and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
perhaps the best cure for the fear of death is to reflect that life has a beginning as well as an end. there was a time when we were not: this gives us no concern — why, then, should it trouble us that a time will come when we shall cease to be? i have no wish to have been alive a hundred years ago, or in the reign of queen anne: why should i regret and lay it so much to heart that i shall not be alive a hundred years hence, in the reign of i cannot tell whom?
when bickerstaff wrote his essays i knew nothing of the subjects of them; nay, much later, and but the other day, as it were, in the beginning of the reign of george iii., when goldsmith, johnson, burke, used to meet at the globe, when garrick was in his glory, and reynolds was over head and ears with his portraits, and sterne brought out the volumes of tristram shandy year by year, it was without consulting me: i had not the slightest intimation of what was going on: the debates in the house of commons on the american war, or the firing at bunker’s hill, disturbed not me: yet i thought this no evil — i neither ate, drank, nor was merry, yet i did not complain: i had not then looked out into this breathing world, yet i was well; and the world did quite as well without me as i did without it! why, then, should i make all this outcry about parting with it, and being no worse off than i was before? there is nothing in the recollection that at a certain time we were not come into the world that ‘the gorge rises at’— why should we revolt at the idea that we must one day go out of it? to die is only to be as we were before we were born; yet no one feels any remorse, or regret, or repugnance, in contemplating this last idea. it is rather a relief and disburthening of the mind: it seems to have been holiday-time with us then: we were not called to appear upon the stage of life, to wear robes or tatters, to laugh or cry, be hooted or applauded; we had lain perdus all this while, snug, out of harm’s way; and had slept out our thousands of centuries without wanting to be waked up; at peace and free from care, in a long nonage, in a sleep deeper and calmer than that of infancy, wrapped in the softest and finest dust. and the worst that we dread is, after a short, fretful, feverish being, after vain hopes and idle fears, to sink to final repose again, and forget the troubled dream of life! . . . ye armed men, knights templars, that sleep in the stone aisles of that old temple church, where all is silent above, and where a deeper silence reigns below (not broken by the pealing organ), are ye not contented where ye lie? or would you come out of your long homes to go to the holy war? or do ye complain that pain no longer visits you, that sickness has done its worst, that you have paid the last debt to nature, that you hear no more of the thickening phalanx of the foe, or your lady’s waning love; and that while this ball of earth rolls its eternal round, no sound shall ever pierce through to disturb your lasting repose, fixed as the marble over your tombs, breathless as the grave that holds you! and thou, oh! thou, to whom my heart turns, and will turn while it has feeling left, who didst love in vain, and whose first was thy last sigh, wilt not thou too rest in peace (or wilt thou cry to me complaining from thy clay-cold bed) when that sad heart is no longer sad, and that sorrow is dead which thou wert only called into the world to feel!
it is certain that there is nothing in the idea of a preexistent state that excites our longing like the prospect of a posthumous existence. we are satisfied to have begun life when we did; we have no ambition to have set out on our journey sooner; and feel that we have had quite enough to do to battle our way through since. we cannot say,
the wars we well remember of king nine,
of old assaracus and inachus divine.
neither have we any wish: we are contented to read of them in story, and to stand and gaze at the vast sea of time that separates us from them. it was early days then: the world was not well-aired enough for us: we have no inclination to have been up and stirring. we do not consider the six thousand years of the world before we were born as so much time lost to us: we are perfectly indifferent about the matter. we do not grieve and lament that we did not happen to be in time to see the grand mask and pageant of human life going on in all that period; though we are mortified at being obliged to quit our stand before the rest of the procession passes.
it may be suggested in explanation of this difference, that we know from various records and traditions what happened in the time of queen anne, or even in the reigns of the assyrian monarchs, but that we have no means of ascertaining what is to happen hereafter but by awaiting the event, and that our eagerness and curiosity are sharpened in proportion as we are in the dark about it. this is not at all the case; for at that rate we should be constantly wishing to make a voyage of discovery to greenland or to the moon, neither of which we have, in general, the least desire to do. neither, in truth, have we any particular solicitude to pry into the secrets of futurity, but as a pretext for prolonging our own existence. it is not so much that we care to be alive a hundred or a thousand years hence, any more than to have been alive a hundred or a thousand years ago: but the thing lies here, that we would all of us wish the present moment to last for ever. we would be as we are, and would have the world remain just as it is, to please us.
