“roam where you will, o'er london's wide domains,
the mind new source of various feeling gains;
explore the giddy town, its squares, its streets,
the 'wildered eye still fresh attraction greets;
here spires and towers in countless numbers rise,
and lift their lofty summits to the skies;
wilt thou ascend? then cast thine eyes below,
and view the motley groupes of joy and woe:
lo! they whom heaven with affluence hath blest,
scowl with cold contumely on those distrest;
and pleasure's maze the wealthy caitiffs thread,
while care-worn merit asks in vain for bread;
yet short their weal or woe, a general doom
on all awaits,—oblivion in the tomb!”
[223] our heros next morning determined on a visit to their hibernian friend and his aunt, whom they found had not yet forgot the entertainment at the mansion-house, and which still continued to be the favorite topic of conversation. sir felix expressed his satisfaction that the worthy citizens of london retained with increasing splendor their long established renown of pre-eminent distinction in the art of good living.
“and let us hope,” said dashall, “that they will not at any future period be reduced to the lamentable necessity of restraining the progress of epicurism, as in the year 1543, when the lord mayor and common council enacted a sumptuary law to prevent luxurious eating; by which it was ordered, that the mayor should confine himself to seven, aldermen and sheriffs to six, and the sword-bearer to four dishes at dinner or supper, under the penalty of forty shillings for each supernumerary dish!”
“a law,” rejoined the baronet, “which voluptuaries of the present times would find more difficult of observance than any enjoined by the decalogue.”
the squire suggested the expediency of a similar enactment, with a view to productive results; for were the [224] wealthy citizens (he observed) prohibited the indulgence of luxurious eating, under certain penalties, the produce would be highly beneficial to the civic treasury.
the fine arts claiming a priority of notice, the party determined on visiting a few of the private and public exhibitions.
london is now much and deservedly distinguished for the cultivation of the fine arts. the commotions on the continent operated as a hurricane on the productions of
genius, and the finest works of ancient and modern times ave been removed from their old situations to the asylum afforded by the wooden walls of britain. many of them have, therefore, been consigned to this country, and are now in the collections of our nobility and gentry, chiefly in and about the metropolis.
although france may possess the greatest number of the larger works of the old masters, yet england undoubtedly possesses the greatest portion of their first-rate productions, which is accounted for by the great painters exerting all their talents on such pictures as were not too large to be actually painted by their own hands, while in their larger works they resorted to inferior assistance. pictures, therefore, of this kind, being extremely valuable, and at the same time portable, england, during the convulsions on the continent, was the only place where such paintings could obtain a commensurate price. such is the wealth of individuals in this country, that some of these pictures now described, belonging to private collections, were purchased at the great prices of ten and twelve thousand guineas each.
amongst the many private collections of pictures, statues, &c. in the metropolis, that of the marquis of stafford, called the cleveland gallery, is the most prominent, being the finest collection of the old masters in england, and was principally selected from the works that formerly composed the celebrated orleans gallery, and others, which at the commencement of the french revolution were brought to this country. thither, then, our tourists directed their progress, and through the mediation of dashall access was obtained without difficulty.
the party derived much pleasure in the inspection of this collection, which contains two or three fine pictures of raphael, several by titian and the caracas, some [225] capital productions of the dutch and flemish schools, and some admirable productions of the english school, particularly two by wilson, one by turner, and one by vobson, amounting, in the whole, to 300 first-rate pictures by the first masters, admirably distributed in the new gallery, the drawing-room, the poussin room (containing eight chef d'oeuvres of that painter), the passage-room, dining-room, old anti-room, old gallery, and small room. the noble proprietor has liberally appropriated one day in the week for the public to view these pictures. the curiosity of.the visitors being now amply gratified, they retired, sir felix much pleased with the polite attention of the domestic who conducted them through the different apartments, to whom miss macgilligan offered a gratuity, but the acceptance of which was, with courteous acknowledgments, declined.
proceeding to the house of mr. angerstein, pall mall, our party obtained leave to inspect a collection, not numerous, but perhaps the most select of any in london, and which has certainly been formed at the greatest expense in proportion to its numbers. among its principal ornaments are four of the finest landscapes by claude; the venus and adonis, and the ganymede, by titian, from the colonna palace at rome; a very fine landscape by poussin, and other works by velasquez, rubens, murillo, and vandyck: to all which is added the invaluable series of hogarth's marriage-a-la-mode.
