but more peculiarly this new residence was opened by the distinction of a new acquaintance, who was then as much the immediate lion of the day, as had been the last new acquaintance, omiah, who had closed the annals of the residence in queen-square.
this personage was no other than the famous mr. bruce, who was just returned to england, after having been wandering, and thought to be lost, during four years, in the deserts and sands of the
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hitherto european-untrodden territory of africa, in search of the source, or sources, of the nile.
the narrations, and even the sight of mr. bruce, were at this time vehemently sought, not only by all london, but, as far as written intercourse could be stretched, by all europe.
the tales spread far and wide, first of his extraordinary disappearance from the world, and next of his unexpected re-appearance in the heart of africa, were so full of variety, as well as of wonder, that they raised equal curiosity in the most refined and the most uncultivated of his contemporaries.
amongst these multifarious rumours, there was one that aroused in dr. burney a more eager desire to see and converse with this eminent traveller, than was felt even by the most ardent of the inquirers who were pressing upon him, in successive throngs, for intelligence.
the report here alluded to, asserted, that mr. bruce had discovered, and personally visited, the long-famed city of thebes; and had found it such as herodotus had described: and that he had entered and examined its celebrated temple; and had made, and brought home, a drawing of the theban harp, as beautiful in its execution as in its
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form, though copied from a model of at least three thousand years old.
mr. bruce had brought, also, from egypt, a drawing of an abyssinian lyre in present use.
the assiduity of dr. burney in devising means of introduction to whosoever could increase, or ameliorate, the materials of his history, was not here put to any proof. mr. bruce had been an early friend of mrs. strange, and of her brother, mr. lumisden; and that zealous lady immediately arranged a meeting between the parties at her own house.
as this celebrated narrator made the opening of his career as an author, in the history of music of dr. burney; to the éclat of which, on its first appearance, he not slightly contributed, by bestowing upon it the two admirable original drawings above-mentioned, with a letter historically descriptive of their authenticity; some account of him seems naturally to belong to this place: and the editor is persuaded, that two or three genuine, though juvenile letters which she wrote, at the time, to mr. crisp, may be more amusing to the reader, from their natural flow of youthful spirits, in describing the manners and conversation of this extraordinary wanderer, than any more steady recollections that
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could at present be offered from the same pen. and, led by this persuasion, she here copies a part of her early and confidential correspondence with her father’s, her family’s, and her own first friend.[47]
“to samuel crisp, esq.
“chesington, near kingston, surrey.
“st. martins street, 1775.
“well, now then, my dear daddy,[48] i have got courage to obey your call for more! more! more! without fear of fatiguing you, for i have seen the great man-mountain, mr. bruce; and have been in
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his high and mighty presence three times; as i shall proceed to tell you in due form and order, and with all the detail you demand.
“meeting the first
took place at the tea-table, at mrs. strange, to which my mother, by appointment, had introduced her lynn friends, mr. and mrs. turner, who were extremely curious to see mr. bruce. my dear father was to have escorted us; but that provoking mar-plot, commonly called business, came, as usual, in the way, and he could only join us afterwards.
“the man-mountain, and mr. and mrs. turner, were already arrived; and no one else was invited, or, at least, permitted to enter.
“mr. bruce, as we found, when he arose—which he was too stately to do at once—was placed on the largest easy chair; but which his vast person covered so completely, back and arms, as well as seat, that he seemed to have been merely placed on a stool; and one was tempted to wonder who had ventured to accommodate him so slightly. he is the tallest man you ever saw in your life—at least, gratis. however, he has a very good figure, and is rather handsome; so that there is nothing alarming, or
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uncomely, or, i was going to say, ungenial—but i don’t think that is the word i mean—in his immense and authoritative form.
“my mother was introduced to him, and placed by his side; but, having made her a cold, though civilish bow, he took no further notice even of her being in the room. i, as usual, glided out of the way, and got next to miss strange, who is agreeable and sensible: and who, seeing me, i suppose, very curious upon the subject, gave me a good deal of information about man-mountain.
