the house of serenus lay about four miles from gades, in a country of vines and olives. it was built a little below the ridge of a hill, which sheltered it from the north-east winds, and fronted south-west, overlooking the atlantic and a long stretch of the coast-line with its innumerable headlands and curving bays. from the windows in the upper storey serenus could see this wide expanse of waters, never completely the same, but always restless and troubled, with caprice in sunlight, or anger in storms; or, turning to another aspect, the hills and valleys of his own estate; a land of cornfields, vineyards, and olive-yards, pleasantly diversified by slopes of green upland pasture, and beyond them the wild beauty of mountains with frosty summits and well-timbered flanks. the house was surrounded by a garden planted with myrtles and plane-trees, 100with alleys screened from the fierce heat of summer by dense boughs of ilex, curving tortuously in labyrinthine windings, or running perfectly straight until they ended in an arch, the frame, as it were, for some picture of land or sea. the grass by the paths was kept mown, but here and there, among thickets of myrtle, grew rank, harbouring the green lizards, who slipped out every now and then to bask in the sunlight on the marble steps, or on the pedestals of the statues of priapus and the woodland gods.
beyond the garden, ceres crowded abundantly into every corner. half a mile away, at the foot of the hill, its red-tiled roofs just showing above the terraced vines, was the house of the farm-bailiff; thither came the tall daughters of the peasantry bringing the offerings of their mothers in plaited baskets, pale honey in its wax, young leverets, and capons luscious for cooking. in the yard all the crowd of common poultry wandered about, while the tower echoed with the joy of pigeons, answered from the neighbouring trees by the cooing of ring-doves and white turtles. thither also, on feast-days, or to the humble marriage of one of their companions, all the slaves of the estate were bidden, the huntsmen with the 101herds; and serenus would sit among them, eating the same fare and drinking the same wine, while much wood burnt to the festal lares.
as he grew older, serenus had come to love the tranquil life at his country-house, the soft, warm air blowing from off the sea, the noise of rippling water and of wind stirring in the leaves. he had arrived at that period of life when a man is content to stand aside and become a spectator. in the last few years his hold upon the management of his large properties had been gradually relaxed, and he had come to rely more and more upon one or two trusted slaves and freedmen; but at irregular intervals he would make a journey to all his possessions in spain, visiting bilbilis where he had iron-fields, and bred horses; a delightful country it was, "high bilbilis enriched by arms and horses; caunus austere with snows, and the broken hills of vadevero, the sweet grove of botrodus which pomona loves."
his interests extended in many directions: he was concerned in the mines of spain; he owned a fleet of ships which sailed to rome, and beyond, even to corinth; his agents followed the army to buy slaves; and he 102lent money, though principally for political purposes, to the young officials, half civil and half military, for whom the government of a province was a means to fortune and imperial favour at rome. at first this villa in the country had been used only in the hottest months of the year, and the site chosen because there seemed always to be some mysterious currents of air flowing about it from the cool hills toward the sea, and because innumerable springs had their sources in the rocks; but gradually there woke in him that living interest in rural pleasures and labours, which was always an instinct with the romans even during their worst decadence; he became glad at any time to visit it, and drink in its mild delicious air in that peaceable garden overlooking the mysterious sea.
the need for leisure grew upon him, and he added a wing to the originally modest house in order that he might transport thither his libraries from gades; he transported also his greek statues, his tables of citrus wood and ivory, his myrrhine vases; he built a roofed colonnade, pierced with windows on both sides, and with movable shutters, so that the weather-side might be closed at will; he 103devised rooms to catch all the winter sun, and rooms shaded by vines which were cool through the hottest days; he built sumptuous baths, and a new triclinium, and new guest-chambers; by every window, colonnade, and walk he planted roses and violets to sweeten the air; and he stocked his fish ponds with rare fish for the table.
but in spite of the later more sumptuous buildings, and new elegances which he brought with him, he did not forget that he had come into the country in order to be with the elementary conditions of life. he felt very near to this earth which furnished him with everything he ate. from the time the wheat was sown until it came upon his table in little loaves it had been handled by none except his own slaves. at the vintage, he would go out to the wine-press and gaze on the wine-jars, as they were carried into the cellar to stand with the older jars, in which mellowed the fragrance of earlier autumns; and day after day, in a broad-brimmed hat and worn military cloak, he would walk down to the farm and listen to the pleasant, familiar noises, the clamour of the geese, the lambs calling to their full mothers, the cooing of the pigeons in the tower, the murmur of 104the bees about the populous hives; and the children hung shyly about him, for he generally brought them some nuts, and would tempt the wild-eyed things toward him, holding the nuts in his open hand, as a man might tempt a bird with crumbs.
he was still fond of hunting, fond of the deep shadow of the woods, the stealthy alertness, the cunning and science of wood-craft, he felt that he could best repel the advance of age by such exercises; but even in the woods perhaps his chief pleasure was in a kind of meditation, a conversation with himself, induced by that silence which the sport imposed; and, when the boars had been finally driven into the nets and slain, he would sit beside them, eating bread which he dipped in wine, and writing on his tablets, in a small, fine hand, the thoughts suggested by the day's journey. it seemed to him that the physical exercise, the free play of the air on face and limbs, awakened an equal vivacity and alertness in the mind; and that minerva, no less than diana, was a goddess of the deep solitudes. two roman officers from gades, sulpicianus rufus and marcus licinius were his usual hunting companions.
after his morning exercise, serenus was 105used to take a cold bath, and then sleep for a little while during the heat of the day. coming from his bath one morning, a little before noon, he found his two friends in the hall.
"seneca is dead;" was the news they brought him.
then, in one of the libraries, he learned the details.
rufus had been a friend of seneca, and the story had come direct to him. the three friends were strangely moved. marcus and serenus listened in silence as rufus described the scene at the villa.
"he asked for his will, that he might make some bequests to his friends; but this was forbidden. turning then, to his wife and the two friends who were dining with him, he said that since nero had murdered his mother and brother it was not to be expected that he might spare the instructor of his youth. paulina desired to die with him, and the physician opened the veins of both. but seneca's blood would not flow, and he drank poison; finally, he was carried to a warm bath, and died. paulina's wounds were bound up, by command of nero, and she still lives."
