“in london my life is a ring of delight,

in frolics i keep up the day and the night;

i snooze at the hummums till twelve, perhaps later,

i rattle the bell, and i roar up the waiter;

?your honour,' says he, and he makes me a leg;

he brings me my tea, but i swallow an egg;

for tea in a morning's a slop i renounce,

so i down with a glass of good right cherry-bounce.

with—swearing, tearing—ranting, jaunting—slashing,

smashing—smacking, cracking—rumbling, tumbling

—laughing, quaffing—smoking, joking—swaggering,

staggering:

so thoughtless, so knowing, so green and so mellow,

this, this is the life of a frolicsome fellow.”

[101]upon entering the house, and depositing their shilling each to view this newly discovered animal from the apalachian mountains of america, and being supplied with immense long bills descriptive of his form and powers—“come along (said sparkle,) let us have a look at the most wonderful production of nature—only seventeen months old, five feet ten inches high, and one of the most fashionable fellows in the metropolis.”

“it should seem so,” said tallyho, “by the long list of friends and visitors that are detailed in the commencement of the bill of fare.”

“perhaps,” said tom, “there are more bon asses than one.”

“very likely (continued sparkle;) but let me tell you the allusion in this case does not apply, for this animal has nothing of the donkey about him, and makes no noise, as you will infer from the following lines in the bill:

“as the bonassus does not roar,

his fame is widely known,

for no dumb animal before

has made such noise in town.”

[102]at this moment the barking of a dog assailed their ears, and suspended the conversation. passing onward to the den of the bonassus, they found a dark-featured gentleman of middling stature, with his hair, whiskers, and ears, so bewhitened with powder as to form a complete contrast with his complexion and a black silk handkerchief which he wore round his neck, holding a large brown-coloured dog by the collar, in order to prevent annoyance to the visitors.

“d——n the dog, (exclaimed he) although he is the best tempered creature in the world, he don't seem to like the appearance of the bonassus “—and espying sparkle, “ha, my dear fellow! how are you?—i have not seen you for a long while.”

“why, sir d—n—ll, i am happy to say i never was better in my life—allow me to introduce you to my two friends, the hon. mr. dashall, and robert tallyho—sir d—n—ll harlequin.”

the mutual accompaniments of such an introduction having passed among them, the knight, who was upon the moment of departure as they entered, expressed his approbation of the animal he had been viewing, and, lugging his puppy by one hand, and his cudgel in the other, wished them a good morning.

“there is an eccentric man of title,” continued sparkle.

“i should judge,” said bob, “there was a considerable portion of eccentricity about him, by his appearance. is he a baronet?”

“a baronet,” (replied sparkle) “no, no, he is no other than a quack doctor."{1}

1 of all the subjects that afford opportunities for the

satiric pen in the metropolis, perhaps there is none more

abundant or prolific than that of quackery. dr. johnson

observes, that “cheats can seldom stand long against

laughter.” but if a judgment is really to be formed from

existing facts, it may be supposed that times are so

materially changed since the residence of that able writer

in this sublunary sphere, that the reverse of the position

may with greater propriety be asserted. for such is the

prevailing practice of the present day, that, according to

the opinion of thousands, there is nothing to be done

without a vast deal more of profession and pretence than

actual power, and he who is the best able to bear laughing

at, is the most likely to realize the hopes he entertains of

obtaining celebrity, and of having his labours crowned with

success. nothing can be more evident than this in the

medical profession, though there are successful quacks of

all kinds, and in all situations, to be found in london.

this may truly be called the age of quackery, from the

abundance of impostors of every kind that prey upon society;

and such as cannot or will not think for themselves, ought

to be guarded in a publication of this nature, against the

fraudulent acts of those persons who make it their business

and profit to deteriorate the health, morals, and amusements

of the public. but, in the present instance, we are speaking

of the medical quack only, than which perhaps there is none

more remarkable.

the race of bossys, brodrums, solomons, perkins, chamants,

&c. is filled by others of equal notoriety, and no doubt of

equal utility. the cerfs, the curries, the lamerts, the

ruspinis, the coopers, and munroes, are all equally entitled

to public approbation, particularly if we may credit the

letters from the various persons who authenticate the

miraculous cures they have performed in the most inveterate,

we hail almost said, the most impossible, cases. if those

persons are really in existence (and who can doubt it?) they

certainly have occasion to be thankful for their escapes,

and we congratulate them; for in our estimation quack

doctors seem to consider the human frame merely as a subject

for experiments, which if successful will secure the

reputation of the practitioner. the acquisition of fame and

fortune is, in the estimation of these philosophers, cheaply

purchased by sacrificing the lives of a few of the vulgar,

to whom they prescribe gratis; and the slavish obedience of

some patients to the doctor, is really astonishing. it is

said that a convalescent at bath wrote to his physician in

london, to know whether he might eat sauce with his pork;

but we have not been able to discover whether he expected an

answer gratis; that would perhaps have been an experiment

not altogether grateful to the doctor's feelings.

the practice of advertising and billing the town has become

so common, that a man scarcely opens a coal-shed, or a

potatoe-stall, without giving due notice of it in the

newspapers, and distributing hand-bills: and frequently with

great success. but our doctors, who make no show of their

commodities, have no mode of making themselves known without

it. hence the quantity of bills thrust into the hand of the

passenger through the streets of london, which divulge the

almost incredible performances of their publishers. a high-

sounding name, such as the chevalier de diamant, the

chevalier de ruspini, or the medical board, well bored behind

and before, are perhaps more necessary, with a few paper

puffs—as “palpable hits, my lord,” than either skill or

practice, to obtain notice and secure fame.

the chevalier de chamant, who was originally a box-maker,

and a man of genius, considering box-making a plebeian

occupation, was for deducing a logical position, not exactly

perhaps by fair argument, but at all events through the

teeth, and was determined, although he could not, like dr.

pangloss, mend the cacology of his friends, at least to give

them an opportunity for plenty of jaw-work. with this

laudable object in view, he obtained a patent for making

artificial teeth of mineral paste; and in his advertisements

condescended not to prove their utility as substitutes for

the real teeth, when decayed or wanting, (this was beneath

his notice, and would have been a piece of mere plebeian

quackery unworthy of his great genius,) but absolutely

assured the world that his mineral teeth were infinitely

superior to any production of nature, both for mastication

and beauty! how this was relished we know not; but he

declared (and he certainly ought to know) that none but

silly and timid persons would hesitate for one moment to

have their teeth drawn, and substitute his minerals: and it

is wonderful to relate, that although his charges were

enormous, and the operation (as may be supposed) not the

most pleasant, yet people could not resist the ingenious

chevalier's fascinating and drawing puffs; in consequence of

which he soon became possessed of a large surplus of

capital, with which he determined to speculate in the funds.

for this purpose he employed old tom bish, the stockbroker,

to purchase stock for the amount; but owing to a sudden

fluctuation in the market, a considerable depreciation took

place between the time of purchase and that of payment; a

circumstance which made the chevalier grin and show his

teeth: determining however, not to become a victim to the

fangs of bulls and bears, but rather to dive like a duck, he

declared the bargain was not legal, and that he would not be

bound by it. bish upon this occasion proved a hard-mouthed

customer to the man of teeth, and was not a quiet subject to

be drawn, but brought an action against the mineral monger,

and recovered the debt. tom's counsel, in stating the case,

observed, that the defendant would find the law could bite

sharper aud hold tighter than any teeth he could make; and

so it turned out.