the present eye catches the present object —
to have and to hold while it may; and abhors, on any terms, to have it torn from us, and nothing left in its room. it is the pang of parting, the unloosing our grasp, the breaking asunder some strong tie, the leaving some cherished purpose unfulfilled, that creates the repugnance to go, and ‘makes calamity of so long life,’ as it often is.
o! thou strong heart!
there’s such a covenant ‘twixt the world and thee
they’re loth to break!
the love of life, then, is an habitual attachment, not an abstract principle. simply to be does not ‘content man’s natural desire’: we long to be in a certain time, place, and circumstance. we would much rather be now, ‘on this bank and shoal of time,’ than have our choice of any future period, than take a slice of fifty or sixty years out of the millennium, for instance. this shows that our attachment is not confined either to being or to well-being; but that we have an inveterate prejudice in favour of our immediate existence, such as it is. the mountaineer will not leave his rock, nor the savage his hut; neither are we willing to give up our present mode of life, with all its advantages and disadvantages, for any other that could be substituted for it. no man would, i think, exchange his existence with any other man, however fortunate. we had as lief not be, as not be ourselves. there are some persons of that reach of soul that they would like to live two hundred and fifty years hence, to see to what height of empire america will have grown up in that period, or whether the english constitution will last so long. these are points beyond me. but i confess i should like to live to see the downfall of the bourbons. that is a vital question with me; and i shall like it the better, the sooner it happens!
no young man ever thinks he shall die. he may believe that others will, or assent to the doctrine that ‘all men are mortal’ as an abstract proposition, but he is far enough from bringing it home to himself individually.92 youth, buoyant activity, and animal spirits, hold absolute antipathy with old age as well as with death; nor have we, in the hey-day of life, any more than in the thoughtlessness of childhood, the remotest conception how
this sensible warm motion can become
a kneaded clod —
nor how sanguine, florid health and vigour, shall ‘turn to withered, weak, and grey.’ or if in a moment of idle speculation we indulge in this notion of the close of life as a theory, it is amazing at what a distance it seems; what a long, leisurely interval there is between; what a contrast its slow and solemn approach affords to our present gay dreams of existence! we eye the farthest verge of the horizon, and think what a way we shall have to look back upon, ere we arrive at our journey’s end; and without our in the least suspecting it, the mists are at our feet, and the shadows of age encompass us. the two divisions of our lives have melted into each other: the extreme points close and meet with none of that romantic interval stretching out between them that we had reckoned upon; and for the rich, melancholy, solemn hues of age, ‘the sear, the yellow leaf,’ the deepening shadows of an autumnal evening, we only feel a dank, cold mist, encircling all objects, after the spirit of youth is fled. there is no inducement to look forward; and what is worse, little interest in looking back to what has become so trite and common. the pleasures of our existence have worn themselves out, are ‘gone into the wastes of time,’ or have turned their indifferent side to us: the pains by their repeated blows have worn us out, and have left us neither spirit nor inclination to encounter them again in retrospect. we do not want to rip up old grievances, nor to renew our youth like the phoenix, nor to live our lives twice over. once is enough. as the tree falls, so let it lie. shut up the book and close the account once for all!
it has been thought by some that life is like the exploring of a passage that grows narrower and darker the farther we advance, without a possibility of ever turning back, and where we are stifled for want of breath at last. for myself, i do not complain of the greater thickness of the atmosphere as i approach the narrow house. i felt it more formerly,93 when the idea alone seemed to suppress a thousand rising hopes, and weighed upon the pulses of the blood. at present i rather feel a thinness and want of support, i stretch out my hand to some object and find none, i am too much in a world of abstraction; the naked map of life is spread out before me, and in the emptiness and desolation i see death coming to meet me. in my youth i could not behold him for the crowd of objects and feelings, and hope stood always between us, saying, ‘never mind that old fellow!’ if i had lived indeed, i should not care to die. but i do not like a contract of pleasure broken off unfulfilled, a marriage with joy unconsummated, a promise of happiness rescinded. my public and private hopes have been left a ruin, or remain only to mock me. i would wish them to be reedified. i should like to see some prospect of good to mankind, such as my life began with. i should like to leave some sterling work behind me. i should like to have some friendly hand to consign me to the grave. on these conditions i am ready, if not willing, to depart. i shall then write on my tomb — grateful and contented! but i have thought and suffered too much to be willing to have thought and suffered in vain. — in looking back, it sometimes appears to me as if i had in a manner slept out my life in a dream or shadow on the side of the hill of knowledge, where i have fed on books, on thoughts, on pictures, and only heard in half-murmurs the trampling of busy feet, or the noises of the throng below. waked out of this dim, twilight existence, and startled with the passing scene, i have felt a wish to descend to the world of realities, and join in the chase. but i fear too late, and that i had better return to my bookish chimeras and indolence once more! zanetto, lascia le donne, et studia la matematica. i will think of it.