"she is more to be pitied," said serenus. "what others died?"
106rufus gave their names.
"lucan, too!" exclaimed serenus. "does gallio still live?"
"i have not heard of his death; but it is impossible that he would escape."
"yes," said serenus; "seneca's family is annihilated. it is like the working of nemesis. we have been the spectators of one of fate's tragedies, which are so rare. it is complete, large, full of irony; and seneca's own words, 'the murderer of his mother and brother would not spare the instructor of his youth!' one thinks of them less as seneca's own words, than as the sardonic comment of a later historian. they are too apt."
"you were not one of seneca's friends," said rufus.
"no," said serenus; "nero is the direct result of seneca's teachings. so brutal a voluptuary could hardly issue from any but a stoic school. it is at once raw, crude, and narrow; it coarsens our natural appetites instead of refining them. for stoicism the human emotions, love and pity, are but weaknesses, which it denies and attempts to stifle. it is very far from the secret of human sympathy. nero as a young man had many 107excellent qualities, which an artistic and delicate training might have developed into fine accomplishments: he might have learned the art of life; and instead he has learned only rhetoric, the sort of rhetoric that vitiates every action, and makes our emotions the subject for a stage declamation, makes life a mere piece of acting. yet i must not forget, rufus, that seneca was your friend. perhaps he was better than his philosophy; but i have never been able to forgive him either for his adulation of claudius during his life, or his satire upon him after his death."
"seneca was un-roman," said marcus.
"why do you say that?" enquired serenus.
"all his ideals were un-roman," answered marcus. "his notions of the brotherhood and natural equality of man, his unpractical nature and sentimentalism, his absolute lack of a grasp upon realities and their significance, his condemnation of war and of slavery. his life was composed almost entirely of noble maxims, and of trivial actions."
"he died well," said rufus tersely.
"a final gesture," said marcus, rubbing his arm. "we romans are superbly self-conscious. we die in public, with appropriate speeches."
108"what you think peculiar to seneca, his sentimentalism and idealism, are really parts of the present spirit, and common to all schools," answered serenus. "rome has broken down the ancient national barriers, and given to all peoples the notion of humanity as a whole. it is from this cause that the idea of a world-state has its origin. but rome governs by force; other nations are tributary to her; she has enslaved them; they are the base upon which she has raised her grandeur. they feel that they are unjustly treated. we have created new conditions. we have shut them off from their legitimate activities by refusing to allow them to govern themselves, or to make war upon their neighbours; so that the whole life of the empire is centralised in rome, and the provinces have become stagnant. and from these new conditions has been born a new spirit. life seems too full of suffering; the poor and the oppressed are many, and because they are so many they are becoming articulate. they would build a new heaven and a new earth. i learnt of this first at corinth."
"the whole corruption of the world comes from the greeks and the jews," said rufus contemptuously. "what is the use of 109clamouring against life? it is a problem that we must each solve for ourselves, and no theory will help us. if society were wrong, if rome were wrong, if force were wrong, we should not be sitting here in comparative comfort. to talk of the tyranny of the state is nonsense; individual liberty is what each man wins for himself, and the state merely offers the most convenient mechanism by which it may be gained. as an example we have the growth of a large class of rich freedmen. the disease, from which we are suffering at present, is simply a form of sentimentality. what is morality? what is justice? what is good? the only answer is: 'that which law orders.'"
"do you believe in the gods, rufus?" enquired marcus, with amusement.
"i follow the customs of my forefathers," answered rufus bluntly.
"the gods are dead," said marcus, still rubbing his arm.
"they are not dead," answered serenus gently; "but they have changed their names. the people will always worship the same divinity, the giver of rain and good crops and victory in battle, and health in life, and peace toward death."
"i never understood seneca's philosophy; 110but i loved the man," said rufus. "the greater part of him was weakness, but he had strength. he was a good man of business, serenus."
"he was a clever man, with admirable opportunities," answered serenus. "i am an epicurean, and seneca's teaching is not mine. yet, in some of its details his teaching is also epicurean. with him, philosophy was less an affair of the mind than of the imagination, and of good taste; it is always the artist, the orator, who is teaching, and his eloquence is never quite persuasive, because the artist is never quite persuaded. he belongs to no school, he is an eclectic; and he seeks rather to inculcate the practice of virtue than to show what virtue is. he neither asks nor answers a question. the vices and weaknesses which he condemned in others he had found in himself; his was a subjective, a poetic, a romantic mind. and it was precisely for this reason that his disciples loved him, because of that emotional and many coloured nature, which saw virtue, the most austere virtue, ever as a god, and found it unattainable."
"yes, that is true," said rufus.
"but did seneca believe in the gods, and in the immortality of the soul?" enquired marcus.
111serenus smiled.
"yes," he answered; "seneca spent his whole life in seeking for the truth, but the truth for which he sought was one which should be agreeable to his own nature. a divinity was necessary to his well-being. he speaks of a loving god, of a god who orders the world aright and whose will we should obey without a murmur; and in consequence his hatred for the epicureans was great. he could not forgive us for showing the gods serene and untroubled in their abode, into which penetrates no whisper of mortal anguish; and for saying that no voice of prayer troubles their endless pleasure, and that without tears or anger they gaze at once upon our sorrow and our sin, and are heedless of the hands uplifted in supplication from every corner of the earth. yes; god is necessary to a stoic. but we epicureans have called upon the gods and they have not answered us; we have sought them throughout the world and have not found them; neither are they in the seas nor in the skies; we have not seen them destroy the wicked nor protect the innocent; we think that they are not interested in our humble affairs; they are neither our masters nor our creators, but belong to the same order 112of things as we do, though of a finer and less perishable nature: if, indeed, they exist at all."
"stoicism is a hatred of humanity," said marcus; "perhaps epicureanism is a love of it. rufus, do you not think the epicureans are clever? they do not deny the existence of gods; but they make their gods of such a divinely intangible substance that doubt becomes in itself almost an act of worship. it is as if they feared to profane the sanctuary with human feet soiled by the dust of travail."