“as he is warmly attached to mrs. strange and her family, he spends all his disengaged evenings at their house, where, when they are alone, he is not only chatty and easy, but full of comic and dry humour; though, if any company enters, he sternly, or gloatingly, miss strange says, shuts up his mouth, and utters not a word—except, perhaps, to her parrot; which, i believe, is a present from himself. certainly he does not appear more elevated above the common race in his size, than in his ideas of his own consequence. indeed, i strongly surmise, that he is not always without some idea how easy it would be to him—and perhaps how pleasant—in case any one should dare to offend him,
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to toss a whole company of such pigmies as the rest of mankind must seem to him, pell-mell down stairs,—if not out of the window.
“there is some excuse, nevertheless, for this proud shyness, because he is persuaded that nobody comes near him but either to stare at him as a curiosity, or to pick his brains for their own purposes: for, when he has deigned to behave to people as if he considered himself as their fellow-creature, every word that has been drawn from him has been printed in some newspaper or magazine; which, as he intends to publish his travels himself, is abominably provoking; and seems to have made him suspicious of some dark design, or some invidious trick, when any body says to him ‘how do you do, sir?’ or, ‘pray, sir, what’s o’clock?’
“and, after all, if his nature in itself is as imperious as his person and air are domineering, it is hardly fair to expect that having lived so long among savages should have softened his manners.
“well, when all the placements, and so forth, were over, we went to tea. there’s an event for you, my dear sir!
“there was, however, no conversation. mr. bruce’s grand air, gigantic height, and forbidding
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brow, awed every body into silence, except mrs. strange; who, with all her wit and powers, found it heavy work to talk without reply.
“but mr. turner suffered the most. he is, you know, a very jocular man, and cannot bear to lose his laugh and his bon mot. yet he durst not venture at either; though he is so accustomed to indulge in both, and very successfully, in the country, that he seemed in blank dismay at finding himself kept in such complete subordination by the fearful magnitude of mr. bruce, joined to the terror of his looks.
“mrs. turner, still less at her ease, because still less used to the company of strangers, attempted not to obtain any sort of notice. yet, being gay in her nature, she, too, did not much like being placed so totally in the back ground. but she was so much impressed by the stateliness of this renowned traveller, that i really believe she sat saying her prayers half the evening, that she might get away from the apartment without some affront.
“pray have you happened to read a paragraph in the newspapers, importing that mr. bruce was dying, or dead? my father, who had seen him alive and well the day before it appeared, cut it out, and
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wafered it upon a sheet of paper, and sent it to him without comment.
“my mother now inquired of mr. bruce whether he had seen it?
“‘yes,’ answered he, coolly; ‘but they are welcome to say what they please of me. i read my death with great composure.’ then, condescending to turn to me,—though only, i doubt not, to turn away from my elders,—he added: ‘were you not sorry, miss burney, to hear that i was dead?’
“finding him thus address himself, and rather courteously, for he really smiled, to so small a personage as your very obedient servant, mr. turner, reviving, gathered courage to open his mouth, and, with a put-on air of easy jocularity, ventured to exclaim, with a laugh, ‘well, sir, as times go, i think, when they killed you, it is very well they said no harm of you.’
“‘i know of no reason they had!’ replied mr. bruce, in so loud a tone, and with an air of such infinite haughtiness, that poor mr. turner, thus repulsed in his first attempt, never dared to again open his lips.
“soon afterwards, a servant came into the room, with general melville’s compliments, and he begged
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to know of mrs. strange whether it was true that mr. bruce was so dangerously ill.
“‘yes!’ cried he, bluffly; ‘tell the general i am dead.’
“‘ay, poor soul! poor mon!’ cried mrs. strange, ‘i dare say he has been vexed enough to hear such a thing! poor honest mon! i dare be sworn he never wronged or deceived a human being in all his life.’
“‘will you, faith?’ cried mr. bruce: ‘will you be sworn to that? it’s more than i would dare to be for any man alive! do you really think he has risen to the rank of general, with so little trouble?’
