i
when the little pilgrim had been thus permitted to see the secret workings of god in earthly places, and among the brethren who are still in the land of hope—these being things which the angels desire to look into, and which are the subject of story and of song not only in the little world below, but in the great realms above—her heart for a long time reposed and was satisfied, and asked no further question. for she had seen what the dealings of the father were in the hearts of men, and how till the end came{178} he did not cease to send his messengers to plead in every heart, and to hold a court of justice that no man might be deceived, but each know whither his steps were tending, and what was the way of wisdom. after this it was permitted to her to read in the archives of the heavenly country the story of one who, neglecting all that the advocates of god could say, had found himself, when the little life was completed, not upon the threshold of a better country, but in the midst of the land of darkness—that region in which the souls of men are left by god to their own devices, and the father stands aloof, and hides his face and calls them not, neither persuades them more. over this story the little pilgrim had shed many tears: for she knew well, being enlightened in her great simplicity by the heavenly wisdom, that it was pain and grief to the father to turn away his face; and that no one who has but the little heart of a man can imagine to him{179}self what that sorrow is in the being of the great god. and a great awe came over her mind at the thought, which seemed well-nigh a blasphemy, that he could grieve: yet in her heart, being his child, she knew that it was true. and her own little spirit throbbed through and through with longing and with desire to help those who were thus utterly lost. ‘and oh!’ she said, ‘if i could but go! there is nothing which could make a child afraid, save to see them suffer. what are darkness and terror when the father is with you? i am not afraid—if i might but go!’ and by reason of her often pleading, and of the thought that was ever in her mind, it was at last said that one of those who knew might instruct her, and show her by what way alone the travellers who come from that miserable land could approach and be admitted on high.
‘i know,’ she said, ‘that between us and them there is a gulf fixed, and that they{180} who would come from thence cannot come, neither can any one——’
but here she stopped in great dismay, for it seemed that she had thus answered her own longing and prayer.
the guide who had come for her smiled upon her and said, ‘but that was before the lord had ended his work. and now all the paths are free: wherever there is a mountain-pass or a river-ford: the roads are all blessed, and they are all open, and no barriers for those who will.’
‘oh,’ she cried, ‘dear friend, is that true for all?’
he looked away from her into the depths of the lovely air, and he replied: ‘little sister, our faith is without bounds, but not our knowledge. i who speak to you am no more than a man. the princes and powers that are in high places know more than i; but if there be any place where a heart can stir and cry out to the father and he take no heed—if it be only in a groan—if it be only with a sigh{181}—i know not that place: yet many depths i know.’ he put out his hand and took hers, after a pause, and then he said, ‘there are some who are stumbling upon the dark mountains. come and see.’
as they passed along there were many who paused to look at them, for he had the mien of a great prince, a lord among men: and his face still bore the trace of sorrow and toil, and there was about him an awe and wonder which was more than could be put in words; so that those who saw him understood as he went by, not who he was, nor what he had been, but that he had come out of great tribulation, of sorrow beyond the sorrows of men. the sweetness of the heavenly country had soothed away his care, and taken the cloud from his face; but he was as yet unaccustomed to smile—though when he remembered and looked round him, and saw that all was well, his countenance lightened like the morning sky, and his eyes woke up in splendour like the sun rising. the little{182} pilgrim did not know who her brother was, but yet gave thanks to god for him she knew not why.
how far they went cannot be estimated in words, for distance matters little in that place; but at the end they came to a path which sloped a little downwards to the edge of a delightful moorland country, all brilliant with the hues of the mountain flowers. it was like a flowery plateau high among the hills, in a region where are no frosts to check the glow of the flowers, or scorch the grass. it spread far around in hollows and ravines and softly swelling hills, with the rush over them of a cheerful breeze full of mountain scents and sounds; and high above them rose the mountain-heights of the celestial world, veiled in those blue breadths of distance which are heaven itself when man’s fancy ascends to them from the low world at their feet. all the little earth can do in colour and mists, and travelling shadows fleet as the breath,{183} and the sweet steadfast shining of the sun, was there, but with a tenfold splendour. they rose up into the sky, every peak and jagged rock all touched with the light and the smile of god, and every little blossom on the turf rejoicing in the warmth and freedom and peace. the heart of the little pilgrim swelled, and she cried out, ‘there is nothing so glorious as the everlasting hills. though the valleys and the plains are sweet, they are not like them. they say to us, lift up your heart!’
her guide smiled, but he did not speak. his smile was full of joy, but grave, like that of a man whose thoughts are bent on other things: and he pointed where the road wound downward by the feet of these triumphant hills. she kept her eyes upon them as she moved along. those heights rose into the very sky, but bore upon them neither snow nor storm. here and there a whiteness like a film of air rounded out over a peak, and she recognised that it was{184} one of those angels who travel far and wide with god’s commissions, going to the other worlds that are in the firmament as in a sea. the softness of these films of white was like the summer clouds that she used to watch in the blue of the summer sky in the little world which none of its children can cease to love: and she wondered now whether it might not sometimes have been the same dear angels whose flight she had watched unknowing, higher than thought could soar or knowledge penetrate. watching those floating heavenly messengers, and the heights of the great miraculous mountains rising up into the sky, the little pilgrim ceased to think whither she was going, although she knew from the feeling of the ground under her feet that she was descending, still softly, but more quickly than at first, until she was brought to herself by the sensation of a great wind coming in her face, cold as from a sudden vacancy. she turned her head quickly from gazing above to what was before{185} her, and started with a cry of wonder. for below lay a great gulf of darkness, out of which rose at first some shadowy peaks and shoulders of rock, all falling away into a gloom which eyes accustomed to the sunshine could not penetrate. where she stood was the edge of the light—before her feet lay a line of shadow slowly darkening out of daylight into twilight, and beyond into that measureless blackness of night; and the wind in her face was like that which comes from a great depth below of either sea or land—the sweep of the current which moves a vast atmosphere in which there is nothing to break its force. the little pilgrim was so startled by these unexpected sensations that she caught the arm of her guide in her sudden alarm, and clung to him, lest she should fall into the terrible darkness and the deep abyss below.