the chevalier de r—sp—ni is another character who has cut

no small figure in this line, but has recently made his

appearance in the gazette, not exactly on so happy an

occasion as such a circumstance would be to his brother

chip, dr. d—n—ll, now (we suppose) sir francis—though

perhaps equally entitled to the honour of knighthood. the

chevalier has for some years looked royalty in the face by

residing opposite carlton house, and taken every precaution

to let the public know that such an important public

character was there to be found, by displaying his name as

conspicuously as possible on brass plates, &c. so that the

visitors to carlton house could hardly fail to notice him as

the second greatest character of that great neighbourhood.

but what could induce so great a man to sport his figure in

the gazette, is as unaccountable as the means by which he

obtained such happy celebrity. had it occurred immediately

after the war, it might have been concluded without much

stretch of imagination, that the chevalier, who prides

himself on his intimacy with all the great men of the day,

had, through the friendship of the duke of wellington, made

a contract for the teeth and jaw-bones of all who fell at

the battle of waterloo, and that by bringing to market so

great a stock at one time, the article had fallen in value,

and left the speculating chevalier so great a loser as to

cause his bankruptcy. whether such is the real cause or not,

it is difficult to ascertain what could induce the chevalier

to descend from his dealings with the head to dabble with

lower commodities.

among other modes of obtaining notoriety, usually resorted

to by empirics, the chevalier used to job a very genteel

carriage and pair, but his management was so excellent, that

the expenses of his equipage were very trifling; for as it

was not intended to run, but merely to stand at the door

like a barker at a broker's shop, or a direction-post, he

had the loan on very moderate terms, the job-master taking

into account that the wind of the cattle was not likely to

be injured, or the wheels rattled to pieces by velocity, or

smashed by any violent concussion.

the chevalier had a son, who unfortunately was not endowed

by nature with so much ambition or information as his

father; for, frequently when the carriage has been standing

at the door, he has been seen drinking gin most cordially

with coachee, without once thinking of the evils of example,

or recollecting that he was one of the family. papa used to

be very angry on these occasions, because, as he said, it

was letting people know that coachee was only hired as &job,

and not as a family domestic.

for the great benefit and advantage of the community,

medical boards have recently been announced in various parts

of the metropolis, where, according to the assertions of the

principals, in their advertisements, every disease incident

to human nature is treated by men of skilful practice; and

among these truly useful establishments, those of drs.

cooper, munro, and co. of charlotte house, blackfriars, and

woodstock-house, oxford-road, are not the least conspicuous.

who these worthies are, it is perhaps difficult to

ascertain. one thing however is certain, that sir

f——s c——e d—n—ll, m.d. is announced as treasurer,

therefore there can be no doubt but that all is fair above

board, for

“brutus is an honourable man,

so are they all—all honourable men.”

and where so much skill derived from experience is

exercised, it cannot be doubted but great and important

benefits may result to a liberal and enlightened people. of

the establishment itself we are informed by a friend, that

having occasion to call on the treasurer, upon some

business, the door was opened by a copper-coloured servant,

a good-looking young indian—not a fuscus hydaspes, but a

serving man of good appearance, who ushered him up stairs,

and introduced him to the front room on the first floor,

where all was quackery, bronze and brass, an electrical

machine, images, pictures and diplomas framed and glazed,

and a table covered with books and papers. in a short time,

a person of very imposing appearance entered the room, with

his hair profusely powdered, and his person, from his chin

to his toes, enveloped in a sort of plaid roquelaure, who,

apologizing for the absence of the doctor, began to assure

him of his being in the entire confidence of the board, and

in all probability would have proceeded to the operation of

feeling the pulse in a very short time, had not the visitor

discovered in the features of this disciple of esculapius a

person he had known in former times. 'why, good god!'

cried he, 'is that you?—what have you done with the magic-

lantern, and the lecture on heads?—am i right, or am i in

fairy-land?' calling him by his name. it was in vain to

hesitate, it was impossible to escape, the discovery was

complete. it was plain however that the dealer in magical

delusions had not altogether given up the art of

legerdemain, which, perhaps, he finds the most profitable of

the two.

of the worthy knight himself, (and perhaps the coopers and

munros have been consumed by the electrical fluid of their

own board) much might be said. he is the inventor of a life-

preserver, with which it may be fairly presumed he has

effected valuable services to his country by the

preservation of royalty, as a proof of deserving the honour

he has obtained. he is patriotic and independent, masonic

and benevolent, a great admirer of fancy horses and fancy

ladies, a curer of incurables, and has recently published

one of the most extraordinary memoirs that has ever been

laid before the public, embellished with two portraits:

which of the two is most interesting must be left to the

discrimination of those who view them. it must however be

acknowledged, that after reading the following extract,

ingratitude is not yet eradicated from our nature, since,

notwithstanding he has obtained the dignified appellation of

sir francis, the gazette says, that “in future no improper

person shall be admitted to the honour of knighthood, in

consequence of two surreptitious presentations lately”—the

one an m.d. the other f.r.c. surgeons, particularly if it

were possible that this gentleman may be one of the persons

alluded to. for, what says the memoir?

“the utility of sir francis's invention being thus fully

established, and its ingenuity universally admired, it

excited the interest of the first characters among the

nobility, and an introduction to court was repeatedly

offered to sir francis on this account. after a previous

communication with one of the royal family, and also with

the secretary of state, on the 14th june last, he had the

honour of being presented to his majesty, who, justly

appreciating the merit of the discovery, was pleased to

confer upon him the honour of knighthood.

“thus it is pleasing, in the distribution of honours by the

hand of the sovereign, to mark where they are conferred on

real merit. this is the true intention of their origin; but

it has been too often departed from, and they have been

given where no other title existed than being the friend of

those who had influence to gain the royal ear. from the

above statement, it will be seen this honour was conferred

on sir francis by his majesty for an invention, which has

saved since its discovery the lives of many hundreds, and

which may be considered as having given the original idea to

the similar inventions that have been attempted since that

time. its utility and importance we have also seen

acknowledged and rewarded by the two leading societies in

this country, and perhaps in europe, viz. the royal humane,

and the society of arts. the sovereign therefore was only

recognizing merit which had been previously established; and

the honour of knighthood, to the credit of the individual,

was conferred by his majesty in the most liberal and

handsome manner, without any other influence being used by

sir francis than simply preferring the claim.”

thus the subject of knighthood is to be nursed; and as the

doctor and the nurse are generally to be recognized

together, no one can read this part of the memoir without

exclaiming—well done, nussey. but why not gazetted, after

this liberal and hand-some manner of being rewarded? or why

an allusion to two surreptitious presentations, the names of

which two persons, so pointedly omitted, cannot well be

misunderstood? this is but doing things by halves, though no

such an observation can be applied to the proceedings of

charlotte-house, where cooper, munro, and co. (being well

explained) means two or three persons, viz. a black, a white

man, and a mahogany-coloured knight—a barber by trade, and

a skinner by company—a dealer in mercurials—a puff by

practice and an advertiser well versed in all the arts of

his prototype—a practitioner in panygyric—the puff direct—

the puff preliminary—the puff collateral—the puff

collusive—and the puff oblique, or puff by implication.

whether this will apply to sir charles althis or not, is

perhaps not so easy to ascertain; but as birds of a feather

like to flock together, so these medical knights in

misfortune deserve to be noticed in the same column,

although the one is said to be a shaver, and the other a

quaker. it seems they have both been moved by the same

spirit, and both follow (a good way off) the profession of

medicine.

among the various improvements of these improving times, for

we are still improving, notwithstanding complaint, a learned

little devil, inflated with gas, has suggested a plan for

the establishment of a medical assurance-office, where

person and property might be insured at so much per annum,

and the advantages to be derived from such an institution

would be, that instead of the insurance increasing with

years, it would grow less and less. how many thousand

grateful patients would it relieve annually! but we fear it

would be a daily source of sorrow to these knightly

medicals, and would by them be considered a devilish hard

case.

but hush, here is other company, and i will give you an account of him as we go along.”

they now attended the keeper, who explained the age, height, weight, species, size, power, and propensities of the animal, and then departed on their road towards temple bar,—on passing through which, they were overtaken again by sir francis, in a gig drawn by a dun-coloured horse, with his puppy between his legs, and a servant by his side, and immediately renewed the previous conversation.

