“what is the matter? why are you laughing so much?” asked aunt piffy, the fat old lady bear, of uncle wigwag, the comical old bear gentleman, one morning at the breakfast table.
“oh, ho! ha, ha! i tee-hee—ho—ho! i just can’t help it!” said uncle wigwag, giggling, so that he spilled some honey on the tablecloth. and mrs. stubtail, the mamma bear, said:
“oh, there you go again!”
“excuse me!” spoke uncle wigwag, and then he laughed some more, and some milk he was drinking went down his sunday throat, and, as the day happened to be thursday, it was altogether wrong you see, and uncle wigwag choked and sniffed and snuffled and laughed, all at the same time.
“well, i do declare!” exclaimed aunt piffy, as she patted uncle wigwag on the back, so he wouldn’t lose his breath. and he didn’t, i’m glad to say, but aunt piffy accidentally pounded him 120so hard that she lost part of her own breath, and when she talked next time she had to go like this:
“i never (puff) saw you behave so (puff) at the table before (puff) waggie, in all my (puff) life. never! (puff). what is the (puff) matter, waggie?” you see she called uncle wigwag by the name of waggie for short.
“oh!” said uncle wigwag, when finally he could talk, “i just thought of something, i did! it made me laugh!”
mr. whitewash, the polar bear gentleman, looked at uncle wigwag quite severely, but he said nothing, and only went on eating his breakfast.
“i think i know what made uncle wigwag laugh,” said beckie stubtail, the little girl bear, to neddie, her brother, some time later.
“what?” he asked as he looked for his books to take to school. “what was it, beckie?”
“he’s thinking of a joke to play,” said beckie.
“i believe you’re right,” went on neddie. “oh, beckie, and i’ve just thought of something, too.”
“what is it?” she asked as she looked to see if her doll, sarah janet picklefeather, was nicely covered up in the puppy dog’s basket, so she wouldn’t get cold while beckie was at school.
121“we’ll just play a trick on uncle wigwag,” went on neddie. “he plays so many on us that it’s about time we played one on him.”
“oh, yes, let’s do it!” cried beckie, clapping her little paws. “but it won’t be a mean or an unkind trick, will it, neddie? for uncle wigwag is very good to us, and gives us lollypops, even if he does play a joke on us now and then.”
“oh, no, it won’t be a bad trick,” said neddie, laughing. “only a funny one.”
so the two little bear children went on to school, talking on the way of the joke they would play on uncle wigwag. in fact, neddie was thinking so much about this that he did not pay enough attention to his lessons, and when the teacher asked him: “why does a cow eat grass?” neddie answered: “because it’s a joke!”
you see, he was thinking of the one he and beckie were going to play. but the teacher didn’t know that, so she made neddie go down to the foot of the class for not answering correctly.
well, when school was out, neddie and beckie hurried off by themselves to play the joke on uncle wigwag.
“have you thought of what to do yet?” asked beckie.
“yes,” said neddie, “you know it was cold last night, and the little puddle of water near our 122cave-house is frozen over. it’s as slippery as glass. now we’ll cover the puddle over with some sawdust, so you can’t see the ice. then we’ll make believe write a letter to uncle wigwag and we’ll put it on the top of the sawdust in the middle of the frozen puddle.
“he’ll run out to get the letter, when we tell him there is one for him, and he’ll slip on the ice and go down ‘ko-bunk!’”
“oh, but won’t he get hurt?” asked beckie, anxious-like.
“no, for his fur is so thick now that he won’t feel the fall,” said neddie. “come on, we’ll play the joke on him.”
so the two little bear children got some sawdust, and, when no one was looking, they sprinkled it on the ice so the slippery stuff could not be seen.
then they made believe write a letter to uncle wigwag, and, putting it in a large envelope, with his name on the outside, they put this right in the middle of the frozen puddle, tossing it there so they themselves would not have to walk on the ice and maybe fall down.
