“good marning delia” ses mrs. bang (the widdy acrost the strate) “is anny wan at home?”
“oh yes mam” ses i, litting her in throo the fly dure. “mr. john” ses i “is after shaving his face mam” ses i “will ye wait till hes throo?”
“why anny of the family will do” ses she, flushing.
“ye’ll find mr. wolley” ses i “in the stable. hes oondernathe the ortermobile as yushul. mrs. wolley is after taking her noonday syester, as mr. james calls it and miss claire is in her room. mr. james has gone to town. mr. billy is hilping his daddy.”
“i’ll see miss wolley” ses she hortily.
i wint oop to tell miss claire. she looked a bit poot out.
“wheres john?” she arsked at wanse.
“shaving miss” ses i.
she wint down stares, and she and the widder kissed. i wint abboot me wark doosting the dyning rume, and wiping oop the parkay flure wid a greesy cloth, manewhile linding an eer to the illygunt convysashun of the widdy. she do be fond of the sownd of her own voyce, and she threated the puir yung crachure to sooch an indless strame of sinsliss gossip as iver i had the misforthune to lissen to befure. puir miss claire sat wid her chin on her hand, pretinding to lissen but heering not a word of the widdy’s discurse. after a bit the widdy seemed to tak notiss of her silinse.
“you seem a bit distray this marning deer” ses she.
miss claire set up.
“oh no no” ses she, “i—i’m all rite mrs. bangs.”
the widder leened back and fanned hersilf carelissly.
“so harry dudley has gone” ses she, wotching miss claire. “it was very suddint i belave.”
miss claire was all awake now, white and red in turn, but she sed nuthing.
“and una robbins is gone too” ses the widder. suddintly she closed up her fan sharply. “do you no” ses she “i want to say sumthing to you orful badly but i feel i haven’t the rite to—not being a mimber of your family.”
joost then mr. john cum down, looking very spry and neet wid his new shaven face and hare frish brushed.
“hello” ses he, and shuk the widder’s hands. “are you going claire?” ses he, for she was going tord the stares.
“if mrs. bangs will excuse me” ses she, “i’ll finish the litter i was writing. i’ll be back shortly.”
whin she was gone, mr. john pulled up a chare and sat forward looking at the widder who opened her fan agin and was looking at the pichure on it.
“mr. wolley” ses she suddintly, “i’m afrade i’ve offinded your sister. oh deer” ses she, “i do want to interfeer in the affares of this foolish and impracticul family. i’m shure” ses she, “if i only had the opporchunity i cud make both claire and your brother jimmy see the errow of their ways. take jimmy for instunse. he’s like a prickly porkypine lately, riddy to scrach wun if wun dares to aven look at him. look at the state of his lons. why the grarss is a mile hy and the weeds have all cum up in the carrage drives. why i cud tell him in a minit how to rid the drives of weeds. salt—salt’s the thing! jest spred it on the drives. it’ll kill the weeds at wunse. but ah deer me” ses she sighing hevily, “i’ve not the rite to advise jimmy or cunsole claire.”
“and why have you not?” ses mr. john camly, tho i seen him move his fingers about in the nerviss way he has.
“why have i not the rite?” repeets the widder, opening her eyes innersintly. “becos i’m not wan of the family” ses she.
mr. john got up, tuk a cupple of nerviss walks acros the room, and thin soodintly wint back to the widder. he set himsilf doon on the arm of her chare leaned over her. she did’nt boodge an inch, tho i seen her get red oonder the look he guv her.
“jane” ses he, “be wan of the family.”
“good grashis!” ses she, leaning back so her neck nachully fitted in the coorve of his arm, “are you proposing to me, mr. wolley?” ses she.
“yes jane” ses he, “i’m orfully in love wid you.”
wid that she tilted back her hed, guv him a long look, then delibritly orferred him her lips.
“hilp yersilf john” ses she, “i’m yours.”
she’s larfing while she speaks, but she’s crying a bit jest like ivery other woman whin he’s doon wid her.
mr. john who is a fare sized gintleman slipped down from the arm of the chare to the seet beside her. the widder is pretty ploomp hersilf and they squeezed up closely thegither, leaning aginst aich other and spooning like yung fokes, he being thirty if he’s a day and she a widder.
“now that i’ve got the rite to interfeer” ses she after a moment, “i’m going to do it wid a vinginse. hold on a bit” ses she, pooshing him aff from her, “now lissin to sense, john wolley. go upstares and tell claire i want to spake to her.”
“spake to her to-morrow” ses he.
