he stood telling it, the little arbour of flowers floated in the sunshine before all the faces there.

leaning on captain carton’s shoulder, between him and miss maryon, was mrs. fisher, her head drooping on her arm. she asked him, without raising it, when he had told so much, whether he had found her mother?

“be comforted! she lies,” said the captain gently, “under the cocoa-nut trees on the beach.”

“and my child, captain carton, did you find my child, too? does my darling rest with my mother?”

“no. your pretty child sleeps,” said the captain, “under a shade of flowers.”

his voice shook; but there was something in it that struck all the hearers. at that moment there sprung from the arbour in his boat a little creature, clapping her hands and stretching out her arms, and crying, “dear papa! dear mamma! i am not killed. i am saved. i am coming to kiss you. take me to them, take me to them, good, kind sailors!”

nobody who saw that scene has ever forgotten it, i am sure, or ever will forget it. the child had kept quite still, where her brave grandmamma had put her (first whispering in her ear, “whatever happens to me, do not stir, my dear!”), and had remained quiet until the fort was deserted; she had then crept out of the trench, and gone into her mother’s house; and there, alone on the solitary island, in her mother’s room, and asleep on her mother’s bed, the captain had found her. nothing could induce her to be parted from him after he took her up in his arms, and he had brought her away with him, and the men had made the bower for her. to see those men now, was a sight. the joy of the women was beautiful; the joy of those women who had lost their own children, was quite sacred and divine; but, the ecstasies of captain carton’s boat’s crew, when their pet was restored to her parents, were wonderful for the tenderness they showed in the midst of roughness. as the captain stood with the child in his arms, and the child’s own little arms now clinging round his neck, now round her father’s, now round her mother’s, now round some one who pressed up to kiss her, the boat’s crew shook hands with one another, waved their hats over their heads, laughed, sang, cried, danced — and all among themselves, without wanting to interfere with anybody — in a manner never to be represented. at last, i saw the coxswain and another, two very hard-faced men, with grizzled heads, who had been the heartiest of the hearty all along, close with one another, get each of them the other’s head under his arm, and pommel away at it with his fist as hard as he could, in his excess of joy.

when we had well rested and refreshed ourselves — and very glad we were to have some of the heartening things to eat and drink that had come up in the boats — we recommenced our voyage down the river: rafts, and boats, and all. i said to myself, it was a very different kind of voyage now, from what it had been; and i fell into my proper place and station among my fellow-soldiers.

but, when we halted for the night, i found that miss maryon had spoken to captain carton concerning me. for, the captain came straight up to me, and says he, “my brave fellow, you have been miss maryon’s body-guard all along, and you shall remain so. nobody shall supersede you in the distinction and pleasure of protecting that young lady.” i thanked his honour in the fittest words i could find, and that night i was placed on my old post of watching the place where she slept. more than once in the night, i saw captain carton come out into the air, and stroll about there, to see that all was well. i have now this other singular confession to make, that i saw him with a heavy heart. yes; i saw him with a heavy, heavy heart.

in the day-time, i had the like post in captain carton’s boat. i had a special station of my own, behind miss maryon, and no hands but hers ever touched my wound. (it has been healed these many long years; but, no other hands have ever touched it.) mr. pordage was kept tolerably quiet now, with pen and ink, and began to pick up his senses a little. seated in the second boat, he made documents with mr. kitten, pretty well all day; and he generally handed in a protest about something whenever we stopped. the captain, however, made so very light of these papers, that it grew into a saying among the men, when one of them wanted a match for his pipe, “hand us over a protest, jack!” as to mrs. pordage, she still wore the nightcap, and she now had cut all the ladies on account of her not having been formally and separately rescued by captain carton before anybody else. the end of mr. pordage, to bring to an end all i know about him, was, that he got great compliments at home for his conduct on these trying occasions, and that he died of yellow jaundice, a governor and a k.c.b.

sergeant drooce had fallen from a high fever into a low one. tom packer — the only man who could have pulled the sergeant through it — kept hospital aboard the old raft, and mrs. belltott, as brisk as ever again (but the spirit of that little woman, when things tried it, was not equal to appearances), was head-nurse under his directions. before we got down to the mosquito coast, the joke had been made by one of our men, that we should see her gazetted mrs. tom packer, vice belltott exchanged.

