my eldest sister was only fourteen, but she was already, had ever been, a sage and a saint. at the age of eight she had put her hand into a blazing fire in order to die the death of a christian martyr. she shrieked dismally for several hours afterwards. another time, staying with relatives in the country, she knelt in the gloaming in a big barn, praying with fervently closed eyes, in the hopes of being devoured by lions. she heard the distant growlings of an angry mastiff, and thought her prayer was granted, and that this was the ravening lion about to make a meal of her. she fell down in a fit of convulsions, and had to be nursed by several doctors.
when she came back to consciousness, with her hair shorn and wan little hands upon the coverlet, she recognised our tender mother seated beside her bed, and contentedly shortening her last new frock for my second sister. she[pg 213] offered up the mortification for her sins, and instantly said a prayer to her patron saint, agnes. at dinner she never ate pudding or pie, not even damson-pie, for which i in those gluttonous days would have sold, not only my own soul, but hers as well; but after dinner she invariably carried her share of these luxurious edibles to the nearest poor person.
she visited the poor continually, always provided with tea and sugar and such things; and pauline, who accompanied her on these missions of mercy, assured me that she often saw the pet cases of misery dash under the bed excellent dishes of bacon and eggs and bottles of guinness' stout, while the traditional invalid would jump into bed, gather the clothes about her, and begin to whine, "sure, your little ladyship, 'tis our lonesome selves as hasn't had bit or sup since last we saw your purty face."
my eldest sister was a bewitching beauty. she had large dusky blue eyes in constant communion with the heavenly spheres. she had ruddy golden hair that shown adown her back like pounded guineas, and her complexion was a thing to gape at. indeed we had all inherited from our mother wonderful golden locks and dazzling complexions.
this sentimental and saintly creature wrought the utmost havoc around her, and went dreamily through life unconscious or sublimely indifferent, with her gaze of impassioned sadness fixed upon her heavenly home. youths went down before her like ninepins, and trembled when they addressed her. one lad of sixteen rode past the door with a crimson cravat, which he fondly hoped to be becoming, and the moody intensity of expression that betokens a broken heart. she minded him not. she was reading "fabiola" for the hundredth time in the front garden. the gate was open. in his amorous distraction the youth forgot the proprieties, and rode through the gate in lordly style. the door likewise was open, and the pony gallantly galloped into the hall.
my sister's dismay was nothing to the youth's. he stammered and stuttered and went so red that the wonder was he ever grew pale again. but we were used to these commotions aroused by our young saint agnes in the bosom of excitable youth. it did not hurt her, and it did not harm them. with gracious gravity she escorted the poor lad to the gate; but we who knew her knew that she was stifling with suppressed laughter. for my eldest sister had a[pg 215] pretty humour, even an irony of her own, and gaiety, as will be seen, was not contraband in her religion.
she constituted herself our veritable mother in that old rambling house of dalkey. she ruled us like an autocrat, and punished us with a lamentable severity. to teach us self-control and fearlessness, she insisted that the smallest baby should be taken in her night-dress, half asleep, and flung into the wild irish sea that roared at the foot of the garden. no mercy was shown a recalcitrant babe. howl she never so dolorously, she was plunged in head-foremost, sputtering salt through her rebellious lips.
at night, when our parents stayed in town, she gathered us together in the long low drawing-room, and insisted that we should examine our consciences, meditate, and say the rosary aloud to keep away robbers and ghosts. all the boys got to know of this edifying practice, and outside the window a crowd of arch-villains would gather, and shout the responses derisively. we could hear arthur's high-bred tones sing out "holy mary, mother of god," above the deep bass notes of the red-headed chief. arthur's brother, an elegant guardsman, staying with the old lord for a couple of weeks, often [pg 216]condescended to join the band of reprobates; and once i peeped out through the big chinks of the shutter, and saw the man of fashion, with the hall-light directly upon his lean and bronzed visage, eyes devoutly lifted to heaven in mimicry of my eldest sister's ecstatic gaze, and hands folded like those of a stained-glass picture: "holy mary! pray for me, a miserable sinner. blessed st. agnes, help, oh help to convert me!"
even the devotion of my eldest sister was unsettled, and we could see her mobile lips twitch. it sufficed to reveal to us that the autocrat was off guard, and we lay about the floor, and shrieked with delight.
whenever he met my eldest sister upon the roads or rocks, the elegant guardsman raised his hat with the air of a prince, and never a hint about him of nocturnal iniquities.
but austere as she was in all things pertaining to discipline and religion, she allowed us unbounded freedom out-of-doors. some notion of our use of that liberty may be seized from the following ejaculations of an elderly bachelor, a political friend, who came to visit my stepfather, and was confronted with this young saint of the golden locks, the established mistress of a large household.
the elderly gentleman, looking out of the window in front, perceived two little boots dangling from the branch of a high tree, almost against the heaven.
"who's up that tall tree?" asked the elderly gentleman.
"oh, that's angela. she always reads up there."
"bless my soul!" exclaimed the elderly gentleman.
after further conversation, he walked down the room to examine the view from the back. in gazing across the sea, seemingly near howth, he detected a rock point surrounded with heavy waves, and two little specks upon this rock.
"it looks as if there were some creatures in danger of being drowned," remarked the elderly gentleman.
"oh, not at all. that's pauline's rock. she and birdie always go out when the tide is out, and spend the whole day wading there, and they come back when the tide runs out again."
"my god!" cried the elderly gentleman.
looking later up to the stable roof, he saw three little golden heads bent over cards.
"what's that?" he blankly asked.
"those are the three youngest, playing beggar-my-neighbour on the roof."
"what extraordinary children!" muttered the elderly gentleman.
she devised a notable and original punishment for me whenever i flew into one of my diabolical rages. she would order miss kitty, the sentimental little stitcher, to hold my feet, a servant to hold my head, and while i lay thus on the ground in durance vile, she would piously besprinkle me with holy water, and audibly beseech the lord and my guardian angel to deliver me of the devil. it would be difficult for me to conceive an operation more suitable as entertainment of the devil than my sister's pious and fiendish method of obtaining his dismissal. the first thing i inevitably did, when liberated, was to go into the yard, and pump all the holy water off my wicked person. then, dripping like a newfoundland, i would return to the house and decline to change my dress or shoes, in the vociferated hope of immediate death from consumption.
