........"mark!
he who would cut the knot that does entwine
and link two loving hearts in unison,
may have man's form; but at his birth, be sure on't,
some devil thrust sweet nature's hand aside
ere she had pour'd her balm within his breast,
to warm his gross and earthly mould with pity.
.......i know what 'tis
when worldly knaves step in with silver beards,
to poison bliss, and pluck young souls asunder.”
tom and his cousin were surprised the next morning by a visit from mr. mortimer and his friend merrywell, whose dismal features and long visages plainly indicated some unpleasant disaster, and tom began to fear blame would be attached to them for leaving his party at darkhouse lane.
“pray,” said merrywell, “can you tell me where to find your friend sparkle?”
“indeed,” replied dashall, a little relieved by this question, “i am not sparkle's keeper; but pray be seated—what is the matter, is it a duel, do you want a second?—i know he is a good shot.”
“this levity, sir,” said mortimer, “is not to be borne. the honour of a respectable family is at stake, and must be satisfied. no doubt you, as his very oldest friend, know where he is; and i desire you will immediately inform me, or———”
“sir,” said dashall, who was as averse as unused to be desired by any person—“do you know whom you address, and that i am in my own house? if you do, you have certainly discarded all propriety of conduct and language before you cross'd the threshold.”
“gentlemen,” said merrywell, “perhaps some explanation is really necessary here. my friend mortimer speaks under agonized feelings, for which, i am sure, your good sense will make every allowance. miss mortimer———”
“miss mortimer,” exclaimed dashall, rising from his [352] seat, “you interest me strongly, say, what of miss mortimer?”
“alas,” said mortimer, evidently endeavouring to suppress emotions which appeared to agitate his whole frame, and absorb every mental faculty, “we are unable to account for her absence, and strongly suspect she is in company with your friend sparkle—can you give us any information relative to either of them?”
dashall assured them he knew nothing of the fugitives, but that he would certainly make every inquiry in his power, if possible to find out sparkle. upon which they departed, though not without hinting they expected tom had the power of making a search more effectually than either mortimer or merrywell.
“egad!” said tom to tallyho, “this absence of sparkle means something more than i can at present conceive; and it appears that we must now venture forth in search of our guide. i hope he has taken a good direction himself.”
“mortimer appears hurt,” continued bob, “and i can scarcely wonder at it.”
“it is a trifle in high life now-a-days,” replied dashall, “and my life for it we shall obtain some clue to his mode of operation before the day is out. love is a species of madness, and oftentimes induces extraordinary movements. i have discovered its existence in his breast for some time past, and if he is really with the lady, i wonder myself that he has not given some sort of intimation; though i know he is very cautious in laying his plans, and very tenacious of admitting too many persons to know his intentions, for fear of some indiscreet friend unintentionally frustrating his designs.”
“i apprehend we shall have a wild-goose chase of it,” rejoined bob.
“it serves however,” continued tom, “to diversify our peregrinations; and if it is his pleasure to be in love, we will endeavour to chase pleasure in pursuit of the lover, and if guided by honourable motives, which i cannot doubt, we will wish him all the success he can wish himself, only regretting that we are deprived of his agreeable company.
“still free as air the active mind will rove,
and search out proper objects for its love;
but that once fix'd, 'tis past the pow'r of art
to chase the dear idea from the heart.
?tis liberty of choice that sweetens life,
makes the glad husband and the happy wife.”
[353] “but come, let us forth and see how the land lies; many persons obtain all their notoriety from an elopement; it makes a noise in the world, and even though frequently announced in our newspapers under fictitious titles, the parties soon become known and are recollected ever after; and some even acquire fame by the insertion of a paragraph announcing an elopement, in which they insinuate that themselves are parties; so that an elopement in high life may be considered as one of the sure roads to popularity.”
“but not always a safe one,” replied bob.
“life is full of casualties,” rejoined dashall, “and you are by this time fully aware that it requires something almost beyond human foresight to continue in the line of safety, while you are in pursuit of real life in london. though it may fairly be said, 'that all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely passengers,' still they have their inside and their outside places, and each man in his time meets with strange adventures. it may also very properly be termed a camera obscura, reflecting not merely trees, sign-posts, houses, &c. but the human heart in all its folds, its feelings, its passions, and its motives. in it you may perceive conceit flirting its fan—arrogance adjusting its cravat—pedantry perverting its dictionary—vacuity humming a tune—vanity humming his neighbour—cunning shutting his eyes while listening to a pedagogue—and credulity opening his eyes and ears, willing and anxious to be deceived and duped.”
“it is a strange world, indeed,” said tallyho; “and of all that i have ever heard or seen, this london of your's is the most extraordinary part.”