“‘troth, yes,’ she answered; ‘you men, you know, never deceive men! you have too much honour for that. and as to us women,—ah, troth! the best among you canno’ deceive me! for whenever you say pretty things to me, i make it a rule to believe them all to be true: so the prettier the better!’
“miss bell strange, the youngest daughter, a very sensible little girl, about ten years old, now brought him his tea. he took it, in chucking her under the chin; which was evidently very annoying to her, as a little womanly consciousness is just stealing
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upon her childhood: but, not heeding that, he again turned to me, and said, ‘do you know, miss burney, that i intend to run away with bell? we are going to scotland together. she won’t let me rest till i take her to gretna green.’
“‘la! how can you say so, sir,?’ cried bell, colouring, and much fidgetted. ‘pray, ma’am, don’t believe it!’
“‘why, how now, bell?—what! won’t you go?’
“‘no, sir, i won’t!’ answered bell, very demurely.
“‘well,’ cried he, with a scoffing smile, and rising, ‘this is the first lady that ever refused me.’
“he then inquired of mrs. strange whether she had heard any thing lately of lord r., of whom they joined in drawing a most odious character; especially for his avarice. and when they had finished the portrait, mr. bruce, advancing his great figure towards me, exclaimed, ‘and yet this man is my rival!’
“‘really?’ cried i, hardly knowing what he expected i should say, but afraid to affront him by a second total silence.
“‘o, it’s true!’ returned he, in a tone that implied
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though not credible; ‘is it not true, mrs. strange, that he is my rival?’
“‘troth, they say so,’ answered she, calmly.
“‘i wonder he should dare!’ cried my mother. ‘i wonder he should not apprehend that the long residence in egypt of mr. bruce, had made him so well acquainted with magic, that’—
“‘o,’ interrupted mr. bruce, coolly, ‘i shall not poison him. but i may bribe his servant to tie a rope across his staircase, on some dark night, and then, as i dare say the miserly wretch never allows himself a candle to go up and down stairs, he may get a tumble, and break his neck.’
“this idea set him into a fit of laughter quite merry to behold; and as i caught, from surprise, a little of its infection, he was again pleased to address himself to me, and to make inquiry whether i was musical; expressing his hopes that he should hear me play, when mrs. strange fulfilled her engagement of bringing him to our house; adding, that he had a passionate love of music.
“‘i was once,’ said mrs. strange, ‘with a young lady, a friend of mine, when she was at a concert for the first time she ever heard any music, except nursery lullabys, or street holla-balloos, or perhaps
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a tune on a fiddle by some poor blind urchin. and the music was very pretty, and quite tender; and she liked it so well, it almost made her swoon; and she could no’ draw her breath; and she thrilled all over; and sat sighing and groaning, and groaning and sighing, with over-much delight, till, at last, she burst into a fit of tears, and sobbed out, ‘i can’t help it!’
“‘there’s a woman,’ said mr. bruce, with some emotion, ‘who could never make a man unhappy! her soul must be all harmony.’
“my dear father now arrived; and he and mr. bruce talked apart for the rest of the evening, upon the harp and the letter.
“but when the carriage was announced, imagine my surprise to see this majestic personage take it into his fancy to address something to me almost in a whisper! bending down, with no small difficulty, his head to a level with mine. what it was i could not hear. though perhaps ’twas some abyssinian compliment that i could not understand! it’s flattery, however, could not have done me much mischief, after miss strange’s information, that, when he is not disposed to be social with the company at large, he always singles out for notice the youngest
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female present—except, indeed, a dog, a bird, a cat, or a squirrel, be happily at hand.
“as i had no ‘retort courteous’ ready, he grandly re-erected himself to the fullest extent of his commanding height; setting me down, i doubt not, in his black book, for a tasteless imbecile. every body, however, as all his motions engage all attention, looked so curious, that my only gratitude for his condescension, was heartily wishing him at one of the mouths of his own famous nile.
“will you not wish me there too, my dearest mr. crisp, for this long detail, without one word of said nile, and its endless sources? or of thebes and its hundred gates? or of the two harps of harps that are to decorate the history of music? but nothing of all this occurred; except it might be in his private confab. with my father.