returning along pall-mall, our perambulators now reached the gallery of the british institution; a public exhibition, established in the year 1805, under the patronage of his late majesty, for the encouragement and reward of the talents of british artists, exhibiting during half of the year a collection of the works of living artists for sale; and during the other half year, it is furnished with pictures painted by the most celebrated masters, for the study of the academic and other pupils in painting. the institution, now patronised by his present majesty, is supported by the subscriptions of the principal nobility and gentry, and the number of pictures sold under their influence is very considerable. the gallery was first opened on april 17, 1806.
in 1813, the public were gratified by a display of the best works of sir joshua reynolds, collected by the industry and influence of the committee, from the private [226] collections of the royal family, nobility, and gentry; and in 1814, by a collection of 221 pictures of those inimitable painters, hogarth, gainsborough, and wilson.{1}
1 that the fine arts engaged not a little of the attention
of the british public during the late reign, is a fact too
notorious to require proof. the establishment of the royal
academy, in 1768, and its consequent yearly exhibitions,
awakened the observation or stimulated the vanity of the
easy and the affluent, of the few who had taste, and of the
many who were eager to be thought the possessors of it, to a
subject already honoured by the solicitude of the sovereign.
a considerable proportion of the public was thus induced to
talk of painting and painters, and to sit for a portrait
soon became the fashion; a fashion, strange to say, which
has lasted ever since. whether the talents of sir joshua
reynolds as a painter, were alone the cause of his high
reputation, may, however, admit of a doubt. from an early
period of life, he had the good fortune to be associated in
friendship with several of the most eminent literary
characters of the age; amongst whom there were some whose
high rank and personal consequence in the country greatly
assisted him to realize one leading object which he had in
view, that of uniting in himself (perhaps for the first time
in the person of an english painter) the artist and the man
of fashion. from his acknowledged success in the attainment
of this object, tending as it did to the subversion of
ancient prejudices degrading to art, what beneficial effects
might not have resulted, had the president exerted his
influence to sustain the dignity of the artist in others!
but satisfied with the place in society which he himself had
gained, he left the rest of the academy to follow his
example, if they could, seldom or never mixing with them in
company, and contenting himself with the delivery of an
annual lecture to the students. genius is of spontaneous
growth, but education, independence, and never-ceasing
opportunity, are necessary to its full developement.
since then they have regularly two annual exhibitions; one, of the best works of the old masters, for the improvement of the public taste, and knowledge of the artists, varied by some of the deceased british artists, alternately with that on their old plan of the exhibition and sale of the works of living artists.
the directors of this laudable institution have also exhibited and procured the loan for study, of one or two of the inimitable cartoons of raphael for their students. an annual private exhibition of their studies also takes place yearly; the last of which displayed such a degree of merit as no society or academy in europe could equal.
sir felix, who on a former occasion had expressed a wish to acquire the art of verse-writing, was so much satisfied with his inspection of this exhibition, that he [227]became equally emulous of attaining the sister-art of painting; but dashall requested him to suspend at present his choice, as perhaps he might alternately prefer the acquisition of music.
“in that case,” rejoined the baronet, “i must endeavour to acquire the knack of rhyming extempore, that i may accompany the discordant music with correspondent doggerels to the immortal memory of the heroic achievements of my revered aunt's mighty progenitor—o'brien king of ulster.”
this expression of contempt cast by the baronet on the splendor of the ancient provincial sovereign of the north, had nearly created an open rupture between his aunt and him. tallyho, however, happily succeeded in effecting an amnesty for the past, on promise under his guarantee of amendment for the future.
the party now migrated by spring garden gate into the salubrious regions of st. james's park, and crossing its eastern extremity, took post of observation opposite the horse guards, an elegant building of stone, that divides parliament-street from st. james's park, to which it is the principal entrance. the architect was ware, and the building cost upwards of ￡30,000. it derives its name from the two regiments of life guards (usually called the horse guards) mounting guard there.