“there he goes again,” said sparkle, “and a rare fellow he is too.”

“i should think so,” said bob; “he must have quacked to some good purpose, to obtain the honour of knighthood.”

[108]"not positively that,” continued sparkle; “for to obtain and to deserve are not synonymous, and, if report say true, there is not much honour attached to his obtaining it.

“——in the modesty of fearful duty,

i read as much as from the rattling tongue

of saucy and audacious eloquence:

love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity,

at least speak most to my capacity.”

and, according to my humble conception, he who talks much about himself, or pays others to talk or write about him, is generally most likely to be least deserving of public patronage; for if a man possesses real and evident abilities in any line of profession, the public will not be long in making a discovery of its existence, and the bounty, as is most usually the case, would quickly follow upon the heels of approbation. but many a meritorious man in the metropolis is pining away his miserable existence, too proud to beg, and too honest to steal, while others, with scarcely more brains than a sparrow, by persevering in a determination to leave no stone unturned to make themselves appear ridiculous, as a first step to popularity; and having once excited attention, even though it is merely to be laughed at by the thinking part of mankind, he finds it no great difficulty to draw the money out of their pockets while their eyes are riveted on a contemplation of his person or conduct. and there are not wanting instances of effrontery that have elevated men of little or no capacity to dignified situations. if report say true, the present secretary of the admiralty, who is admirable for his poetry also, was originally a hair-dresser, residing somewhere in blackfriar's or westminster-road; but then you must recollect he was a man who knew it was useless to lose a single opportunity; and probably such has been the case with sir daniel harlequin, who, from keeping a small shop in wapping, making a blaze upon the water about his life-preserver, marrying a wife with a red face and a full pocket, retired to a small cottage at mile end, and afterwards establishing a medical board, has got himself dubbed a knight. to be sure he has had a deal of puffing and blowing work to get through in his progress, which probably accounts for his black looks, not a little increased by the quantity of powder he wears. but what have we here?” finding the bustle of the streets considerably increased after passing temple bar.

“some political bookseller or other, in all probability,” said tom—“i'll step forward and see.” and in passing through the numerous body of persons that crowded on every side, the whole party was separated. bob, who had hung a little back while his two friends rushed forward, was lingering near the corner of the temple: he was beckoned by a man across the way, to whom he immediately went.

“do you happen to want a piece of fine india silk handkerchiefs, sir? i have some in my pocket that i can recommend and sell cheap—for money must be had; but only keep it to yourself, because they are smuggled goods, of the best quality and richest pattern.” during this opening speech, he was endeavouring to draw tallyho under the archway of bell-yard, when sparkle espying him, ran across to him, and taking him by the arm—“come along (said he;) and if you don't take yourself off instantly, i'll put you in custody,” shaking his stick at the other.

all this was like hebrew to bob, who, for his part, really conceived the poor fellow, as he termed him, might be in want of money, and compelled to dispose of his article for subsistence.

“ha, ha, ha,” cried sparkle, “i see you know nothing about them: these are the locusts of the town.” at this moment they were joined by the hon. tom dashall.

“egad!” continued sparkle, “i just saved your cousin from being trepanned, and sent for a soldier.”

tallyho appeared all amazement.

“what,” cried tom, “in the wars of venus then, i suppose i know he has a fancy for astronomy, and probably he was desirous of taking a peep into shire-lane, where he might easily find the sun, moon, and seven stars.”

“ha! ha! ha!” replied sparkle, “not exactly so; but i rescued him from the hands of a buffer,{1} who would

1 buffers miscalled duffers—persons who adopt a species of

swindling which is rather difficult of detection, though it

is daily practised in london. the term buffer takes its

derivation from a custom which at one time prevailed of

carrying bandanas, sarsnets, french stockings, and silk of

various kinds, next the shirts of the sellers; so that upon

making a sale, they were obliged to undress in order to come

at the goods, or in other words, to strip to the skin, or

buff it; by which means they obtained the title of buffers.

this trade (if it may be so termed) is carried on in a

genteel manner. the parties go about from house to house,

and attend public-houses, inns, and fairs, pretending to

sell smuggled goods, such as those already mentioned; and by

offering their goods for sale, they are enabled by practice

to discover the proper objects for their arts.

buffers, or duffers, who are not rogues in the strict sense

of the word, only offer to sell their goods to the best

advantage, and by this means evade the detection of the

police, but are equally subversive or destructive of common

honesty under a cloak or disguise; for if they can persuade

any person that the article offered is actually better or

cheaper than any other person's, they are doing no more than

every tradesman does; but then as they pay no rent or taxes

to the state, the principal objection to them lies in the

mode of operation, and an overstrained recommendation of

their goods, which are always, according to their account,

of the most superior quality; and they have a peculiar

facility of discovering the novice or the silly, to whom

walking up with a serious countenance and interesting air,

they broach the pleasing intelligence, that they have on

sale an excellent article well worth their attention, giving

a caution at the same time, that honour and secrecy must be

implicitly observed, or it may lead to unpleasantness to

both parties. by these means persons from the country are

frequently enticed into public-houses to look at their

goods; and if they do not succeed in one way, they are

almost sure in another, by having an accomplice, who will

not fail to praise the articles for sale, and propose some

gambling scheme, by which the party is plundered of his

money by passing forged bank-notes, base silver or copper,

in the course of their dealings.

[110]doubtless have fleeced him in good style, if he could only have induced him to attend to his story.”

“the mob you see collected there,” said the hon. tom dashalll, “is attracted by two circumstances—money's new coronation crop, just lanched—and a broken image of a highlander, at the door of a snuff-shop; each of them truly important and interesting of course, the elevation of one man, and the destruction of another. the poor scotchman seems dreadfully bruised, and i suppose is now under the doctor's hands, for he has two or three plasters on his face.”

“yes,” continued sparkle, “he has been out on a spree,{1} had a bit of a turn-up, and been knock'd down.”

upon hearing this conversation, tallyho could not help inquiring into the particulars.

“why the facts are simply as follows,” continued

1 spree—a bit of fun, or a frolicsome lark.