“you demanded, however, an account of his manner, his air, and his discourse; and what sort of mode, or fashion, he had brought over from ethiopia.
“and here, so please you, all that is at your feet.
“i have only to add, that his smile, though rare, is really graceful and engaging. but his
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laugh, when his dignity is off its guard, and some sportive or active mischief comes across his ideas—such as the image of his miserly rival, lord r., dangling from a treacherous rope on his own staircase; or tumbling headlong down,—is a chuckle of delight that shines his face of a bright scarlet, and shakes his whole vast frame with a boyish ecstacy.
“but i forgot to mention, that while mr. bruce was philandering with little miss bell strange, who, with comic childish dignity, resented his assumed success, he said he believed he had discovered the reason of her shyness; ‘somebody has told you, i suppose, bell, that when i am taken with a hungry fit in my rambles, i make nothing of seizing on a young bullock, and tying him by the horns to a tree, while i cut myself off a raw beef-steak, and regale myself upon it with its own cold gravy? according to my custom in abyssinia? perhaps, bell, you may think a young heifer might do as well? and are afraid you might serve my turn, when my appetite is rather keen, yourself? eh, bell?’
“you have accepted meeting the first with so
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much indulgence, my dear mr. crisp, that i am all alertness for presenting you with
meeting the second,
which took place not long after the first, already recorded in these my elaborate annals.
“my father invited mr. twining, the great grecian, to said meeting. what a contrast did he form with mr. bruce, the great ethiopian! i have already described mr. twining to you, though very inadequately; for he is so full of merits, it is not easy to find proper phrases for him. there is only our dear mr. crisp whom we like and love half as well.
“mr. twining, with all his excellencies,—and he is reckoned one of the first scholars living; and is now engaged in translating aristotle,—is as modest and unassuming as mr. bruce is high and pompous. he came very early, frankly owning, with a sort of piteous shrug, that he really had not bronze to present himself when the party should be assembled, before so eminent, but tremendous a man, as report painted mr. bruce; though he was extremely gratified to nestle himself into a corner, as a private spectator.
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“mrs. strange, with her daughter, arrived next; and told us that his abyssinian majesty, as she calls mr. bruce, had dined at general melville’s, but would get away as quickly as possible.
“we waited tea, in our old-fashioned manner, a full hour; but no mr. bruce. so then we—or rather i—made it. and we all united to drink it. there, sir; there’s another event for you!
“mr. twining entreated that we might no longer postpone the concert, and was leading the way to the library, where it was to be held; but just then, a thundering rap at the door raised our expectations, and stopt our steps;—and mr. bruce was announced.
“he entered the room with the state and dignity of a tragedy giant.
“we soon found that something had displeased him, and that he was very much out of humour: and when mrs. strange inquired after general melville, he answered her, with a face all made up of formidable frowns, that the general had invited a most stupid set of people to meet him. he had evidently left the party with disgust. perhaps they had asked him whether there were any real men and women in abyssinia, or only bullocks and heifers.
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“he took his tea in stern silence, without deigning to again open his lips, till it was to demand a private conference with my father. they then went together to the study,—erst sir isaac newton’s—which is within the library.
“in passing through the latter, they encountered mr. twining, who would hastily have shrunk back; but my father immediately, and with distinction to mr. twining, performed the ceremony of introduction. mr. bruce gravely bowed, and went on; and he was then shut up with my father at least an hour, in full discussion upon the theban harp, and the letter for the history.
“mr. twining returned, softly and on tiptoe, to the drawing room; and advancing to mrs. strange and my mother, with uplifted hands and eyes, exclaimed, ‘this is the most awful man i ever saw!—i never felt so little in all my life!’
“‘well, troth,’ said mrs. strange, ‘never mind! if you were six feet high he would overlook you; and he can do no more now.’
“mr. twining then, to recover breath he said, sat down, but declared he was in fear of his life; ‘for if mr. bruce,’ he cried, ‘should come in hastily, and, not perceiving such a pitiful lilliputian, should take the chair to be empty—it will soon be
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over with me! i shall be jammed in a moment—while he will think he is only dropping down upon a cushion!’