‘there is nothing to fear,’ he said, ‘there is a way. to us who are above there is no danger at all—and it is{186} the way of life to those who are below.’
‘i see nothing,’ she cried, ‘save a few points of rock, and the precipice—the pit which is below. oh, tell me what is it?—is it where the fires are and despair dwells? i did not think that was true. let me go and hide myself and not see it, for i never thought that was true.’
‘look again,’ said the guide.
the little pilgrim shrank into a crevice of the rock, and uncovering her eyes, gazed into the darkness; and because her nature was soft and timid there came into her mind a momentary fear. her heart flew to the father’s footstool, and cried out to him, not any question or prayer, but only ‘father, father!’ and this made her stand erect, and strengthened her eyes, so that the gloom even of hell could no more make her afraid. her guide stood beside with a steadfast countenance, which was grave yet full of a solemn light. and then all at once{187} he lifted up his voice, which was sonorous and sweet like the sound of an organ, and uttered a shout so great and resounding that it seemed to come back in echoes from every hollow and hill. what he said the little pilgrim could not understand; but when the echoes had died away and silence followed, something came up through the gloom—a sound that was far, far away, and faint in the long distance, a voice that sounded no more than an echo. when he who had called out heard it, he turned to the little pilgrim with eyes that were liquid with love and pity—‘listen,’ he said, ‘there is some one on the way.’
‘can we help them?’ cried the little pilgrim: her heart bounded forward like a bird. she had no fear. the darkness and the horrible way seemed as nothing to her. she stretched out her arms as if she would have seized the traveller and dragged him up into the light.
he who was by her side shook his{188} head, but with a smile. ‘we can but wait,’ he said. ‘it is forbidden that any one should help. for this is too terrible and strange to be touched even by the hands of angels. it is like nothing that you know.’
‘i have been taught many things,’ said the little pilgrim, humbly. ‘i have been taken back to the dear earth, where i saw the judgment-seat, and the pleaders who spoke, and the man who was the judge—and how each is judge for himself.’
‘you have seen the place of hope,’ said her guide, ‘where the father is and the son, and where no man is left to his own ways. but there is another country, where there is no voice either from god or from good spirits, and where those who have refused are left to do as seems good in their own eyes.’
‘i have read,’ said the little pilgrim, with a sob, ‘of one who went from city to city and found no rest.{189}’
her guide bowed his head very gravely in assent. ‘they go from place to place,’ he said, ‘if haply they might find one in which it is possible to live. whether it is order or whether it is licence, it is according to their own will. they try all things, ever looking for something which the soul may endure. and new cities are founded from time to time, and a new endeavour ever and ever to live, only to live. for even when happiness fails and content, and work is vanity and effort is naught, it is something if a man can but endure to live.’
the little pilgrim looked at him with wistful eyes, for what he said was beyond her understanding. ‘for us,’ she said, ‘life is nothing but joy. oh, brother, is there then condemnation?’
‘it is no condemnation, it is what they have chosen—it is to follow their own way. there is no longer any one to interfere. the pleaders are all silent: there is no voice in the heart. the father hinders them not, nor helps them:{190} but leaves them.’ he shivered as if with cold; and the little pilgrim felt that there breathed from the depths of darkness at their feet an icy wind which touched her hands and feet and chilled her heart. she shivered too, and drew close to the rock for shelter, and gazed at the awful cliffs rising out of the gloom, and the paths that disappeared at her feet, leading down, down into that abyss—and her heart failed within her to think that below there were souls that suffered, and that the father and the son were not there. he the all-loving, the all-present—how could it be that he was not there?
‘it is a mystery,’ said the man who was her guide, and who answered to her thought. ‘when i set my foot upon this blessed land i knew that there, even there, he is. but in that country his face is hidden, and even to name his name is anguish—for then only do men understand what has befallen them, who can say that name no more.{191}’
‘that is death indeed,’ she cried; and the wind came up silent with a wild breath that was more awful than the shriek of a storm: for it was like the stifled utterances of all those miserable ones who have no voice to call upon god, and know not where he is nor how to pronounce his name.
‘ah,’ said he, ‘if we could have known what death was! we had believed in death in the time of all great illusions, in the time of the gentle life, in the day of hope. but in the land of darkness there are no illusions, and every man knows that though he should fling himself into the furnace of the gold, or be cut to pieces by the knives, or trampled under the dancers’ feet, yet that it will be but a little more pain, and that death is not, nor any escape that way.’
‘oh, brother!’ she cried, ‘you have been there!’
he turned and looked upon her, and she read as in a book things which tongue{192} of man cannot say—the anguish and the rapture, the unforgotten pang of the lost, the joy of one who has been delivered after hope was gone.
‘i have been there: and now i stand in the light, and have seen the face of the lord, and can speak his blessed name.’ and with that he burst forth into a great melodious cry, which was not like that which he had sent into the dark depths below, but mounted up like the sounding of silver trumpets and all joyful music, giving a voice to the sweet air and the fresh winds which blew about the hills of god. but the words he said were not comprehensible to his companion, for they were in the sweet tongue which is between the father and his child, and known to none but to them alone. yet only to hear the sound was enough to transport all who listened, and to make them know what joy is and peace. the little pilgrim wept for happiness to hear her brother’s voice. but in the midst of it her ear was caught by{193} another sound—a faint cry which tingled up from the darkness like a note of a muffled bell—and she turned from the joy and the light, and flung out her arms and her little voice towards him who was stumbling upon the dark mountains. and ‘come,’ she cried, ‘come, come!’ forgetting all things save that one was there in the darkness, while here was light and peace.