[111]sparkle—“in london, as you perceive, tradesmen are in the habit of exhibiting signs of the business or profession in which they are engaged. the pawnbroker decorates his door with three gold balls—the barber, in some places, (though it is a practice almost out of date) hangs out a long pole—the gold-beater, an arm with a hammer in the act of striking—the chemist, a head of glauber, or esculapius—the tobacconist, a roll of tobacco, and of late it has become customary for these venders of pulverised atoms called snuff, to station a wooden figure of a highlander, in the act of taking a pinch of hardham's, or high-dried, as a sort of inviting introduction to their counters; and a few nights back, a scotchman, returning from his enjoyments at a neighbouring tavern, stopped to have a little friendly chat with this gentleman's highlander, and by some means or other, i suppose, a quarrel ensued, upon which the animated young scotchman took advantage of his countryman—floored him, broke both his arms, and otherwise did him considerable bodily injury, the effects of which are still visible; and johnny bull, who is fond of a little gape-seed, is endeavouring to console him under his sufferings.”

“very kind of him, indeed,” replied bob.

“at any rate,” said tom, “the tobacconist will have occasion to be grateful to the highlander{1} for some portion of his popularity.”

1 it is matter of astonishment to some, but not less true,

that many tradesmen in the metropolis have to ascribe both

fame and fortune to adventitious circumstances. it is said

that hardham, of fleet street, had to thank the celebrated

comedian, foote, who, in one of his popular characters,

introducing his snuffbox, offered a pinch to the person he

was in conversation with on the stage, who spoke well of it,

and inquired where he obtained it?—“why, at hardham's, to

be sure.” and to this apparently trifling circumstance,

hardham was indebted for his fortune.

the importance of a highlander to a snuff-shop will appear

by a perusal of the following fact:—

a very respectable young man, a clerk in the office of an

eminent solicitor, was recently brought before mr. alderman

atkins, upon the charge of being disorderly. the prisoner,

it seemed, on his return home from a social party, where he

had been sacrificing rather too freely to the jolly god, was

struck with the appearance of a showy wooden figure of a

highlander, at the door of mr. micklan's snuff-shop, no. 12,

fleet street. the young attorney, who is himself a

scotchman, must needs claim acquaintance with his

countryman. he chucked him familiarly under the chin, called

him a very pretty fellow, and, in the vehemence of his

affection, embraced him with so much violence, as to force

him from his station. mr. micklan ran to the assistance of

his servant, and in the scuffle the unfortunate highlander

had both his arms dislocated, the frill that adorned his

neck damaged, besides other personal injuries, which his

living countryman not being in the humour to atone for, mr.

micklau gave him in charge to the watchman. before the

magistrate in the morning, the young man appeared heartily

sick of his folly, and perfectly willing to make every

reparation, but complained of the excessive demand, which he

stated to be no less than thirteen guineas. mr. micklan

produced the remains of the unfortunate highlander, who

excited a compound fracture of both arms, with a mutilation

of three or four fingers, and such other bodily wounds, as

to render his perfect recovery, so as to resume his

functions at mr. micklan's door, altogether hopeless. the

highlander, the complainant stated, cost him thirteen

guineas, and was entirely new. the sum might seem large for

the young gentleman to pay for such a frolic, but it would

not compensate him for the injury he should sustain by the

absence of the figure; for, however strange it might appear,

he did not hesitate to say, that without it he should not

have more than half his business. since he had stationed it

at his door, he had taken on an average thirty shillings a

day more than he had done previous to exhibiting his

attractions.

there being no proof of a breach of the peace, mr. alderman

atkins advised the gentleman to settle the matter upon the

best terms he could. they withdrew together, and on their

return the complainant reported that the gentleman had

agreed to take the figure, and furnish him with a new one.

mr. alderman atkins, in discharging the prisoner,

recommended to him to get the figure repaired, and make a

niche for him in his office, where, by using it as a proper

memorial, it would probably save him more than it cost him.

the broken figure has since been exhibited in his old

station, and excited considerable notice; but we apprehend

he is not yet able to afford all the attractions of his

occupation, for he has formerly been seen inviting his

friends to a pinch of snuff gratis, by holding a box

actually containing that recreating powder in his hand, in

the most obliging and condescending manner—a mark of

politeness and good breeding well worthy of respectful

attention.

“come,” said sparkle, “we are now in one of the principal thoroughfares of the metropolis, fleet street, of which you have already heard much, and is at all times thronged with multitudes of active and industrious persons, in pursuit of their various avocations, like a hive of bees, and keeping up, like them, a ceaseless hum. nor is it less a scene of real life worth viewing, than the more refined haunts of the noble, the rich, and the great, many of whom leave their splendid habitations in the west in the morning, to attend the money-getting, [113]commercial men of the city, and transact their business.—the dashing young spendthrift, to borrow at any interest; and the more prudent, to buy or to sell. the plodding tradesman, the ingenious mechanic, are exhausting their time in endeavours to realize property, perhaps to be left for the benefit of a son, who as ardently sets about, after his father's decease, to get rid of it—nay, perhaps, pants for an opportunity of doing this before he can take possession; for the young citizen, having lived just long enough to conceive himself superior to his father, in violation of filial duty and natural authority, affects an aversion to every thing that is not novel, expensive, and singular. he is a lad of high spirit; he calls the city a poor dull prison, in which he cannot bear to be confined; and though he may not intend to mount his nag, stiffens his cravat, whistles a sonata, to which his whip applied to the boot forms an accompaniment; while his spurs wage war with the flounces of a fashionably-dressed belle, or come occasionally in painful contact with the full-stretched stockings of a gouty old gentleman; by all which he fancies he is keeping” up the dignity and importance of his character. he does not slip the white kid glove from his hand without convincing the spectator that; his hand is the whiter skin; nor twist his fingers for the introduction of a pinch of maccaba, without displaying to the best advantage his beautifully chased ring and elegantly painted snuff-box lid; nor can the hour of the day be ascertained without discovering his engine-turned repeater, and hearing its fascinating music: then the fanciful chain, the precious stones in golden robes, and last of all, the family pride described in true heraldic taste and na?veté. of peter pindar's opinion, that

“care to our coffin adds a nail,

but every grin so merry draws one out,”

he thinks it an admirable piece of politeness and true breeding to give correct specimens of the turkey or the goose in the serious scenes of a dramatic representation, or while witnessing her ladyship's confusion in a crowd of carriages combating for precedence in order to obtain an early appearance at court. reading he considers quite a bore, but attends the reading-room, which he enters, not to know what is worth reading and add a little knowledge to his slender stock from the labours and experience of [114]men of letters—no, but to quiz the cognoscenti, and throw the incense over its learned atmosphere from his strongly perfumed cambric handkerchief, which also implies what is most in use for the indulgence of one of the five senses. when he enters a coffee-room, it is not for the purpose of meeting an old friend, and to enjoy with him a little rational conversation over his viands, but to ask for every newspaper, and throw them aside without looking at them—to call the waiter loudly by his name, and shew his authority—to contradict an unknown speaker who is in debate with others, and declare, upon the honour of a gentleman and the veracity of a scholar, that pope never understood greek, nor translated homer with tolerable justice. he considers it a high privilege to meet a celebrated pugilist at an appointed place, to floor him for a quid,{1} a fall, and a high delight to talk of it afterwards for the edification of his friends—to pick up a cyprian at mid-day—to stare modest women out of countenance—to bluster at a hackney-coachman—or to upset a waterman in the river, in order to gain the fame of a leander, and prove himself a hero.