“as the study confab. seemed to menace duration, mr. twining petitioned mr. burney to go to the piano-forte; where he fired away in a voluntary with all the astonishing powers of his execution, and all the vigour of his genius.
“he might well be animated by such an auditor as mr. twining, who cannot be a deeper grecian than he is a refined musician. how happy is my dear father that the three best, and dearest, and wisest, of his friends, should be three of the most scientific judges of his own art,—mr. twining, mr. bewley, and mr. crisp.
“dear me! how came that last name into my head? i beg your pardon a thousand times. it was quite by accident. a mere slip of the pen.
“mr. twining, astonished, delighted, uttered the warmest praises, with all his heart; but that fervent effusion over, dropped his voice into its lowest key, to add, with a look full of arch pleasantry, ‘now, is not this better than being tall?’
“my poor sister, burney, was not quite well,
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and had a hurt on one of her fingers. but though she could not exert herself to play a solo, she consented to take her part in the noble duet for the piano-forte of müthel; and she was no sooner seated, than mr. bruce re-appeared in our horizon.
“you well know that enchanting composition, which never has been more perfectly executed.
“mr. twining was enraptured; mrs. strange listened in silent wonder and pleasure; and mr. bruce himself was drawn into a charmed attention. his air lost its fierceness; his features relaxed into smiles; and good humour and complacency turned pride, sternness, and displeasure, out of his phiz.
“i begin now to think i have perhaps been too criticising upon poor man-mountain; and that, when he is not in the way of provocation to his vanity, he may be an amiable, as well as an agreeable man. but i suppose his giant-form, which makes every thing around him seem diminutive, has given him a notion that he was born to lord it over the rest of mankind; which, peradventure, seems to him a mere huddle of lilliputians, as unfit to cope with him, mentally, in discourse, as corporeally in a wrestling match.
“mr. twining had been invited to supper; and
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as it now grew very late, my mother made the invitation general; which, to our great surprise, mr. bruce was the first to accept. who, then, could start any objection?
“so softened had he been by the music, that he was become all courtesy. nobody else was listened to, or looked at; and as he scarcely ever deigns to look at any body himself, he is a primary object for peering at.
“the conversation turned upon disorders of the senses; for mrs. strange has a female friend who is seized with them, from time to time, as other people might be seized with an ague. she had been on a visit at the house of mrs. strange, the day before, where she had met mr. bruce. when it was perceived that a fit of the disorder was coming on, miss strange took her home; for which extraordinary courage mr. bruce greatly blamed her.
“‘how,’ said he, ‘could you be sure of your life for a single moment? suppose she had thought proper to run a pair of scissors into your eyes? or had taken a fancy to cutting off one of your ears?’
“miss strange replied, that she never feared, for she always knew how to manage her.
“mr. bruce then inquired what had been the
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first symptom she had shewn of the return of her malady?
“mrs. strange answered, that the beginning of her wandering that evening, had been by abruptly coming up to her, and asking her whether she could make faces?
“‘i wish,’ said mr. bruce, ‘she had asked me! i believe i could have satisfied her pretty well that way!’
“‘o, she had a great desire to speak to you, sir,’ said miss strange, ‘she told me she had a great deal to say to you.’
“‘if,’ said mr. bruce, ‘she had come up to me, without any preface, and made faces at me,—i confess i should have been rather surprised!’
“‘troth,’ said mrs. strange, ‘if we are not upon our guard, we are all of us mad when we are contradicted! for we are all of us so witty, in our own ideas, that we think every mon out of his head that does not see with our eyes. but when i tried to hold her, poor little soul, from running into the street, while we were waiting for the coach, she gave me such a violent scratch on the arm, that i piteously called out for help. see! here’s the mark.’
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“‘did she fetch blood,’ cried mr. bruce, in a tone of alarm; ‘if she did, you will surely go out of your own senses before a fortnight will be over! you may depend upon that! if you are bit by a wild cat, you will undoubtedly become crazy; and how much more if you are scratched by a crack-brained woman? i would advise you to go forthwith to the sea, and be well dipped. i assure you fairly i would not be in your situation.’