it is not wonderful that the contemplation and fear of death become more familiar to us as we approach nearer to it: that life seems to ebb with the decay of blood and youthful spirits; and that as we find everything about us subject to chance and change, as our strength and beauty die, as our hopes and passions, our friends and our affections leave us, we begin by degrees to feel ourselves mortal!
i have never seen death but once, and that was in an infant. it is years ago. the look was calm and placid, and the face was fair and firm. it was as if a waxen image had been laid out in the coffin, and strewed with innocent flowers. it was not like death, but more like an image of life! no breath moved the lips, no pulse stirred, no sight or sound would enter those eyes or ears more. while i looked at it, i saw no pain was there; it seemed to smile at the short pang of life which was over: but i could not bear the coffin-lid to be closed — it seemed to stifle me; and still as the nettles wave in a corner of the churchyard over his little grave, the welcome breeze helps to refresh me, and ease the tightness at my breast!
an ivory or marble image, like chantry’s monument of the two children, is contemplated with pure delight. why do we not grieve and fret that the marble is not alive, or fancy that it has a shortness of breath? it never was alive; and it is the difficulty of making the transition from life to death, the struggle between the two in our imagination, that confounds their properties painfully together, and makes us conceive that the infant that is but just dead, still wants to breathe, to enjoy, and look about it, and is prevented by the icy hand of death, locking up its faculties and benumbing its senses; so that, if it could, it would complain of its own hard state. perhaps religious considerations reconcile the mind to this change sooner than any others, by representing the spirit as fled to another sphere, and leaving the body behind it. so in reflecting on death generally, we mix up the idea of life with it, and thus make it the ghastly monster it is. we think, how we should feel, not how the dead feel.
still from the tomb the voice of nature cries;
even in our ashes live their wonted fires!
there is an admirable passage on this subject in tucker’s light of nature pursued, which i shall transcribe, as by much the best illustration i can offer of it.
‘the melancholy appearance of a lifeless body, the mansion provided for it to inhabit, dark, cold, close and solitary, are shocking to the imagination; but it is to the imagination only, not the understanding; for whoever consults this faculty will see at first glance, that there is nothing dismal in all these circumstances: if the corpse were kept wrapped up in a warm bed, with a roasting fire in the chamber, it would feel no comfortable warmth therefrom; were store of tapers lighted up as soon as day shuts in, it would see no objects to divert it; were it left at large it would have no liberty, nor if surrounded with company would be cheered thereby; neither are the distorted features expressions of pain, uneasiness, or distress. this every one knows, and will readily allow upon being suggested, yet still cannot behold, nor even cast a thought upon those objects without shuddering; for knowing that a living person must suffer grievously under such appearances, they become habitually formidable to the mind, and strike a mechanical horror, which is increased by the customs of the world around us.’
there is usually one pang added voluntarily and unnecessarily to the fear of death, by our affecting to compassionate the loss which others will have in us. if that were all, we might reasonably set our minds at rest. the pathetic exhortation on country tombstones, ‘grieve not for me, my wife and children dear,’ etc., is for the most part speedily followed to the letter. we do not leave so great a void in society as we are inclined to imagine, partly to magnify our own importance, and partly to console ourselves by sympathy. even in the same family the gap is not so great; the wound closes up sooner than we should expect. nay, our room is not unfrequently thought better than our company. people walk along the streets the day after our deaths just as they did before, and the crowd is not diminished. while we were living, the world seemed in a manner to exist only for us, for our delight and amusement, because it contributed to them. but our hearts cease to beat, and it goes on as usual, and thinks no more about us than it did in our lifetime. the million are devoid of sentiment, and care as little for you or me as if we belonged to the moon. we live the week over in the sunday’s paper, or are decently interred in some obituary at the month’s end! it is not surprising that we are forgotten so soon after we quit this mortal stage; we are scarcely noticed while we are on it. it is not merely that our names are not known in china — they have hardly been heard of in the next street. we are hand and glove with the universe, and think the obligation is mutual. this is an evident fallacy. if this, however, does not trouble us now, it will not hereafter. a handful of dust can have no quarrel to pick with its neighbours, or complaint to make against providence, and might well exclaim, if it had but an understanding and a tongue, ‘go thy ways, old world, swing round in blue ether, voluble to every age, you and i shall no more jostle!’