“yes,—
“this world is a well-cover'd table,
where guests are promiscuously set;
we all eat as long as we're able,
and scramble for what we can get—”
answered his cousin; “in fact, it is like every thing, and at the same time like nothing—[354]
“the world is all nonsense and noise,
fantoccini, or ombres chinoises,
mere pantomime mummery
puppet-show flummery;
a magical lantern, confounding the sight;
like players or puppets, we move
on the wires of ambition and love;
poets write wittily,
maidens look prettily,
?till death drops the curtain
—all's over—good night!”
by this time they were at long's, where, upon inquiry, all trace of sparkle had been lost for two days. all was mystery and surprise, not so much that he should be absent, as that his servant could give no account of him, which was rather extraordinary. tom ascertained, however, that no suspicion appeared to have been excited as to miss mortimer, and, with commendable discretion, avoided expressing a word which could create such an idea, merely observing, that most likely he had taken an unexpected trip into the country, and would be heard of before the day was out.
on leaving long's however they were met again by mortimer in breathless anxiety, evidently labouring under some new calamity.
“i am glad i have found you,” said he, addressing himself to dashall; “for i am left in this d———d wilderness of a place without a friend to speak to.”
“how,” inquired ton, “what the d———l is the matter with you?”
“why, you must know that merry well is gone—”
“gone—where to?”
“to—to—zounds, i've forgot the name of the people; but two genteel looking fellows just now very genteely told him he was wanted, and must come.”
“indeed!”
“yes, and he told me to find you out, and let you know that he must become a bencher; and, without more todo, walked away with his new friends, leaving me forlorn enough. my sister run away, my uncle run after her—sparkle absent, and merrywell—”
“in the hands of the nab-men—i see it all clear enough; and you have given a very concise, but comprehensive picture of your own situation; but don't despair, man, you will yet find all right, be assured; put yourself under my guidance, let the world wag as it will; it is useless to torment yourself with things you cannot prevent or cure.
“the right end of life is to live and be jolly.”
[355] mortimer scarcely knew how to relish this advice, and seemed to doubt within himself whether it was meant satirically or feelingly, till dashall whispered in his ear a caution not to betray the circumstances that had transpired, for his sister's sake. “but,” continued he, “i never suffer these things, which are by no means uncommon in london, to interfere with my pursuits, though we are all somewhat at a loss. however, as the post is in by this time, some news may be expected, and we will call at home before we proceed any further.—where do you think the colonel is gone to?”
“heaven only knows,” replied mortimer; “the whole family is in an uproar of surmise and alarm,—what may be the end of it i know not.”
“a pretty breeze master sparkle has kick'd up, indeed,” continued tom; “but i have for some time noticed an alteration in him. he always was a gay trump, and whenever i find him seriously inclined, i suspect some mischief brewing; for rapid transitions always wear portentous appearances, and your serious files are generally sly dogs. my life for it they have stolen a march upon your uncle, queered some country parson, and are by this time snugly stowed away in the harbour of matrimony. as for merrywell, i dare be sworn his friends will take care of him.”
expectation was on tiptoe as dashall broke the seal of a letter that was handed to him on arrival at home. mortimer was on the fidget, and tallyho straining his neck upon the full stretch of anxiety to hear the news, when dashall burst into a laugh, but in which neither of the others could join in consequence of not knowing the cause of it. in a few minutes however the mystery was in some degree explained.
“here,” said tom, “is news—extraordinary news—an official dispatch from head-quarters, but without any information as to where the tents are pitched. it is but a short epistle.” he then read aloud,
“dear dashall,
“please inform the mortimer family and friends that all's well.
your's truly,
c. sparkle.”
then handing the laconic epistle to mortimer—“i trust,” said he, “you will now be a little more at ease.”
[356] mortimer eagerly examined the letter for the postmark, but was not able to make out from whence it came.
“i confess,” said he, “i am better satisfied than i was, but am yet at a loss to judge of the motives which have induced them to pursue so strange a course.”
“the motive,” cried tom, “that may be easily explained; and i doubt not but you will find, although it may at present appear a little mysterious, sparkle will be fully able to shew cause and produce effect. he is however a man of honour and of property, and most likely we may by this time congratulate you upon the change of your sister's name. what a blaze it will make, and she will now most certainly become a sparkling subject. hang it, man, don't look so dull upon a bright occasion.
“to prove pleasure but pain, some have hit on a project,
we're duller the merrier we grow,
exactly the same unaccountable logic
that talks of cold fire and warm snow.
for me, born by nature
for humour and satire,
i sing and i roar and i quaff;
each muscle i twist it,
i cannot resist it,
a finger held up makes me laugh.
for since pleasure's joy's parent, and joy begets mirth,
should the subtlest casuist or sophist on earth
contradict me, i'd call him an ass and a calf,
and boldly insist once for all,
that the only criterion of pleasure's to laugh,
and sing tol de rol, loi de rol lol.”
this mirth of dash all's did not seem to be in consonance with the feelings of mortimer, who hastily took his departure.