“here is transacted,” said dashall, “all the business of the british army in a great variety of departments, consisting of the commander-in-chief's office,—the offices of the secretary-at-war,—the adjutant-general's office,—the quarter-master-general's office,—besides the orderly rooms for the three regiments of foot guards, whose arms are kept here. these three regiments, containing about 7000 men, including officers, and two regiments of horse guards, consisting together of 1200 men, at once serve as appendages to the king's royal state, and form a general military establishment for the metropolis. a body called the yeomen of the guard, consisting of 100 men, remains a curious relic of the dress of the king's guards in the fifteenth century. some light horse are stationed at the barracks in hyde park, to attend his majesty, or other members of the royal family, chiefly in travelling; and to do duty on occasions immediately connected with the king's administration.
[228] “on the left is the admiralty (anciently wallingford house), containing the offices and apartments of the lords commissioners who superintend the marine department of this mighty empire.
“on the right is the treasury and secretary of state's offices. here, in fact, is performed the whole state business of the british empire. in one building is directed the movements of those fleets, whose thunders rule every sea, and strike terror into every nation. in the centre is directed the energies of an army, hitherto invincible in the field, and which, number for number, would beat any other army in the world. adjoining are the executive departments with relation to civil and domestic concerns, to foreign nations, and to our exterior colonies. and to finish the groupe, here is that wonderful treasury, which receives and pays above a hundred millions per annum.”
entering parliament-street from the horse-guards, our perambulators now proceeded to westminster-bridge,{1} which passing, they paid a visit to coade and sealy's gallery of artificial stone, westminster-bridge-road.
1 westminster bridge. this bridge was built between the
years 1730 and 1750, and cost ￡389,000. it is 1223 feet
long, and 44 feet wide; containing 14 piers, and 13 large
and two small semicircular arches; and has on its top 28
semi-octangular towers, twelve of which are covered with
half domes. the two middle piers contain each 3000 solid
feet, or 200 tons of portland stone. the middle arch is 76
feet wide, the two next 72 feet, and the last 25 feet. the
free-water way between the piers is 870 feet. this bridge is
esteemed one of the most beautiful in the world. every part
is fully and properly supported, and there is no false
bearing or false joint throughout the whole structure; as a
remarkable proof of which, we may quote the extraordinary
echo of its corresponding towers, a person in one being able
to hear the whispers of a person opposite, though at the
distance of nearly 50 feet.
this place contains a great variety of elegant models from the antique and modern masters, of statues, busts, vases, pedestals, monuments, architectural and sculptural decorations, modelled and baked on a composition harder and more durable than any stone.
animadverting on the utility of this work combining the taste of elegance with the advantage of permanent wear, the two friends, tom and bob, recollected having seen, in their rambles through the metropolis, many specimens of the perfection of this ingenious art, particularly at carlton-house, the pelican office, lombard-street, and almost all the public halls. the statues of the four [229]quarters of the world, and others at the bank, at the admiralty, trinity house, tower-hill, somerset-place, the theatres; and almost every street presents objects, (some of 20 years standing,) as perfect as when put up.
retracing their steps homewards, our pedestrians again crossed the park, and finding themselves once more in spring gardens, entered the exhibition rooms of the society of painters in water colours.
this, beyond any other gratification of the morning, pleased the party the most. the vivid tints of the various well-executed landscapes had a pleasing effect, and wore more the appearance of nature than any similar display of the fascinating art which they had hitherto witnessed.
this society, which was formed in 1804, for the purpose of giving due emphasis to an interesting branch of art that was lost in the blaze of somerset-house, where water-colours, however beautiful, harmonized so badly with paintings in oil, has, in its late exhibitions, deviated from its original and legitimate object, and has mixed with its own exquisite productions various pictures in oil.
the last annual exhibition of painting in oil and water colours, was as brilliant and interesting as any former one, and afforded unmixed pleasure to every visitor.
one more attraction remained in spring gardens, which tom, who had all the morning very ably performed the double duty of conductor and explainer, proposed the company's visiting;—“that is,” said he, “wigley's promenade rooms, where are constantly on exhibition various objects of curiosity.”
thither then they repaired, and were much pleased with two very extraordinary productions of ingenuity, the first mr. theodon's grand mechanical and picturesque theatre, illustrative of the effect of art in imitation of nature, in views of the island of st. helena, the city of paris, the passage of mount st. barnard, chinese artificial fireworks, and a storm at sea. the whole was conducted on the principle of perspective animation, in a manner highly picturesque, natural, and interesting.
here also our party examined the original model of a newly invented travelling automaton, a machine which can, with ease and accuracy, travel at the rate of six miles an hour, ascend acclivities, and turn the narrowest corners, by machinery only, conducted by one of the persons seated within, without the assistance of either horse or steam.