‘it is nearer,’ said her guide, hearing, even in the midst of his triumph song, that faint and distant cry; and he took her hand and drew her back, for she was upon the edge of the precipice gazing into the black depths, which revealed nothing save the needles of the awful rocks and sheer descents below. ‘the moment will come,’ he said, ‘when we can help—but it is not yet.’
her heart was in the depths with him who was coming, whom she knew not save that he was coming, toiling upwards towards the light; and it seemed to her{194} that she could not contain herself, nor wait till he should appear, nor draw back from the edge, where she might hold out her hands to him and save him some single step, if no more. but presently her heart returned to her brother who stood by her side, and who was delivered, and with whom it was meet that all should rejoice, since he had fought and conquered, and reached the land of light. ‘oh,’ she said, ‘it is long to wait while he is still upon these dark mountains. tell me how it came to you to find the way.’
he turned to her with a smile, though his ear too was intent, and his heart fixed upon the traveller in the darkness, and began to tell her his tale to beguile the time of waiting, and to hold within bounds the pity that filled her heart. he told her that he was one of many who came from the pleasant earth together, out of many countries and tongues; and how they had gone here and there each man to a different city, and how they had crossed each{195} other’s paths coming and going, yet never found rest for their feet. and how there was a little relief in every change, and one sought that which another left; and how they wandered round and round over all the vast and endless plain, until at length, in revolt from every other way, they had chosen a spot upon the slope of a hill, and built there a new city, if perhaps something better might be found there. and how it had been built with towers and high walls, and great gates to shut it in, so that no stranger should find entrance. and how every house was a palace, with statues of marble, and pillars so precious with beautiful work, and arches so lofty and so fair, that they were better than had they been made of gold; yet gold was not wanting, nor diamond stones that shone like stars, and everything more beautiful and stately than heart could conceive.
‘and while we built and labored,’ he said, ‘our hearts were a little appeased. and it was called the city of art, and all{196} was perfect in it, so that nothing had ever been seen to compare with it for beauty: and we walked upon the battlements and looked over the plain and viewed the dwellers there, who were not as we. and we went on to fill every room and every hall with carved work in stone and beaten gold, and pictures and woven tissues that were like the sun-gleams and the rainbows of the pleasant earth. and crowds came around envying us and seeking to enter. but we closed our gates and drove them away. and it was said among us that life would now become as of old, and everything would go well with us as in the happy days.’
the little pilgrim looked up into his face, and for pity of his pain (though it was past) almost wished that that could have come true.
‘but when the work was done,’ he said: and for a moment no more.
‘oh, brother! when the work was done?’
‘you do not know what it is,’ he said,{197} ‘to be ten times more powerful and strong, to want no rest, to have fire in your veins, to have the craving in your heart above everything that is known to man. when the work was done, we glared upon each other with hungry eyes, and each man wished to thrust forth his neighbour and possess all to himself. and then we ceased to take pleasure in it, notwithstanding that it was beautiful; and there were some who would have beaten down the walls and built them anew—and some would have torn up the silver and gold, and tossed out the fair statues and the adornments in scorn and rage to the meaner multitudes below. and we, who were the workers, began to contend one against another to satisfy the gnawings of the rage that was in our hearts. for we had deceived ourselves, thinking once more that all would be well: while all the time nothing was changed, and we were but as the miserable ones that rushed from place to place.{198}’
though all this wretchedness was over and past, it was so terrible to think of that he paused and was silent a while. and the little pilgrim put her hand upon his arm in her great pity to soothe him, and almost forgot that there was another traveller not yet delivered upon the way. but suddenly at that moment there came up through the depths the sound of a fall, as if the rocks had crashed from a hundred peaks, yet all muffled by the great distance, and echoing all around in faint echoes, and rumblings as in the bosom of the earth. and mingled with them were far-off cries, so faint and distant that human ears could not have heard them, like the cries of lost children, or creatures wavering and straying in the midst of the boundless night. this time she who was watching upon the edge of the gloom would have flung herself forward altogether into it, had not her companion again restrained her. ‘one has stumbled upon the mountains; but{199} listen, listen, little sister, for the voices are many,’ he said,—‘it is not one who comes, but many; and though he falls he will rise again.’
and once more he shouted aloud, bending down against the rocks, so that they caught his voice—and the sweet air from the skies came behind him in a great gust like a summer storm, and carried it into all the echoing hollows of the hills. and the little pilgrim knew that he shouted to all who came to take courage and not to fear. and this time there rose upward many faint and wavering sounds that did not stir the air, but made it tingle with a vibration of the great distance and the unknown depths; and then again all was still. they stood for a time intent upon the great silence and darkness which swept up all sight and sound, and then the little pilgrim once more turned her eyes towards her companion, and he began again his wonderful tale.{200}
‘he who had been the first to found the city, and who was the most wise of any, though the rage was in him like all the rest, and the disappointment and the anguish, yet would not yield. and he called upon us for another trial, to make a picture which should be the greatest that ever was painted. and each one of us, small or great, who had been of that art in the dear life, took share in the rivalry and the emulation, so that on every side there was a fury and a rush, each man with his band of supporters about him struggling and swearing that his was the best. not that they loved the work or the beauty of the work, but to keep down the gnawing in their hearts, and to have something for which they could still fight and storm, and for a little forget.