“come,” said tom to his cousin, “having gained some information respecting one friend, we will now take a stroll through temple bar, and have a peep at merrywell; he may perhaps want assistance in his present situation, though i will answer for it he is in a place of perfect security.”
“how,” said bob—“what do you mean?”
“mean, why the traps have nibbled him. he is arrested, and gone to a lock-up shop, a place of mere accommodation for gentlemen to take up their abode, for the purpose of [357] arranging their affairs, and where they can uninterruptedly make up their minds whether to give bail, put in appearance and defend the suit, or take a trip to abbott's priory; become a three months' student in the college of art, and undergo the fashionable ceremony of white-washing.”
“i begin to understand you now,” said bob, “and the only difference between our two friends is, that one has willingly put on a chain for life—”
“and the other may in all probability (continued tom,) have to chaff his time away with a chum—perhaps not quite so agreeable, though it really is possible to be very comfortable, if a man can reconcile himself to the loss of liberty, even in “durance vile.”
by this time they were walking leisurely along piccadilly,
“and marching without any cumbersome load,
they mark'd every singular sight on the road.”
“who is that meagre looking man and waddling woman, who just passed us?” inquired tallyho.
“an old bencher,” was the reply; “there you see all that is left of a man of haut ton, one who has moved in the highest circles; but alas! bad company and bad play have reduced him to what he now is. he has cut up and turn'd down very well among the usurers and attornies; but it is impossible to say of him, as of his sirloin of a wife (for she cannot be called a rib, or at all events a spare rib) that there is any thing like cut and come again. the poor worn-out exquisite tack'd himself to his lady, to enable him to wipe out a long score, and she determined on taking him for better for worse, after a little rural felicity in a walk to have her fortune told by a gipsy at norwood. he is now crippled in pocket and person, and wholly dependent upon bounty for the chance of prolonging a miserable existence. his game is up. but what is life but a game, at which every one is willing to play? one wins and another loses: why there have been as many moves among titled persons, kings, queens, bishops, lords and knights, within the last century, as there are in a game at chess. pawns have been taken and restored in all classes, from the sovereign, who pawns or loses his crown, to the lady whose reputation is in pawn, and becomes at last not worth half a crown. shuffling, cutting, dealing out and [358] dealing in, double dealing and double faces, have long been the order of the day. some men's cards are all trumps, whilst others have carte blanche; some honours count, whilst others stand for nothing. for instance, did not the little man who cast up his final accounts a short time back at st. helena, like a corsican conjurer, shuffle and cut about among kings and queens, knaves and asses, (aces i mean) dealing out honours when he liked, and taking trumps as he thought fit?—did he not deal and take up again almost as he pleased, having generally an honour in his sleeve to be played at command, or un roi dans le marche; by which cheating, it was scarcely possible for any one to get fair play with him, till, flushed by success, and not knowing how to bear his prosperity, he played too desperately and too long? the tables were turned upon him, and his enemies cheated him, first of his liberty, and ultimately of his life.”
at this moment tallyho, who was listening in close attention to his cousin, struck his foot against a brown paper parcel which rolled before him.—“hallo!” exclaimed he, “what have we here?—somebody has dropped a prize.”
“it is mine, sir,” said an old woman, dropping them a curtsey with a smile which shone through her features, though thickly begrimed with snuff.
“a bite,” said tom.
“i dropp'd it from my pocket, sir, just now.”
“and pray,” inquired tom, “what does it contain?” picking it up.
“snuff, sir,” was the reply; “a kind, good-hearted gentleman gave it to me—god bless him, and bless your honour too!” with an additional smile, and a still lower curtsey.
upon examining the paper, which had been broken by the kick, tom perceived, that by some magic or other, the old woman's snuff had become sugar.
“zounds!” said he, “they have played some trick upon you, and given you brimstone instead of snuff, or else you are throwing dust in our eyes.”
the parcel, which contained a sample of sugar, was carefully rolled up again and tied, then dropped to be found by any body else who chose to stoop for it.
“this,” said dashall, “does not turn out to be what i first expected; for the practices of ring and money [359] dropping{1} have, at various times, been carried on with great success, and to the serious injury of the unsuspecting. the persons who generally apply themselves to this species of cheating are no other than gamblers who ingeniously contrive, by dropping a purse or a ring, to draw in some customer with a view to induce him to play; and notwithstanding their arts have frequently been exposed, we every now and then hear of some flat being done by these sharps, and indeed there are constantly customers in london to be had one way or another.”
“then you had an idea that that parcel was a bait of this kind,” rejoined bob.
