3

gussy and kiki

there really wasn’t very much time that evening to get to know gustavus barmilevo. as theywere all going off again the next day there was packing to do, and all kinds of arguments arose asto what was or was not to be taken.

gustavus was bewildered by the noise of so many people talking at once. he sat staring at themall, nursing his bandaged finger. kiki absolutely fascinated him. he watched her continually, butwould not allow her near him.

as soon as she came near, he flapped his hands at her as if she was a hen. ‘go off!’ he cried.

‘clear away!’

‘he’s as muddled as kiki sometimes gets,’ said jack, with a grin. ‘kiki can’t make him out.

now, where did i put that book? aunt allie, did i pack that big book?’

‘you did,’ said aunt allie. ‘and i have unpacked it. for the third time, jack, you are not goingto take a score of books about birds. two is more than enough, so make your choice.’

‘you’re so hardhearted,’ groaned jack. ‘well, i suppose you will allow me to take my fieldglasses? in fact, if they don’t go, i shan’t go either.’

‘you can carry those round your neck,’ said mrs cunningham. ‘do try and remember that therewill be seven of us in the car and all the luggage, too. we really must take the least luggagepossible. kiki, bring that string back. kiki! jack, if you don’t stop kiki running off withabsolutely everything i put down for a moment, i shall go mad.’

‘where is the cage?’ suddenly demanded gustavus, in a commanding voice. ‘put him in thecage.’

‘she’s a her, not a him,’ said jack, ‘and stop talking about cages. no ordering about, please!’

gustavus apparently did not follow this, but he resented jack’s firm voice. he sat up stiffly.

‘this bird iss – iss – wicket!’ he said. ‘not good. wicket. i will not haf him wizzout a cage.’

‘now, jack, now!’ said mrs cunningham warningly, as she saw jack’s furious face. ‘he’s notused to kiki yet. or to our ways. give him a chance to settle down. don’t take any notice of him.

gustavus, the bird is not wicked. she is good. sit still and be quiet.’

‘where is the cage?’ repeated gustavus, in a most maddening manner. ‘a beeg, beeg cage. for awicket bird.’

jack went over to him and spoke slowly and loudly with his face close to the surprised boy’s.

‘i have a beeg, beeg cage,’ he said, most dramatically. ‘but i keep it for small, annoying boys. iwill bring it for you, gus. if you want a beeg, beeg cage you shall have it for yourself. you shallsit in it and be safe from that wicket, wicket bird.’

to jack’s enormous surprise gustavus burst into tears! all four children looked at him aghast.

how could a boy of eleven be so incredibly upset? even lucy- ann was shocked. mrscunningham hurried over to him.

‘he’s tired out,’ she said to the others. ‘it’s all strange to him here, and he’s never seen a parrotlike kiki before. nor have any of us, come to that! cheer up, gustavus. jack didn’t mean what hesaid, of course.’

‘i jolly well did,’ began jack. ‘kiki’s old cage is enormous and …’

mrs cunningham firmly led the weeping gus from the room. the others stared at one another incomplete disgust.

‘well! to think we’ve got to put up with that these hols!’ began jack. ‘all i can say is that i’mgoing to take him firmly in hand – and he won’t enjoy it one bit!’

‘i’ll take him in hand, too,’ said dinah, quite fiercely. ‘who does he think he is – laying downthe law about kiki and a cage! oh, jack – i do wish you’d got that old cage and brought it in. i’dhave loved to see gustavus’s face.’

‘poor old gussy!’ said lucy-ann. ‘wouldn’t he have howled! poor gussy!’

‘gussy!’ said kiki, at once. ‘fussy-gussy! fussy-gussy!’

everyone laughed. ‘you’ve hit it off again,’ said philip to kiki. ‘fussy – that’s exactly whatwe’ll have to put up with – fuss and grumbles and silliness all the time. why didn’t his parentsbring up their kid properly? fussy-gussy! we shall get jolly tired of him.’

‘fussy-gussy!’ screamed kiki, dancing to and fro, to and fro on her big feet. ‘wipe your feet,gussy!’

‘dry your eye, you mean,’ said philip. ‘i hope gussy’s not going to burst into tears too often. ithink i’ll borrow one of mother’s afternoon teacloths and take it with me to offer him every timehe looks like bursting into tears.’

mrs cunningham came back, and overheard this. ‘i think you’re being a bit unkind,’ she said.

‘he may seem a bit of a nuisance, i admit – but it must be rather nerve-racking for him to beplunged into the midst of a company like this when he doesn’t speak the language properly, andeveryone laughs at him. i think you should play fair and give him a chance.’

‘all right, mother,’ said philip. ‘all the same – it isn’t like bill to thrust someone like gussy onus at a moment’s notice, just at the beginning of the hols.’

‘well, you see,’ said his mother, ‘it’s like this. bill was saddled with this youngster – and heknew you wouldn’t like having him. so he suggested to me that he should go off with him alonesomewhere. i couldn’t bear that, because a holiday without bill would be horrid – and so wethought it would be best if gustavus came with us all, and we tried to put up with him. it’s eitherthat or going without both gussy and bill.’