‘i was one who had been among the highest.’ he spoke not with pride, but in a low and deep voice which went to the heart of the listener, and brought the tears to her eyes. it was not like that of{201} the painter in the heavenly city, who rejoiced and was glad in his work, though he was but as a humble workman, serving those who were more great. but this man had the sorrow of greatness in him, and the wonder of those who can do much, to find how little they can do. ‘my veins,’ he said, ‘were filled with fire, and my heart with the rage of a great desire to be first, as i had been first in the days of the gentle life. and i made my plan to be greater than all the rest, to paint a vast picture like the world, filled with all the glories of life. in a moment i had conceived what i should do, for my strength was as that of a hundred men: and none of us could rest or breathe till it was accomplished, but flung ourselves upon this new thing as upon water in the desert. oh, my little sister, how can i tell you—what words can show forth this wonderful thing? i stood before my great canvas with all those who were of my faction pressing upon me,{202} noting every touch i made, shouting, and saying, “he will win! he will win!” when lo! there came a mystery and a wonder into that place. i had arranged men and women before me according to all the devices of art, to serve as my models that nature might be in my picture, and life: but when i looked i saw them not, for between them and me had come a face.’
the eyes of the little pilgrim dropped with tears. she held out her hands towards him with a sympathy which no words could say.
‘often had i painted that face in the other life,—sometimes with awe and love, sometimes with scorn: for hire and for bread, and for pride and for fame. it is pale with suffering, yet smiles; the eyes have tears in them, yet light below, and all that is there is full of tenderness and of love. there is a crown upon the brow, but it is made of thorns. it came before me suddenly, while i stood there, with the{203} men shouting close to my ear urging me on, and fierce fury in my heart, and the rage to be first, and to forget. where my models were, there it came. i could not see them, nor my groups that i had planned, nor anything but that face. i called out to my men, “who has done this?” but they heard me not, nor understood me, for to them there was nothing there save the figures i had set—a living picture all ready for the painter’s hand.
‘i could not bear it, the sight of that face. i flung my tools away. i covered my eyes with my hands. but those who were about me pressed on me and threatened. they pulled my hands from my eyes. “coward!” they cried, and “traitor, to leave us in the lurch. now will the other side win and we be shamed. rather tear him limb from limb, fling him from the walls!” the crowd came round me like an angry sea; they forced my pencils back into my hands. “work,” they cried, “or we will tear you limb{204} from limb.” for though they were upon my side, it was for rivalry, and not out of any love for me.’ he paused for a moment, for his heart was yet full of the remembrance, and of joy that it was past.
‘i looked again,’ he said, ‘and still it was there. o face divine—the eyes all wet with pity, the lips all quivering with love! and neither pity nor love belonged to that place, nor any succour, nor the touch of a brother, nor the voice of a friend. “paint,” they cried, “or we will tear you limb from limb!”—and fire came into my heart. i pushed them from me on every side with the strength of a giant. and then i flung it on the canvas, crying i know not what—not to them but to him. shrink not from me, little sister, for i blasphemed. i called him impostor, deceiver, galilean; and still with all my might, with all the fury of my soul, i set him there for every man to see, not knowing what i did.{205} everything faded from me but that face—i saw it alone. the crowd came round me with shouts and threats to drag me away, but i took no heed; they were silenced, and fled and left me alone, but i knew nothing; nor when they came back with others and seized me, and flung me forth from the gates, was i aware what i had done. they cast me out and left me upon the wild without a shelter, without a companion, storming and raving at them as they did at me. they dashed the great gates behind me with a clang, and shut me out. and i turned and defied them, and cursed them as they cursed me, not knowing what i had done.’
‘oh, brother!’ murmured the little pilgrim, kneeling, as if she had accompanied him all the way with her prayers, but could not now say more.
‘then i saw again,’ he went on, not hearing her in the great force of that passion and wonder which was still in his mind—‘that vision in the air. wherever{206} i turned, it was there: his eyes wet with pity, his countenance shining with love. whence came he? what did he in that place, where love is not, where pity comes not?’
‘friend,’ she cried, ‘to seek you there!’
her companion bowed his head in deep humbleness and joy. and again he lifted his great voice and intoned his song of praise. the little pilgrim understood it, but by fragments—a line that was more simple that came here and there. and it praised the lord that where the face of the father was hidden, and where love was not, nor compassion, nor brother had pity on brother, nor friend knew the face of friend, and all succour was stayed, and every help forbidden—yet still in the depths of the darkness and in the heart of the silence, he who could not forget nor forsake was there. the voice of the singer was like that of one of the great angels, and many of the inhabitants of the blessed{207} country began to appear, gathering in crowds to hear this great music, as the little sister thought; and she herself listened with all her heart, wondering and seeing on the faces of those dear friends whom she did not know an expectation and a hope which were strange to her, though she could always understand their love and their joy.