“i did,” replied his cousin; “but it appears to be a legitimate letter from some industrious mechanic to his friend, and is a curious specimen of epistolary correspondence; and you perceive there was a person ready to claim it, which conspired rather to confirm my suspicions, being a little in the style of the gentry i have alluded to. they vary their mode of proceeding according to situation and circumstance. your money-dropper contrives to find his own property, as if by chance. he picks up the purse with an exclamation of 'hallo! what have we here?—zounds! if here is not a prize—i'm in rare luck to-day—ha, ha, ha, let's have a peep at it—it feels heavy, and no doubt is worth having.' while he is examining its contents, up comes his confederate, who claims a share on account of having been present at the finding. 'nay, nay,' replies the finder, 'you are not in it. this gentleman is the only person that was near me—was not you, sir? 'by this means the novice is induced to assent, or perhaps assert his prior claim. the finder declares,
1 the practice of ring-dropping is not wholly confined to
london, as the following paragraph from the glasgow courier,
a very short time ago, will sufficiently prove:—'on monday
afternoon, when three highland women, who had been employed
at a distance from home in the harvest, were returning to
their habitations, they were accosted by a fellow who had
walked out a short way with them, 'till he picked up a pair
of ear-rings and a key for a watch. the fellow politely
informed the females that they should have half the value of
the articles, as they were in his company when they were
found. while they were examining them, another fellow came
up, who declared at once they were gold, and worth at least
thirty shillings. after some conversation, the women were
induced to give fifteen shillings for the articles, and came
and offered them to a watch-maker for sale, when they
learned to their mortification that they were not worth
eighteen pence!'
[360] that sooner than have any dispute about it, he will divide the contents in three parts; recommends an adjournment to a public-house in the neighbourhood, to wet the business and drink over their good luck. this being consented to, the leading points are accomplished. the purse of course is found to contain counterfeit money—flash-screens or fleet-notes,{1} and the division cannot well be made without change can be procured. now comes the touch-stone. the countryman, for such they generally contrive to inveigle, is perhaps in cash, having sold his hay, or his cattle, tells them he can give change; which being understood, the draught-board, cards, or la bagatelle, are introduced, and as the job is a good one, they can afford to sport some of their newly-acquired wealth in this way. they drink and play, and fill their grog again. the countryman bets; if he loses, he is called upon to pay; if he wins, 'tis added to what is coming to him out of the purse.
“if, after an experiment or two, they find he has but little money, or fight shy, they bolt, that is, brush off in quick time, leaving him to answer for the reckoning. but if he is what they term well-breeched, and full of cash, they stick to him until he is cleaned out,{2} make him drunk, and, if he turns restive, they mill him. if he should be an easy cove,{3} he perhaps give them change for their flash notes, or counterfeit coin, and they leave him as soon as possible, highly pleased with his fancied success, while they laugh in their sleeves at the dupe of their artifice.”
“and is it possible?” inquired tallyho—
“can such things be, and overcome us
like a summer's cloud?”
“not without our special wonder,” continued dashall; “but such things have been practised. then again, your ring-droppers, or practisers of the fawney rig, are more cunning in their manoeuvres to turn their wares into the ready blunt.{4} the pretending to find a ring being one of the meanest and least profitable exercises of their ingenuity, it forms a part of their art to find articles of much more
1 flash-screens or fleet-notes—forged notes.
2 cleaned out—having lost all your money.
3 easy cove—one whom there is no difficulty in gulling.
4 ready blunt—cash in hand.
[361] value, such as rich jewelry, broaches, ear-rings, necklaces set with diamonds, pearls, &c. sometimes made into a paper parcel, at others in a small neat red morocco case, in which is stuck a bill of parcels, giving a high-flown description of the articles, and with an extravagant price. proceeding nearly in the same way as the money-droppers with the dupe, the finder proposes, as he is rather short of steeven,{1} to swap{2}his share for a comparatively small part of the value stated in the bill of parcels: and if he succeeds in obtaining one-tenth of that amount in hard cash, his triumph is complete; for, upon examination, the diamonds turn out to be nothing but paste—the pearls, fishes' eyes—and the gold is merely polished brass gilt, and altogether of no value. but this cannot be discovered beforehand, because the bilk{3} is in a hurry, can't spare time to go to a shop to have the articles valued, but assures his intended victim, that, as they found together, he should like to smack the bit,{4 }without blowing the gap,{5} and so help him g—d, the thing wants no buttering up,{6} because he is willing to give his share for such a trifle.”
1 steeven—a flash term for money.
2 swap—to make an exchange, to barter one article for
another.
3 a swindler or cheat.
4 smack the bit—to share the booty.
5 blowing the gap—making any thing known.
