it is probable that if chudleigh wilmot had remained in london, fulfilling his professional duties and leading his ordinary life, the declaration of love and the offer of his hand which in due course he would have made to miss kilsyth would have, for the first time, caused that young lady to avow the real state of her feelings towards him to herself. these feelings, beginning in gratitude, had passed into hero-worship, which is perhaps about as dangerous a phase both for adorer and adored as any in the whole category; showing as it does that the former must be considerably "far gone" before she could consent to exalt any man into an object of idolatry, and proving very perilous to the latter from the impossibility of his separating himself from the peculiar attributes which are supposed to call forth the devotion. and wilmot was just such an idol as a girl like madeleine ould place upon a pedestal and worship with constancy and fervour. the very fact that he possessed none of those qualifications so esteemed by and in the men by whom she was ordinarily surrounded was in her eyes a point in his favour. he did not hunt; he was an indifferent shot; he professed himself worse than a child at billiards, and his whist-playing was something atrocious. but then, for the best man across country, the straightest rider to hounds whom they knew, was captain severn, a slangy wretch only tolerated in society for his wife's sake. george pitcairn was a splendid shot; but he had never heard of tennyson, and would probably think that browning was the name of a setter. major delapoche was the billiard champion at kilsyth, where he was never seen out of the billiard-room, except at meal-times; and as for whist there could not be much in that when her father declared that there were not three men at brookes's who could play so good a rubber as old dr. m'johns, the presbyterian clergyman in the village. ever since she had been emancipated from her governess, she had longed to meet some man of name and renown, who would take an interest in her, and whom she could reverence, admire, and look up to. she never pined for the heroes of the novels which she read, probably because she saw plenty of them in her ordinary life, and she was used to them and their ways. the big heavy dragoons of the guy-livingstone type--by his portrayal of whom mr. lawrence establishes for himself such a reputation amongst the young ladies of the middle classes, who pine after the beaux sabreurs and the "cool captains," principally because they have never met anyone in real life like them--are by no means such sources of raving among the girls accustomed to country-house and london-season society, who are familiar with something like the prototype of each character. ronald's brother officers, kilsyth's sporting friends, and lady muriel's connections, had made this kind of type too common for madeleine, even if her temperament had not been very different, to elevate it into a hero; but she had never met anyone fulfilling herideas until chudleigh wilmot crossed her path. from the earliest period of her convalescence, from the time when slowly-returning strength gave her an interest again in life, until the time that wilmot left london, she had indulged in this happy dream. she was something in that man's life, something to which his thoughts occasionally turned, as she hoped, as she believed, with pleasure. as to "being in love" as it is phrased, madeleine believed that such a state as little applied to wilmot as to herself, and of her own entire innocence in the existence of such a feeling she was confident. but there was established a curious relation between them which she could not explain, but which she thoroughly understood, and which made her very happy. hour after hour she would sit thinking over this acquaintance, so singularly begun, so different from anything which she had ever previously experienced, and wondering within herself what a bright clever man like dr. wilmot could see to like in a silly girl like herself. if wilmot had been differently constituted she could have understood it well enough; for though very free from vanity, madeleine was of course conscious that she had a pretty face, and she could perfectly understand the admiration which she received from ramsay caird and the men of whom he was a type. but she imagined wilmot to be far too staid and serious, far too much absorbed in his studies and his "cases," to notice anything so unimportant.