but in the middle of this great song there came again another sound to her ear—a sound which pierced through the music like lightning through the sky, though it was but the cry of one distraught and fainting,—a cry out of the depths not even seeking help, a cry of distress too terrible to be borne. though it was scarcely louder than a sigh, she heard it through all the music, and turned and flew to the edge of the precipice whence it came. and immediately the darkness seemed to move as with a pulse, in a great throb, and something came through the wind with a rush, as if part of the{208} mountain had fallen—and lo! at her feet lay one who had flung himself forward, his arms stretched out, his face to the ground, as if he had seized and grasped in an agony the very soil. he lay there, half in the light and half in the shadow, gripping the rocks with his hands, burrowing into the cool herbage above and the mountain flowers; clinging, catching hold, despairing, yet seizing everything he could grasp—the tender grass, the rolling stones. the little pilgrim flung herself down upon her knees by his side, and grasped his arm to help, and cried aloud for aid; and the song of the singer ceased, and there was silence for a moment, so that the breath of the fugitive could be heard panting, and his strong struggle to drag himself altogether out of that abyss of darkness below. she thought of nothing, nor heard nor saw anything, but the strain of that last effort which seemed to shake the very mountains; until suddenly there seemed to rise all{209} around the hum and murmur as of a great multitude, and looking up, she saw every little hill and hollow, and the glorious plain beyond as far as eye could see, crowded with countless throngs; and on the high peaks above, in the full shining of the sun, came bands of angels, and of those great beings who are more mighty than men. and the eyes of all were fixed upon the man who lay as one dead upon the ground, and from the lips of all came a low murmur of rapture and delight, that spread like the hum of the bees, like the cooing of the doves, like the voice of a mother over her child; and the same sound came to her own lips unawares, and she murmured ‘welcome’ and ‘brother’ and ‘friend,’ not knowing what she said; and looking to the others, whispered, ‘hush! for he is weak’—and all of them answered with tears, with ‘hush,’ and ‘welcome,’ and ‘friend,’ and ‘brother,’ and ‘beloved,’ and stood smiling and weeping for joy. and presently there{210} came softly into the blessed air the ringing of the great silver bells, which sound only for victory and great happiness and gain. and there was joy in heaven,—and every world was stirred. and throughout the firmament, and among all the lords and princes of life, it was known that the impossible had become true, and the name of the lord had proved enough, and love had conquered even despair.
‘hush!’ she said, ‘for he is weak.’ and because it was her blessed service to receive those who had newly arrived in that heavenly country, and to soothe and help them so that like new-born children they should be able to endure and understand the joy, she knelt by him on the ground and tried to rouse him, though with trembling, for never before had she stood by one who was newly come out of the land of despair. ‘let the sun come upon him,’ she said; ‘let him feel the brightness of the light,’—and with her soft hands she drew him{211} out of the shade of the twilight to where the brightness of the day fell like a smile upon the flowers. and then at last he stirred, and turned round and opened his eyes, for the genial warmth had reached him. but his eyes were heavy and dazzled with the light, and he looked round him as if confused from beneath his heavy eyelids. ‘and where am i?’ he said; ‘and who are you?’—‘oh, brother!’ said the little pilgrim, and told him in his ear the name of that heavenly place, and many comforting and joyful things. but he understood her not, and still gazed about him with dazzled eyes, for his face was still towards the darkness, and fear was upon him lest this place should prove no more than a delusion, and the darkness return, and the anguish and pain.
then he who had been her guide, and told her his tale, came forward and stood by the side of the newly come. and ‘brother,’ he said, ‘look upon me, for{212} you know me, and know from whence i come.’
the stranger looked dimly with his heavy eyes. and he replied, ‘it is as a dream that i know you, and know from whence you came. and the dream is sweet to lie here, and think that i am at peace. deceive me not—oh! deceive me not, with dreams that are sweet—but let me go upon my way and find the end; if there is any end, or if any good can be.’
‘what shall we do,’ cried the little pilgrim, ‘to persuade him that he has arrived and is safe, and dreams no more?’
and they stood round him wondering, and troubled to find how little they could do for him, and that the light entered so slowly into his soul. and he lay on the bank like one left for death, so weary and so worn with all the horrors of the way that his heart was faint within him, and peace itself seemed to him but an illusion. he lay silent while they watched and{213} waited, then turned himself upon the grass, which was as soft to the weary wayfarer as angels’ wings; and then the sunshine caught his eye, as if he had been a new-born babe awakened to the light. he put out his hand to it, and touched the ground that was golden with those heavenly rays, and gathered himself up till he felt it upon his face, and opened wide his dazzled eyes, then shaded them with trembling hands, and said to himself, ‘it is the sun, it is the sun.’ but still he did not dare to believe that the danger and the toil were over, nor could he listen, nor understand what the brethren said. while they all stood around and watched and waited, wondering each how the new-comer should be satisfied, there suddenly arose a sound with which they were all acquainted—the sound of one approaching. the faces of the blessed were all around like the stars in the sky—multitudes whom none could count or reckon; but he who came was seen of none, save{214} him to whom he came. the weary man rose up with a great cry, then fell again upon his knees, and flung his arms wide in the wonder and the joy. and ‘lord,’ he cried, ‘was it thou? lord, it was thou! thine was the face. and thou hast brought me here!’
the watchers knew not what the other voice said, for what is said to each new-comer is the secret of the lord. but when they looked again the man stood upright upon his feet, and his face was full of light; and though he trembled with weakness and with weariness, and with exceeding joy, yet the confusion and the fear were gone from him. and he had no longer any suspicion of them, as if they might betray him, but held out his trembling hands and cried, ‘friends: you are friends? and you spoke to me and called me brother? and am i here? and am i here?’ for to name the name of that blessed country was not needful any longer, now that he had seen the lord.{215}
then a great band and guard of honour, of angels and principalities and powers, surrounded him, and led him away to the holy city, and to the presence of the father, who had permitted and had not forbidden what the lord had done. and all the companies of the blessed followed after with wonder and gladness and triumph, because the great love of the lord had drawn out of the darkness even those who were beyond hope.