6 buttering up—praising or flattering.
this conversation was suddenly interrupted by a violent crash just behind them, as they passed drury lane theatre in their way through bussel court; and bob, upon turning to ascertain from whence such portentous sounds proceeded, discovered that he had brought all the potentates of the holy alliance to his feet. the alexanders, the caesars, the buonapartes, shakespeares, addisons and popes, lay strewed upon the pavement, in one undistinguished heap, while a poor italian lad with tears in his eyes gazed with indescribable anxiety on the shapeless ruin—' vat shall me do?—dat man knock him down—all brokt—you pay—oh! mine godt, vat shall do! ' this appeal was made to dashall and tallyho, the latter of whom the poor italian seemed to fix upon as the author of his misfortune in upsetting his board of plaster images; and although he was perfectly unconscious of the accident, the appeal of the vender of great personages had its desired effect upon them both; and [362] finding themselves quickly surrounded by spectators, they gave him some silver, and then pursued their way.
“these men,” said dashall, “are generally an industrious and hard-living people; they walk many miles in the course of a day to find sale for their images, which they will rather sell at any price than carry back with them at night; and it is really wonderful how they can make a living by their traffic.”
“ha, ha, ha,” said a coarse spoken fellow following—“how the jarman duck diddled the dandies just now—did you twig how he queered the coves out of seven bob for what was not worth thrums.{1} the yelper{2} did his duty well, and finger'd the white wool{3} in good style. i'm d———d if he was not up to slum, and he whiddied their wattles with the velvet, and floored the town toddlers easy enough.”
“how do you mean?” said his companion.
“why you know that foreign blade is an ould tyke about this quarter, and makes a good deal of money—many a twelver{4} does he get by buying up broken images of persons who sell them by wholesale, and he of course gets them for little or nothing: then what does he do but dresses out his board, to give them the best appearance he can, and toddles into the streets, touting{5} for a good customer. the first genteel bit of flash he meets that he thinks will dub up the possibles,{6} he dashes down the board, breaks all the broken heads, and appeals in a pitiful way for remuneration for his loss; so that nine times out of ten he gets some johnny-raw or other to stump up the rubbish.”
“zounds!” said dashall, “these fellows are smoking us; and, in the midst of my instructions to guard you against the abuses of the metropolis, we have ourselves become the dupes of an impostor.”
1 thrums—a flash term for threepence.
2 the yelper—a common term given to a poor fellow subject,
who makes very pitiful lamentations on the most trifling
accidents.
3 white wool—silver.
4 twelver—a shilling.
5 touting—is to be upon the sharp look out.
6 to dub up the possibles—to stand the nonsense—are nearly
synonimous, and mean—will pay up any demand rather than be
detained.
[363] “well,” said tallyho, “it is no more than a practical illustration of your own observation, that it is scarcely possible for any person to be at all times secure from the arts and contrivances of your ingenious friends the londoners; though i confess i was little in expectation of finding you, as an old practitioner, so easily let in.”
“it is not much to be wondered at,” continued tom, “for here we are in the midst of the very persons whose occupations, if such they may be termed, ought most to be avoided; for covent garden, and drury lane, with their neighbourhoods, are at all times infested with swindlers, sharpers, whores, thieves, and depredators of all descriptions, for ever on the look out. it is not long since a man was thrown from a two-pair of stairs window in charles street,{1} which is just by, having been decoyed into a house of ill fame by a cyprian, and this in a situation within sight of the very police office itself in bow street!”
“huzza! ha, ha, ha, there he goes,” vociferated by a variety of voices, now called their attention, and put an end to their conversation; and the appearance of a large concourse of people running up drury lane, engrossed their notice as they approached the other end of russel court.
on coming up with the crowd, they found the cause of the vast assemblage of persons to be no other than a quaker{2} decorated with a tri-coloured cockade, who was
1 a circumstance of a truly alarming and distressing nature,
to which dashall alluded in this place, was recently made
known to the public in the daily journals, and which should
serve as a lesson to similar adventurers.
it appeared that a young man had been induced to enter a
house of ill fame in charles street, covent garden, by one
of its cyprian inmates, to whom he gave some money in order
for her to provide them with supper; that, upon her return,
he desired to have the difference between what he had given
and what she had expended returned to him, which being
peremptorily refused, he determined to leave the house. on
descending the stair-case for which purpose, he was met by
some men, with whom he had a violent struggle to escape;
they beat and bruised him most unmercifully, and afterwards
threw him from a two-pair of stairs window into the street,
where he was found by the watchman with his skull fractured,
and in a state of insensibility. we believe all attempts
have hitherto proved fruitless to bring the actual
perpetrator or perpetrators of this diabolical deed to
punishment.