"i have given you my opinion of philosophy and philosophers," said rufus. "once a man begins to think of the difference between right and wrong he is lost, morally and mentally. i studied philosophy in order to learn how to write despatches; and in the short course i took, i acquired enough knowledge of the subject to know that good and evil belong to the category of reflex actions, they are spasmodic movements over which we have no control. do i praise my legionaries because they are brave? i do, as a matter of fact. it makes an admirable prelude to the imposition of another task. seneca imagined that men could be disciplined into virtue. it was a great mistake, because discipline is not 113applicable to the individual, it is only applicable to a crowd. it is easy to fill a regiment with courage; but it is impossible to make one man brave."
"you do not think that it is possible to form individual habits?" said serenus.
"yes, of course," answered rufus; "it is possible to accustom a man to sleep on a hard bed, to deny himself wine or flesh, even in some degree to control his temper. but an action is good or bad, only in so far as it is a reflex action."
"what you say is very curious," said serenus quickly.
"in fact rufus is a complete philosopher," said marcus, laughing. "i should like to drink a little wine."
serenus struck a sounding-bowl of silver, and a greek boy entered.
"wine," said serenus, and the boy left them. "rufus, you have heard of a sect of jews called christians; do you know their belief?"
"no," said rufus contemptuously; "i only know that it is against the jewish religion to pay tribute. i believe that they have no religion; they are contemptuous of all known gods; they will eat no flesh which has been 114offered in the temples; and they loathe the whole human race: a feeling which, i think, is reciprocated. the christians seem to be one of the numerous sects given over to the practice of a depraved and fantastic superstition. the east is full of such monstrous cults."
the greek boy set wine before them, threw a few grains of incense on a brazier, and departed softly. marcus drank a white greek wine; rufus poured himself out a large bowl of falernian.
"i take mine with a great deal of water," said serenus; "because my stomach is weak. alas! sometimes i think it is my stomach which has taught me the virtue of moderation. i have heard a man, who was a christian, speak in almost the identical words of seneca. the cardinal point of his doctrine was not the stoic apathy, but the recommendation of sympathy, that is the difference between them. here and there he uses the same phrases and illustrations as seneca. it shows how widespread the new spirit is."
"seneca's teaching did not interest me," answered rufus. "it was the man i loved. though it is long since saw him, i cannot believe that he was contaminated by judaism."
115serenus felt a curious desire to disburden himself.
"i went a great deal among the christians once," he said softly.
the two men looked at him for a moment, with that curious expression of distrust which men adopt when another confesses to some social indiscretion.
"it was nearly nine years ago, and perhaps my nature resembled seneca's then; my philosophy was an affair of the heart. i was seeking for a beauty that is not of this world. it was at corinth. i met a man named paul."
"all things are possible at corinth," said rufus. "tell us your story, serenus."
"and then we shall stay to dinner," said marcus, as he finished his wine.
"it is a long story," said serenus, smiling. "i have written it on a roll, and shall read it to you. let us go out into the garden; it is cool and pleasant there now. lysis will bring you what you want. do you remember telling me, rufus, that seneca drew you to him by his weakness? paul drew me to him by his strength."
passing out of the library through the atrium 116the friends crossed a small courtyard enclosed on three sides, and turning sharp to the left began to climb the slope which sheltered the house. the walk was shaded by a thick hedge of ilex, and there were tall, slim cypresses at irregular intervals. leaving the path, they crossed a plot of grass, starry with little flowers, and, passing through a thicket of myrtles, came presently to a semicircular stone seat shaded by beeches which stood, eastward, a little way behind it. falling water tinkled like little silver bells somewhere close to them; and the leaves made a pleasant whispering noise. lysis covered the seat with rugs, and left them. the seat faced westward, overlooking the olive-yards which the winds flushed to silver; and the friends had a magnificent view of the atlantic. in the declining light the distant promontories, blue and lemon, seemed to jut out into a bath of liquid colours, as if suspended in the vague; and the horizon was indeterminate. a fleet of fishing-boats, some miles from the shore, seemed like small, brown moths with motionless wings that had settled upon a flat screen of transparent blue gauze, and about them the light gleamed and flickered upon innumerable little dancing waves. it was all blue and green, but so pale and silent 117as to seem a mirage. marcus, lounging easily upon the wide seat, looked over the prospect with unconscious enjoyment. rufus sat with his chin in his hands.
"i love to sit here on tranquil evenings," said serenus; "and listen for the cry of the halcyon, or the heavy plunge of a dolphin, drifting up through the delicious air from the bay."
he unrolled his manuscript, and presently began to read, in a smooth, low voice:--
"when venus rose out of the foam and froth of ocean it was upon the prow of a ph?nician trader, that carried her into every part of the known world; and when her worship fell away and her votaries became few, the cult of venus pandemos still flourished at corinth, and her temples there were served by a thousand priestesses. there she loves to have her abiding place, where she can look out upon two seas, and watch the sail-winged ships bringing her tribute from distant lands; she is the lure, beckoning them over the pathless sea. the port cenchrea is surrounded by green hills and pine forests, and through the stone-pines at dawn the sun sends his first level rays, so that their trunks show black 118against the gold. the streets are infested with traders of all nations; jews and syrians swarm there; child courtesans with delicate and innocent faces pluck strangers by the sleeve and smile; the quays and streets are crowded with the booths of merchants and moneychangers, whose gay awnings striped red or yellow glare vividly in the sunlight; and doves are everywhere, fluttering about the streets, fanning the air with a soft pulse of wings, alighting upon awnings and architraves to preen their feathers, running swiftly among the passengers on their pink feet and cooing, cooing softly like the young girls who touch men on the sleeve, the very gentle, insinuating whisper of aphrodite.
"i arrived at corinth in the beginning of december, and remember well the gaiety, animation, and bustle of the scene as i watched it from the steps of the temple; for a long time i fed my sight upon that busy, amorous, wholly pleasure-loving crowd, until, at last, the red and yellow awnings so hot and vivid even in the winter sunlight, the perpetual passing to and fro of men and women, the continual change and motion of colours, and the humming noise, all combined in a curious hypnotic effect upon my nerves. 119what had seemed the very epitome of life became a mere stage-scene, and then again nothing but the dance of motes in a sunbeam.