“i thought this so shocking, that i felt a serious impulse to expostulate with his giantship upon it myself, and almost the courage; but, whether perceiving my horror, or only imagining it, i cannot tell; he deigned to turn his magnificent countenance full upon me, to display that he was laughing. and he afterwards added, that he knew there was nothing in this case that was any way dangerous; though how he obtained the knowledge he kept to himself.
“my mother then expressed her hopes that the poor lady might not, meanwhile, be removed to a private asylum; as in these repositories, the patients were said to be goaded on to become worse, every time a friend or a physician was expected to visit them; purposely to lengthen the poor sufferer’s detention.
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“‘indeed!’ cried mr. bruce, knitting his brows, ‘why this is very bad encouragement to going out of one’s senses!’
“the rest of the conversation was wholly upon this subject; and so, as i know you hate the horrors, i must bid good night to meeting the second with his abyssinian majesty.
“the tête à tête in the study had been entirely upon the two drawings; and in settling the points upon which mr. bruce had best expatiate in his descriptive and historical epistle.
“my father has great satisfaction in being the first to bring forth the drawings and the writings of this far-famed traveller before the public. the only bad thing was, that it kept him away from us all supper-time, to put down the communications he had received, and the hints he wished to give for more.
“mr. twining, too, wrapt himself up in his own observations, and would not speak—except by his eyes, which had a comic look, extremely diverting, of pretended fearful insignificance.
“well, now, my dear sir, to
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meeting the third.
“it was produced by a visit from mrs. strange, with a petition from his majesty of abyssinia for another musical evening; as he had spoken with so much rapture of the last to mr. nesbit, a great amateur, ‘that the poor honest lad,’ mrs. strange said, ‘could no’ sleep o’ nights from impatience to be inoculated with the same harmony, to prevent the infection mr. bruce carried about with him from doing him a mischief.’
“well, the time was fixed, and the evening proved so agreeable, that we heartily and continually wished our dear mr. crisp amongst us. mr. twining, too, was gone. all one likes best go quickest.
“the first who arrived was mr. solly. he, also, is a great traveller, though not a renowned one; for nothing less than the nile, and no place short of abyssinia, will do, at present, for the taste of the public. my father had met with mr. solly at four several cities in italy, and all accidentally; namely, bologna, florence, rome, and naples. since that time, mr. solly has been wandering to many more remote places; and at alexandria, and at grand cairo, he had met with mr. bruce. he is a chatty, lively man;
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and not at all wanting in marks of his foreign excursions, i.e. shrugs, jerks, and gestures. john bull, you know, my dear mr. crisp, when left to himself, is so torpid a sort of figure, with his arms slung so lank to his sides, that, at a little distance, one might fancy him without any such limb. while the italians and french make such a flourishing display of its powers, that i verily believe it quickens circulation, and helps to render them so much more vivacious than philosopher johnny.
“yet i love johnny best, for all that; as well as honour him the most; only i often wish he was a little more entertaining.
“mr. solly and my father ‘fought all their battles o’er again’ through italy; and kept fighting them on till the arrival of dr. russel, a learned, and likewise a travelled physician, who seems droll and clever; but who is so very short-sighted, that even my father and i see further a-field. he loses nothing, however, through this infirmity, that trouble can supply; for he peers in every body’s face at least a minute, to discover whether or not he knows them; and, after that, he peers a minute or two more, to discover, i suppose, whether or not he likes them. yet, without boldness. ’tis merely a look of
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earnest investigation, which he bestowed, in turn, upon every one present, as they came in his way; never fastening his eyes, even for an instant, upon the ground, the fire, the wainscot, or any thing inanimate, but always upon the ‘human face divine.’
“he, also, is another travelled friend of mr. bruce, whom he knew at aleppo, where dr. russel resided some years.[49]
“then came mrs. and miss strange, and his abyssinian majesty, with his companion, mr. nesbit, who is a young scotchman of distinction, infinitely fade, conceited, and coxcombical. he spoke very little, except to mr. bruce, and that, very politely, in a whisper. i cannot at all imagine what could provoke this african monarch to introduce such a fop here. we heartily wished him back in his own quarters; or at least at ‘the orkneys,’ or at ‘the lord knows where.’
