when a family is possessed of large landed property, the individual of that family who shows least interest in its welfare; who is least fond of home, least connected by his own sympathies with his relatives, least ready to learn his duties or admit his responsibilities, is often that very individual who is to succeed to the family inheritance — the eldest son.
my brother ralph was no exception to this remark. we were educated together. after our education was completed, i never saw him, except for short periods. he was almost always on the continent, for some years after he left college. and when he returned definitely to england, he did not return to live under our roof. both in town and country he was our visitor, not our inmate.
i recollect him at school — stronger, taller, handsomer than i was; far beyond me in popularity among the little community we lived with; the first to lead a daring exploit, the last to abandon it; now at the bottom of the class, now at the top — just that sort of gay, boisterous, fine-looking, dare-devil boy, whom old people would instinctively turn round and smile after, as they passed him by in a morning walk.
then, at college, he became illustrious among rowers and cricketers, renowned as a pistol shot, dreaded as a singlestick player. no wine parties in the university were such wine parties as his; tradesmen gave him the first choice of everything that was new; young ladies in the town fell in love with him by dozens; young tutors with a tendency to dandyism, copied the cut of his coat and the tie of his cravat; even the awful heads of houses looked leniently on his delinquencies. the gay, hearty, handsome young english gentleman carried a charm about him that subdued everybody. though i was his favourite butt, both at school and college, i never quarrelled with him in my life. i always let him ridicule my dress, manners, and habits in his own reckless, boisterous way, as if it had been a part of his birthright privilege to laugh at me as much as he chose.
thus far, my father had no worse anxieties about him than those occasioned by his high spirits and his heavy debts. but when he returned home — when the debts had been paid, and it was next thought necessary to drill the free, careless energies into something like useful discipline — then my father’s trials and difficulties began in earnest.
it was impossible to make ralph comprehend and appreciate his position, as he was desired to comprehend and appreciate it. the steward gave up in despair all attempts to enlighten him about the extent, value, and management of the estates he was to inherit. a vigorous effort was made to inspire him with ambition; to get him to go into parliament. he laughed at the idea. a commission in the guards was next offered to him. he refused it, because he would never be buttoned up in a red coat; because he would submit to no restraints, fashionable or military; because in short, he was determined to be his own master. my father talked to him by the hour together, about his duties and his prospects, the cultivation of his mind, and the example of his ancestors; and talked in vain. he yawned and fidgetted over the emblazoned pages of his own family pedigree, whenever they were opened before him.
in the country, he cared for nothing but hunting and shooting — it was as difficult to make him go to a grand county dinner-party, as to make him go to church. in town, he haunted the theatres, behind the scenes as well as before; entertained actors and actresses at richmond; ascended in balloons at vauxhall; went about with detective policemen, seeing life among pickpockets and housebreakers; belonged to a whist club, a supper club, a catch club, a boxing club, a picnic club, an amateur theatrical club; and, in short, lived such a careless, convivial life, that my father, outraged in every one of his family prejudices and family refinements, almost ceased to speak to him, and saw him as rarely as possible. occasionally, my sister’s interference reconciled them again for a short time; her influence, gentle as it was, was always powerfully felt for good, but she could not change my brother’s nature. persuade and entreat as anxiously as she might, he was always sure to forfeit the paternal favour again, a few days after he had been restored to it.
at last, matters were brought to their climax by an awkward love adventure of ralph’s with one of our tenants’ daughters. my father acted with his usual decision on the occasion. he determined to apply a desperate remedy: to let the refractory eldest son run through his career in freedom, abroad, until he had well wearied himself, and could return home a sobered man. accordingly, he procured for my brother an attache’s place in a foreign embassy, and insisted on his leaving england forthwith. for once in a way, ralph was docile. he knew and cared nothing about diplomacy; but he liked the idea of living on the continent, so he took his leave of home with his best grace. my father saw him depart, with ill-concealed agitation and apprehension; although he affected to feel satisfied that, flighty and idle as ralph was, he was incapable of voluntarily dishonouring his family, even in his most reckless moods.
after this, we heard little from my brother. his letters were few and short, and generally ended with petitions for money. the only important news of him that reached us, reached us through public channels.
he was making quite a continental reputation — a reputation, the bare mention of which made my father wince. he had fought a duel; he had imported a new dance from hungary; he had contrived to get the smallest groom that ever was seen behind a cabriolet; he had carried off the reigning beauty among the opera-dancers of the day from all competitors; a great french cook had composed a great french dish, and christened it by his name; he was understood to be the “unknown friend,” to whom a literary polish countess had dedicated her “letters against the restraint of the marriage tie;” a female german metaphysician, sixty years old, had fallen (platonically) in love with him, and had taken to writing erotic romances in her old age. such were some of the rumours that reached my father’s ears on the subject of his son and heir!