“he rejects all his father's proposed arrangements for his domestic comforts and matrimonial alliance. he wanders in his own capricious fancy, like a fly in summer, over the fields of feminine beauty and loveliness; yet he declares there is so much versatility and instability about the fair sex, that they are unworthy his professions of regard; and, perhaps, in his whole composition, there is nothing deserving of serious notice but his good-nature. thus you have a short sketch of a young citizen.”

“upon my word, friend sparkle, you are an admirable delineator of society,” said dashall.

“my drawings are made from nature,” continued sparkle.

“aye, and very naturally executed too,” replied tom. having kept walking on towards st. paul's, they were by this time near the end of shoe lane, at the corner of which sat an elderly woman with a basket of mackerel for sale; and as they approached they saw several persons rush from thence into the main street in evident alarm.

“come up, d——n your eyes,” said an ill-favoured fellow with an immense cudgel in his fist, driving an ass laden

1 quid—a. guinea.

[115]with brick-dust, with which he was belabouring him most unmercifully. the poor beast, with an endeavour to escape if possible the cudgelling which awaited him, made a sudden turn round the post, rubbing his side against it as he went along, and thereby relieving himself of his load, which he safely deposited, with a cloud of brick-dust that almost blinded the old woman and those who were near her, in the basket of fish. neddy then made the best of his way towards fleet-market, and an over-drove bullock, which had terrified many persons, issued almost at the same moment from shoe lane, and took the direction for temple-bar. the whistling, the hooting, the hallooing, and the running of the drovers in pursuit—men, women, and children, scampering to get out of the way of the infuriated beast—the noise and rattling of carriages, the lamentations of the poor fish-fag, and the vociferations of the donkey-driver to recover his neddy—together with a combination of undistinguishable sounds from a variety of voices, crying their articles for sale, or announcing their several occupations—formed a contrast of characters, situations, and circumstances, not easily to be described. here, a poor half-starved and almost frightened-to-death brat of a chimney-sweeper, in haste to escape, had run against a lady whose garments were as white as snow—there, a barber had run against a parson, and falling along with him, had dropped a pot of pomatum from his apron-pocket on the reverend gentleman's eye, and left a mark in perfect unison with the colour of his garments before the disaster, but which were now of a piebald nature, neither black nor white. a barrow of nuts, overturned in one place, afforded fine amusement for the scrambling boys and girls—a jew old clothes-man swore upon his conscience he had losht the pest pargain vhat he ever had offered to him in all his lifetime, by dem tam'd bears of bull-drivers—a sailor called him a gallows half-hung ould crimp,{1} d——d his

1 crimp—kidnappers, trappers, or procurers of men for the

merchant service; and the east-india company contract with

them for a supply of sailors to navigate their ships out and

home. these are for the most part jews, who have made

advances to the sailors of money, clothes, victuals, and

lodgings, generally to a very small amount, taking care to

charge an enormous price for every article. the poor

fellows, by these means, are placed under a sort of

espionage, if not close confinement, till the ship is ready

to receive them; and then they are conducted on board at

gravesend by the crimp and his assistants, and a receipt

taken for them.

in this process there is nothing very reprehensible—the men

want births, and have no money—the crimp keeps a lodging-

house, and wishes to be certain of his man: he therefore

takes him into the house, and after a very small supply of

cash, the grand do, is to persuade him to buy watches,

buckles, hats, and jackets, to be paid for on his receiving

his advance previous to sailing. by this means and the

introduction of grog, the most barefaced and unblushing

robberies have been committed.

with the same view of fleecing the unwary poor fellows, who

“... at sea earn their money like horses,

to squander it idly like asses on shore,”

they watch their arrival after the voyage, and advance small

sums of money upon their tickets, or perhaps buy them out

and out, getting rid at the same time of watches, jewellery,

and such stuff, at more than treble their real value. not

only is this the case in london, but at all the out-ports it

is practised to a very great extent, particularly in war

time.

happy would it be for poor jack were this all; he is some-

times brought in indebted to the crimp to a large nominal

amount, by what is called a long-shore attorney, or more

appropriately, a black shark, and thrown into jail!!! there

he lies until his body is wanted, and then the incarcerator

négociates with him for his liberty, to be permitted to

enter on board again.

[116]eyes if he was not glad of it, and, with a sling of his arm, deposited an enormous quid he had in his mouth directly in the chaps of the israelite, then joined the throng in pursuit; while the jew, endeavouring to call stop thief, took more of the second-hand quid than agreed with the delicacy of his stomach, and commenced a vomit, ejaculating with woful lamentations, that he had lost his bag mit all his propertish.

the old mackarel-woman, seeing her fish covered with brick-dust, set off in pursuit of the limping donkey-driver, and catching him by the neck, swore he should pay her for the fish, and brought him back to the scene of action; but, in the mean time, the street-keeper had seized and carried off the basket with all its contents—misfortune upon misfortune!

“d——n your ass, and you too,” said the fish-woman, “if you doesn't pay me for my fish, i'll quod{1} you—that there's all vat i ar got to say.”

“here's a bit of b——dy gammon—don't you see as how i am lost both my ass and his cargo, and if you von't leave

1 quod—a jail—to quod a person is to send him to jail.

[117]me alone, and give me my bags again, i'll sarve you out—there now, that's all—bl——st me! fair play's a jewel—let go my hair, and don't kick up no rows about it—see vhat a mob you're a making here—can't you sell your mackarel ready sauced, and let me go ater neddy?”

“vhat, you thinks you are a flat-catching,{1} do you, limping billy—but eh, who has run away with my basket offish?”

“ha, ha, ha,” cried limping billy, bursting into a horse-laugh at the additional distress of the old woman, in which he was joined by many of the surrounding spectators; and which so enraged her, that she let go her hold, and bursting through the crowd with an irresistible strength, increased almost to the fury of madness by her additional loss, she ran some paces distance in search of, not only her stock in trade, but her shop, shop-board, and working-tools; while the donkey-driver boisterously vociferated after her—“here they are six a shilling, live mackarel o.”

this taunt of the brick-dust merchant was too much to be borne, and brought her back again with a determination to chastise him, which she did in a summary way, by knocking him backwards into the kennel. billy was not pleased at this unexpected salute, called her a drunken ——, and endeavoured to get out of her way—“for,” said he, “i know she is a b——dy rum customer when she gets lushy."{2} at this moment, a sturdy youth, about sixteen or seventeen years of age, was seen at a short distance riding the runaway-ass back again. billy perceiving this, became a little more reconciled to his rough usage—swore he never would strike a voman, so help him g——d, for that he was a man every inch of him; and as for mother mapps, he'd be d——nd-if he vouldn't treat her with all the pleasure of life; and now he had got his own ass, he vould go along with her for to find her mackarel. then shaking a cloud of brick-dust from the dry parts of his apparel, with sundry portions of mud from those parts which had most easily reached the kennel, he took the bridle of his donkey, and bidding her come along, they toddled{3} together to a gin-shop in shoe lane.

1 flat-catching—is an expression of very common use, and

seems almost to explain itself, being the act of taking

advantage of any person who appears ignorant and

unsuspicious.

2 lushy—drunk.

3 toddle—to toddle is to walk slowly, either from

infirmity or choice—“come, let us toddle,” is a very

familiar phrase, signifying let us be going.

[118]desirous of seeing an end to this bit of gig—“come along,” said sparkle, “they'll all be in prime twig presently, and we shall have some fun.