“mr. bruce himself was in the most perfect good-humour; all civility and pleasantry; and his smiles seemed to give liberty for general ease.
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“having paid his compliments to my mother, he addressed himself to my sister burney, inquiring courteously after her finger, which miss strange had told him she had hurt.
“‘mrs. burney’s fingers,’ cried dr. russel, snatching at the opportunity for a good gaze, not upon her finger, but her phiz, ‘ought to be exempt from all evil.’
“your hettina smiled, and assured them it was almost well.
“‘o, i prayed to apollo,’ cried mr. bruce, ‘for its recovery, and he has heard my prayer.’
“‘i have no doubt, sir,’ said hetty, ‘of your influence with apollo.’
“‘i ought to have some, madam,’ answered he grandly, ‘for i have been a slave to him all my life!’”
“he then came to hope that i should open the concert; speaking to me with just such an encouraging sort of smile as if i had been about eleven years old; and strongly admonishing me not to delay coming forward at once, as he was prepared for no common pleasure in listening to me.
“next he advanced to susanna, begging her to exhibit her talent; and telling her he had had a
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dream, that if she refused to play, some great misfortune would befall him.
“when he had gone through this little circle of gallantry, to his own apparent satisfaction, he suffered mr. nesbit to seize upon him for another whispering dialogue; in which, as mrs. strange has since told my mother, that pretty swain lamented that he must soon run away, a certain lady of quality having taken such an unaccountable fancy to him at the opera of the preceding night, that she had appointed him to be with her this evening tête à tête!
“mr. bruce gave so little credit to this bonne fortune, that he laughed aloud in relating it to mrs. strange.
“mr. bruce then called upon dr. russel to take a violin, saying he was a very fine performer; but adding, ‘we used to disgrace his talents, i own, at aleppo; for, having no blind fiddler at hand, we kept him playing country dances by the hour.’
“dr. russel mentioned some town in those parts, asia or africa, where a concert, upon occasion of a marriage, lasted three days.
“‘three days?’ repeated mr. bruce; ‘why marriage is a more formidable thing there than even here!’
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“then came music, and the incomparable duet; which, as they could not forbear encoring, filled up all the rest of the evening, till the company at large departed; for there were several persons present whom i have not mentioned, being of no zest for your notice.
“mr. bruce, however, with the stranges, again consented to stay supper; which, you know, with us, is nothing but a permission to sit over a table for chat, and roast potatoes, or apples.
“but now, to perfect your acquaintance with this towering ethiopian, where do you think he will take you during supper?
“to the source, or sources, you cry, of the nile? to thebes? to its temple? to an arietta on the theban harp? or, perhaps, to banquetting on hot raw beef in abyssinia?
“no such thing, my dear mr. crisp, no such thing. travellers who mean to write their travels, are fit for nothing but to represent the gap at your whist table at chesington, when you have only three players; for they are mere dummies.
“mr. bruce left all his exploits, his wanderings, his vanishings, his re-appearances, his harps so celestial, and his bullocks so terrestrial, to plant all our
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entertainment within a hundred yards of our own coterie; namely, at the masquerades at the haymarket.
“thus it was. he inquired of mrs. strange where he could find mrs. twoldham, a lady of his acquaintance; a very fine woman, but remarkably dissipated, whom he wished to see.
“‘troth,’ mrs. strange answered, ‘she did not know; but if he would take a turn to a masquerade or two, he would be sure to light upon her, as she never missed one.’
“‘what,’ cried he, laughing, ‘has she not had enough yet of masquerades? brava, mrs. twoldham! i honour your spirit.’
“he then laughed so cordially, that we were tempted, by such extraordinary good-humour, to beg him, almost in a body, to permit us to partake of his mirth.