ii
the little pilgrim saw them depart from her with love and joy, and sat down upon the rocky edge and sang her own song of peace; for her fear was gone, and she was ready to do her service there upon the verge of the precipice as among the flowers and the sunshine, where her own place was. ‘from the depths,’ she said, ‘they come, they come!—from the land of darkness, where no love is. for thy love,{216} o lord, is more than the darkness and the depths. and where hope is not, there thy pity goes.’ she sat and sang to herself like a happy child, for her heart had fathomed the awful gloom which baffles angels and men, and she had learned that though hope comes to an end and light fails, and the feet of the ambassadors are stayed on the mountains, and the voice of the pleaders is silenced, and darkness swallows up the world, yet love never fails. as she sang, the pity in her heart grew so strong, and her desire to help the lost, that she rose up and stepped forth into the awful gloom, and, had it been permitted, in her gentleness and weakness would have gone forth to the deeps and had no fear.
the ground gave way under her feet, so dreadful was the precipice; but though her heart beat with the horror of it, and the whirl of the descent and the darkness which blinded her eyes, yet had she no hurt; and when her foot touched the rock,{217} and that sinking sense of emptiness and vacancy ceased, she looked around and saw the path by which that traveller had come. for when the eyes are used to the darkness, the horror of the gloom was no longer like a solid thing, but moved into shades of darker and less dark, so that she saw where the rocks stood, and how they sank with edges that cut like swords, down and ever down into the abysses,—and how here a deep ravine was rent between them, and there were breaks and scars as though some one had caught the jagged points with wounded hand or foot struggling up the perpendicular surface towards the little ray of light, like a tiny star which shone as on immeasurable heights to show where life was. as she travelled deeper and deeper, it was a wonder to see how far that little ray penetrated down and down, through gulfs of darkness, blue and cold like the shimmer of a diamond; and even when it could be seen no more,{218} sent yet a shadowy refraction, a line of something less black than the darkness, a lightening amid the gloom, a something indefinable which was hope. the rocks were more cruel than imagination could conceive—sometimes pointed and sharp like knives, sometimes smooth and upright as a wall with no hold for the climber, sometimes moving under the touch, with stones that rolled and crushed the bleeding feet; and though the solid masses were distinguishable from the lighter darkness of the air, yet it could only be in groping that the travellers by that way could find where any foothold was. the traveller who came from above, and who had the privilege of her happiness, sank down as if borne on wings, yet needed all her courage not to be afraid of the awful rocks that rose all above and around her, perpendicular in the gloom. and the great blast of an icy wind swept upward like something flying upon great wings, so tremendous was the{219} force of it, whirling from the depths below, sucked upwards by the very warmth of the life above, so that the little pilgrim herself caught at the rocks that she might not be swept again towards the top, or dashed against the stony pinnacles that stood up on every side. she was glad when she found a little platform under her feet for a moment where she could rest, and also because she had come, not from curiosity to see that gulf, but with the hope and desire to meet some one to whom she could be of a little comfort or help in the terrors of the way.
while she stood for a moment to get her breath, she became sensible that some living thing was near, and putting out her hand she felt that there was round her something that was like a bastion upon a fortified wall, and immediately a hand touched hers, and a soft voice said, ‘sister, fear not! for this is the watch-tower, and i am one of those who keep the way.’ she had started and trembled indeed, not that{220} she feared, but because the delicate fabric of her being was such that every movement of the wind, and even those that were instinctive and belonged to the habits of another life, betrayed themselves in her. and ‘oh,’ she said, ‘i knew not that there were any watch-towers, or any one to help, but came because my heart called me, if perhaps i might hold out my hand in the darkness, and be of use where there was no light.’
‘come and stand by me,’ said the watcher; and the little pilgrim saw that there was a whiteness near to her, out of which slowly shaped the face of a fair and tender woman, whom she knew not, but loved. and though they could scarcely see each other, yet they knew each other for sisters, and kissed, and took comfort together, holding each other’s hands in the midst of the awful gloom. and the little pilgrim questioned in low and hushed tones—‘is it to help that you are here?’
‘to help when that may be; but rather{221} to watch, and to send the news and make it known that one is coming—that the bells of joy may be sounded, and all the blessed may rejoice.’
‘oh,’ said the little pilgrim, ‘tell me your name, that i may do you honour: for to gain such high promotion can be given only to the great who are made perfect, and to those who love most.’
‘i am not great,’ said the watcher; ‘but the lord who considers all has placed me here, that i may be the first to see when one comes who is in the dark places below. and also because there are some who say that love is idolatry, and that the father will not have us long for our own: therefore am i permitted to wait and watch and think the time not long for the love i bear him. for he is mine; and when he comes i will ascend with him to the dear country of the light, and some other who loves enough will be promoted in my place.’
‘i am not worthy,’ said the little pilgrim. ‘it is a great promotion; but oh, that we{222} might be permitted to help, to put out a hand, or to clear the way!’
‘nay, my little sister,’ said the watcher, ‘but patience must have its perfect work; and for those who are coming help is secret. they must not see it nor know it; for the land of darkness is beyond hope. the father will not force the will of any creature he has made, for he respects us in our nature, which is his image. and when a man will not, and will not till the day is over, what can be done for him? he is left to his will, and is permitted to do it, as it seems good in his eyes. a man’s will is great, for it is the gift of god. but the lord, who cannot rest while one is miserable, still goes secretly to them, for his heart yearns after them. and by times they will see his face, or some thought of old will seize upon them. and some will say, “to perish upon the dark mountains is better than to live here.” and i have seen,’ said the watcher, ‘that the lord will go with them all the way{223}—but secretly, so that they cannot see him. and though it grieves his heart not to help, yet will he not; for they have become the creatures of their own will, and by that must they attain.’ she put out her hand to the new-comer, and drew her to the side of the rocky wall, so that they felt the sweep of the wind in their faces, but were not driven before it. ‘and come,’ she said, ‘for two of us together will be like a great light to those who are in the darkness. they will see us like a lamp, and it will cheer them though they know not why we are here. listen!’ she cried. and the little pilgrim, holding fast the hand of the watcher, listened and looked down upon the awful way; and underneath the sweep of the icy wind was a small sharp sound as of a stone rolling or a needle of rock that broke and fell, like the sounds that are in a wood when some creature moves, though too far off for footstep to sound. ‘listen!’ said the watcher, and her face so shone{224} with joy that the little pilgrim saw it clearly, like the shining of the morning in the midst of the darkness. ‘he comes!’
