“that is very nicely done,” said my mother, on her return to the kitchen. “you are a good helpful little boy; and now go and put on your best suit for breakfast, as somebody is coming.”
this somebody was dr. lombalot, the old surgeon-major of my father’s former regiment. when he retired from the army he settled at tours. he was to arrive by an early train.
“he is a great original,” said my mother, “but your father likes him very much.”
he was indeed an original! he had all sorts of theories upon various subjects and systems of doing things, which he always made out must be right. for instance, he never ate a boiled egg like the rest of the world, and he proved that the rest of the world was wrong in the way it ate them. “omelettes, yes, ma’am, omelettes,” said he, looking at my mother across the breakfast table, “omelettes ought to be done in a certain particular way known only to myself; but i am willing to give the receipt”—here he made a little bow to my mother,—“and you should always pour in the oil before the vinegar in making a salad,”—here he twinkled his eye maliciously at my father, who was mixing a salad, and had just poured in the vinegar first.
one of his theories was, he informed us, that neither men nor boys should wear braces. and then he announced that people should always walk upstairs backwards, so as not to get out of breath. here i unfortunately swallowed some coffee the wrong way, and choked myself, because i was bursting with laughter; the doctor wiped his spectacles, and putting them on, stared at my nose, which i felt turn pale.
“and phrenology?” said my father hastily, wishing to divert his attention, “you still study phrenology?”
“the doctor stared at my nose.”
the doctor did not appear to hear the question, his eyes were fixed on my unfortunate nose. at last he uttered the words “remarkably strange!”
“what is strange?” enquired my father. the doctor did not at once reply: lifting up his right hand, he held it before him, moving it first further and then nearer to him, as if he was trying to get an exact point of sight to suit him. when he held it still, the back was towards me, and it hid half his face. his eyes peeped over it as if he was looking over a wall or as if he was plunged in water to the tip of his nose.
we all gazed at him in great surprise and some consternation. as for him, he quietly continued his operations, figuratively pulling me to pieces: his eyes became quite small, and puckers and wrinkles appeared at the corners.
“not the least affinity,” said he, in a few seconds, “between the different features in that face. i take the nose” (here he made a sort of telescope with his closed fist), “a warlike nose! i hide it” (he hid himself again behind his wall until i saw only his two eyes), “and i see a meek forehead, and a timid eye. i look at them altogether again” (here the wall disappeared), “and what a strange contrast is before me! that martial nose and that timid physiognomy! that poor face! which is quite ashamed to have such a nose attached to it, a nose almost.... what was i going to say? however, no matter. it is just as if you saw a gentle, peaceable, good-natured shop-keeper giving his arm in the street to some violent, insolent blusterer. absurd contrast! a caricaturist would be delighted to meet with that boy!”
“but,” said my father impatiently, “do tell us something about phrenology!”