"it irritated me and then tired me. i turned from the temple of venus and sought that of apollo, where i rested a little time in peace. then i went to the house of my agent, with whom i was to lodge until i had taken a house for my own use. the man was kindly, but tactless; his tedious anxiety to please distracted and irritated me, he was so much at my service that i could find no possible use for him. i said i wished to bathe, and my host insisted on coming with me. it was amusing to watch his air of importance as he conducted me through the crowded ways, for he was a notable person in the city, and every other man we met greeted us; as we paused a moment before a funeral procession i heard a voice saying: 'that is serenus, a cousin of acte's serenus,' and once again i felt the intolerable stare of curious eyes, that dropped obsequiously when i met them. after my bath, my host led me to the prefect's palace, for i had letters to gallio, and then at last he left me. gallio received me charmingly; his manners are those of a man who has known 120and forgotten everything. he begged me to dine, and to stay with him until i had found a house; but i excused myself on the score of business and fatigue. he smiled, answered that he would always be glad of my company, and i left him.
"once again in the streets, that vivid and passionate life appealed to me with a new sympathy; i read beneath the superficial gaiety and glitter, the human tragedy, the flight of pleasures and the irrevocable advance of death; women passed me in soft murmuring draperies, smiled at me languorously and passed on leaving the air tainted with eastern perfumes. i noticed that even as they smiled their eyes were wistful. the delicate winter sunset began. i called a boy to me and asked him to guide me to the house of caius, whom i wished to see personally on some business connected with the outfit of my ship. he led me to a house in the jews' quarter and i tapped at the door. a freedwoman admitted me, looked at me with surprise, and was just going to speak but changed her mind and led me toward the doorway of a room whence came a sound of some one reading. light fell through the doorway as she drew back the curtain; and she motioned me to enter; 121but i drew back in astonishment, for a voice was reading aloud these words: 'though i speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, i am become sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. and though i have prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though i have all faith so that i could remove mountains, and have not love, i am nothing. and if i give away in food all my goods, and though i give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.'
"the grave voice ceased, for the servant had beckoned the reader, and presently caius came toward me. i gave him my orders with reference to the sails and tackling of my ship, and spoke of other ships of mine which he had refitted for me; and then asked him what author he had been reading. for a moment he hesitated, and then answered that he had been reading to some friends a letter by paul, an apostle of christ. i enquired if i might look a little more closely at it as i had been interested in what i heard; and after hesitating again for a moment he brought it me. the scroll half opened in my hands and i read:--
"for behold your calling, brethren, how 122that not many wise after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called, but god chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to shame them that are wise; and god chose the weak things of the world, that he might put to shame the things that are strong; and the base things of the world, and the things that are despised, did god choose, yea, and the things that are not, that he might bring to nought the things that are.' mine eyes followed the words as the roll opened: 'howbeit we speak wisdom among the perfect; yet a wisdom not of this world, nor of the rulers of this world, which are coming to nought; but we speak god's wisdom in a mystery, even the wisdom that hath been hidden, which god foreordained before the worlds unto our glory; which none of the rulers of this world knoweth; for had they known it they would not have crucified the lord of glory.' my sight ran heedlessly over the next few lines until they came to these words: 'for i think, god hath set forth us the apostles last of all, as men doomed to death; for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men. we are fools for christ's sake, but ye are wise in christ; we are weak, but ye 123are strong; ye have glory but we have dishonour. even unto this present hour we both hunger, and thirst, and are naked, and are buffeted, and have no certain dwelling-place; and we toil, working with our own hands; being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we endure; being defamed, we entreat; we are made as the filth of the world, the off-scouring of things, even until now.... what will ye, shall i come unto you with a rod, or in love, and a spirit of meekness?'
"i rolled up the scroll, and gave it back to caius, saying that i should like to read it all, but that at the moment i had not the time; and i suggested that he should lend it to me. he shook his head, murmuring that it was not his property, that it was only deposited in his house for safe keeping, the convenience of those who wished to consult it; but he offered to let me see it, in his house, at any time that i might wish. i said that perhaps i might come again, and went out into the street. i do not think that i had any intention of coming again; but as the women passed me in the moonlit streets, and the beggar children held out their supplicating hands, i seemed to hear the words: 'if i give away in food all my goods, 124and though i give my body to be burned and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.'
"yes; i felt it in those streets, where little girls, still children and innocent, aped with a diabolic mimicry the manners and allurements of the women who followed me, followed me with a soft, rippling noise of draperies and odour of cosmetics, like shadows, like ghosts. in the city of the goddess of pleasure, i seemed to learn, for the first time, the secret of pain. but beyond and above that sympathy with this drifting helpless mass that is humanity, i felt a curious desire to learn more of the personality of the writer who could write: 'if any man considereth himself wise among you, let him become a fool that he may be wise, and threaten to come among his disputing disciples with a rod.' his humility seemed to overpass the bounds of pride, his words were whips, his contempt for argument and disputation burned with a superhuman energy. he seemed to say: 'these are but words, empty sounds. i teach you the truth, accept it humbly; have i not suffered for it, and will you, who have but enjoyed it in peace and plenty, attempt to alter it?'
"i came back to my lodgings, and the 125woman who had followed me turned away with a sigh.
"the next ten days i spent on business; and i went a great deal to the prefect's palace where the conversation of gallio and his friends charmed and delighted me. gallio saw the world and the empire drifting toward a complete breakdown. civilisation, according to him, filled man with desires which he can never gratify; it tended to accentuate the difference between the poor and the rich, and the whole question resolved itself for him into a question of politics. the roman stock was perishing, and its place was being taken by a horde of servile races. the people were only being kept in check by a system of doles, and amused with pageants. the burden of taxation was becoming insufferable.