it is amazing how soon the rich and titled, and even some of those who have wielded great political power, are forgotten.
a little rule, a little sway,
is all the great and mighty have
betwixt the cradle and the grave —
and, after its short date, they hardly leave a name behind them. ‘a great man’s memory may, at the common rate, survive him half a year.’ his heirs and successors take his titles, his power, and his wealth — all that made him considerable or courted by others; and he has left nothing else behind him either to delight or benefit the world. posterity are not by any means so disinterested as they are supposed to be. they give their gratitude and admiration only in return for benefits conferred. they cherish the memory of those to whom they are indebted for instruction and delight; and they cherish it just in proportion to the instruction and delight they are conscious they receive. the sentiment of admiration springs immediately from this ground, and cannot be otherwise than well founded.94
the effeminate clinging to life as such, as a general or abstract idea, is the effect of a highly civilised and artificial state of society. men formerly plunged into all the vicissitudes and dangers of war, or staked their all upon a single die, or some one passion, which if they could not have gratified, life became a burden to them — now our strongest passion is to think, our chief amusement is to read new plays, new poems, new novels, and this we may do at our leisure, in perfect security, ad infinitum. if we look into the old histories and romances, before the belles-lettres neutralised human affairs and reduced passion to a state of mental equivocation, we find the heroes and heroines not setting their lives ‘at a pin’s fee,’ but rather courting opportunities of throwing them away in very wantonness of spirit. they raise their fondness for some favourite pursuit to its height, to a pitch of madness, and think no price too dear to pay for its full gratification. everything else is dross. they go to death as to a bridal bed, and sacrifice themselves or others without remorse at the shrine of love, of honour, of religion, or any other prevailing feeling. romeo runs his ‘sea-sick, weary bark upon the rocks’ of death the instant he finds himself deprived of his juliet; and she clasps his neck in their last agonies, and follows him to the same fatal shore. one strong idea takes possession of the mind and overrules every other; and even life itself, joyless without that, becomes an object of indifference or loathing. there is at least more of imagination in such a state of things, more vigour of feeling and promptitude to act, than in our lingering, languid, protracted attachment to life for its own poor sake. it is, perhaps, also better, as well as more heroical, to strike at some daring or darling object, and if we fail in that, to take the consequences manfully, than to renew the lease of a tedious, spiritless, charmless existence, merely (as pierre says) ‘to lose it afterwards in some vile brawl’ for some worthless object. was there not a spirit of martyrdom as well as a spice of the reckless energy of barbarism in this bold defiance of death? had not religion something to do with it: the implicit belief in a future life, which rendered this of less value, and embodied something beyond it to the imagination; so that the rough soldier, the infatuated lover, the valorous knight, etc., could afford to throw away the present venture, and take a leap into the arms of futurity, which the modern sceptic shrinks back from, with all his boasted reason and vain philosophy, weaker than a woman! i cannot help thinking so myself; but i have endeavoured to explain this point before, and will not enlarge farther on it here.
a life of action and danger moderates the dread of death. it not only gives us fortitude to bear pain, but teaches us at every step the precarious tenure on which we hold our present being. sedentary and studious men are the most apprehensive on this score. dr. johnson was an instance in point. a few years seemed to him soon over, compared with those sweeping contemplations on time and infinity with which he had been used to pose himself. in the still-life of a man of letters there was no obvious reason for a change. he might sit in an arm-chair and pour out cups of tea to all eternity. would it had been possible for him to do so! the most rational cure after all for the inordinate fear of death is to set a just value on life. if we merely wish to continue on the scene to indulge our headstrong humours and tormenting passions, we had better begone at once; and if we only cherish a fondness for existence according to the good we derive from it, the pang we feel at parting with it will not be very severe!
