the blue-coat chauffeur tucked mr. withersq and his selia within the car which spead on greased wheels of lightning through the western of london and out into the more rustical parts where there were trees. quick oh quick they moved and selia’s heart came in her mouth several times with people and no small quantity of dogs they shaved past.
twilight had settled when they drew up with a good toot on their grunty hooter at the white wicker gate of the country home of the countess on the evening of the proper day as they had somewhat artfully arranged only to arrive in time for dinner.
as well as they could see squinting through the darkness it was a very low house and very 125broad like a tennis club but of course more grand looking very nice with nice smelling flowers about and two white peacocks strolling on the lawn. but alas to their dismay no one was at home. only a little page-boy and he was a stuttering one, and had some trouble to get out that the family was on the river in their boat, so that mr. withersq gave him a sixpence and let him go.
“dear me” said he waving away the chauffeur who took off the car, “we are nicely sold and shall get no grub.”
“yes indeed” said selia very crossly “i think we had better go home again” for she had a vacancy.
“not so” cried he “we have not come so far for nothing. come with me.”
now selia was more than a bit tired and only followed him because she hoped to be fed rebuffing his kindly arm, she tottered on her high heels beside him in smothering rage. 126but past experiences had taught our hero. “fear not” he said “you will be well filled yet, for unckle burt has not died for nothing.”
and he led her through the dark lanes under the creepy trees towards the spottling lights of a near village. selia was a good bit afraid as she feared to step on a frog or some other vermin and went picking her way. still she had a pluck and kept moving only wishing herself elsewhere.
soon they struck a cosy little pub where a man was hissing outside over the feet of a horse which he was washing. selia looked at the horse which exchanged her glance but mr. withersq looked in the pub. he came out in a short moment to find his sweet leaning against the animal.
“all is well,” said he, “our party is close at hand.”
“nasty lot they might have waited for us,” 127said she. “for i am footsore and have empty rumblings also.”
“excuse me, sir,” said the horse’s man, coming up under its stomach, “but there is a nice little ham and beef shop a few doors away.”
casting a cold look on this fellow, selia took the talk up. “show the gentleman the way,” said she, “and pop me on the horse, for i must have a sit down and do not care to demean myself by entering a public house.”
the horse, hearing his name mentioned, turned to have a stare, but she cared little for that, knowing to be firm with the dumb creatures is best, so she made a severe face at it.
“show a leg,” cried harold gallantly, and with a good grasp on her, and the man pushing too, they got her up on the horse.
“that’s better,” she said, getting comfortable, and finding it a nice broad beast as she had hoped. so mr. withersq and the man 128disapeared, leaving selia bravely seated on the steed, which champed its bit somewhat, but every time it moved she cried “whoo!” and it obeyed her, to the surprise of some yokels who peeked forth from the pub. before long mr. withersq and the man came back, the latter bearing some paper bags.
“hurrah, i have food!” cried harold, “and i am feeling most poetical. this good man will give you a lift on this horse to the countess’s boat, so off we go.”
at this the little procession set off, but first selia cried “oh pray give me a bite for i am perishing.” at this mr. withersq rustled in a bag and drew forth a sandwich and passed it up to her. so off they went in the darkness of the night, selia on the horse, and mr. withersq holding one of her feet to steady her, while she chewed a rather mysterious sandwich, not being able to see what it was, and bumping a good bit on the heaving animal. 129the horse’s man led the way down another lane, followed by some rude cheers from the pub. before long they saw water, and in a few moments drew a halt.
“coo-ee!” howled the man.
from out a large, white place looming with myriad twinkling lights an answering voice cried “coo-ee!”
“is it another house?” said selia. “i dont see no boat.”
“it is the boat,” cried the horse’s man.
lo! on the river’s edge was a great boat like a steamer, bedecked with fairy lamps, and at the sound of our hero’s arrival many voices noised out and forms were seen on the deck. never had selia beheld such a vision as this grand boat.
“well, it is just like a house,” cried she.