“i'm the boy for a bit of a bobbery,

nabbing a lantern, or milling a pane;

a jolly good lark is not murder or robbery,

let us be ready and nimble.”

hark, (said he) there's a fiddle-scraper in the house—here goes;” and immediately they entered.

they had no occasion to repent of their movements; for in one corner of the tap-room sat billy waters, a well-known character about town, a black man with a wooden leg was fiddling to a slaughterman from fleet-market, in wooden shoes, who, deck'd with all the paraphernalia of his occupation, a greasy jacket and night-cap, an apron besmeared with mud, blood, and grease, nearly an inch thick, and a leathern girdle, from which was suspended a case to hold his knives, and his sleeves tuck'd up as if he had but just left the slaughter-house, was dancing in the centre to the infinite amusement of the company, which consisted of an old woman with periwinkles and crabs for sale in a basket—a porter with his knot upon the table—a dustman with his broad-flapped hat, and his bell by his side—an irish hodman—and two poor girls, who appeared to be greatly taken with the black fiddler, whose head was decorated with an oil-skinned cock'd hat, and a profusion of many coloured feathers: on the other side of the room sat a young man of shabby-genteel appearance, reading the newspaper with close attention, and purring forth volumes of smoke. limping billy and mother mapps were immediately known, and room was made for their accommodation, while the fiddler's elbow and the slaughterman's wooden shoes were kept in motion.

max{l} was the order of the day, and the sluicery{2} in good request. mother mapps was made easy by being informed the street-keeper had her valuables in charge, which limping billy promised he would redeem. “bring us a

1 max—a very common term for gin.

2 sluicery—a gin-shop or public-house: so denominated from

the lower orders of society sluicing their throats as it

were with gin, and probably derived from the old song

entitled “the christening of little joey,” formerly sung

by jemmy dodd, of facetious memory.

“and when they had sluiced their gobs

with striving to excel wit,

the lads began to hang their nobs,*

* nobs—heads.

** frows—originally a dutch word, meaning wives, or girls.

*** velvet—the tongue.

[119]noggin of white tape,{1} and fill me a pipe,” said he—“d——n my eyes, i knowed as how it vou'd be all right enough, i never gets in no rows whatever without getting myself out again—come, ould chap,{2} vet your vistle, and tip it us rum—go it my kiddy, that are's just vat i likes.”

“vat's the reason i an't to have a pipe?” said mother mapps.

“lord bless your heart,” said the donkey-driver, “if i did'nt forget you, never trust me—here, landlord, a pipe for this here lady.”

“which way did the bull run?” said the irishman.

“bl——st me if i know,” replied limping billy, “for i was a looking out for my own ass—let's have the sprig of shelalah, ould blackymoor—come, tune up.”

the old woman being supplied with a pipe, and the fiddler having rosined his nerves with a glass of blue ruin{3} to it they went, some singing, some whistling, and others drumming with their hands upon the table; while tom, bob, and sparkle, taking a seat at the other side of the room, ordered a glass of brandy and water each, and enjoyed the merriment of the scene before them, perhaps more than those actually engaged in it. bob was alive to every movement and every character, for it was new, and truly interesting: and kept growing more so, for in a few minutes limping billy and mother mapps joined the slaughterman in the dance, when nothing could be more grotesque and amusing. their pipes in their mouths—clapping of hands and snapping of fingers, formed a curious accompaniment to the squeaking of the fiddle—the broad grin of the dustman, and the preposterous laugh of the

1 white tape—also a common term for gin, particularly among

the ladies.

2 ould chap, or ould boy—familiar terms of address among

flash lads, being a sort of contraction of old acquaintance,

or old friend.

3 blue ruin—gin.

[120]irishman at the reelers in the centre, heightened the picture—more gin—more music, and more tobacco, soon ad a visible effect upon the party, and reeling became unavoidable. the young man reading the paper, found it impossible to understand what he was perusing, and having finished his pipe and his pint, made his exit, appearing to have no relish for the entertainment, and perhaps heartily cursing both the cause and the effect. still, however, the party was not reduced in number, for as one went out another came in.

this new customer was a young-looking man, bearing a large board on a high pole, announcing the residence of a bug-destroyer in the strand. his appearance was grotesque in the extreme, and could only be equalled by the eccentricities of his manners and conversation. he was dressed in a brown coat, close buttoned, over which he had a red camlet or stuff surtout, apparently the off-cast of some theatrical performer, but with a determination to appear fashionable; for

“folks might as well be dead—nay buried too,

as not to dress and act as others do.”

he wore mustachios, a pair of green spectacles, and his whole figure was surmounted with a fur-cap. taking a seat directly opposite our party at the same table—“bring me a pint,” said he; and then deliberately searching his pockets, he produced a short pipe and some tobacco, with which he filled it—“you see,” said he, “i am obliged to smoke according to the doctor's orders, for an asthma—so i always smokes three pipes a day, that's my allowance; but i can eat more than any man in the room, and can dance, sing, and act—nothing conies amiss to me, all the players takes their characters from me.”

after this introduction—“you are a clever fellow, i'll be bound for it,” said dashall.

“o yes, i acts richard the third sometimes—sometimes macbeth and tom thumb. i have played before mr. kean: then i acted richard the third—'give me a horse! '—(starting into the middle of the room)—'no, stop, not so—let me see, let me see, how is it?—ah, this is the way—give me a horse—oh! oh! oh!—then you know i dies.”—and down he fell on the floor, which created a general roar of laughter; while billy waters [121]struck up, “see the conquering hero conies!” to the inexpressible delight of all around him—their feet and hands all going at the same time.

mother mapps dropp'd her pipe, and d——d the weed, it made her sick, she said.

limping billy was also evidently in queer-street.

“come,” said sparkle, “won't you have a drop more?”

“thank ye, sir,” was the reply; and sparkle, intent upon having his gig out, ordered a fresh supply, which soon revived the fallen hero of bosworth-field, and richard was himself again.

“now,” said he, “i'll sing you a song,” and immediately commenced as follows:—

“my name's hookey walker, i'm known very well,

in acting and eating i others excel;

the player-folks all take their patterns from me,

and a nice pattern too!—don't you see? don't you see?

oh! [glancing at his fingers] it will do—it will do.

at chippenham born, i was left quite forlorn,

when my father was dead and my mother was gone;

so i came up to london, a nice little he,

and a nice pattern too!—don't you see? don't you see?

oh! it will do—it will do.

a courting i went to a girl in our court,

she laugh'd at my figure, and made me her sport;

i was cut to the soul,—so said i on my knee,

i'm a victim of love!—don't you see? don't you see?

oh! it won't do—it won't do.

now all day i march to and fro in the street,

and a candle sometimes on my journey i eat;

so i'll set you a pattern, if you'll but agree,

and a nice pattern too! you shall see—you shall see.

oh! it will do—it will do.”

this song, which he declared was all made out of his own head, was sung with grotesque action and ridiculous grimace, intended no doubt in imitation of mr. wilkinson in his inimitable performance of this strange piece of whimsicality. the dancing party was knock'd up and were lobbing their lollys,{1} half asleep and half awake, on the table, bowing as it were to the magnanimous influence

1 lobbing their lollys—laying their heads.