[230] this extraordinary piece of mechanism attracted the particular attention of the baronet, who minutely explored its principles, with the view, as he said, of its introduction to general use, in the province of munster, in substitution of ricketty jaunting-cars and stumbling geldings. miss judith macgilligan likewise condescended to honour this novel carriage with her approbation, as an economical improvement, embracing, with its obvious utility, a vast saving in the keep of horses, and superseding the use of jaunting-cars, the universal succedaneum, in ireland, for more respectable vehicles; but which, she added, no lady of illustrious ancestry should resort to.
this endless recurrence to noble descent elicited from sir felix another “palpable hit;” who observed, that those fastidious dames of antiquity, to whatever country belonging, of apparent asperity to the present times, would do well in laying aside unfounded prejudices; that the age to which miss macgilligan so frequently alluded, was one of the most ignorant barbarism; and the unpolished females of that day unequal to a comparison with those of the present, as much so, as the savage squaws of america with the finished beauties of an irish vicegerent's drawing-room.{1}
1 the pride of ancestry, although prevalent in ireland, is
not carried to the preposterous excess exemplified by
cambrian vanity and egotism. a gentleman lately visited a
friend in wales, who, among other objects of curiosity,
gratified his guest with the inspection of his family
genealogical tree, which, setting at naught the minor
consideration of antediluvian research, bore in its centre
this notable inscription,—about this time the world was
created!!!
re-entering st. james's park, our party directed their course towards the mall, eastward of which they were agreeably amused by the appearance of groupes of children, who, under the care of attendant nursery maids, were regaling themselves with milk from the cow, thus presenting to these delighted juveniles a rural feast in the heart of the metropolis.
[231] here dashall drew the attention of his friends to a very important improvement. “until within these few months,” said he, “the park at night-fall presented a very sombre aspect; being so imperfectly lighted as to encourage the resort of the most depraved characters of both sexes; and although, in several instances, a general caption, by direction of the police, was made of these nocturnal visitants, yet the evil still remained; when a brilliant remedy at last was found, by entirely irradiating the darkness hitherto so favourable to the career of licentiousness: these lamps, each at a short distance from the other, have been lately introduced; stretching along the mall, and circumscribing the park, they shed a noon-tide splendor on the solitude of midnight. they are lighted with gas, and continue burning from sunset to day-break, combining ornament with utility. thus vice has been banished from her wonted haunts, and the park has become a respectable evening promenade.
“this park,” continued the communicative dashall, “which is nearly two miles in circuit, was enclosed by king charles ii., who planted the avenues, made the canal and the aviary adjacent to the bird-cage walk, which took its name from the cages hung in the trees; but the present fine effect of the piece of ground within the railing, is the fruit of the genius of the celebrated mr. brown."{1}
1 st. james's park was the frequent promenade of king
charles ii. here he was to be seen almost daily; unattended,
except by one or two of his courtiers, and his favorite
grey-hounds; inter-mixing with his subjects, in perfect
confidence of their loyalty and attachment. his brother
james one day remonstrating with him on the impolicy of thus
exposing his person,—“james,” rejoined his majesty, “take
care of yourself, and be under no apprehension for me: my
people will never kill me, to make you king!”
in more recent times, mr. charles townsend used every
morning, as he came to the treasury, to pass by the canal in
the park, and feed the ducks with bread or corn, which he
brought in his pocket for that purpose. one morning having
called his affectionate friends, the duckey, duckey,
duckies, he found unfortunately that he had forgotten them;—
“poor duckies!” he cried, “i am sorry i am in a hurry and
cannot get you some bread, but here is sixpence for you to
buy some,” and threw the ducks a sixpence, which one of them
gobbled up. at the office he very wisely told the story to
some gentlemen with whom he was to dine. there being ducks
for dinner, one of the gentlemen ordered a sixpence to be
put into the body of a duck, which he gave charles to cut
up. our hero, sur-prised at finding a sixpence among the
seasoning, bade the waiter send up his master, whom he
loaded with epithets of rascal and scoundrel, and swore
bitterly that he would have him prosecuted for robbing the
king of his ducks; “for,” said he, “gentlemen, this very
morning did i give this sixpence to one of the ducks in the
canal in st. james's park.”