what could he see in her? she asked herself this question a thousand times without arriving at any satisfactory result. she thought that wilmot, whom she had exalted into her hero, would naturally not bestow his thoughts on any but a heroine; and she knew that there was very little of the heroine in her. indeed i, writing this veracious history, am often surprised at my own daring in having, in these highly-spiced times, ventured to submit so very tame a specimen of womanhood to public notice. madeleine kilsyth was neither tawny and leopard-like, nor hideous and quaintly-fascinating. she was merely an ordinary english girl, with about as much cleverness as girls have at her age, when they have had no occasion to use their brains; and she thought and argued in a girlish manner. she could not tell that the difference in each from their ordinary acquaintance pleased them equally. if madeleine had been bright, clever, witty, fast, flirting, or blasée, she would never have seen her physician after her recovery. wilmot was too thoroughly acquainted with women of all these varieties to find any pleasure in an additional specimen. it was the young girl's freshness and innocence, her frankness and trusting confidence, her bright looks and happy thoughts, that touched the heart of the worn and solitary man, and made him feel that there were in life joys which he had never experienced, and which were yet worth living for.
to admire and reverence him; to find the best and most valuable of resources in his friendship, the wisest and truest guidance in his intellect, the most exquisite of pleasures in his society; to triumph in his fame, and to try to merit his approval--such, as we have seen, had been madeleine's scheme. now this was all changed: he was gone; the greatest enjoyment of her life, his society, was taken from her. he was gone; he would be absent for a long time; she should not see him, would not hear his voice, for weeks--it might be for months: it took her a long time to realise this fact, and with its realisation flashed across her the knowledge that she loved chudleigh wilmot.
loved him! the indefinite inexplicable sentiments so long brooded over were gone now, and she looked into her own heart and acknowledged its condition. so long as he remained in london, so long as there was a chance of seeing him, even though she knew that his departure had been decided on, and was almost inevitable, she yet remained unconscious of the state of her feelings. it was only when he was actually gone, when she knew that the long-dreaded step had been taken, that all chance of seeing him again for months was at an end, that the truth flashed upon her. she loved him!--loved him with the whole warmth, truth, and earnestness of her sweet simple nature; loved him as such a man should be loved--deeply, fervently, and confidingly. in the first recognition of the existence of this feeling, she was scarcely likely to inquire psychologically into it; but she felt that her love for wilmot had many component parts. the admiration and reverence with which he had originally inspired her still remained; but with them was now blended a passion which had never before been evoked in her. she longed to see him again, longed to throw her arms round his neck and whisper to him how she loved him. how miserably blind she had been! what childish folly had been hers not sooner to have comprehended the meaning of her feelings towards this man! she loved him, and--a fearful thought flashed across her. had it come too late, the discovery of this passion? had she been dreaming when the golden chance of her life came by, and had she let it pass unheeded? and again, what were wilmot's feelings with regard to her? was he under such a delusion as had long oppressed her? he was a man, strong-minded, clear-brained, and of subtle intellect; he would know at once whether his liking for her arose from professional interest, from the friendly feeling which, situated as they had been together at kilsyth, would naturally spring up between them, or whether it had a deeper foundation and was of a warmer character. his manner to her--save perhaps on that one morning in brook-street, when ronald interrupted them so brusquely--had never been marked by anything approaching to warmth; and yet--that morning in brook-street! there had been a difference then; she had noticed it at the time, and, now regarded in the new light which had dawned upon her, the thought was strengthened and confirmed. she remembered the way in which he held her hand, and looked down at her with a soft earnest gaze out of those wonderful eyes; such a look as she had never had before or since. if ever love was conveyed by looks, if ever eyes spoke, it was surely then. ah, did he feel for her as she now knew she felt for him, or was it merely warm friendship, fraternal affection, that actuated him? he had gone away; would he have done that if he had loved her? she had asked herself this question before the state of her own real feelings had dawned upon her, only then substituting the word "like" for love, and had decided that, if he had cared for her ever so little, he would have remained. but her recent discovery led her now to think very differently, and she hoped that this ardour in the cause of science, which prompted this professional visit to berlin, and necessitated this lengthened absence, might be assumed, and that the real motive of wilmot's departure might be his desire to avoid her, ignorant as he was of the state of her feelings towards him. heaven grant that it might be so! for now that she knew herself, it would be easy to recall him. some pretext could be found for bringing him back to england, back to her; and once together again they would never separate. as this thought passed through her mind her glance fell upon her hands, which were clasped before her, and upon a ring which had been given her by ramsay caird. by ramsay caird! the curtain dropped as swiftly as it had risen, and madeleine shivered from head to foot.