2 bow-street.—thursday morning an eccentric personage, who
has for some time been seen about the streets of the
metropolis in the habit of a quaker, and wearing the tri-
coloured cockade in his broad white hat, made his appearance
at the door of this office, and presenting a large packet to
one of the officers, desired him, in a tone of authority, to
lay it instantly before the magistrate. the magistrate (g.
r. minshull, esq.) having perused this singular paper,
inquired for the person who brought it; and in the next
moment a young man, in the garb of a quaker, with a broad-
brimmed, peaceful-looking, drab-coloured beaver on his
head, surmounted by a furious tri-coloured cockade, was
brought before him. this strange anomalous ' personage
having placed himself very carefully directly in front of
the bench, smiled complacently upon his worship, and the
following laconic colloquy ensued forthwith:—
magistrate—did you bring this letter?
quaker—thou hast said it.
magistrate—-what is your object in bringing it?
quaker—merely to let thee know what is going on in the
world—and, moreover, being informed that if i came to thy
office, i should be taken into custody, i was desiroiis to
ascertain whether that information was true.
magistrate—then i certainly shall not gratify you by
ordering you into custody.
quaker—thou wilt do as seemeth right in thy eyes. i assure
thee i have no inclination to occupy thy time longer than is
profitable to us, and therefore i will retire whenever thou
shalt signify that my stay is unpleasant to thee.
magistrate—why do you wear your hat?—are you a quaker?
quaker—thou sayest it—but that is not my sole motive for
wearing it. to be plain with thee, i wear it because i chose
to do so. canst thee tell me of any law which compels me
to take it off?
magistrate—i'll tell you what, friend, i would seriously
recommend you to retire from this place as speedily as
possible.
quaker—i take thy advice—farewell.
thus ended this comical conversation, and the eccentric
friend immediately departed in peace.
the brother of the above person attended at the office on
saturday, and stated that the quaker is insane, that he was
proprietor of an extensive farm near ryegate, in surrey, for
some years; but that in may last his bodily health being
impaired, he was confined for some time, and on his recovery
it was found that his intellects were affected, and he was
put under restraint, but recovered. some time since he
absconded from ryegate, and his friends were unable to
discover him, until they saw the account of his eccen-
tricities in the newspapers. mr. squire was desirous, if he
made his appearance again at the office, he should be
detained. the magistrate, as a cause for the detention of
the quaker, swore the brother to these facts. about three
o'clock the quaker walked up bow-street, when an officer
conducted him to the presence of the magistrate, who
detained him, and at seven o'clock delivered him into the
care of his brother.
[365] very quietly walking with a police officer, and exhibiting a caricature of himself mounted on a velocipede, and riding over corruption, &c. it was soon ascertained that he had accepted an invitation from one of the magistrates of bow street to pay him a visit, as he had done the day before, and was at that moment going before him.
“i apprehend he is a little cracked,” said tom; “but however that may be, he is a very harmless sort of person. but come, we have other game in view, and our way lies in a different direction to his.”
“clothes, sir, any clothes to-day?” said an importunate young fellow at the corner of one of the courts, who at the same time almost obstructed their passage.
making their way as quickly as they could from this very pressing personage, who invited them to walk in.
“this,” said tom, “is what we generally call a barker. i believe the title originated with the brokers in moor-fields, where men of this description parade in the fronts of their employers' houses, incessantly pressing the passengers to walk in and buy household furniture, as they do clothes in rosemary lane, seven dials, field lane, houndsditch, and several other parts of the town. ladies' dresses also used to be barked in cranbourn alley and the neighbourhood of leicester fields; however, the nuisance has latterly in some measure abated. the shop-women in that part content themselves now-a-days by merely inviting strangers to look at their goods; but barkers are still to be found, stationed at the doors of mock auctions, who induce company to assemble, by bawling “walk in, the auction is now on,” or “just going to begin.” of these mock auctions, there have been many opened of an evening, under the imposing glare of brilliant gas lights, which throws an unusual degree of lustre upon the articles put up for sale. it is not however very difficult to distinguish them from the real ones, notwithstanding they assume all the exterior appearances of genuineness, even up to advertisements in the newspapers, purporting to be held in the house of a person lately gone away under embarrassed circumstances, or deceased. they are denominated mock auctions, because no real intention exists on the part of the sellers to dispose of their articles under a certain price previously fixed upon, which, although it may not be high, is invariably more than they are actually worth: besides which, they may be easily discovered by the anxiety they evince to show the goods to strangers at
[366]the moment they enter, never failing to bestow over-strained panegyrics upon every lot they put up, and asking repeatedly—“what shall we say for this article? a better cannot be produced;” and promising, if not approved of when purchased, to change it. the auctioneer has a language suited to all companies, and, according to his view of a customer, can occasionally jest, bully, or perplex him into a purchase.—“the goods must be sold at what they will fetch;” and he declares (notwithstanding among his confederates, who stand by as bidders, they are run up beyond the real value, in order to catch a flat,) that “the present bidding can never have paid the manufacturer for his labour.”
in such places, various articles of silver, plate, glass and household furniture are exposed to sale, but generally made up of damaged materials, and slight workmanship of little intrinsic value, for the self-same purpose as the razor-seller states—
“friend, (cried the razor-man) i'm no knave;
as for the razors you have bought,
upon my soul! i never thought
that they would shave.”
“not shave!” quoth hodge, with wond'ring eyes,
and voice not much unlike an indian yell;
“what were they made for then, you dog?” he cries.