[232] the party now seated themselves on one of the benches in the mall, opposite the spot where lately stood the chinese or pagoda bridge. tallyho had often animadverted on the absurdity of the late inconvenient and heterogeneous wooden structure, which had been erected at a considerable public expense; its dangling non-descript ornaments, and tiresome acclivity and descent of forty steps each. “what,” said he, “notwithstanding the protection by centinels of this precious memento of vitiated taste, has it become the prey of dilapidation?”
“rather,” answered dashall, “of premature decay. its crazy condition induced the sage authors of its origin to hasten its destruction; like the cherokee chief, who, when the object of his regard becomes no longer useful, buries him alive!”
contrasting the magnificent appearance of the adjacent edifices, as seen from the park, with one of apparently very humble pretensions, miss macgilligan inquired to what purpose the “shabby fabric” was applied, and by whom occupied.
“that 'shabby fabric,' madam,” responded dashall, “is st. james's palace, erected by henry viii., in which our sovereigns of england have held their courts from the reign of queen anne to that of his late majesty george iii.” {1}
1 the state apartments, now renovated, comprehend six
chambers. the first is the guard chamber, at the top of the
stairs: this has been entirely repaired, and on the right
hand there is a characteristic chimney-piece, instead of the
ill-shaped clumsy fire-place which previously disgraced this
approach to the grand rooms. the next room, continuing to
advance, is the presence chamber. this chamber has been
remodelled, and a large handsome octagonal window
introduced. this produces the best effect, and has rendered
a gloomy room very light and cheerful. the privy chamber,
which forms the eastern end of the great suite that runs
from east to west, parallel to the mall in the park, and is,
strictly speaking, the immediate scene of the court; this is
entirely new from the foundation, and is a continuation of
the old suite of state apartments. the chamber is of noble
dimensions, being nearly 70 feet in length, and having four
windows towards the garden and park beyond. a magnificent
marble chimney-piece occupies the centre, on the east end.
the anti-drawing-room and the drawing-room, in which little
alteration appears, except in the introduction of splendid
chimney-pieces of statuary marble, taken from the library of
queen caroline in the stable yard, built by kent. the
workmanship of these is amazingly fine, and the designs very
rich. the throne is at the upper end of the drawing room no.
5, and from the chimney of the room no. 3, the vista through
the middle doors of the anti-drawing-rooms is about 200
feet!! thecoup d'oeil must be indescribably grand, when
all the three apartments are filled with rank and beauty.
the ceilings of the principal rooms, 3, 4, and 5, are coved
upon handsome cornices, carved and gilt. this gives the
apartments a spacious and lofty appearance; and there being
four large windows in each, the whole suite is very
imposing. the rooms are to be fitted with mirrors, and a
noble collection of the royal pictures. over the chimney in
the drawing-room, lawrence's splendid portrait of george
iv., surrounded by the fine old carvings of grinling
gibbons, of which many are preserved in the palace, will be
the principal object. in the anti-drawing-room a portrait of
the venerable george iii. will occupy a similar station; and
on each side will appear the victories which reflected the
highest lustre on his reign,—trafalgar and waterloo. in the
privy chamber, a portrait of queen anne will be attended by
the great marlborough triumphs of lisle and tournay,
blenheim, and other historical pieces. other spaces will
exhibit a series of royal portraits, from the period of the
founder of the palace, henry viii. to the present era;
including, of course, some of the most celebrated works of
holbein and vandyke. the unrivalled “charles on
horseback,” by the latter, is among the number, and the
gallery, altogether, must be inestimable, even as a panorama
of the arts in england for three centuries. on the whole,
these state apartments, when completed, will not be
excelled, if equalled, by any others in europe. holbein,
whom we have just mentioned, was a favourite of henry viii.
one day, when the painter was privately drawing a lady's
picture for the king, a nobleman forced himself into the
chamber. holbein threw him down stairs; the peer cried out;
holbein bolted himself in, escaped over the roof of the
house, and running directly to the king, fell on his knees,
and besought his majesty to pardon him, without declaring
the offence. the king promised to forgive him, if he would
tell the truth. immediately arrives the lord with his
complaint. after hearing the whole, his majesty said to the
nobleman,—” you have behaved in a manner unworthy of your
rank. i tell you, of seven peasants i can make so many
lords, but not one holbein. be gone, and remember this, if
you ever presume to avenge yourself, i shall look on an
injury you do to the painter as done to me.”