"it may last our time," he said with a smile; "but the disease is ineradicable. a revolution, or a series of great wars, might carry us forward for a time. we are suffering from a mortal sickness, growth, which inevitably brings decay."
it had been arranged that one of my ships should follow three weeks after my departure from gades; and on my arrival at lazy naples, 126i had intended to wait for it, consequently i had remained there for three weeks and a few days, and the other ship not coming by that time i continued my voyage to brundusium. there again i waited, anxious for news, and at last reluctantly put out to sea without it. it arrived at corinth fourteen days after i did, and brought me a letter from my nephew, but none from my wife. in an agony of doubt i opened it, and read that my wife and child had died of a fever which had afflicted them a few days after my departure. first my son had died, a boy little more than three years old; and my wife, after lingering some time, followed him. i had moved into my own house, and was alone. sending a messenger to my agent i bade him see to all things; and told him that i wished to be left undisturbed. the words of the master came to me:
"nam iam non domus accipiet te l?ta neque uxor
optima, nec dulces occurrent oscula nati
pr?ripere, et tacita pectus dulcedine tangent."
it seemed to me that the peace and tranquillity of my home, the sole aim of my life, having been shrivelled up like unsubstantial things, vanished like dreams, life had thrown 127me, too, aside and left me stranded, a piece of wreckage, upon this alien shore. for many days i sat alone in my sumptuous house, and the statues of the gods, blithe greek things, which i had bought to furnish it, and for transhipment to the new home which i had meant to make at rome, smiled at my unavailing tears. then one morning my slaves admitted a young boy to my presence.
"caius bids me tell you that paul is in corinth," he said.
"i shall go," i answered.
after he had left me, i repented. why should i choose to frequent the jews and miracle-mongers of corinth, who swarmed there on the way to rome from every part of the east, astrologers, and sellers of love-potions, poisoners, and go-betweens? but the words rose up in my mind: "god chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to shame them that are wise:" and i wished to be ashamed. in my weakness and grief my hands went forth and groped in the darkness, seeking the hands of those who had also suffered, seeking for the little familiar, common-place things, that twine themselves round our being and are the mainstays of life. my 128abandonment of life in my grief had been so complete, that but for the message which came to me from caius, i might have drifted towards self-destruction, merely because of the sullen inertia, which followed after the force of the blow had been spent. philosophy, religion, discipline, every vain convention which we imagine may buttress our will in moments of great spiritual weakness, fell away from me like garments, and the only thing remaining was a sense of human sympathy, a craving for human consolation.
our master, epicurus, was a lover of children; he knew, no one better, their delicate and insinuating ways, the strange unreal world in which they play, their unconsciousness of time; and he seems to have taken them as patterns and exemplars of the life of pleasure, unsuspicious of the future, and forgetful of the past, but living always with a vivid intensity, in that little, shut-in pleasure-house of the senses, the moment. as i thought of my child, i remembered all his caresses, the soft touch of his flower-like hands upon my face, and the grave eyes that seemed to keep a wisdom older than the world; and beside that image in my dreams stooped another, drusilla, her hands guiding him to me, she whose whole 129life was like some attenuated fragrance, difficult of apprehension, but inexpressibly sweet, her quiet brows with neat bands of hair smoothed against the cool flesh; and the love that grew between us, first for what she revealed to me, and then for what she hid. when i thought of these two brief, beautiful creatures, i seemed to see in them the true fragility of life, as if it were no more than wind in the stops of a flute or sweet vibration from the strings of a lyre, aerial, elusive, never to be wholly imprisoned in any one form, but wandering, vocal, through the whole of creation, illuminating it to one exquisite moment, like light upon hill and sea, and then vanishing, fleeing away into darkness, never to be exactly repeated.
so to me, sitting apart and outwardly unmoved, there came that fierce hunger for things departed, that blind, bitter struggle against the unalterable conditions of life.
i hesitated, and delayed to set out on my adventure until well on into the night at last i went. a fresh wind was blowing from the north-west, it stung my face and eyes, and i saw that snow lay lightly upon the summit of acrocorinth, silvery in the moonlight. as i passed into the jews' quarter i 130began to meet little knots and groups of people talking with excited gestures, and i heard rumours of brawls and quarrels; but i reached the house of caius without incident. the same boy who had brought me the message admitted me. he had fine clear-cut features, distinctive of no particular race, though with evidence of roman blood somewhere. caius was the son of a freedman i gathered later, and this boy was the eldest of his two children, the other being a girl. the boy told me that the meeting was over, but that caius was with paul and his travelling companions in an upper chamber; he led the way and i followed. i felt cold and suspicious, but curious. the boy drew back the curtain, whispered my name, and i went into the warmly-lighted room. seated by the brazier was a thick-set, crook-backed man, ugly and mean, with a small head, much too small for his shoulders, a sallow skin and thick beard. as i entered he lifted his face; the eyebrows met above the beaky nose, and he regarded me for a moment in complete silence. the eyes were piercing, as though full of smouldering fires. they seemed to explore the most secret recesses of my soul; then to grow kinder, as if recognising something in it.
131"peace be with you, and light, and understanding," he said; and as he spoke there seemed to me a hesitation and an embarrassment in his manner. i murmured something in reply, at which, perhaps, a slight smile broke about his lips, and he turned away. caius brought me the manuscript which i had looked at, gave me a chair in a warm corner by a lamp, and went back to the others. i began to read. four men, besides caius, and a woman were gathered at a table by paul. one of the men was holding a pen. then the voice of paul broke the silence.
"for the law of the spirit of life in christ jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. for what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, god sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh. that the ordinance of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit. for they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the spirit, the things of the spirit. for the mind of the flesh is death; but the mind of the spirit is life and peace.... and if christ 132is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the spirit is life because of righteousness."
holding the manuscript on my knees, i listened. the passion of the speaker seized and held me; he was like one so full of speech as to be inarticulate, he seemed to falter through many phrases until he found the right one; he would go on blindly, following the mere impulse of his mind, without thought or reason, until at last, as with pain, words came to him that seemed to touch the heart, to illuminate hidden places, and what had gone before was transfused and crystallised by it into a kind of rude and imperfect unity. sometimes after one of these magnificent utterances, he would give forth phrase after phrase, that glowed with the heat of his own certainty. "who shall separate us from the love of christ? shall tribulation, or anguish, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?" he dealt with speech as one dealing with iron in the fire, hammering out the words. "nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. for i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor 133powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of god, which is in christ jesus, our lord."
he was persuaded. seeing that they had forgotten me, i lifted my eyes and studied him as he spoke. i saw that his health was bad; the carriage of his head seemed epileptic, but bodily health was nothing to him; he seemed worn with travel and hunger, misfortune and persecution, yet the fire of his speech showed the strength of his conviction; even as, in his words, he seemed to thrust the world away from him for the sake of an idea, so, for the sake of an idea he had thrust away his infirmities, and pursued his way heedless of obstacles. "shall the thing formed say to him that formed it. why didst thou make me thus? or, hath not the potter a right over the clay, from the same lump to make one part a vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?"