“made! (quoth the fellow with a smile) to sell.”
passing the end of white horse yard—“here,” continued tom, “in this yard and the various courts and alleys which lead into it, reside numerous girls in the very lowest state of prostitution; and it is dangerous even in the day time to pass their habitations, at all events very dangerous to enter any one of them. do you see the crowd of squalid, half-clad and half-starved creatures that surround the old woman at the corner?—observe, that young thing without a stocking is stealing along with a bottle in one hand and a gown in the other; she is going to put the latter up the spout{1} with her
1 up the spout, or up the five—are synonimous in their
import, and mean the act of pledging property with a
pawnbroker for the loan of money—most probably derived from
the practice of having a long spout, which reaches from the
top of the house of the pawn-broker (where the goods are
deposited for safety till redeemed or sold) to the shop,
where they are first received; through which a small bag is
dropped upon the ringing of a bell, which conveys the
tickets or duplicates to a person above stairs, who, upon
finding them, (unless too bulky) saves himself the trouble
and loss of time of coming down stairs, by more readily
conveying them down the spout.
[367] accommodating uncle,{1} in order to obtain a little of the enlivening juice of the juniper to fill the former.”
1 uncle, sometimes called the ferrit, or the flint—cant
terms for pawnbroker, though many of these gentlemen now
assume the more reputable appellation of silversmiths. they
are willing to lend money upon all sorts of articles of
household furniture, linen, plate, wearing apparel,
jewellery, &c. with a certainty of making a very handsome
profit upon the money so circulated.
there are in this metropolis upwards of two hundred and
thirty pawnbrokers, and in some cases they are a useful and
serviceable class of people; and although doubtless many of
them are honest and reputable persons, there are still among
them a class of sharpers and swindlers, who obtain licences
to carry on the business, and bring disgrace upon the
respectable part of the profession. every species of fraud
which can add to the distresses of those who are compelled
to raise temporary supplies of money is resorted to, and for
which purpose there are abundance of opportunities. in many
instances however the utility of these persons, in
preventing a serious sacrifice of property, cannot be
denied; for, by advancing to tradesmen and mechanics
temporary loans upon articles of value at a period of
necessity, an opportunity of redeeming them is afforded,
when by their industrious exertions their circumstances are
improved. many of them however are receivers of stolen
good.s, and, under cover of their licence, do much harm to
the public. indeed, the very easy mode of raising money by
means of the pawnbrokers, operates as an inducement, or at
least an encouragement, to every species of vice. the
fraudulent tradesman by their means is enabled to raise
money on the goods of his creditors, the servant to pledge
the property of his employer, and the idle or profligate
mechanic to deposit his working tools, or his work in an
unfinished state. many persons in london are in the habit of
pawning their apparel from monday morning till saturday
night, when they are redeemed, in order to make a decent
appearance on the next day. in low neighbourhoods, and among
loose girls, much business is done by pawnbrokers to good
advantage; and considerable emolument is derived from women
of the town. the articles they offer to pledge are generally
of the most costly nature, and the pilferings of the night
are usually placed in the hands of an uncle the next
morning; and the wary money-lenders, fully acquainted with
their necessities, just lend what they please; by which
means they derive a wonderful profit, from the almost
certainty of these articles never being redeemed.
the secresy with which a pawnbroker's business is conducted,
though very proper for the protection of the honest and
well-meaning part of the population, to shield them from an
exposure which might perhaps prove fatal to their business or
credit, admits of great room for fraud on the part of the
money-lender; more particularly as it respects the interest
allowed upon the pawns. many persons are willing to pay any
charge made, rather than expose their necessities by
appearing before a magistrate, and acknowledging they have
been concerned in such transactions.
persons who are in the constant habit of pawning are
generally known by the pawnbrokers, in most instances
governed by their will, and compelled to take and pay just
what they please. again, much injury arises from the want of
care in the pawnbroker to require a proper account, from the
pledgers, of the manner in which the goods offered have been
obtained, as duplicates are commonly given upon fictitious
names and residences.
notwithstanding the care and attention usually paid to the
examination of the articles received as pledges, these
gentlemen are sometimes to be duped by their customers. we
remember an instance of an elderly man, who was in the habit
of bringing a dutch clock frequently to a pawnbroker to
raise the wind, and for safety, generally left it in a large
canvass bag, till he became so regular a customer, that his
clock and bag were often left without inspection; and as it
was seldom deposited for long together, it was placed in
some handy nook of the shop in order to lie ready for
redemption. this system having been carried on for some
time, no suspicion was entertained of the old man. upon one
occasion however the pawnbroker's olfactory nerves were
saluted with a smell of a most unsavoury nature, for which
he could by no means account—day after day passed, and no
discovery was made, till at length he determined to overhaul
every article in his shop, and if possible discover the
source of a nuisance which appeared rather to increase than
abate: in doing which, to his utter astonishment, he found
the old man's dutch clock trans-formed into a sheep's head,
enclosed in a small box similar in shape and size to that of
the clock. it will scarcely be necessary to add, that, being
in the heat of summer, the sheep's head when turned out was
in a putrid state, and as green as grass. the pawn-broker
declared the old gentleman's works were out of repair, that
he himself was out of tune, and eventually pledged himself
never to be so taken in again. after all, however, it must
be acknowledged that my uncle is a very accommodating man.