[233] the descendant of o'brien was astonished, and connecting her ideas of the internal show of this palace with its outward appearance, doubted not, secretly, that it was far inferior to the residence, in former times, of her royal progenitor.
probably guessing her thoughts, dashall proceeded to observe, that the palace was venerable from age, and in its interior decoration that it fully corresponded in splendor with the regal purposes to which it had been so long applied; “it is now, however,” he added, “about to assume a still more imposing aspect, being under alterations and adornments, for the reception of the court of his present majesty, which, when completed, will render it worthy the presence of the sovereign of this great empire.”
[234] the sole use made lately of st. james's palace, is for purposes of state. in 1808, the south-eastern wing of the building was destroyed by fire; the state apartments were, however, uninjured, and the court of george the third and his queen was held here.
on the right of the palace, the attention of the party was next attracted by marlborough house. it was built in the reign of queen anne, by the public, at the expense of 40,000l. on part of the royal gardens, and given by the queen and parliament, on a long lease, to the great duke of marlborough. it is a handsome building, much improved of late years, and has a garden extending to the park, and forms a striking contrast to the adjoining palace of st. james's. it is now the town residence of his royal highness, prince leopold of saxe cobourg.
our party now passed into st. james's-street, where miss macgilligan, whose acerbitude of temper had been much softened by the politeness of her friends during the morning's ramble, mentioned, that she had a visit to make on an occasion of etiquette, and requesting the honour of the gentlemen's company to dinner, she was handed by the squire of belville-hall, with all due gallantry and obeisance, into a hackney-chariot; tom in the meanwhile noting its number, in the anticipation of its ultimately proving a requisite precaution.
the trio, now left to their own pursuits, lounged leisurely up st. james's-street, and pausing at the caricature shop, an incident occurred which placed in a very favorable point of view the baronet's promptitude of reply and equanimity of temper. having had recourse to his glasses, lie stood on the pavement, examining the prints, unobservant of any other object; when a porter with a load brushed hastily forward, and coming in contact with the baronet, put him, involuntarily, by the violence of the shock, to the left about face, without the word either of caution or command. “damn your spectacles!” at same time, exclaimed the fellow; “thank you, my good friend,” rejoined sir felix,—“it is not the first time that my spectacles have saved my eyes!”
[235] remarking on this rencounter, dashall observed, that the insolence of these fellows was become really a public nuisance. armed in the panoply of arrogance, they assume the right of the footway, to the ejection, danger, and frequent injury of other passengers; moving in a direct line with loads that sometimes stretch on either side the width of the pavement, they dash onward, careless whom they may run against, or what mischief may ensue. “i would not,” continued dashall, “class them with beasts of burthen, and confine them to the carriage-way of the street, like other brutes of that description; but i would have them placed under the control of some salutary regulations, and humanized under the dread of punishment.”
the squire coincided with his friend in opinion, and added, by way of illustration, that it was only a few days since he witnessed a serious accident occasioned by the scandalous conduct of a porter: the fellow bore on his shoulders a chest of drawers, a corner of which, while he forced his way along the pavement, struck a young lady a stunning blow on the head, bringing her violently to the ground, and falling against a shop window, one of her hands went through a pane of glass, by which she was severely cut; thus sustaining a double injury, either of which might have been attended with fatal consequences.
the three friends had now gained the fashionable lounge of bond-street, whence turning into conduit-street, they entered limmer's coffee-house, for the purpose of closing, by refreshment, the morning's excursion.
here dashall recognized an old acquaintance in the person of an eminent physician, who, after an interchange of civilities, resumed his attention to the daily journals.
in the same box with this gentleman, and directly opposite, sat another, whose health was apparently on the decline, who finding that the ingenious physician had occasionally dropped into this coffee-house, had placed himself vis-a-vis the doctor, and made many indirect efforts to withdraw his attention from the newspaper to examine the index of his (the invalid's) constitution. he at last ventured a bold push at once, in the following terms: “doctor,” said he, “i have for a long time been very far from being well, and as i belong to an office, where i am obliged to attend everyday, the complaints i have prove very troublesome to me, [236] and i would be glad to remove them.”—the doctor laid down his paper, and regarded his patient with a steady eye, while he proceeded. “i have but little appetite, and digest what i eat very poorly; i have a strange swimming in my head,” &c. in short, after giving the doctor a full quarter of an hour's detail of all his symptoms, he concluded the state of his case with a direct question:—“pray, doctor, what shall i take?” the doctor, in the act of resuming the newspaper, gave him the following laconic prescription:—“take, why, take advice!”