“it is a houseboat,” said harold, “for i read it up in an etiquette book.”
oh how selia laughed to hear this! “so 130that is where all your stiff new ways come from, is it!” jested she, though not so coyly as she would, as her horse was sipping a little of the river, and it was hard to sit on it so sloping.
“ha, welcome!” the voice of the countess was then heard. “come aboard, pray! we were expecting you to supper, but still, better late than never.”
so selia dropped from the horse, jolting herself a good bit, and together with mr. withersq mounted a small ladder from the river’s edge up the side of this magnificent boat, and so arrived safe on the deck, at which a throng, bobbing up from all directions, seized on them with merry hand shakings, and cooings of delight, for they had been given up, and their arrival proved a welcome diversion, and lipstick barked madly his eyes more polished than ever. the countess who was in a tight dress of black beads sewn on stuff like 131a serpent grasped warmly their hands and seemed more glad than before for no doubt their fame had spread more and so she thought them worth her while.
“let me introduce you to the folk” she said kindly, motioning to the group of about six behind her.
“this is the well-known mr. bross” she continued picking on a pear-shaped gent with plump legs in white trousers and a short evening jacket, so he came up smiling with blandness.
“pleased to meet you mr. poet” said he and the countess wispered to selia “he is rather an amusing man we have asked him ten times before it is a pity he is nearly finished.”
“how is that” said selia bowing to him.
“oh he is no good at much but foreign langwages” said the countess merrily, “and he only knows fifteen. you see as he is not 132very high born we expect him to amuse us, and he sings very well so he has to burst into song after breakfast on sundays to take away the rather chilly feeling on sunday mornings. as he has already sung in ten different langwages and of course we wouldn’t like the same one twice, he only has five more weekends to come.”
the langwage-singer sighed at this no doubt overhearing, and gave way to a greyish-coloured fellow reeking a little of wine. “this is mr. panter, you must have heard of him” said the countess. “he makes reputations.”
“is that so” said selia who was keeping her end up very well, “what does he make them of?”
“ah dear girl you do not understand” simpered the other lady, “we always ask him down for when one gets a bit stale of people and they have not done anything in the way of 133a stunt lately, he makes up such sweet little stories about everyone that they become quite nice again, and for some he makes up entire reputations for a consideration, and they live on them.”
“oh i see” said selia “it is a business.”
“naturally” said the countess kindly “for they all want to live you know and as cats have the artfulness to live by being cats and so getting milk and meat, so many are compelled to live by having reputations which causes them to be asked about and fed. mr. panter has the most magnificent set of offices near the british museum.”
“i must remember him” said selia “he might come in useful some day when we want to be noticed.”
“tush” twittered her friend “mr. panter leaves ladys to look after their own reputations, dont you sir?” and this remark drew a laugh from a priestly looking damsel with 134many ropes of pearls about her elegant long neck, lolling in a deckchair near their feet, so selia was now introduced to her and as well as she could grasp this lady did nothing but be an earl’s sister because of course if you are nobel that is enough and saves many pains.
“i hear” said the earls sister who was most languid and archy in her way of speaking and holding herself, “that mr. bross is learning welsh.”
“dear me” said selia “now he will be able to come again for another week-end more.”
“certenly not” said the countess proudly, “this is not a political house-boat, we are artists and i do not think we could bear welsh after breakfast even on sundays. i must speak to him and try to urge him to learn something else.”
so she got up and went off to do so.
meanwhile mr. withersq had rather sidled away towards a nice little girl in a cream frock 135very low and fluffy, and had talked to her and she had opened wide great eyes of amaze to him to hear so great a poet speak ordinary. he was now muttering something with many muffled laughs to a very tall oldish man in a suit of pearl grey silk, and munching a fish sandwich which from time to time he dipped in a glass of champagne he had had brought him by a menial attired as a sailor.
from the chair in which she had sunk selia pawed at her harold’s near trouser. so he passed her down some food which she wolfed up. then as she was tired and could not make out much of the various persons around who were all smoking long cigarettes and by their talk seemed to have endless little private jokes of their own, she went off to bed, which was down some steep brass-tipped stairs with a rope bannister, into the bowels of the boat. imagine her surprise when she 136opened her room door to find scrogg knitting a sock within.