sometimes paul moved a little, with nervous half-conscious movements; or while speaking he would stretch his large toil-worn hands over the brazier where the light gleaming through the fingers made them seem more distorted. as a rule he spoke slowly, but 134when he became dominated by his thought the words hurried, more and more quickly, until the writer paused, perplexed, and, not without a slight gesture of impatience followed by a swifter smile as if of encouragement, paul would repeat himself; sometimes losing the thread of his discourse. indeed, from what i learned of his life, it seemed that it was his fate to be thwarted and hindered by material restrictions, of health, of liberty, of speech. no vessel was capable of sustaining the flame that burned in him. i could not understand all that he said, as i knew nothing of what was behind; but here and there his words burnt into my brain.
the man who had been writing stopped, stretched his cramped fingers; and paul motioned another to his place: "abhor that which is evil, cleave to that which is good. in love of the brethren be tenderly affectioned one to another.... patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer, communicating to the necessities of the saints, given to hospitality. bless them that persecute you; bless, and curse not. rejoice with them that rejoice; weep with them that weep.... be not wise in your own conceits. render unto 135no man evil for evil.... let every soul be in subjection to the higher powers: for there is no power but of god; and the powers that be are ordained of god." i had sat listening to these words of conviction until i felt numbed, yet i was not satisfied.
paul also seemed to weary for a minute. the word "love" that seemed to contain all their mystical creed fell again from his lips: "thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself; love worketh no ill to his neighbour; love therefore is the fulfilment of the law; and this knowing the season, that now it is high time for you to awake out of sleep."
he ceased, rose and walked to the window, drew back the curtain, and leaned out as if to cool his head. the sky was grey with dawn. from the streets below came drunken voices of men and women, singing ribald songs; and presently i heard the tramp of the armed guard. for a moment paul leaned there.
"the night is far spent," he said, "and the day is at hand; therefore let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armour of light. let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in revelling and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and jealousy. but put ye on the lord jesus 136christ, and make not provision for the flesh to fulfil the lusts thereof."
he ceased, drew the curtain to again, and came towards me. through his incredible ugliness there shone a majesty of power, fascinating, enchanting, wooing me with its strength and flame-like intensity. his hands were cold from the ledge of the window, and as they took mine a thrill ran through me. the other men looked at us quietly, as if they were conscious of some crisis, and of some antagonism between us. paul looked at the manuscript upon my knees, and smiled.
"what are my words to you?" he asked.
"i have also thought of these things," i answered him.
"yes; it is not the thinking of them that is strange, but what do they mean to you? what does our law mean to you? what does our mystery mean to you? nothing. you are given over to vain imaginations, the conceits of the mind. you have no humility, no faith. your great possessions have turned your mind. until the blow fell upon you, you had imagined that you were secure through life. you have put your trust in perishable things, and they have fallen through your fingers like water, like 137dry sand. what have you left sacred in the world? your wisdom has made a desert about you, a desert where there is no god. what have you to hope?"
it was as if he mocked me, pitied me, understood me. he made me cold toward him; and at the same time my sorrow flooded me.
"what is my trouble to you? i can bear it alone," i said harshly. "the things which you have written i have read in our own philosophers."
"you have found nothing else in me which was not in them?"
"nothing."
a gloom spread over his face, the light which had illuminated it died out, leaving only the smouldering fires of his eyes, which burned dimly. he dropped my hands. the others turned away their eyes and shifted uneasily.
"there is he in whose name i speak. the love of christ constrained me."
i sat frowning, without comprehension.
"it is not yet time," he continued sadly. "one must have patience, exceeding patience. you do not understand what we teach concerning christ, who is the son of god. yet 138you came to us willingly; you, a roman, came and took the hand of a jew, whose touch, to your fellows, is contamination; and, in my pride i said: lo! i have triumphed over the wisdom of the gentile. it is through god's grace only that i am called to be an apostle to men. it is through his grace alone that you will be saved; for you will come again. tell me that you will come again."
"i shall come again," i said simply; the curious anxiety of his words troubled me vaguely. i felt a profound pity for this man, to whom even a stranger was a brother. i rose and took my cloak; as i passed out each gave me a salutation, the salutation of peace.
outside it was dawn. the lupanars were giving up their dead, some sailors and devotees of the great goddess were already congregating in the wine-shops. muffled as i was in my great coarse cloak they suspected me of being one of the roman soldiers, and none spoke to me or offered me insult. i did not heed them but passed along the quays, looking at acrocorinth towering like eryx, that other home of the sea-born and lure for sailors, into the infinite blue of a cloudless sky. wreaths of vapour cloaked its lower reaches, and it 139seemed like a great dome suspended in the air. on the other side laughed the wide sea in multitudinous ripples of light. it all seemed to reflect some childish half-conscious gaiety of my soul. my sorrow still lay there, but comforted with human sympathy, and the two mystical gifts of the christians, peace and love.
it was only after i had escaped from the enchantment of his presence that i was able to understand the aims and ambitions of paul, as he showed them in the letter which he had dictated that night, and which was to be copied and sent to all the communities that had come together in greece, asia and italy. his aim was principally to abolish the restrictions which hampered conversion into his faith, rites of the jews, circumcision, the use of certain meats which they had considered unclean, and the huge body of formul? and observances, which had grown and developed out of casuistry and the old hebrew law; but beyond and above that he wished them to propitiate the civil power. when he spoke of the abolition of the law he meant those rites and ceremonies which seemed a profanation of, a bartering with, the divinity. he 140felt that his mission was not to the jews alone, but to all the nations of the world. in this he was opposed by the more rigid christians at jerusalem, who held that circumcision was necessary, and that only a jew could be saved. one of the most rigid adherents of this narrower sect was a brother of christ, who seemed to pass his whole life in the temple, praying and fasting.
paul was often bitter against this sect. yet it was out of that same kind of formalism that he himself had sprung; and he seldom lost traces of it, except in a few isolated moments, when love and indignation burnt him up. i went among these christians again and again; and each time became more fascinated by their hidden, gentle lives. a very intimate tie bound caius to paul, for paul had initiated him into their mysteries, which were, i imagine, the same as in other religions, a purification and a mystic meal. caius was a man of considerable power, but of immense reserve, from whom i learnt very little. paul was a fanatic, impatient of the opposition to his teaching at jerusalem. sometimes in anger he would satirise his opponents and the rite of circumcision with a bitter and sardonic humour. he was honey 141to those he loved, gall to those who withstood him.
