the fat justice of the peace, with one eye closed and the other half-open, is listening with evident displeasure to the plaintiffs. once in a while he gives a sort of grunt that foretells his opinion, and in a thin voice resembling that of a child, he interrupts them to ask questions. he has just rendered judgment in the case of monsieur joly against monsieur petitpas, the contestants having come to court on account of the boundary line of a field which had been accidentally displaced by monsieur petitpas's farmhand, while the latter was plowing.
now he calls the case of hippolyte lacour, vestryman and ironmonger, against madame céleste cesarine luneau, widow of anthime isidore luneau.
hippolyte lacour is forty-five years old; he is tall and gaunt, with a clean-shaven face like a priest, long hair, and he speaks in a slow, singsong voice.
madame luneau appears to be about forty years of age. she is built like a prize-fighter, and her narrow and clinging dress is stretched tightly over her portly form. her enormous hips hold up her overflowing bosom in front, while in the back they support the great rolls of flesh that cover her shoulders. her face, with strongly-cut features, rests on a short, fat neck, and her strong voice is pitched at a key that makes the windows and the eardrums of her auditors vibrate. she is about to become a mother and her huge form protrudes like a mountain.
the witnesses for the defense are waiting to be called.
the judge begins: hippolyte lacour, state your complaint.
the plaintiff speaks: your honour, it will be nine months on saint-michael's day since the defendant came to me one evening, after i had rung the angelus, and began an explanation relating to her barrenness.
the justice of the peace: kindly be more explicit.
hippolyte: very well, your honour. well, she wanted to have a child and desired my participation. i didn't raise any objection, and she promised to give me one hundred francs. the thing was all cut and dried, and now she refuses to acknowledge my claim, which i renew before your honour.
the justice: i don't understand in the least. you say that she wanted a child! what kind of child? did she wish to adopt one?
hippolyte: no, your honour, she wanted a new one.
the justice: what do you mean by a new one?
hippolyte: i mean a newborn child, one that we were to beget as if we were man and wife.
the justice: you astonish me. to what end did she make this abnormal proposition?
hippolyte: your honour, at first i could not make out her reasons, and was taken a little aback. but as i don't do anything without thoroughly investigating beforehand, i called on her to explain matters to me, which she did. you see, her husband, anthime isidore, whom you knew as well as you know me, had died the week before, and his money reverted to his family. this greatly displeased her on account of the loss it meant, so she went to a lawyer who told her all about what might happen if a child should be born to her after ten months. i mean by this that if she gave birth to a child inside of the ten months following the death of anthime isidore, her offspring would be considered legitimate and would entitle her to the inheritance. she made up her mind at once to run the risk, and came to me after church, as i have already had the honour of telling you, seeing that i am the father of eight living children, the oldest of whom is a grocer in caen, department of calvados, and legitimately married to victoire-elisabeth rabou—
the justice: these details are superfluous. go back to the subject.
hippolyte: i am getting there, your honour. so she said to me: "if you succeed, i'll give you one hundred francs as soon as i get the doctor's report." well, your honour, i made ready to give entire satisfaction, and after eight weeks or so i learned with pleasure that i had succeeded. but when i asked her for the hundred francs she refused to pay me. i renewed my demands several times, never getting so much as a pin. she even called me a liar and a weakling, a libel which can be destroyed by glancing at her.
the justice: defendant, what have you to say?
madame luneau: your honour, i say that this man is a liar.
the justice: how can you prove this assertion?
madame luneau (red in the face, choking and stammering): how can i prove it? what proofs have i? i haven't a single real proof that the child isn't his. but, your honour, it isn't his, i swear it on the head of my dead husband.
the justice: well, whose is it, then?
madame luneau (stammering with rage): how do i know? how do—do i know? everybody's i suppose. here are my witnesses, your honour, they're all here, the six of them. now make them testify, make them testify. they'll tell—
the justice: collect yourself, madame luneau, collect yourself and reply calmly to my questions. what reasons have you to doubt that this man is the father of the child you are carrying?
madame luneau: what reasons? i have a hundred to one, a hundred? no, two hundred, five hundred, ten thousand, a million and more reasons to believe he isn't. after the proposal i made to him, with the promise of one hundred francs, didn't i learn that he wasn't the father of his own children, your honour, not the father of one of 'em?
hippolyte (calmly): that's a lie.
madame luneau (exasperated): a lie! a lie, is it? i think his wife has been around with everybody around here. call my witnesses, your honour, and make them testify?
hippolyte (calmly): it's a lie.
madame luneau: it's a lie, is it? how about the red-haired ones, then? i suppose they're yours, too?
the justice: kindly refrain from personal attacks, or i shall be obliged to call you to order.
madame luneau: well, your honour, i had my doubts about him, and said i to myself, two precautions are better than one, so i explained my position to césaire lepic, the witness who is present. says he to me, "at your disposal, madame luneau," and he lent me his assistance in case hippolyte should turn out to be unreliable. but as soon as the other witnesses heard that i wanted to make sure against any disappointment, i could have had more than a hundred, your honour, if i had wanted them. that tall one over there, lucas chandelier, swore at the time that i oughn't to give hippolyte lacour a cent, for he hadn't done more than the rest of them who had obliged me for nothing.
hippolyte: what did you promise for? i expected the money, your honour. no mistake with me,—a promise given, a promise kept.
madame luneau (beside herself): one hundred francs! one hundred francs! one hundred francs for that, you liar! the others there didn't ask a red cent! look at 'em, all six of 'em! make them testify, your honour, they'll tell you. (to hippolyte.) look at 'em, you liar! they're as good as you. they're only six, but i could have had one, two, three, five hundred of 'em for nothing, too, you robber!
hippolyte: well, even if you'd had a hundred thousand—
madame luneau: i could, if i'd wanted them.
hippolyte: i did my duty, so it doesn't change our agreement.
madame luneau (slapping her protuberant form with both hands): then prove that it's you that did it, prove it, you robber! i defy you to prove it!
hippolyte (calmly): maybe i didn't do any more than anybody else. but you promised me a hundred francs for it. what did you ask the others for, afterwards? you had no right to. i could have done it alone.
madame luneau: it is not true, robber! call my witnesses, your honour; they'll answer, for certain.
the justice calls the witnesses in behalf of the defense. six individuals appeared blushing, awkward looking, with their arms swinging at their sides.
the justice: lucas chandelier, have you any reason to suppose that you are the father of the child madame luneau is carrying.
lucas chandelier: yes, sir.
the justice: célestin-pierre sidoine, have you any reason to suppose that you are the father of the child madame luneau is carrying?
celestin-pierre sidoine: yes, sir.
the four other witnesses testified to the same effect.
the justice, after having thought for a while pronounced judgment: whereas the plaintiff has reasons to believe himself the father of the child which madame luneau desired, lucas chandelier, celestin-pierre sidoine, and others, have similar, if not conclusive reasons to lay claim to the child.
but whereas mme luneau had previously asked the assistance of hippolyte lacour for a duly stated consideration of one hundred francs:
and whereas one may not question the absolute good faith of hippolyte lacour, though it is questionable whether he had a perfect right to enter into such an agreement, seeing that the plaintiff is married, and compelled by the law to remain faithful to his lawful spouse: whereas, farther, etc., etc.
therefore the court condemns madame luneau to pay an indemnity of twenty-five francs to hippolyte lacour for loss of time and seduction.