“my uncle's the man, i've oft said it before,
who is ready and willing to open his door;
tho' some on the question may harbour a doubt,
he's a mill to grind money, which i call a spout.
derry down.
he has three golden balls which hang over his door,
which clearly denote that my uncle's not poor;
he has money to lend, and he's always so kind,
he will lend it to such as leave something behind.
derry down.
if to music inclin'd, there's no man can so soon
set the hooks of your gamut to excellent tune;
all his tickets are prizes most carefully book'd,
and your notes must be good, or you're presently hook'd.
derry down.
shirts, shoes, and flat-irons, hats, towels, and ruffs,
to him are the same as rich satins or stuffs;
from the pillows you lay on, chairs, tables, or sacks,
he'll take all you have, to the togs on your backs.
derry down.
then ye who are needy, repair to your friend,
who is ready and willing your fortunes to mend;
he's a purse full of rhino, and that's quite enough,
tho' short in his speech, he can shell out short stuff.
derry down.
what a blessing it is, in this place of renown
to know that we have such an uncle in town;
in all cases, degrees, in all places and stations,
?tis a good thing to know we've such friendly relations.
derry down.
“surely,” said tallyho, “no person could possibly be inveigled by her charms?”
[369] “they are not very blooming just now,” answered his cousin—“you do not see her in a right light. it is impossible to contemplate the cases of these poor creatures without dropping a tear of pity. originally seduced from a state of innocence, and eventually abandoned by their seducers, as well as their well-disposed parents or friends, they are left at an early age at large upon the world; loathed and avoided by those who formerly held them in estimation, what are they to do?—it is said by shakespeare, that
“sin will pluck on sin.”
they seem to have no alternative, but that of continuing in the practice which they once too fatally begun, in which the major part of them end a short life of debauchery and wretchedness.
“exposed to the rude insults of the inebriated and the vulgar—the impositions of brutal officers and watchmen—to the chilling blasts of the night during the most inclement weather, in thin apparel, partly in compliance with the fashion of the day, but more frequently from the
[370] pawnbroker's shop rendering their necessary garments inaccessible, diseases (where their unhappy vocation does not produce them) are thus generated.
“many are the gradations from the highest degree of prostitution down to the trulls that parade the streets by day, and one or two more steps still include those who keep out all night. some of the miserable inhabitants of this quarter are night-birds, who seldom leave their beds during the day, except to refresh themselves with a drop of old tom; but as the evening approaches, their business commences, when you will see them decked out like fine ladies, for there are coves of cases,{1} and others in the vicinity of the theatres, who live by letting out dresses for the evening, where they may be accommodated from a camesa{2} to a richly embroidered full-dress court suit, under the care of spies, who are upon the look-out that they don't brush off with the stock. others, again, are boarded and lodged by the owners of houses of ill-fame, kept as dirty and as ragged as beggars all day, but who,
“dress'd out at night, cut a figure.”
it however not unfrequently happens to those unhappy girls who have not been successful in their pursuits, and do not bring home with them the wages of their prostitution, that they are sent to bed without supper, and sometimes get a good beating into the bargain; besides which, the mistress of the house takes care to search them immediately after they are left by their gallants, by which means they are deprived of every shilling.”
approaching the city, they espied a crowd of persons assembled together round the door of money the perfumer. upon inquiring, a species of depreciation was exposed, which had not yet come under their view.
it appeared that a note, purporting to come from a gentleman at the tavistock hotel, desiring mr. money to wait on him to take measure of his cranium for a fashionable peruke, had drawn him from home, and that during his absence, a lad, in breathless haste, as if dispatched by the principal, entered the shop, stating that sir. money wanted a wig which was in the window, with some combs and hair-brushes, for the gentleman's inspection, and also a pot of his circassian cream. the bait took, the articles
1 coves of cases—keepers of houses of ill fame.
2 camesa—a shirt or shift.
[371] were packed up, and the wily cheat had made good his retreat before the return of the coiffeur, who was not pleased with being seduced from his home by a hoaxing letter, and less satisfied to find that his property was diminished in his absence by the successful artifices of a designing villain. this tale having got wind in the neighbourhood, persons were flocking round him to advise as to the mode of pursuit, and many were entertaining each other by relations of a similar nature; but our heroes having their friend merrywell in view (or rather his interest) made the best of their way to the lock-up-house.