the community in corinth having fallen back during his absence into a moral laxity, almost excusable considering their environment, he withdrew them from all social intercourse with their fellow-citizens. they obeyed because they loved, but more, because they feared him. before his conversion he had persecuted the christians to turn them from their faith; afterwards he persecuted them to keep them in it. i learned the story of his conversion. it had its origin in the death of one called stephen, who had been accused before the jewish collegium of blasphemy; a frivolous pretext for the punishment of one's opponents which had obtained everywhere but in rome.
as you know, the law of the empire is that no one shall be punished with death except by a roman court, and only when he has been convicted of specified crimes; for the spirit of roman usage has always been, in the words of tiberius, that the injuries of the gods are the gods' affair. stephen, after an argument with his accusers, suddenly cried out with a loud voice: "behold, i see the heavens opened, and the son of man standing at the right hand 142of god." with one accord his exasperated enemies stripped off their cloaks and laid them at the feet of paul, who took charge of them; and they stoned stephen, paul consenting to his death.
even at the time, perhaps, standing aside and taking no part in the murder, paul's conscience may have reproved him. in any case the incident assumed, afterwards, an enormous importance for him. he could not speak of it without emotion. perhaps also he feared that he might be accused to the roman authorities for his part in the riot. his mind became abnormally excited.
some days afterwards he set out for damascus to bring up some more christians to jerusalem, to be tried by the same barbarous assembly. suddenly at noon he saw a blinding light, and he fell to the ground. a voice called to him out of the sky. according to some accounts the voice uttered a phrase from euripides: it is hard for thee to kick against the goads. the phrase had passed into current use. however strange it may seem that a voice from heaven should have uttered these words, it is perfectly natural that paul should have heard them; he must have heard them before, many times.
143but what goads were meant? the pricks of conscience, perhaps, for his share in the murder of stephen; some secret remorse, against which he had steeled his heart, in the hope that time and use would cure it. such was the conversion of paul. his nature had suffered no change from it; he had merely found a new aim for his life, and the same zeal, which he had used in his persecution of the christians, he now asserted in their cause. to himself this incident of his conversion seemed unnatural, miraculous; but to us it is simple, and easily explained, being merely a repetition of stephen's vision. as i have already written, he was of delicate health; some nervous, constitutional weakness affected him; epilepsy, perhaps, or something akin to it. his accounts of what happened varied; for he seemed to have told the story in different ways to different people. in one account, those who were with him heard the voice, but did not see the light; and in another version they saw the light, but did not hear the voice. paul himself had not known christ in the flesh. he knew little of him, except that he had been born, had gathered about him a group of disciples, had preached, and had died on the cross.
144his mind therefore could fashion no clear image in the vision. he could only see a light and hear familiar words. he himself always treated this vision of the risen master as distinct from the visions which had been manifested to the other disciples, as a purely spiritual manifestation: "and lastly," he said, "he appeared to me as to an abortion." what does he mean by this phrase? does it mean that paul's spiritual birth was effected by violence, prematurely; that it was precipitated by the murder of stephen? is it remorse for stephen's death that forces him to apply this hideous epithet to himself; or is it a reference to the lack of definite, sensible impressions; or to the fact of the lateness of his conversion; or merely a scornful reference to his own physical deformities? he was accustomed to speak with a bitter mockery of his infirmities, yet, it seemed also, with a little pride. he mentioned in the letter, which caius showed me, that he had prayed for the removal of some physical disability, but the prayer had not been granted. the fragility of his vision was even used by his opponents, the small sect practising poverty at jerusalem, among whom was the brother of their master, as a ground for denying his mission. one is almost tempted to 145agree with them. the evidence is vague, the accounts vary. we may wonder into what form these floating legends will crystallise, if the community endures and increases; if they will ever form a complete unity, like the myths of orpheus and dionysos.
there are some who imagine that christianity is but one of the many features of the new social movement, which was gallio's opinion; but i cannot think so, for the reason that the christians believe in the rapidly approaching end of the world. they believe that their master, who was crucified, will return, even before his own generation has passed away, to judge the world. it is the cardinal point of their teaching. any definite social reconstruction is consequently outside their aims; but the organisation of their communities, in so far as it can be called an organisation, resembles rather closely our popular funerary societies, which have always been looked upon with suspicion by the authorities.
paul's exhortation to his community "to be in subjection to the higher powers," was written with the intention of guarding against any outbreak which might prejudice "the powers that be, and are ordained of god," against the communities, who seek only to 146be left to the peace of their quiet lives and the practice of their cult. they are a little humble folk for the most part, except where there are jews among them, and then arises the question of the tribute money; whether it be lawful to pay it? that is the only cause which may put them in conflict with the authorities.
but there is a graver danger to the friends of paul. they are for the most part humble artisans, followers of the lowest trades, mendicants, and cheap hawkers; despised by all classes, they are at once despised, hated, and feared, by the class immediately above them, with whom they must necessarily enter into competition where the dividing line is faint, or barely drawn at all. beside this natural jealousy of an alien competition, there is the sense of distrust which the secrecy of their lives breeds in the minds of the citizens. people invariably suspect a man who leads a retired life, either of some shameful practices, or of a guilty past. yet suspicion and persecution do not suffice to turn this little community out of the way they have chosen. after the day is over, they meet together, as one family, in some dimly-lit room, and greet each other with peace and love. it is time 147to awake out of sleep, they say; the hour approaches, the lord cometh. that is their whole life, they have no active part in the great revolutionary social movement of slaves and freedom, they sit with folded hands, patiently, awaiting the coming of their lord, who shall judge the world, and end it.