[122]of old tom.{1} the dustman and the irishman laugh'd heartily; and das hall, tallyho, and sparkle, could not resist the impulse to risibility when they contemplated the group before them. the bug-destroyer munched{2} a candle and sluiced{3} his greasy chops{4} with jacky{5} almost as fast as they could supply him with it, when sparkle perceiving the boy was still at the door with the runaway ass,

“come,” said he, “we'll start 'em off home in high style—here, you mr. bugman, can you ride?”

“ride, aye to be sure i can, any of mr. astley's horses as well as the champion of england,"{6} was the reply.

1 old tom—it is customary in public-houses and gin-shops

in london and its vicinity to exhibit a cask inscribed with

large letters—old tom, intended to indicate the best gin in

the house.

2 munched—eat.

3 sluiced—washed. see sluicery.

4 chops—the mouth.

5 jacky—a vulgar term for gin.

6 any person would almost suspect that hookey had been

reading the newspapers by this allusion; but that certainly

could not be the case, for, spurning all education in early

life, this representative of the immortal bard—this

character of characters from shakespeare, could neither read

nor write, but made all he acted, as he said, from his own

head: however, it may fairly be presumed, that in the course

of his travels during the day he had heard something of the

champion intended to appear at the approaching coronation,

of whom the following account has recently been circulated

through the daily press, and, with his usual consistency,

conceived his own innate abilities equal to those which

might be acquired by mr. dymocke, though his claims were not

equally honourable or advantageous.

mr. dymocke, the nephew of the gentleman (who is a

clergyman) entitled by hereditary right to do the service of

the champion to his majesty, is still in hopes he may be

permitted to act under his uncle's nomination, although he

wants a few months of being of age. a petition is before the

king on the subject; and mr. dymocke, by constant practice

at astley's hiding-school, is endeavouring to qualify

himself for the due fulfilment of the office. on thursday

lie went through his exercise in a heavy suit of armour with

great celerity. the horse which will be rode by the champion

has been selected from mr. astley's troop. it is a fine

animal, pieballed black and white, and is regularly

exercised in the part he will have to perform.

“walk in—walk in, ladies and gentlemen, just going to begin—come, mr. merryman, all ready—ladies and gentlemen, please to observe, this here horse is not that there horse.”

“so we laugh at john bull a little.”

[123]"come, then,” continued sparkle, “another glass—half-a-crown to ride to the bottom of the lane and up holboru-hill on that donkey at the door, and you shall be our champion.”

“a bargain—a bargain,” said the assumed hookey walker, rubbing the tallow from his gills.{1}

“here goes then,” said sparkle; then slipping half-a-crown into the boy's hand, desiring him to run as far as the traveller-office, in fleet-street, and get him a newspaper, promising to take care of his ass till his return. the lad nibbled the bait, and was off in a pig's whisper{2} sparkle called to tom and bob, and putting them up to his scheme, hookey was quickly mounted, while dashall and his cousin, assisted by the hibernian and dust-ho, succeeded in getting mother mapps out, who was placed in the front of the champion, astride, with her face towards him and limping billy, who though beat to a stand still,{3} was after some difficulty lifted up behind. hookey was then supplied with his board, the pole of which he placed on his foot, in the manner of a spear or lance. then giving the irishman and the dustman some silver, to act as supporters or esquires, one on each side, they proceeded along shoe-lane, preceded by billy waters flourishing his wooden-leg and feathers, and fiddling as he went—the irishman roaring out with stentorian lungs,

“sure won't you hear

what roaring cheer

was spread at paddy's wedding o,

and how so gay

they spent the day,

from the churching to the bedding o.

first book in hand came father quipes,

with the bride's dadda, the bailey o,

while all the way to church the pipes

struck up a jilt so gaily o.

“kim ap—be after sitting fast in the front there, old mapps, or you'll make a mud-lark of yourself.” the dustman rang his bell; and thus accompanied with an immense assemblage of boys, girls, men, women, and

1 gills—the mouth.

2 pig's whisper—a very common term for speed.

3 beat to a dead stand still—means completely unable to

assist himself.

[124]children, collected from all the courts and alleys in the neighbourhood, joining in a chorus of shouts that rent the air, poor balaam continued to bear his load; while our party, after watching them till nearly out of sight, passed down harp-alley into fleet-market,” and turning to the right, very soon regained fleet-street, laughing heartily at the bull's cookery of mackarel buttered with brick-dust, and very well satisfied with their spree.

engaged in conversation upon this adventure, they found nothing of interest' or amusement to attract their notice till they arrived at the warehouse of the london genuine tea company, except merely remarking the grand appearance of st. paul's, from that situation.

“genuine tea” said bob; “what can that mean—is tea any thing but tea?”

“to be sure it is,” said sparkle, “or has been—anything but tea,"{l} strongly marking the latter part of the

1 tea and coffee—the adulteration of articles of human food

is a practice of the most nefarious description, and cannot

be too strongly deprecated, although it has been carried to

an alarming extent. there is scarcely an article of ordinary

consumption but has been unlawfully adulterated, and in many

cases rendered injurious by the infamous and fraudulent

practice of interested persons. bread, which is considered

to be the staff of life, and beer and ale the universal

beverage of the people of this country, are known to be

frequently mixed with drugs of the most pernicious quality.

gin, that favourite and heart-inspiring cordial of the lower

orders of society, that it may have the grip, or the

appearance of being particularly strong, is frequently

adulterated with the decoction of long pepper, or a small

quantity of aqua-fortis, a deadly poison. sugar has been

known to be mixed with sand; and tobacco, for the public-

houses, undergoes a process for making it strong and

intoxicating; but the recent discovery of the nefarious

practice of adulterating tea and coffee, articles of the

most universal and extensive consumption, deserves

particular reprehension.

tea has been adulterated by the introduction of dried sloe

leaves; the practice is not very new, but its extensive

adoption, and the deleterious properties ascribed to them by

physicians, have been, at length, successfully exposed by

the conviction of many of the venders, so, it is hoped, as

to prevent a repetition of the crime. the sloe leaf, though

a spurious commodity when sold as tea, might afford a

harmless vegetable infusion, and be recommended to the poor

and frugal as a cheap succedaneum for the chinese vegetable.

the establishment of the genuine tea company on ludgate-hill

originated in the recent discoveries, promising to sell

nothing but the unadulterated tea, and it is sincerely to be

hoped has done some good.

[125]sentence as he spoke it: “horse-beans have been converted to coffee, and sloe-leaves have been transformed into tea; hog's lard has been manufactured for butter; an ingenious gentleman wishes to persuade us periwinkles{1} are young lobsters; and another has proposed to extract sugar, and some say brandy, out of pea-shells! london is the mart for inventions and discoveries of all kinds, and every one of its inhabitants appears to have studied something of the art of legerdemain, to catch the eye and deceive the senses.”

“wonderful!” exclaimed bob.

“not more wonderful than true,” continued sparkle; “invention is always on the stretch in london. here we have cast-iron bridges{2}—a cast-iron sugar-house—

1 sparkle appears to have been rather sceptical on the

subject of periwinkles being young lobsters, though the

opinion is not very new. a gentleman, whose indefatigable

research appears to be deserving of encouragement and

support, has recently issued the following advertisement,

inviting the curious and the learned to inspect the result

of his discoveries, which seems, at least, to warrant

something more than conjecture.