‘oh, sister!’ she cried, ‘is it he—whom you love above all the rest?—is it he?’
the watcher smiled, and said, ‘if it is not he, yet is it a brother; if it is not he now, yet his time will come. and in every one who passes, i hope to see his face; and the more that come, the more certain it is that he will come. and the time seems not long for the love i bear him. and it is for this that the lord has so considered me. listen! for some one comes.’
and there came to these watchers the strangest sight; for there flew past them while they gazed a man, who seemed to be carried upon the sweep of the wind. in the midst of the darkness they could see the faint white in his face, with eyes of flame and lips set firm—whirled forward upon the wind, which would have dashed him against the rocks; but as he whirled past he caught with his hand the needles{225} of the opposite peaks, and was swung high over a great chasm, and landed upon a higher height, high over their heads. and for a moment they could hear, like a pulsation through the depths, the hard panting of his breath. then, with scarcely a moment for rest, they heard the sound of his progress onward, as if he did battle with the mountain, and his own swiftness carried him like another wind. it had taken less than a moment to sweep him past, quicker than the flight of a bird, as sudden as a lightning flash. the little pilgrim followed him with her eager ears, wondering if he would leap thus into the country of light and take heaven by storm; or whether he would fall upon the heavenly hills, and lie prostrate in weariness and exhaustion, like him to whom she had ministered. she followed him with her ears, for the sound of his progress was with crashing of rocks and a swift movement in the air: but she was called back by the pressure of the hand of the watcher{226} who did not, like the little pilgrim, follow him who thus rushed through space as far as there was sound or sight of him, but had turned again to the lower side, and was gazing once more, and listening for the little noises in the gulf below. the little pilgrim remembered her friend’s hope, and said softly, ‘it was not he?’ and the watcher clasped her hand again, and answered, ‘it was a dear brother. i have sounded the silver bells for him: and soon we shall hear them answering from the heights above. and another time it will be he.’ and they kissed each other because they understood each the other in her heart.
and then they talked together of the old life when all things began, and of the wonderful things they had learned concerning the love of the father and the son, and how all the world was held by them, and penetrated through and through by threads of love, so that it could never fail. and the darkness seemed light{227} round them, and they forgot for a little that the wind was not as a summer breeze. then once more the hand of the watcher pressed that of her companion, and bade her hush and listen. and they sat together holding their breath, straining their ears. then heard they faint sounds which were very different from those made by him who had been driven past them like an arrow from a bow,—first as of something falling, but very far away, and a faint sound as of a foot which slipped. the listeners did not say a word to each other; they sat still and listened, scarcely drawing their breath. the darkness had no voice; it could not be but that some traveller was there, though hidden deep, deep in the gloom, only betrayed by the sound. there was a long pause, and the watcher held fast the little pilgrim’s hand, and betrayed to her the longing in her heart; for though she was already blessed beyond all blessedness known on earth, yet had she not forgotten the love that{228} had begun on earth, but was for evermore. she murmured to herself, and said, ‘if it is not he, it is a brother. and the more that come the more sure it is that he will come. little sister, is there one for whom you watch?’
‘there is no one,’ the pilgrim said,—‘but all.’
‘and so care i for all,’ cried the watcher; and she drew her companion with her to the edge of the abyss, and they sat down upon it low among the rocks to escape the rushing of the wind, and they sang together a soft song, ‘for if he should hear us,’ she said, ‘it may give him courage.’ and there they sat and sang; and the white of their garments and of their heavenly faces showed like a light in the deep gloom, so that he who was toiling upward might see that speck above him, and be encouraged to continue upon his way.
sometimes he fell, and they could hear the moan he made, for every sound came{229} upward, however small and faint it might be; and sometimes dragged himself along, so that they heard his movement up some shelf of rock. and as the pilgrim looked, she saw other and other dim whitenesses along the ravines of the dark mountains, and knew that she was not the only one, but that many had come to watch and look for the coming of those who had been lost.
time was as nothing to these heavenly watchers: but they knew how long and terrible were the moments to those upon the way. sometimes there would be silence like the silence of long years: and fear came upon them that the wayfarer had turned back, or that he had fallen and lay suffering at the bottom of some gulf, or had been swept by the wind upon some icy peak and dashed against the rocks. then anon, while they listened and held their breath, a little sound would strike again into the silence, bringing back hope. and again and again all would be still. the little pilgrim held her companion’s hand,{230} and the thought went through her mind that were she watching for one whom she loved above the rest, her heart would fail. but the watcher answered her as if she had spoken, and said, ‘oh no, oh no; for if it is not he, it is a brother: and the lord give them joy!’ but they sang no more, their hearts being faint with suspense and with eagerness to hear every sound.