this colloquy, and its ludicrous result, having been perfectly audible to the company present, afforded considerable entertainment, of which the manoeuvring invalid seemed in no degree willing to partake, for he presently made his exit, without even thanking the doctor for his gratuitous advice.{1}
1 limmeb's hotel.—this justly esteemed hotel was much
frequented by the late unfortunate lord camelford. entering
the coffee-room one evening, meanly attired, as he often
was, he sat down to peruse the papers of the day. soon after
came in a “dashing fellow,” a “first-rate blood,” who threw
himself into the opposite seat of the same box with lord c,
and in a most consequential tone hallowed out, “waiter!
bring in a pint of madeira, and a couple of wax candles, and
put them in the next box.” he then drew to him lord c.'s
candle, and set himself to read. his lordship glanced at him
a look of indignation, but exerting his optics a little
more, continued to decypher his paper. the waiter soon re-
appeared, and with a multitude of obsequious bows, announced
his having completed the commands of the gentleman, who
immediately lounged round into his box. lord camelford
having finished his paragraph, called out in a mimic tone to
that of mr.——-, “waiter! bring me a pair of snuffers.”
these were quickly brought, when his lordship laid down his
paper, walked round to the box in which mr.——-was, snuffed
out both the candles, and leisurely returned to his seat.
boiling with rage and fury, the indignant beau roared out,
“waiter! waiter! waiter! who the devil is this fellow, that
dares thus to insult a gentleman? who is he? what is he?
what do they call him?”—“lord camelford, sir,” said the
waiter.—“who? lord camelford!” returned the former, in a
tone of voice scarcely audible; horror-struck at the
recollection of his own impertinence, and almost doubting
whether he was still in existence—“lord camelford!!! what
have i to pay?” on being told, he laid down his score, and
actually stole away, without daring to taste his madeira.
[237] the repast ended, the friends separated; sir felix to rejoin his august relative at their lodgings, and arrange with her preparations for the entertainment of tom and bob, and these two gentlemen also returning homewards to dress for the important occasion.
passing the house of his tailor, the baronet stept in, and desired mr. snip to send to his lodgings, any time in the course of the evening, for the last new suit, for the purpose of alteration, as had been already pointed out.
miss macgilligan had preceded her nephew in reaching home, and gave him, on his arrival, an appropriate and edifying lecture on a three-fold subject, embracing—petulancy,—respect to superiors,—and veneration for the memory of our ancestors.
the baronet, who never designed seriously to insult his aunt, but merely to have a bye-blow at her prominent foible,—pride of descent,—listened with becoming deference to her dissertation, which was interrupted by the entrance of his servant, (the same who on a certain occasion confided to mother cummings the safety of his master's property,{1})—“the tailor's boy, sir felix, for the new suit your honor ordered to be altered.”—“very well,” rejoined sir felix, “sure enough mr. snip is prompt in observance of instructions,—let the lad have the suit immediately.”—this business having been despatched, miss macgilligan was about to resume her admonitory discourse; when, luckily, the arrival of the expected guests prevented its continuance, and it was consequently postponed until a more favourable opportunity.
1 vide page 130.
dinner was shortly announced, during which nothing occurred of particular import. when the exhilirating “tuscan grape” had superseded the discarded viands, miss macgilligan mentioned, that she had been grossly imposed upon by the driver of the hackney-chariot. it seems, that conceiving jehu was exacting more than his fare, the lady, presenting a handful of silver, told him to take it all, if he thought proper, and the conscientious knight of the whip had actually embraced the offer in its literal acceptation, and pocketing the money, made the best of his way, before she recovered from the surprise occasioned by this “iniquitous” transaction.