moving among them, taking part almost in their daily life, a life removed and hidden from the world, how could i blame them? their credulity even seemed sacred to me, it was so fragile a thing, of such delicate and exquisite growth, a desire which has lain always close to the heart of man. for me, beyond the flaming walls of the world sit the deathless gods in their quiet seats, peace flooding their hearts; and no sound of mortal anguish ascends to them, but they sit ever in their halls shining with silver and glittering with gold, and the lovely lyre makes an immortal music about them, and wine gladdens the feast, and the rhythmic motion of the dancing choirs; but for these poor artisans of corinth the god is a companion by the way, they love to speak of him under homely words, he is the vine-dresser, the grafter of olives, the sower; he carries into their sordid lives the peace of wide skies and tranquil waters, he is the 148shepherd who tends his flock and leads them into pleasant pastures. yes, behind paul, the man of fire, whose life was an odyssey, full of arduous endeavour and storm, was another figure, a figure of singular beauty, before whom even the fire of paul's ardour flickered and was tamed, the christ whom man had crucified, and who had redeemed man from sin and death. they seemed to have fashioned him out of their own weary lives, their blood and tears; he had pity on their suffering, and suffered for them; he had mercy on their sin, and took it upon himself, they could bear all for his sake who had borne all for theirs; he had revealed to them sympathy and love.
the great central points of their teaching meant nothing to me. the promise for me was void; but the conditions of the promise, there was the charm. sometimes i think that if i could have put away from me all my philosophical preoccupations, i would willingly have left everything i possessed, for the sake of that peace, that security, that trust in something outside ourselves, which is infinitely wise, infinitely merciful, infinitely loving. but faith, belief, is not an act of volition, it is the spiritual nature; it is the possession of children and of simple folk.
149to those who have looked into the nature of things, who with epicurus see man as only the momentary grouping together of a substance essentially transient and mutable, life itself is the end, a life of fine appreciations, retirement, and leisure, and a death that has no awakening. we, too, love our neighbour; we, too, have charity toward the bruised and broken lives about us; we, too, recommend all men to hide their lives, to be moderate, to abhor that which is evil and cling to that which is good. we are christians without christ.
my own grief was still with me, but a serene and hopeless resignation had taken the place of despair. the memory of drusilla and my child haunted my waking moments, and daily thoughts, like vain phantoms escaped for a brief moment from the shadowy realm of fabled proserpina. the past was part of my consciousness; as it is, i suppose of every man. i began again to frequent the prefect's palace, to listen to his mellow wisdom which he cloaked in laughing phrase, as we passed easily from one subject to another without exhausting any. seneca's raillery was dull beside his brother's; seneca laughed at women and the comedy of manners, to gallio 150nothing was sacred, not even his philosophic brother. at the same time i still continued to frequent the house of caius, and the society of the christians. it placed me in an anomalous position, and one day gallio said laughingly that a friend had accused me of assisting at the secret rites and orgies of the christians, but that he had replied i was more likely to frequent the pretty daughter of caius. then i remembered the daughter of caius, a young girl of extraordinary beauty, with a perverse expression, blonde hair, and eyes like a cat, that watched every movement with a stealthy curiosity. she seemed lonely and out of place in that house of austere gravity.
"she is already famous as a beauty," said gallio.
"i go there on business," i said with a smile, and willing to let him believe what he would; and, i added, after a moment's thought: "she is charming."
gallio laughed, and then changed his tone quickly.
"i do not advise you to frequent that quarter of our delightful town," he said. "it is the haunt of the worst characters in corinth, thieves, sorcerers, and charlatans inhabit it. 151even the house of caius is not free from suspicion; it is said that some of our ladies go there for love-potions, or for other purposes."
i was thinking, and did not reply to the innuendo. gallio watched me for a moment curiously, in silence. i did not speak.
"i have bought a little masterpiece, a painting by parrhasios of the triumph of bacchus. come and see it; it only arrived from athens this morning."
the next time i visited the house of caius i spoke to paul of what gallio's suspicions were; a sullen glow filled his eyes.
"it is no new thing," he said; "on every side we are looked upon with suspicion and distrust; we are poor, and live cheek by jowl with the evil things of life, and therefore we are also evil. the rich, and those in high places trample upon us; yet we shall be justified."
pride filled him.
"in a little time you go away to rome, and i to jerusalem to carry alms to the saints there, whom the jews persecute. we are like two travellers, who have met together in an inn, and spoken of their travels; but at dawn they separate and go their several ways. 152shall we meet again? you are not one of us, but perchance god will lead you to us. be humble; put away all vain imaginings of the mind; love all things; suffer all things."
he gazed at me sadly for a time.
"if you would but close your eyes and put out your hand trustfully, god would lead you through the darkness. you are almost of us; and yet you are not of us. there is a barrier which you cannot pass: you cannot believe."
then, again, after a moment's pause.
"you must not come here again."
he rose and left me. the last time i saw that small, bald head poised upon the huge misshapen shoulder was when they were framed in the doorway; then the curtain fell and he had gone. i sat a little while, almost sorrowful. then a small, delicate hand was slid into mine, and i heard a soft voice whispering:
"you are going away. take me with you."
it was the daughter of caius, she clung to me and gazed appealingly at me out of her precocious eyes.
"take me away with you," she repeated. "i shall do anything for you; only take me away, take me away. i cannot stay here. it will kill me. they are so good and i am 153wicked; yes, i am very wicked. some one told me i was beautiful, and it pleased me. i want to go with you. i am wicked. i want people to see that i am beautiful...."
serenus began to roll up his manuscript.
"it is too dark to read the rest. but now you know the christians. what do you think of them?"
"i think as i have always thought," said rufus; "all jews are alike. they are the enemies of the human race; their religion is one of despair, and they do not hope to find salvation in this world. the east is the home of all credulity and superstition. come to dinner and let us arrange to do something to-morrow. a hunt?"
"what happened to the girl?" enquired marcus, stretching himself slowly.
serenus looked over the sea, toward the fishing-boats, each of which showed a light.
"go down to the house, both of you, and bathe. i shall follow presently. we shall dine sumptuously to-night; and, yes, to-morrow we shall hunt. it will pass the time."
they left him. for a little while he sat watching the lights out at sea, the spires of mist wreathing above the olives, the dance 154of fire-flies over the sloping lawn. he sat motionless for some time; then he rose, and sighed.
"a little pleasure, and then darkness and silence," he said.
he began to walk slowly toward the house. a path below him echoed with the sound of footsteps and voices; looking through the low branches he thought that he discovered in the uncertain light the figure and features of paul, surrounded by the slaves of the household.