‘i see,’ said philip. ‘well, i’d rather put up with gussy than have no bill.’

‘that’s what i thought,’ said his mother. ‘so don’t make bill feel too bad about it, will you?

he’s quite likely to vanish with gussy for the rest of the holidays if you make too much fuss. allthe same – i think you can quite safely help young gustavus to join in. that won’t do him anyharm at all. he seems frightened and shy to me.’

‘we’ll soon show him exactly where he stands,’ said jack. ‘but i really can’t think how billwas soft enough to take him on. where’s gustavus now?’

‘i’ve popped him into bed with a book,’ said mrs cunningham. ‘there’s such a lot of things todo this evening and i really felt i couldn’t cope with upsets and bickerings the very first day youwere home – so i thought everyone would be happier if he was in bed.’

‘how right you were!’ said jack. ‘well, now dear gussy is safely out of the way, let’s get onwith things. i suppose you don’t want any help with the supper, aunt allie?’

‘i imagine that’s a roundabout way of saying you are hungry again?’ said aunt allie. ‘all right– the girls can see to supper. you boys come and help me finish packing the greatest number ofthings into the smallest possible bags! i’m leaving behind practically everything belonging togustavus – he’s got the most ridiculous things – pyjamas made of real silk, for instance! andmonograms on everything.’

‘he must have gone through an awful lot of teasing at school then,’ said philip. ‘i’m surprisedthey didn’t have his hair cut. most girls would envy him all that long curly hair. couldn’t we gethis hair cut, mother?’

‘possibly,’ said his mother. ‘let’s not talk about him any more.’

the packing was finished by supper time. mrs cunningham was determined not to take morethan a change of clothes for everyone: shirts, jerseys, blazers and macs. once more she had to takejack’s enormous book on birds from where he had hidden it yet again under some shirts in asuitcase. she looked at him in exasperation.

he grinned back amiably. ‘oh, sorry, aunt allie! you don’t mean to say it’s got itself packedagain!’

‘i’m locking the cases now,’ said aunt allie, with determination. ‘really, jack, i sometimesfeel you want a good spanking!’

supper was a hilarious meal. gustavus, having a tray of food in bed, listened rather enviously.

he was tired, and glad to be in bed – but it did sound very jolly down-stairs. he didn’t somehowfeel that he had made a very good impression, though. that bird – it was that ‘wicket bird who hadmade things go wrong. when he got kiki alone he would slap her hard – biff!

gustavus brought his hand down smartly as he pictured himself slapping kiki. the tray jerkedand his lemonade spilt over the traycloth. there – that was thinking of kiki again. he was soengrossed in trying to mop up the mess he had made that he didn’t notice someone rather smallsidling in at the door.

it was the parrot, come to find out where gustavus was. kiki’s sharp eyes had missed him atsupper time. then where was he? upstairs?

kiki went under the bed and explored the slippers and boxes there. she pecked at one of theboxes, trying to get off the lid. she loved taking off lids.

gustavus heard the noise. what was it? he looked round the room.

peck-peck-peck! the lid wouldn’t come off. ‘who’s there? who iss it?’ said gustavus, in ananxious voice.

kiki debated what noise to make. she had a grand store of noises of all kinds. there was thescreech of a railway train going through a tunnel. no – that would bring mrs cunninghamupstairs, and she would be angry. there was the lawn mower – a most successful noise, but alsonot very popular indoors.

and there was quite a variety of coughs – little short hacking coughs – deep hollow ones – andsneezes. what about a sneeze?

kiki gave one of her most realistic sneezes. ‘a – wooooosh-oo!’ it sounded very peculiarindeed, coming from under the bed.

gussy was petrified. a sneeze – and such an enormous one – and under the bed! who wasunder the bed? someone lying in wait for him? he began to tremble, and the lemonade spilt again.

kiki began to cough – a deep, hollow cough, mournful and slow. gustavus moaned. who was itcoughing under his bed now? he didn’t dare to get out and see. he was sure that whoever wasthere would catch hold of his ankles as soon as his feet appeared on the floor.

kiki next did a very fine growl, and poor gussy shivered so much in fright that his tray nearlyslid off the bed altogether. he just clutched it in time. but a plate fell off, hit one of his shoesstanding nearby and rolled slowly under the bed.

now it was kiki’s turn to be surprised. she hopped out of the way and glared at the plate, whichflattened itself and lay still.

‘help! help!’ suddenly yelled gussy, finding his voice at last. ‘someone’s under my bed. help!

help!’

bill was up in a trice, striding over to gustavus. ‘what is it? quick, tell me.’

‘under the bed,’ said gussy, weakly, and bill bent down to look. there was nobody there. kikihad decided that the joke was over, and was now safely inside the nearby wardrobe, her head onone side, listening.

‘you mustn’t imagine things, old chap,’ bill was saying kindly. ‘there’s nobody under the bed– and never was. nobody at all! i’ll take your tray and you can settle down to sleep!’