[238] “iniquitous!” repeated the baronet;—“by the powers of folly but there was no advantage taken at all, at all; and the man must have been worse than an idiot had he rejected so liberal an offer! gra-machree, he might cry, and thanks to the donor, such opportunities don't occur every day.”
appealing to her guests, she had the mortification of finding the opinion of her nephew supported.—“certainly, madam,” said dashall, “the conduct of the man in putting a construction not meant upon your word, was highly reprehensible; yet i am afraid that redress is unavailable. a gift was implied, though obviously not intended, but impartially speaking, you tendered a donation, and the man, if not morally right, was legally justifiable in accepting it.”
while this case was under discussion, the baronet chuckled at the mischance of his aunt, and in defiance of the admonition given him a few hours before, seemed more petulant, less respectful, and totally irreverent of his ancestors.
in the enjoyment of this triumph, and asserting that he could not be taken-in, even by the most artfully conducted manouvre, he was struck dumb by the information that mr. snip the tailor had called for the new suit. “the devil fly over the hill of howth with him!” exclaimed the astounded sir felix, with a secret foreboding of evil, “has he not had the new suit, hours ago?”
“he says not, sir,” answered the servant.
“where then, in the name of mystery,” rejoined the baronet, “are the clothes gone to? they were sent by his boy, were they not?”
“he denies, sir,” responded the servant, “that he sent for the clothes at all at all.”
“sowl of my grandmother! send in this snip of a tailor instantaneously.”
dashall immediately surmised a fraud, and the statement of snip converted suspicion into fact.
mr. snip repeated, that he had not sent for the clothes; and neither did he keep a boy; but he recollected that there was a lad in his shop purchasing some trifling article at the time sir felix gave his address, and ordered the new suit to be sent for; and there is no doubt, added snip, that this young adept, being thus put in the way of successfully practising a fraud, gladly availed himself of the opportunity, and obtained possession of the clothes in my name. but, sir felix (continued mr. snip) it must have escaped your recollection when [239] you sanctioned the delivery of the clothes, that i had particularly cautioned you, when you first honoured me with your custom, against your sending to my house any articles of apparel by pretended messengers from me, unless on the authority of my own hand writing.”
“i exonerate you,” said the baronet, “from censure, and exempt you from loss. i have been swindled. there is now no remedy. so make me another suit, and by stricter vigilance, we shall endeavour to avoid future depredation."{1}
1 this is amongst the inferior classes of fraud daily
practised in the metropolis. the following is one of a
fust rate description.
swindling.—a case most ingeniously contrived and
successfully carried into execution on saturday last, is
scarcely to be equalled on the records of fraud. it was
equal to that practised on rundle and bridge, the jewellers,
some time ago, but the present case is only at the expense
of four costly gold watches. the swindler, who called
himself mr. winter, is rather above the middle size, was
dressed in a brown frock coat, wears long whiskers, and is
well calculated for imposition in address and manner. a
house in southampton-street, strand, occupied by mr. holt,
the barrister, having been advertised to be let, mr. winter
called about it several times last week, and he appointed
saturday last to call with some ladies, when he could give a
final answer; and the servants were desired, if the
occupants were from home, to shew the gentleman and his
party into the dining-room. having secured this point, mr.
winter called upon mr. ely, a jeweller, at the latter end of
the week, and after looking over some trifles, in the shop,
he desired that some ladies' watches might be brought to his
residence, no. 5, southampton-street, at a certain hour on
saturday, for inspection. the swindler called some time
before the jeweller was expected, and inquired if the ladies
who were to meet him there had called, and being informed in
the negative, he affected surprise, and desired them to be
informed of his arrival when they came. he was shewn into
the front drawing-room, but he preferred the adjoining room,
and desired the servant to shew a gentleman, who would call,
into the front room, and let him know when he arrived. the
jeweller was to his time with the goods, and mr. winter paid
him a visit, and after looking over the goods, he selected
four watches, worth 100l. to shew the ladies in the next
room, instead of which he took his hat, and walked off with
the watches. after waiting till out of patience, the
jeweller rang the bell, and the servant missed mr. winter,
who had promised her servitude, the landlord his new tenant,
and the jeweller his watches!
[240] it was now miss macgilligan's turn to triumph, but, to the surprise and relief of her nephew, she did not avail herself of the privilege; sensible, perhaps, that the loss which site sustained, was occasioned by her own imprudence, and that his misfortune might have happened to those even the most guarded against deception, she consoled instead of recriminating. the most perfect unanimity now prevailed between the two relatives; and the evening passed on with increased pleasure. the unexpected migration of the new suit led to conversation on the frauds of london, when dashall justly observed, that if the ingenuity exemplified in depredation was exercised in honest industry, in place of being now the pest, many of those men might have been the ornaments of society.