“no” ses she, shaking her hed desidedly, “john” ses she, “you an i have a whole life yet to spind thegither. i can spare you for a little wile. i came to-day upon a partikuler errant. i had sumthing to say to claire, but first it was necissery for me to have the rite to say it. the proposul and—ah—acciptunse was a meer dyagrisshun, and wile i confiss to a shameliss weekniss for your shtyle of wooing darlint, yit i’m not to be swurved from the objick of me misshun. there! go and get claire, and whin i’m throo wid her cum back” ses she.
finally, wid more airging, she injooced the puir lover to go after his sister, and whin he’s brot miss claire back, she waves her hands airily and ses:
“begone! i want to spake to your sister aloan.”
whin they were aloan she farely beemed upon miss claire, and then:
“and now to resoom deer” ses she “i was about to say sumthing to you whin your brother interripted.”
“mrs. bangs” ses miss claire, wid agytashun, “plase don’t—don’t talk to me aboot——”
“harry?” ses the widder, wid her eyes raysed up. “why me deer” ses she, “who has a better rite to talk to you about your luvver than yure sister deer” ses she swately.
“my——” began miss claire, and stared at her wid round eyes. suddintly, she saised hauld of the widder’s hand and ses she wid excitement:
“you don’t mean——”
the widder nodded, the teers cuming into her eyes.
“but—but he’s a confirmed old bacheller” ses miss claire.
“is he?” ses the widder. “well all good things cum to an end. however john and i are beside the quiston. i merely told you as an excuse for seeming to pry into you sacred affares. give me a kiss now and poar out your hart and sole into me sympythetic eers.”
then they kissed and the widder pushed miss claire into a chare, and set down hersilf. befure the girl can spake she ses hersilf crossly:
“now will you tell me why you were such a little goose as to let harry dudley slip throo your fingers? my deer” ses she interrupting miss claire as she started in to spake. “the boy was mad—clane daft about you. now ansser me this you notty girl, why didnt you take him?”
“i did—that is——” began miss claire, whin the widder grabbed her hand and looked at the ring.
“aha!” ses she “cort you thin, did’nt i? now” ses she “whare were your sinses under the sarcumstunses whin you let him go away at wanse—and of all things in the warld wid una robbins.”
“wid her!” ses miss claire.
“yes” “it was an artful move of old s. judd and her father. my dear, una is the most rickluss flurt this side of heven. why its only 3 yeers ago she was ingaged to harry. they luvved for a moonth and broak the ingagemint a day later. don’t look so hurt. they werent achully in love—jest playing. now una has had her own way with men ivver sinse she wore long drisses. thin the wolley family moved out to the poynt. there was a sartin rood and surly mimber of this crazy family wid a constitooshinul dislike for magnuts and there dorters. miss una chose to be intrusted in him, of all men. to her surprise her advanses were rebuffed. she achully disinded to pursooing him, as you no, and finully in despurashun—as i larned from her own lips—she sank so low as to insinnyvate to the loonytick that she luved him!”
“o” ses miss claire, “you meen our jimmy.”
“the terrible jimmy!” ses the widder, nodding.
“she told him——”
“as good as told him.”
“and he——?”
“he! ye gods in hiven” ses the widdy throwing up her hands, “he cuvvered up his eers wid his fingys, guv a look of commingled horrow and dispare, and ran away from her. the follering nite” wint on the widder, “mr. s. judd dudley called to see her papa, and the marning after that miss una was packed bag and baggage off to yurope. now lissen to me words of wisdom and expeerinse. if those 2 sore yung indivijools don’t cum to sum sintimintul oonderstanding on this voyage out to yurope thin my name is not jane bangs and will niver be jane wolley.”
miss claire sed never a word, but she looked at the widder beseechingly.
“to begin wid” ses the widder, “its all your brother john’s folt. if he’d proposed to me a month ago i cud have ingineered the hole affare happily for this family. as it is now” ses she, “ye’ve acted like a little fool, and harry like a big wan. sakes alive!” ses she, “why didnt you make him stay at home? you had him at the sycological moment” ses she. “do you suppose i’d have let john wolley sale away at sooch a time? not by a long chot. una is sore—broosed—hartsick—hurt clane throo and throo. she’s desprut. a girl in that condishun has but one resoarce—matrimunney—wid anuther fellow. now harry.”
“oh” ses miss claire, “please mrs. bangs don’t say annything to me about him. i know he loves me oanly.”
she cuvvered her face wid her hands convoolsively, and me shtopping in me wark in the dining-room lissening by the dure, and reddy to bat the interfeering widder on the hed wid me dooster.
“now me deer” ses the widder, “you must counteract at wanse the evil of this long oshun voyuge. you must follow the pair at wanse to yurope.”
“i? o mrs. bangs, indade we arent rich people. we cudden’t afford it” ses miss claire, “and besides, jimmy may cross in the fall. he’s been offered the london corryspundint post for the planut.”
“he’d better accipt at wanse” ses the widder promply “as for you——”
just thin in walked mr. john and brort an ind to the paneful interfoo. the widder found hersilf aloan wid the sintimintul gintleman looking at her tinderly. her own face is poockered oop wod exaspenashun.
“john wolley!” ses she, “i feel like shaking you.”
“what have i dun, jane?” ses he reproatchfully.
“why dident you propose to me a month ago?” ses she crossly.