“now, we’ll hide behind this tree,” said neddie, “and watch for uncle wigwag to fall down.” they had left word with mr. whitewash, the polar bear, to tell uncle wigwag, 123as soon as he came in, that there was a letter for him on the sawdust. mr. whitewash, not knowing anything of the joke neddie was playing, said he would tell uncle wigwag of the letter.
well, after a while, when neddie and beckie had been hiding behind the tree for some time, out came uncle wigwag.
“now, watch!” whispered neddie. “see him tumble when he gets on the ice!”
but, instead of going over and picking up the letter, uncle wigwag put a box down on the ground, near the path by which neddie and beckie went to school, and then the old gentleman bear himself went and hid behind a tree.
“oh, what do you know about that!” whispered neddie. “he is playing a joke on us, just as i said he would. there’s nothing in that box but a piece of brick, or maybe a lot of stones. uncle wigwag expects we’ll pick it up, thinking it’s candy, and when we open it he’ll cry ‘april fool!’ even if it isn’t the month to play those jokes.”
“i believe that’s what he is doing,” said beckie, laughing.
“well, we’ll just not be fooled,” went on neddie. “we’ll leave the make-believe box of candy alone, and wait until we see uncle wigwag 124go out on the ice after his letter and fall down.”
so the two little bear children, laughing to themselves at the joke they were playing on their fun-loving uncle, waited behind the tree. uncle wigwag waited behind his tree, too.
pretty soon, along came tommie kat, the kitten boy. he saw the white box on the path, and cried:
“oh, joy! i guess this is something good!”
“watch him get fooled!” whispered neddie. but lo and behold! tommie opened the box and there it was filled with the nicest kind of candy! there wasn’t a stone or brick in it.
“oh, yum-yum!” cried tommie, as he ate the sweet stuff.
“oh, dear!” cried beckie. “it was candy, after all. what kind of a joke do you call that?”
“i—i don’t know,” answered neddie, rubbing his nose with his paw. “i guess uncle wigwag played a different one this time.”
“then we oughtn’t to play a mean joke on him, as long as he played such a nice candy joke on us,” said the little bear girl.
“i guess you’re right,” agreed neddie. “we’ll tell him not to go get that letter.”
but, before they could do this, tommie kat 125saw the white envelope out on the sawdust-covered ice puddle.
“oh, joy!” he cried again. “maybe that’s more candy!” and, before either beckie or neddie could call to him, tommie rushed out to get the make-believe letter. and as soon as he got on the ice, which he couldn’t see because of the sawdust on top, down he went ker-bunko! his feet sliding out from under him, and the candy scattering all over.
“oh, dear!” cried tommie kat. “i’m all sawdust! and the nice candy! oh, dear! it’s all lost!”
neddie and beckie rushed out from behind their tree.
“we didn’t mean that you should fall, tommie,” said neddie, as he helped the little kitten boy to stand up. “that was for a joke on uncle wigwag.”
“well, i don’t call it a very nice joke,” said tommie, rubbing his nose. “but, anyhow, i did find some candy. help me pick it up.”
“i guess that was for us,” said beckie. “it was one of uncle wigwag’s jokes!”
as the bear children and the kitten boy were picking up the scattered sweet stuff, out came uncle wigwag from behind his tree.
“ha! ha!” he cried to neddie. “i guess 126i fooled you after all, didn’t i? and so you were going to fool me, too, eh? but tommie got my joke instead. oh, dear!” and he laughed so hard that he got the hiccoughs, and aunt piffy had to rush out of the cave-house to pat him on the back.
and then, all of a sudden, the bad bear, in whose nose beckie had stuck the needle when she was making her doll’s dress, came rushing up, growling and wanting to bite some one. but neddie stubtail, brave little chap that he was, threw a hard lollypop at the bad bear, hitting him on his sore nose, making him cry, “wow!” and run away off in the woods where he belonged.
then the rest of the candy was picked up, and beckie and neddie said they were sorry they had tried to play the ice trick on uncle wigwag, and everything was all right.
and on the next page, if the penholder doesn’t let the ink bottle fall out of the window and make a black mark on the sidewalk, i’ll tell you about mr. whitewash and the stovepipe.