it was a pretty ring, a broad hoop of gold set with three turquoises, and the word "aei" engraved upon it. madeleine remembered that ramsay caird had presented it to her on her last birthday, and while presenting it had said a few words of compliment and kindness with an earnestness and an empressement such as he had never before shown. he was not a brilliant man, but he had the society air and the society talk; and he imported just enough seriousness into the latter when he said something about wishing he had dared to have had the ring perfectly plain--just enough to convey his intended hint without making a fool of himself. ramsay caird! there, then, was her fate, her future! knowing all that had been prearranged, she had been mad enough to dream for a few minutes of loving and being loved by chudleigh wilmot, when she knew, as well as if it had been expressly stated instead of merely implied, that ramsay caird was looked upon by her family and by most of their intimate friends, as her future husband.
ramsay caird her future husband! she herself had occasionally thought of him in that position, not with dissatisfaction. knowing nothing better, she imagined that the liking which she undoubtedly entertained for the pleasant young man was love. she had not been brought up in a very gushing school. she had no intimate friend, no one with whom to exchange confidences; and her acquaintances seemed to make liking do very well for love, at least as far as their fiancés or their husbands were concerned. madeleine, when she had thought about the matter, had quite convinced herself that she liked ramsay very much indeed; and it was only after she discovered that she loved wilmot that she was undeceived. she thought that she had liked him well enough to marry him, but now she hated herself for ever having entertained such an idea. she knew now that she had never felt love for ramsay caird; and she would not marry where she did not love.
a hundred diverse and distracting thoughts and influences were at work within the young girl's mind. doubt as to whether she was really loved by wilmot, doubt as to how far she was pledged to ramsay caird, comprehension of the urgent necessity at once to take some steps towards a solution of the difficulty, inability to decide on the fittest course to pursue, disinclination to appeal to her father through bashfulness and timidity, to lady muriel through distrust, to ronald through absolute fear: all these feelings alternated in madeleine's breast; and as she experienced each and all, there hung over her a sense of an impending dreadful something which she could not explain, could not understand, but which seemed to crush her to the earth.
the cause of the feeling which for some time past had induced her to shrink from ronald, to be silent and depressed when he was present, and to be rather glad when he stayed away from brook-street, was now perfectly understood by her. in her new appreciation of herself she saw plainly that the fact of her brother's having always been ramsay caird's friend and chudleigh wilmot's enemy would, insensibly to herself, have caused an estrangement between them in these later days. and why was ronald so hostile to wilmot, so bitter in his depreciation of him, so grudging in his praise even of wilmot's professional qualifications? was this hostility merely a result of ronald's normal "oddness" and sternness, or did it spring from the fact that ronald had observed his sister narrowly, and had discovered, before she herself knew of it, the state of her feelings towards wilmot? thinking over this, the remembrance of her brother's manner that morning in brook-street, when he broke in upon her interview with wilmot, flashed across madeleine's mind, and she felt convinced that her dread suspicions were right, and that ronald had guessed the truth.
the reason of his hatred to wilmot was then at once apparent to madeleine. ronald had always supported ramsay's unacknowledged position in the family very strongly, not demonstratively, but tacitly, as was his custom in most things. he was essentially "thorough;" and madeleine imagined that nothing would probably annoy him so much as the lack of thoroughness in those whom he loved and trusted. she saw that, actuated by these feelings, her brother would regard, had regarded what she had previously imagined to be her admiration and reverence, but what she now knew, and what ronald had probably from the first recognised, to be her love for chudleigh wilmot as base treachery; and he hated wilmot for having, however innocently, called these feelings into play. however innocently? there was a drop of comfort even in this bitter cup for poor madeleine. however innocently? ronald was a man of the world, eminently clear-headed and far-seeing--might not his hatred of wilmot arise from his having perceived that wilmot himself was aware of madeleine's feelings, and reciprocated them? he had never said so--never hinted at it; but then that soft fond look into her eyes when they were alone together in the drawing-room in brook-street rose in the girl's memory, and almost bade her hope.