when we reached the coast, we got native boats as substitutes for the rafts; and we rowed along under the land; and in that beautiful climate, and upon that beautiful water, the blooming days were like enchantment. ah! they were running away, faster than any sea or river, and there was no tide to bring them back. we were coming very near the settlement where the people of silver-store were to be left, and from which we marines were under orders to return to belize.

captain carton had, in the boat by him, a curious long-barrelled spanish gun, and he had said to miss maryon one day that it was the best of guns, and had turned his head to me, and said:

“gill davis, load her fresh with a couple of slugs, against a chance of showing how good she is.”

so, i had discharged the gun over the sea, and had loaded her, according to orders, and there it had lain at the captain’s feet, convenient to the captain’s hand.

the last day but one of our journey was an uncommonly hot day. we started very early; but, there was no cool air on the sea as the day got on, and by noon the heat was really hard to bear, considering that there were women and children to bear it. now, we happened to open, just at that time, a very pleasant little cove or bay, where there was a deep shade from a great growth of trees. now, the captain, therefore, made the signal to the other boats to follow him in and lie by a while.

the men who were off duty went ashore, and lay down, but were ordered, for caution’s sake, not to stray, and to keep within view. the others rested on their oars, and dozed. awnings had been made of one thing and another, in all the boats, and the passengers found it cooler to be under them in the shade, when there was room enough, than to be in the thick woods. so, the passengers were all afloat, and mostly sleeping. i kept my post behind miss maryon, and she was on captain carton’s right in the boat, and mrs. fisher sat on her right again. the captain had mrs. fisher’s daughter on his knee. he and the two ladies were talking about the pirates, and were talking softly; partly, because people do talk softly under such indolent circumstances, and partly because the little girl had gone off asleep.

i think i have before given it out for my lady to write down, that captain carton had a fine bright eye of his own. all at once, he darted me a side look, as much as to say, “steady — don’t take on — i see something!”— and gave the child into her mother’s arms. that eye of his was so easy to understand, that i obeyed it by not so much as looking either to the right or to the left out of a corner of my own, or changing my attitude the least trifle. the captain went on talking in the same mild and easy way; but began — with his arms resting across his knees, and his head a little hanging forward, as if the heat were rather too much for him — began to play with the spanish gun.

“they had laid their plans, you see,” says the captain, taking up the spanish gun across his knees, and looking, lazily, at the inlaying on the stock, “with a great deal of art; and the corrupt or blundering local authorities were so easily deceived;” he ran his left hand idly along the barrel, but i saw, with my breath held, that he covered the action of cocking the gun with his right —“so easily deceived, that they summoned us out to come into the trap. but my intention as to future operations —” in a flash the spanish gun was at his bright eye, and he fired.

all started up; innumerable echoes repeated the sound of the discharge; a cloud of bright-coloured birds flew out of the woods screaming; a handful of leaves were scattered in the place where the shot had struck; a crackling of branches was heard; and some lithe but heavy creature sprang into the air, and fell forward, head down, over the muddy bank.

“what is it?” cries captain maryon from his boat. all silent then, but the echoes rolling away.

“it is a traitor and a spy,” said captain carton, handing me the gun to load again. “and i think the other name of the animal is christian george king!”

shot through the heart. some of the people ran round to the spot, and drew him out, with the slime and wet trickling down his face; but his face itself would never stir any more to the end of time.

“leave him hanging to that tree,” cried captain carton; his boat’s crew giving way, and he leaping ashore. “but first into this wood, every man in his place. and boats! out of gunshot!”

it was a quick change, well meant and well made, though it ended in disappointment. no pirates were there; no one but the spy was found. it was supposed that the pirates, unable to retake us, and expecting a great attack upon them to be the consequence of our escape, had made from the ruins in the forest, taken to their ship along with the treasure, and left the spy to pick up what intelligence he could. in the evening we went away, and he was left hanging to the tree, all alone, with the red sun making a kind of a dead sunset on his black face.

next day, we gained the settlement on the mosquito coast for which we were bound. having stayed there to refresh seven days, and having been much commended, and highly spoken of, and finely entertained, we marines stood under orders to march from the town- gate (it was neither much of a town nor much of a gate), at five in the morning.

my officer had joined us before then. when we turned out at the gate, all the people were there; in the front of them all those who had been our fellow-prisoners, and all the seamen.