“j. cleghorne having in his possession some specimens which

prove, in his opinion, a circumstance before suggested, but

treated by the scientific as a vulgar error, any known

naturalist willing to view them, by noticing by letter,

within a week, may have j. c. attend with his specimens. the

subject is a curious change in the formation of lobsters

from various species of the winkle, the winkle being

considered the larva;.

the only advantage j. c. desires from the communication is,

the credit of advancing his proofs, and the stimulating

further enquiry.—a line addressed to j. cleghorne,

architectural engraver, no. 19, chapman-street, black-road,

islington, will have immediate attention.”

it is sincerely to be hoped that proper notice will be taken

of this advertisement, for in times of general scarcity like

the present, such a discovery might be turned to great

national advantage, by the establishment of proper depots

for the cultivation of lobsters, as we have preserves for

game, &c.

2 cast-iron has become an object of general utility. the

southwark or new london bridge consists of three arches, the

centre of which is a span of 240 feet, and the other two 210

feet each; the vauxhall bridge consists of nine arches, over

a width of 809 feet; and it is a fact, that a sugar-house is

building with cast-iron floors, window-frames, and rafters,

to prevent fire. cast-iron holds fire and resists fire; but

it is probable that all its properties and powers are not

yet discovered, and that we may some day or other witness

the ascension of a cast-iron balloon inflated with steam!

[126]coaches running, and barges, packets, and sailing-boats navigated, by steam{1}—st. paul's, as you perceive, without its ball—smoke burning itself, and money burning men's consciences.”

“well done, sparkle!” cried tom; “your ideas seem to flow like gas, touch but the valve and off you go; and you are equally diffusive, for you throw a light upon all subjects.”

bob was now suddenly attracted by a full view of himself and his friends at the further end of everington's{2}

1 steam—here is a subject that evaporates as we approach;

it soars beyond finite comprehension, and appears to be

inexhaustible—every thing is done by it—machinery of every

kind is set in motion by it—a newspaper of the most

extensive circulation in the kingdom is printed by it, and

the paper supplied sheet by sheet to receive the impression.

tobacco is manufactured, and sausage-meat cut, by steam—

nay, a celebrated vender of the latter article had asserted,

that his machinery was in such a state of progressive

improvement, that he had little doubt before long of making

it supply the demands of his customers, and thereby save the

expense of a shopman; but, it is much to be regretted, his

apparatus made sausage-meat of him before the accomplishment

of his project.

considering the increasing, and by some philosophers almost

overwhelming population of the country at the present

moment, it is certainly an alarming circumstance, that when

employment is so much required, mechanical science should so

completely supersede it to the injury of thousands,

independent of the many who have lost their lives by the

blowing up of steam-engines. it is a malady however which

must be left to our political economists, who will

doubtless at the same time determine which would prove the

most effectual remedy—the recommendation of mr. malthus to

condemn the lower orders to celibacy—the jack tars to a

good war—or the ministers to emigration.

2 if an estimate of the wealth or poverty of the nation

were to lie formed from the appearance of the houses in the

metropolis, no one could be induced to believe that the

latter had any existence among us. the splendour and taste

of our streets is indescribable, and the vast improvements

in the west are equally indicative of the former.

the enormous increase of rents for shops, particularly in

the leading thoroughfares of london, may in a great measure

be attributed to the linen-drapers. the usual method

practised by some of these gentry, is to take a shop in the

first-rate situation, pull down the old front, and erect a

new one, regardless of expense, a good outside being

considered the first and indispensable requisite. this is

often effected, either upon credit with a builder, or, if

they have a capital of a few hundreds, it is all exhausted

in external decorations. goods are obtained upon credit, and

customers procured by puffing advertisements, and exciting

astonishment at the splendid appearance of the front. thus

the concern is generally carried on till the credit obtained

has expired, and the wonder and novelty of the concern has

evaporated; when the stock is sold off at 30 per cent,

under prime cost for the benefit of the creditors! this is

so common an occurrence, that it is scarcely possible to

walk through london any day in the year, without being

attracted by numerous linen-drapers' shops, whose windows

are decorated with bills, indicating that they are actually

selling off under prime cost, as the premises must be

cleared in a few days.

the most elegant shop of this description in the metropolis

is supposed to be one not a hundred miles from ludgate-hill,

the front and fitting up of which alone is said to have cost

several thousand pounds. the interior is nearly all of

looking-glass, with gilt mouldings; even the ceiling is

looking-glass, from which is appended splendid cut-glass

chandeliers, which when lighted give to the whole the

brilliance of enchantment; however it is not very easy to

form an idea of what is sold, for, with the exception of a

shawl or two carelessly thrown into the window, there is

nothing to be seen, (the stock being all concealed in

drawers, cupboards, &c. ) except the decorations and the

dandy shopmen, who parade up and down in a state of ecstasy

at the reflection of their own pretty persons from every

part of the premises!

this concealment of the stock has occasioned some laughable

occurrences. it is said that a gentleman from the country

accidentally passing, took it for a looking-glass

manufactory, and went in to inquire the price of a glass.

the shopmen gathered round him with evident surprise,

assured him of his mistake, and directed him to go to

blades,{1} lower down the hill. the countryman was not

disconcerted, but, after surveying them somewhat minutely,

informed them it was glass he wanted, not cutlery; but as

for blades, he thought there were enow there for one street,

at least.

another is said to have been so pleased with a row of

grotesque indian-china jars, which embellish one side of the

entrance, and which he mistook for pots de chambre, that

after returning home and consulting his rib, he sent an

order per post for one of the most elegant pattern to be

forwarded to him!

there is a similar shop to this, though on a smaller scale,

to be seen in a great leading thoroughfare at the west end

of the town; the owner of which, from his swarthy complexion

and extravagant mode of dress, has been denominated the

black prince, a name by which he is well known in his own

neighbourhood, and among the gentlemen of the cloth. this

dandy gentleman, who affects the dress and air of a military

officer, has the egregious vanity to boast that the numerous

families of rank and fashion who frequent his shop, are

principally attracted to view his elegant person, and seems

to consider that upon this principally depends the success

of his trade.

1 a large glass-manufacturer.

128—shop, and without observing the other persons about him, saw himself surrounded with spectators, unconscious of being in their company. he look'd up—he look'd down—he gazed around him, and all was inconceivable light. tom's allusion to the gas flashed upon him in a moment—“what—what is this?” said he—“where, in the name of wonder, am i?” a flash of lightning could not have operated more suddenly upon him. “why,” said sparkle, “don't you see?

“you are not here, for you are there,”

pointing to his reflection, in the looking-glass.

“egad,” said bob, under evident surprise, and perhaps not without some apprehension they were playing tricks with him—“i wish you would explain—is this a drawing-room, or is it the phantasmagoria we have heard so much of in the country?”

“no, no, it is not the phantasmagoria, but it forms a part of metropolitan magic, which you shall be better acquainted with before we part. that is no other than a linen-draper's shop, 'papered,' as an irishman one day remarked, 'vvid nothing at all at all but looking-glass, my dear '—one of the most superb things of the kind that perhaps ever was seen—but come, i perceive it is getting late, let us proceed directly to dolly's, take our chop, then a rattler,{1} and hey for the spell."{2}

bob appeared almost to be spell-bound at the moment, and, as they moved onward, could not help casting

“one longing, lingering look behind.”

1 rattler—a coach.

2 spell—the play-house; so denominated from its variety of

attractions, both before and behind the curtain.