these mental anxieties, these vacillations between hope and fear, doubt and despair, which furnished madeleine with constant food for reflection, were not without their due effect on her bodily health. her fond father, watching her ever with jealous care, noticed the hectic flush upon her cheek more frequent, her spirits lower, her strength daily decreasing: he became alarmed, and confessed his alarm to lady muriel.
"madeleine is far from well," he said; "very far from well. i notice an astonishing difference in her within the last few months. after her first recovery from the fever, i thought she would take a new lease of life. but wilmot was right throughout; she is very delicate; the last few weeks have made a perceptible difference in her; and wilmot is not here to come in and cheer us after seeing her."
"i think you are over-anxious about madeleine," said lady muriel. "i must confess, alick, she is not strong; she never was before her illness; and i do not believe that she ever recovered even her previous strength; but i do not think so badly of her as you do. as you say, we have not dr. wilmot to send for. for reasons best known to himself, but which i confess i have been unable, so far as i have troubled myself, to fathom, dr. wilmot has chosen to absent himself, and to put himself thoroughly out of any chance of his being sent for. but so far as advice goes, i suppose sir saville rowe is still unequalled; and dr. wilmot must have full confidence in him, or he would never have begged him to break through his retirement and attend upon madeleine."
"yes; that is all very well. of course sir saville rowe's opinion is excellent and all that, but he comes here but seldom; and one can't talk to him as one could to wilmot; and he does not stop and talk and all that sort of thing, don't you know? maddy's is a case where particular interest should be taken, it strikes me; and i think wilmot did take special interest in her."
"i don't think there can be any doubt of that," said lady muriel, with the slightest touch of dryness in her accent. "dr. wilmot's devotion to his patient was undeniable; but dr. wilmot's away, and not available, and we must do our best to help ourselves during his absence. my own feeling is that the girl wants thoroughly rousing; she gets moped sitting here day after day with you and me and mrs. m'diarmid; and ronald, when he comes, does not tend much to enliven her. ramsay caird is the only one with any life and spirits in the whole party."
"he's a good fellow, ramsay," said kilsyth; "a genial, pleasant, brisk fellow."
"he is; and he's a true-hearted fellow, alick, which is better still. by the way, alick, he spoke to me again the other day upon that subject which i mentioned to you before--about madeleine, you recollect?"
"i recollect perfectly, muriel," said kilsyth slowly.
"you said then, if you remember, that there was no reason for pressing the matter then--no reason for hurrying it on; that madeleine was full young, and that it would be better to wait and let us see more of ramsay. you were perfectly right in what you said. i agreed with you thoroughly, and what you suggested has been done. we have waited now for several months; madeleine has gone through a crisis in her life." (lady muriel looked steadily at her husband as she said these words to see if he detected any double meaning in them; but kilsyth only nodded his head gravely.) "we have seen more, a great deal more, of ramsay caird; and from what you just said, i conclude you like him?"
"i was not thinking of him in that light when i spoke, my dear muriel," said kilsyth; "but indeed i see no reason to alter my opinion. he's a pleasant, bright, good-tempered fellow, and i think would make a good husband. he has seen plenty of life, and will be all the better for it when he settles down."
"exactly. well, then, having settled that point, i think you will agree with me that now the matter does press, and there is reason for hurrying it on. not the marriage,--there is no necessity for hastening with that; but it is both necessary and proper that it should be understood that madeleine and ramsay caird are regularly engaged. as i said before, madeleine wants rousing. she is fade and weary and a little lackadaisical. you remember how she burst out crying about that book the other night. she wants employment for her thoughts and her mind; and if she is engaged, and we then find her occupation in searching for a house, then in furnishing it, choosing trousseau, brougham, jewels, the thousand-and-one little things that we can find for her to do, you may depend upon it you will soon see her a different being."
kilsyth said he hoped so; but his tone had little buoyancy in it, and was almost despondent as he added:
"what about maddy herself? has she any notion of--of what you have just said to me, muriel?"