“he complied very gaily. ‘a friend of mine,’ he cried, ‘before i went abroad, had so often been teazed to esquire her to some of these medleys, that he thought to give the poor woman a surfeit of them to free himself from her future importunity. yet she was a very handsome woman, very handsome indeed. but just as they were going into the great
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room, he had got one of her visiting cards ready, and contrived, as they passed through a crowded passage, to pin to the back of her robe, mrs. twoldham, wimpole street. and not three steps had she tript forward, before some one called out: “hah! mrs. twoldham! how do you do, mrs. twoldham?”—“oho, mrs. twoldham, are you here?” cried another; “well, ma’am, and how do all friends in wimpole street do?” till the poor woman was half out of her wits, to know how so many people had discovered her. so she thought that perhaps her forehead was in sight, and she perked up her mask; but she did not less hear, “ah! it’s you, mrs. twoldham, is it?” then she supposed she had left a peep at her chin, and down again was tugged the poor mask; but still, “mrs. twoldham!” and, “how do you do, my dear mrs. twoldham?” was rung in her ears at every step; till at last, she took it into her head that some one, who, by chance, had detected her, had sent her name round the room; so she hurried off like lightning to the upper suite of apartments. but ’twas all the same. “well, i declare, if here is not mrs. twoldham!” cries the first person that passed her. “so she is, i protest,” cried another; “i am very glad to see you, my dear
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ma’am! what say you to giving me a little breakfast to-morrow morning? you know where, mrs. twoldham; at our old haunt in wimpole street.” but, at last, the corner of an unlucky table rubbed off the visiting card; and a waiter, who picked it up, grinned from ear to ear, and asked whether it was hers. and the poor woman fell into such a trance of passion, that my friend was afraid for his eyes; and all the more, because, do what he would, he could not refrain from laughing in her face.’
“you can scarcely conceive how heartily he laughed himself; he quite chuckled, with all the enjoyment in mischief of a holiday school boy.
“and he harped upon the subject with such facetious pleasure, that no other could be started.
“‘i once knew,’ he cried, ‘a man, his name was robert chambers, and a good-natured little fellow he was, who was served this very trick the first masquerade he went to in london, upon fresh coming from scotland. a gentleman who went to it with him, wrote upon his black domino, with chalk, “this is little bob chambers, fresh come from edinburgh;” and immediately some one called out, in passing him, “what bob? little bob chambers? how do, my boy?” “faith,” says bob, to his friend,
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“the people of this fine london are pretty impudent! i don’t know that i know a soul in the whole town, and the first person i meet makes free to call me plain bob?” but when he went on, and found that every creature in every room did the same, he grew quite outrageous at being treated with so little ceremony; and he stamped with his foot at one, and clenched his fist at another, and asked how they dared call him bob? “what! a’n’t you bob, then?” replies one; “o yes, you are! you’re bob, my bob, as sure as a gun! bob chambers! little bob chambers. and i hope you have left all well at edinburgh, my bob?” in vain he rubbed by them, and tried to get on, for they called to him quite from a distance; “bob!—bob! come hither, i say!—come hither, my bobby! my bob of all bobs! you’re welcome from edinburgh, my bob!” well, then, he said, ’twas clear the devil owed him a spite, and had told his name from top to bottom of every room. poor bob! he made a wry face at the very sound of a masquerade to the end of his days.’
“to have looked at mr. bruce in his glee at this buffoonery, you must really have been amused; though methinks i see, supposing you had been
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with us, the picturesque rising of your brow, and all the dignity of your roman nose, while you would have stared at such familiar delight in an active joke, as to transport into so merry an espiegle, the seven-footed loftiness of the haughty and imperious tourist from the sands of ethiopia, and the waters of abyssinia; whom, nevertheless, i have now the honour to portray in his robe de chambre, i.e. in private society, to my dear chesington daddy.
“what says he to the portrait?”
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with fresh pleasure and alacrity, dr. burney now went on with his work. so unlooked for a re-inforcement of his means could not have arrived more seasonably. every discovery, or development, relative to early times, was not only of essential service to the dissertation on the music of the ancients, upon which, now, he was elaborately engaged, but excited general curiosity in all lovers of antiquity.