“davis,” says lieutenant linderwood. “stand out, my friend!”

i stood out from the ranks, and miss maryon and captain carton came up to me.

“dear davis,” says miss maryon, while the tears fell fast down her face, “your grateful friends, in most unwillingly taking leave of you, ask the favour that, while you bear away with you their affectionate remembrance, which nothing can ever impair, you will also take this purse of money — far more valuable to you, we all know, for the deep attachment and thankfulness with which it is offered, than for its own contents, though we hope those may prove useful to you, too, in after life.”

i got out, in answer, that i thankfully accepted the attachment and affection, but not the money. captain carton looked at me very attentively, and stepped back, and moved away. i made him my bow as he stepped back, to thank him for being so delicate.

“no, miss,” said i, “i think it would break my heart to accept of money. but, if you could condescend to give to a man so ignorant and common as myself, any little thing you have worn — such as a bit of ribbon —”

she took a ring from her finger, and put it in my hand. and she rested her hand in mine, while she said these words:

“the brave gentlemen of old — but not one of them was braver, or had a nobler nature than you — took such gifts from ladies, and did all their good actions for the givers’ sakes. if you will do yours for mine, i shall think with pride that i continue to have some share in the life of a gallant and generous man.”

for the second time in my life she kissed my hand. i made so bold, for the first time, as to kiss hers; and i tied the ring at my breast, and i fell back to my place.

then, the horse-litter went out at the gate with sergeant drooce in it; and the horse-litter went out at the gate with mrs. belltott in it; and lieutenant linderwood gave the word of command, “quick march!” and, cheered and cried for, we went out of the gate too, marching along the level plain towards the serene blue sky, as if we were marching straight to heaven.

when i have added here that the pirate scheme was blown to shivers, by the pirate-ship which had the treasure on board being so vigorously attacked by one of his majesty’s cruisers, among the west india keys, and being so swiftly boarded and carried, that nobody suspected anything about the scheme until three-fourths of the pirates were killed, and the other fourth were in irons, and the treasure was recovered; i come to the last singular confession i have got to make.

it is this. i well knew what an immense and hopeless distance there was between me and miss maryon; i well knew that i was no fitter company for her than i was for the angels; i well knew, that she was as high above my reach as the sky over my head; and yet i loved her. what put it in my low heart to be so daring, or whether such a thing ever happened before or since, as that a man so uninstructed and obscure as myself got his unhappy thoughts lifted up to such a height, while knowing very well how presumptuous and impossible to be realised they were, i am unable to say; still, the suffering to me was just as great as if i had been a gentleman. i suffered agony — agony. i suffered hard, and i suffered long. i thought of her last words to me, however, and i never disgraced them. if it had not been for those dear words, i think i should have lost myself in despair and recklessness.

the ring will be found lying on my heart, of course, and will be laid with me wherever i am laid. i am getting on in years now, though i am able and hearty. i was recommended for promotion, and everything was done to reward me that could be done; but my total want of all learning stood in my way, and i found myself so completely out of the road to it that i could not conquer any learning, though i tried. i was long in the service, and i respected it, and was respected in it, and the service is dear to me at this present hour.

at this present hour, when i give this out to my lady to be written down, all my old pain has softened away, and i am as happy as a man can be, at this present fine old country-house of admiral sir george carton, baronet. it was my lady carton who herself sought me out, over a great many miles of the wide world, and found me in hospital wounded, and brought me here. it is my lady carton who writes down my words. my lady was miss maryon. and now, that i conclude what i had to tell, i see my lady’s honoured gray hair droop over her face, as she leans a little lower at her desk; and i fervently thank her for being so tender as i see she is, towards the past pain and trouble of her poor, old, faithful, humble soldier.

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