"any notion, my dear alick? madeleine, though backward in some things, has plenty of common sense; and she must be perfectly aware what ramsay's intentions mean and point to. indeed my own observation leads me to believe that she not merely understands them, but is favourably disposed towards their object."
"yes; but what i mean to say is, maddy has never been plainly spoken to on the subject."
"no, no; not that i know of."
"but, she should be, eh?"
"of course she should be--and at once. it is not fair to mr. caird to keep him longer in suspense; and there are other reasons which render such a course highly desirable."
again lady muriel looked steadfastly at her husband, and again he evaded her glance, and contented himself with nodding acquiescence at her suggestion.
"this should be done," continued lady muriel, "by some one who has influence with dear madeleine, whom she regards with great affection, and whose opinion she is likely to respect. i have never said as much to you, my dear alick, because i did not want to worry you, in the first place; and in the second, because the thing sits very lightly on me, and the feeling is one which is natural, and which i can perfectly understand; but the fact is that i am madeleine's stepmother only, and she regards me exactly in that light."
"muriel!" cried kilsyth.
"my dear alick, it is perfectly natural and intelligible, and i make no complaint. i should not have alluded to the subject if it were not necessary, you may depend upon it. but i thought perhaps that you might expect me to broach the matter which we have been recently discussing to madeleine; and for the reasons i have given, i think that would be wholly unadvisable. you did think so, did you not?"
"well," said kilsyth, who felt himself becoming rapidly 'cornered,' "i confess i was going to ask you to do it; but of course if you--and i feel--of course--that you're right. but then the question comes--as it must be done--who is to do it? i'm sure i could not."
lady muriel's brow darkened for a few moments as she heard this, but it cleared again ere she spoke. "there is only one person left then," said she; "and i am not sure that, after all, he is not the most fitting in such a case as this. i mean, of course, ronald. he is perfectly straightforward and independent; he will see the matter in its right light; and, above all, he has great influence with madeleine."
"ronald's a little rough; isn't he?" said kilsyth doubtfully; "he don't mean it, i know; but still in a matter like this he might--what do you think?"
"i think, as i have said, that he is the exact person. his manner may be a little cold, somewhat brusque to most people; but he has madeleine's interest entirely at heart, and he has always shown her, as you know, the most unswerving affection. he has a liking for ramsay caird; he appreciates the young man's worth; and he will be able to place affairs in their proper position."
so kilsyth, with an inexpressible feeling that all was not quite right, but with the impossibility of being able to better it, vividly before him, agreed to his wife's proposition; and the next day ronald had a long interview with lady muriel, when they discussed the whole subject, and settled upon their plan of action. ronald undertook the mission cheerfully; he and his stepmother fully understood each other, and appreciated the necessity of immediate steps. neither entered into any detail, so far as chudleigh wilmot was concerned; but each knew that the other was aware of the existence of that stumbling-block, and was impressed with the expediency of its removal.
two days afterwards ronald knocked at the door of lady muriel's boudoir at a very much earlier hour than he was usually to be found in brook-street. when he entered the room he looked a thought more flushed and a thought less calm and serene than was his wont. lady muriel also was a little agitated as she rose hastily from her chair and advanced to greet him.
"have you seen her?" she asked; "is it over? what did she say?"
"she is the best girl in the world!" said ronald; "she took it quite calmly, and acquiesced perfectly in the arrangement. i think we must have been wrong with regard to that other person--at least so far as madeleine's caring for him is concerned."
o, of course: madeleine cared nothing for "that other person," the loss of whose love she was at that moment bewailing, stretched across her bed, and weeping bitterly.