after a long absence, he came home on a visit. how well i remember the astonishment he produced in the whole household! he had become a foreigner in manners and appearance. his mustachios were magnificent; miniature toys in gold and jewellery hung in clusters from his watch-chain; his shirt-front was a perfect filigree of lace and cambric. he brought with him his own boxes of choice liqueurs and perfumes; his own smart, impudent, french valet; his own travelling bookcase of french novels, which he opened with his own golden key. he drank nothing but chocolate in the morning; he had long interviews with the cook, and revolutionized our dinner table. all the french newspapers were sent to him by a london agent. he altered the arrangements of his bed-room; no servant but his own valet was permitted to enter it. family portraits that hung there, were turned to the walls, and portraits of french actresses and italian singers were stuck to the back of the canvasses. then he displaced a beautiful little ebony cabinet which had been in the family three hundred years; and set up in its stead a cyprian temple of his own, in miniature, with crystal doors, behind which hung locks of hair, rings, notes written on blush-coloured paper, and other love-tokens kept as sentimental relics. his influence became all-pervading among us. he seemed to communicate to the house the change that had taken place in himself, from the reckless, racketty young englishman to the super-exquisite foreign dandy. it was as if the fiery, effervescent atmosphere of the boulevards of paris had insolently penetrated into the old english mansion, and ruffled and infected its quiet native air, to the remotest corners of the place.
my father was even more dismayed than displeased by the alteration in my brother’s habits and manners — the eldest son was now farther from his ideal of what an eldest son should be, than ever. as for friends and neighbours, ralph was heartily feared and disliked by them, before he had been in the house a week. he had an ironically patient way of listening to their conversation; an ironically respectful manner of demolishing their old-fashioned opinions, and correcting their slightest mistakes, which secretly aggravated them beyond endurance. it was worse still, when my father, in despair, tried to tempt him into marriage, as the one final chance of working his reform; and invited half the marriageable young ladies of our acquaintance to the house, for his especial benefit.
ralph had never shown much fondness at home, for the refinements of good female society. abroad, he had lived as exclusively as he possibly could, among women whose characters ranged downwards by infinitesimal degrees, from the mysteriously doubtful to the notoriously bad. the highly-bred, highly-refined, highly-accomplished young english beauties had no charm for him. he detected at once the domestic conspiracy of which he was destined to become the victim. he often came up-stairs, at night, into my bed-room; and while he was amusing himself by derisively kicking about my simple clothes and simple toilette apparatus; while he was laughing in his old careless way at my quiet habits and monotonous life, used to slip in, parenthetically, all sorts of sarcasms about our young lady guests. to him, their manners were horribly inanimate; their innocence, hypocrisy of education. pure complexions and regular features were very well, he said, as far as they went; but when a girl could not walk properly, when she shook hands with you with cold fingers, when having good eyes she could not make a stimulating use of them, then it was time to sentence the regular features and pure complexions to be taken back forthwith to the nursery from which they came. for his part, he missed the conversation of his witty polish countess, and longed for another pancake-supper with his favourite grisettes.
the failure of my father’s last experiment with ralph soon became apparent. watchful and experienced mothers began to suspect that my brother’s method of flirtation was dangerous, and his style of waltzing improper. one or two ultra-cautious parents, alarmed by the laxity of his manners and opinions, removed their daughters out of harm’s way, by shortening their visits. the rest were spared any such necessity. my father suddenly discovered that ralph was devoting himself rather too significantly to a young married woman who was staying in the house. the same day he had a long private interview with my brother. what passed between them, i know not; but it must have been something serious. ralph came out of my father’s private study, very pale and very silent; ordered his luggage to be packed directly; and the next morning departed, with his french valet, and his multifarious french goods and chattels, for the continent.
another interval passed; and then we had another short visit from him. he was still unaltered. my father’s temper suffered under this second disappointment. he became more fretful and silent; more apt to take offence than had been his wont. i particularly mention the change thus produced in his disposition, because that change was destined, at no very distant period, to act fatally upon me.
on this last occasion, also, there was another serious disagreement between father and son; and ralph left england again in much the same way that he had left it before.
shortly after that second departure, we heard that he had altered his manner of life. he had contracted, what would be termed in the continental code of morals, a reformatory attachment to a woman older than himself, who was living separated from her husband, when he met with her. it was this lady’s lofty ambition to be mentor and mistress, both together! and she soon proved herself to be well qualified for her courageous undertaking. to the astonishment of everyone who knew him, ralph suddenly turned economical; and, soon afterwards, actually resigned his post at the embassy, to be out of the way of temptation! since that, he has returned to england; has devoted himself to collecting snuff-boxes and learning the violin; and is now living quietly in the suburbs of london, still under the inspection of the resolute female missionary who first worked his reform.
whether he will ever become the high-minded, high-principled country gentleman, that my father has always desired to see him, it is useless for me to guess. on the domains which he is to inherit, i shall never perhaps set foot again: in the halls where he will one day preside as master, i shall never more be sheltered. let me now quit the subject of my elder brother, and turn to a theme which is nearer to my heart; dear to me as the last remembrance left that i can love; precious beyond all treasures in my solitude and my exile from home.
my sister!— well may i linger over your beloved name in such a record as this. a little farther on, and the darkness of crime and grief will encompass me; here, my recollections of you kindle like a pure light before my eyes — doubly pure by contrast with what lies beyond. may your kind eyes, love, be the first that fall on these pages, when the writer has parted from them for ever! may your tender hand be the first that touches these leaves, when mine is cold! backward in my narrative, clara, wherever i have but casually mentioned my sister, the pen has trembled and stood still. at this place, where all my remembrances of you throng upon me unrestrained, the tears gather fast and thick beyond control; and for the first time since i began my task, my courage and my calmness fail me.
it is useless to persevere longer. my hand trembles; my eyes grow dimmer and dimmer. i must close my labours for the day, and go forth to gather strength and resolution for to-morrow on the hill-tops that overlook the sea.