then in the great chill of the silence, suddenly, and not far off, came the sound of one who spoke. he murmured to himself, and said, ‘who can continue on this terrible way? the night is black like hell, and there comes no morning. it was better in the land of darkness, for still we could see the face of man, though not god.’ the muffled voice shook at that word and then was still suddenly, as though it had been a flame and the wind had blown it out. and for a moment there was silence: until suddenly it broke forth once more{231}—
‘what is this that has come to me that i can say the name of god? it tortures no longer, it is as balm. but he is far off and hears nothing. he called us and we answered not. now it is we who call and he will not hear. i will lie down and die. it cannot be that a man must live and live for ever, in pain and anguish. here will i lie and it will end. oh thou whose face i have seen in the night, make it possible for a man to die.’
the watcher loosed herself from her companion’s clasp, and stood upright upon the edge of the cliff, clasping her hands together and saying low, as to herself, father, father! as one who cannot refrain from that appeal, but who knows the father loves best, and that to intercede is vain. and longing was in her face and joy. for it was he; and she knew that he could not now fail, but would reach to the celestial country and to the shining of the sun: yet that it was not hers to help him, nor any man’s, nor angel’s. but the{232} little pilgrim was ignorant, not having been taught. and she committed herself to those depths, though she feared them, and though she knew not what she could do. and once more the dense air closed over her, and the vacancy swallowed her up, and when she reached the rocks below, there lay something at her feet which she felt to be a man; but she could not see him nor touch him, and when she tried to speak, her voice died away in her throat, and made no sound. whether it was the wind that caught it, and swept it quite away, or that the well of that depth profound sucked every note upward, or whether because it was not permitted that either man or angel should come out of their sphere, or help be given which was forbidden, the little pilgrim knew not: for never had it been said to her that she should stand aside where need was. and surprise which was stronger than the icy wind, and for a moment a great dismay, took hold upon her, for she understood not{233} how it was that the bond of silence should bind her, and that she should be unable to put forth her hand to help him whom she heard moaning and murmuring, but could not see. and scarcely could her feet keep hold of the awful rock, or her form resist the upward sweep of the wind; but though he saw her not nor she him, yet could not she leave him in his weakness and misery, saying to herself that even if she could do nothing, it must be well that a little love should be near.
then she heard him speak again, crouching under the rock at her feet, and he said faintly to himself, ‘that was no dream. in the land of darkness there are no dreams nor voices that speak within us. on the earth they were never silent struggling and crying; but there—all blank and still. therefore it was no dream. it was one who came and looked me in the face: and love was in his eyes. i have not seen love, oh, for so long. but it was no dream. if god is a dream i know not,{234} but love i know. and he said to me, “arise and go.” but to whom must i go? the words are words that once i knew, and the face i knew. but to whom, to whom?’
the little pilgrim cried aloud, so that she thought the rocks must be rent by the vehemence of her cry, calling like the other, father, father, father! as if her heart would burst; and it was like despair to think that she made no sound, and that the brother could not hear her who lay thus fainting at her feet. yet she could not stop, but went on crying like a child that has lost its way; for to whom could a child call but to her father, and all the more when she cannot understand? and she called out and said that god was not his name save to strangers, if there are any strangers, but that his name was father, and it was to him that all must go. and all her being thrilled like a bird with its song, so that the very air stirred, yet no voice came. and she lifted up her{235} face to the watcher above, and beheld, where she stood holding up her hands, a little whiteness in the great dark. but though these two were calling and calling, the silence was dumb. and neither of them could take him by the hand nor lift him up, nor show him, far, far above the little diamond of the light, but were constrained to stand still and watch, seeing that he was one of those who are beyond hope.
after she had waited a long time, he stirred again in the dark, and murmured to himself once more, saying low, ‘i have slept and am strong. and while i was sleeping he has come again: he has looked at me again. and somewhere i will find him. i will arise and go—i will arise and go——’
and she heard him move at her feet, and grope over the rock with his hands. but it was smooth as snow with no holding, and slippery as ice. and the watcher stood above and the pilgrim below, but could not help him. he groped and{236} groped, and murmured to himself, ever saying, ‘i will arise and go.’ and their hearts were wrung that they could not speak to him, nor touch him, nor help him. but at last in the dark there burst forth a great cry, ‘who said it?’ and then a sound of weeping, and amid the weeping, words. ‘as when i was a child, as when hope was—— i will arise and i will go—to my father, to my father! for now i remember, and i know.’
the little pilgrim sank down into a crevice of the rocks in the weakness of her great joy. and something passed her, mounting up and up—and it seemed to her that he had touched her shoulder or her hand unawares, and that the dumb cry in her heart had reached him, and that it had been good for him that a little love stood by, though only to watch and to weep. and she listened and heard him go on and on; and she herself ascended higher to the watch-tower. and the watcher was gone who had waited there{237} for her beloved, for she had gone with him, as the lord had promised her, to be the one who should lead him to the holy city and to see the father’s face. and it was given to the little pilgrim to sound the silver bells and to warn all the bands of the blessed, and the great angels and lords of the whole world, that from out the land of darkness and from the regions beyond hope another had come.
she remained not there long, because there were many who sought that place that they might be the first to see if one beloved was among the travellers by that terrible way, and to welcome the brother or sister who was the most dear to them of all the children of the father. but it was thus that she learned the last lesson of all that is in heaven and that is in earth, and in the heights above and in the depths below, which the great angels desire to look into, and all the princes and powers. and it is this: that there is that which is beyond hope yet not beyond love. and{238} that hope may fail and be no longer possible, but love cannot fail. for hope is of men, but love is the lord. and there is but one thing which to him is not possible, which is to forget. and that even when the father has hidden his face and help is forbidden, yet there goes he secretly and cannot forbear.
but if there were any deep more profound, and to which access was not, either from the dark mountains or by any other way, the pilgrim was not taught, nor ever found any knowledge, either among the angels who know all things, or among her brothers who were the children of men.
