nothing is of more importance to success in any work than conversation. how to converse so as to win and not wound, to both give and gain, is an accomplishment which has very nearly passed into the list of lost arts. and here again good form comes to the rescue, and by its placid but arbitrary code offsets that lawlessness into which even good men have fallen in excess of zeal.
sixty years ago the rule for children was that they “should be seen and not heard,” so that a child’s talk was almost unknown in a company of adults. this was so wrong that it has reacted in a sort of wild freedom upon the part of the children which, uncorrected, develops into the adult chatter-box and gossip, than which no character is more to be dreaded.
bad habits of conversation are very hard to break, and since it is by the “calves (or 91 sacrifice) of the lips” that we are especially to honor god, by “words fitly spoken,” and that we are to “give a reason for the faith that is in us,” it is not of small importance that we should know how to talk. begin with the baby, therefore, so that the child shall grow up into correct forms of speech, and into that regard of all good form which shall not only give him at once the ears, but the hearts of the people.
i scarcely need to say, do not use slang, for this is universally understood as out of harmony with christian practise; but yet it may not be amiss to say that even the world of society, whose laws of behavior we are considering, would ostracize one whose language was punctuated with much slang. an oath would be more tolerable to so-called “polite ears.”
money, or prominence, will for a time give a man social passport in spite of all manner of ill-breeding. he can buy a place and recognition even from those who despise 92 him; but this is not the sort of recognition in the interests of which i am writing. i am pleading for that which shall gain a hearing for the custodians of a truth without which no man can live, and for the reception of which few are as yet prepared. it is for the sake of the honest souls who are in the darkness of the world’s “culture” that i am pleading. they have a right to know all that the spirit of god has been sending to his people concerning that all-round righteousness that makes up the sum of that whole gospel for the whole man, which is included in an uttermost salvation; and some tongues must be so cultured as to talk the way open for truth just as effectually as a wag can do it for fun, a singer open it for a song, or money open it for blind boorishness; and the quiet mother in the home must have a large share of this work.
to this end teach the child that he must listen when any other child is speaking until 93 he has finished; never to interrupt, or, if it is necessary to give some information, to say, for instance: “i beg your pardon, but,—” or, “willie, if you please, was it not on wednesday instead of tuesday?” any interruption simply for getting in a word should never be indulged. teach him to wait patiently for a fair chance to speak, no matter how great may be the temptation to “thrust in his oar.” this should not be construed to include those playful interruptions in the merry tangle of words which all children delight in “once in a while,” “just for fun.”
teach him to avoid all abrupt forms of expression, such as “give me that!” “don’t!” “stop!” “quit!” “get out!” “you sha’n’t!” “i won’t!” if he never hears such phrases at home, he will not be apt to catch them; but if he should, a few little experiences such as he would certainly meet as a man upon entering the social 94 world, with the adult equivalents of these words, would teach him that they were very unprofitable. let him find out that he can get nothing in that way, and he will begin intuitively to cultivate his tongue to acceptable speech.
it is not good form to talk at table about the physical organs, or the processes of digestion, excepting when some special occasion should require, and then it should be by the most delicate allusions. the mention of any form of disease, or of death, would be considered exceeding bad form; also any malodorous topic of any sort. table conversation should be such as to inspire every good feeling; appetizing, promotive of good fellowship, comradeship, faith, hope; optimistic in every sense of the word. the children should be taught that no complaints or grievances are to be mentioned there, because such things always have a tendency to destroy relish for food, 95 and retard the process of digestion. a chronic grumbler at the table will threaten a whole family with dyspepsia. “let your conversation be seasoned with salt,” is a good injunction; and if the scriptural rule is followed at home, the child will grow up capable of taking the gospel message anywhere without personal offense, even if he must go into many untried places. neither will it be necessary for him to “premeditate; but whatsoever shall be given ... in that hour” (mark 13:11) he shall be able to speak.
i have confined myself to the form,—a form which, though good, is dead,—the letter of the social code, which is at best a lifeless thing, a burden, a barrier, often a cause of heart-burning jealousy, wrath, anger, adulteries, and every sort of contention. there is nothing so cruel as a quarrel carried on under the cloak of good form. the bitter sarcasm of a war waged with polite words 96 and phrases, the tones keyed to simulate tenderness and love, as society requires, but breathing of hate, makes a combination in which satan is especially manifested as in nothing else in the world. truly the letter killeth. the social code is all right, but, lacking the spirit, it is a rotting carcass. however, since it was modeled after christ, it requires but that the holy spirit shall breathe life into it to make it an instrument for the accomplishment of necessary work in carrying the gospel to every creature.
it is manifestly better to be filled with the spirit than covered with all the forms in the world; but good form, vitalized, will make any messenger so ready for any good work in any field that he need take no thought how or what he shall speak, for it shall be given him the same hour. “for it is not ye that speak, but the spirit of your father which speaketh in you.” matt. 10:20.