“goodday” cried scrogg springing up and ready to unfasten her, and “goodevening” said selia stifling her yawn with a smile “how did ever you come here scrogg?”
“i thought you would like me” said scrogg humbly, “so i came up the river in a little row-boat i keep for emergencies.”
“i see” said selia “that was very nice of you i’m sure. i am very tired though.”
“no wonder madame” said the maid throwing her pink greecian nightdress over her head nimbly, “with so many clever people about, for the countess only has the first class cream at her boat parties.”
“hurrah” cried selia “what a funny pillow!” and lo the bed she jumped in was built to the wall like a real boat’s bed and her pillow was like a life-buoy but made in feathers with a white linen cover and frilled 137with real lace. scrogg then quickly fixed up a hammock across the little room, under the round window, and went to bed in it, and thus to the sound of the slapping waves mistress and maid snoozed while mr. withersq talked of his poetry to the company on deck, still all swigging champagne till the early hours.
selia slept late next day for the fresh air made her drowsy and only peeped out of her bed in time to hear in the distance the loud end of mr. bross’s sunday morning song and the applause after it. scrogg then entered with a tray of rolls and coffee.
“the countess asked me to tell you the song was a great success” she said with her usual curtsey, “it was in yiddish this week.”
“oh” said selia rubbing her eyes up for the day, “how clever!” for she unluckily did not know where this was spoken. when she had just finished up her breakfast a thunderous 138knock sounded on her door and scrogg opened.
“dear me” said this good servant, for who should stand there but mr. withersq in a grand navy bathing costume embroidered with anchors and wearing canvas boots. selia modestly hid in her bed.
“none of that now” said he “all is al fresco here, so nip up. you will find a bathing costume under the pillow, and i give you five minutes.”
so with a good grin he withdrew leaving selia to spring up and quickly dress in the dinky suit which as he had said she would find under the lifebuoy pillow. she shrank a little from the eyes of the men and also swanked a bit too because of the countess who was in a pea-green suit, and the earls sister in mauve and the nice little girl in orange, but selia was all in black like annette kellermann.
“hurrah” quoth she as she appeared and 139they all cheered also for selia was indeed a fine girl and mr. withersq patted his own back and jumped for joy to see her, knocking over a pot of flowers ornamenting the boat. the water below sparkled and looked a bit cold, the birds sang and the trees were nice and green.
“one two three” said the countess and at three such a splash occurred as all the party threw themselves recklessly into the water, followed by lipstick the dog. selia felt happy to find them flesh and blood after all and harold trod the water in glee. they all had a merry sport, and selia raced the gentleman who had been in grey silk but now in striped drawers, ending by ducking him.
when the swim was over they all climbed very dripping on the deck to be received by menials with hot towels and so away to their rooms to dress, after which lunch arrived. it was a splendid repast with salmon and not 140tinned either, and after lunch mr. withersq recited a new poem he had made that very day, which pleased them all very much and he got a stamp from the earls sister to post it to the king, and panter slapped him on the shoulder and swore never to forget him.
true to their rule mr. withersq and selia prepared to depart early and amid much goodbyes climbed over the side and down the ladder to terra firma where their car awaited them, and waved themselves off, while scrogg meanwhile was seen to get into her little boat and soon vanished round the corner of the water rowing hard.
as selia sank back into the car with a parting wave to the boat, mr. withersq caught her in a firm kiss.
“tush” she said “have done.” but she was not so vexed as she seemed for she loved him but of course she still had to be a bit coy.
141 “i think we are doing very well” said he smacking his lips, and emerging a great cigar from his pocket. “bross gave me this and i think he will consent to come to our parties when we have a house.”
selia blushed at his meaning glance at this word, and then said “no doubt he will be glad to dear harold. and it will not be so long now for next week i hope to show them the stuff i am made of and have my photo in the weekly papers, which is fame.”
so hand in hand with mr. withersq puffing the big cigar they glided back to london and their hotel.
