reader, can a man dream with his eyes open? or can a man see with them shut? before you say no, bear in mind that man is the shadow of his maker; and life, a dream. as to the latter part of the query, the answer may be emphatically no! then let me dream of what i saw.
one night my faculties fell asleep upon all the world’s eider down, but these things, my faculties, could not sleep on, i saw myself going along by the quietest looking, but gayest palace of every day resort of noblemen and monied men, that decorates the boulevard. it is not the magic no. from the corner of the rue la fitte. on the first floor is all the pleasure a monied man could momentarily crave; but the second floor looked gayer, and the third gayer still. i could see ladies and gentlemen coming in groups of two, four, and six, every quarter of a minute.
it was six o’clock, as near as i can recollect the dream. they commenced sitting down at different tables, while some were hanging up hats, and others looking around as if they were hunting something like what other people had; some of the tables were larger than others; according to their number was the measure thereof. the gentlemen looked as dignified as giraffes, whilst the ladies looked the picture of birds of paradise more especially where fine feathers contributed. some were placing their chairs in as agreeable a position as their inward idea could allow them to do with propriety. towards the end of this palace, in the direction of the boulevards, now sprang up a volley of small, or not very loud, musket-like reports, but as nobody was afraid, no harm could be done. then i could see the waiters pouring into some glasses like dutch churns, upside down, some hot, smoking stuff that boiled over; it was so hot, that a man might well fear for the ladies mouths being burnt when they took hold of it as if they did not see it, but merely wished to comply with the desire of their beaux. i expected every moment to hear them scream, but they were not afraid of it. the waiters were running to and fro with bottles of all colors. here one turned up some smaller glasses and poured in something like blood. if it was blood it was pure as abel’s sacrifice; i never before saw redder from veins. the next occupation of the waiter, was bringing different kinds of soups. i looked on the carte and saw a dozen different kinds; some i never read of before. i looked out of the window on the rue la fitte, and saw as many as twenty carriages standing before one another, and from them descending ladies and gentlemen in pairs, running up stairs with perfect gusto.
it is six o’clock as i have said, and i will leave those scenes and tell what more i dreamt, but will return again. i thought i pushed my way through crowds of people, and moved along the boulevards about four squares, until i came to an extraordinary fine and fashionable street called vivienne, and i followed it about two squares until my attention was attracted by an immense stone building, taking up one whole square. it looked like the temples i had read of, and i asked a man what it meant, who said it is a place where all the rich people go every day at 1 o’clock to make money, and some loose; they call it “bourse.” he assured me that its financiering had made “countless thousands mourn.” i next walked into a caffee filled with ladies and gentlemen and found a seat. a few minutes afterwards a ballet girl entered and seated herself for la creme. i then called for some cream and we eat on the same side of the same table. i asked her if it was good? she said she liked it, and asked me if mine was the same. as the color was different i could not say, without tasting hers, and we put our glasses together and satisfied ourselves on the difference, after which we took a vere du vin at the expense of one of us.
it is now 11 o’clock, and i said i would return to the “maison doree.” having reached this all-hour sought place, i saw the very same people i saw seat themselves at 6 o’clock. they were somewhat changed in color; they all looked rosier and better enabled to take hold of anything they had to do. the gentlemen looked more sociable, and the ladies—i won’t say more bold, but less timid. when a gentleman had anything to communicate, he was not obliged to exert himself in reaching, because the ladies would meet him half way. everything was so harmonious that one could not go through the laborious task of telling his wish, without assistance from his hearer. every few minutes something like a rallying remnant of a weak soldier’s gun would go off, and the glasses would smoke as though each one was a volcano. every minute or two a couple would rise, and before the gentleman could give his arm the lady would reach for it. even their tempers seemed to fit, as the ocean does the earth, all around and through. whilst i was thus dreaming, the pillow became insufferable, and i must say it awoke me. i thought i looked out of the window on the moving surface of the seine. the moon was shining down on its ripples with a most admirable light of solemn grandeur. stillness reigned such as i had never seen in paris, and all the time i stood gazing upon that famous stream, not once did that queer dream enter my mind. i jumped into bed and soon fell asleep, and soon got into the old habit, so i dreamt. how particular a man ought to be, when about to do anything for the first time, for, let it be good or bad, the mind will be tempered with the same sterile or fertile nature, as that of the preceding act. i thought i was again at the agreeable maison doree, and i looked upon the walled clock, and the hour hand stood at 2. the hall below stairs was as empty as the marble hall, where the true lover dreamed he dwelt among vassals and serfs. but i also dreamed, which pleased me most, that i saw very many beautiful women walking up and down the sidewalk with an apparent air of hunting for something; not that they had lost anything they ever possessed, but something to be found. i thought one came up to me with her dress fully two feet shorter in front than behind, i mean to say it looked so from what i could see, and said to me “quelle heure it el?” i told her 2 o’clock; she then looked puzzled, as if she was sure i did not know what she meant by speaking to me at that late hour. then she started one way and turned and went the other. as she passed me she gave her dress a jerk in front that raised it so high that i almost saw the whole of a pair of the whitest stockings i had seen since i left the dutch, who don’t wear stockings at all. my curiosity was that of children on a christmas morning, and i started after her in the same earnestness to see if there was anything good inside the stockings. i found that the supposed stocking, like santa claus, was all imagination. thus ends the dream with open eyes.
said the fast countess of blessington, “oh commend me to the comforts of a french bed; its soft and even mattress, its light curtains, and genial couvre pied of eider down; commend me, also, to a french cuisine, with its soup sans pepper, its cutlet a la minute, and its poulet au jus, its cafe a la creme, and its desserts. but defend me from its slamming of french doors, and the shaking of french windows, &c.” i like not the noise like the one in paris; it is an amalgamated one, such as never was heard in another city on earth. the noise of paris is a variegated one, like humming of bees, or a serpent’s hiss when they cannot be seen. sometimes its cabs alone, at another carts filled with groups of theatre actors, from the opera comique, theatre francois, ambique, grand opera, or hippodrome. or if it is early in the morning, it is sure to be some gay crowds returning from some wild and exciting amusement, such as only french can enjoy without remorse. when you hear a noise in paris, you can no more tell its cause, than you can tell the composition of a fricassee. it may be a good rabbit, or a better cat, the skin of the former lying on the table to prove its identity. when you see woodcocks in the window of a second rate restaurateur, you must not be sure that the cook is putting his herbs among the joints of the woodcock you have ordered, instead of a diseased owl that was caught in the barn, for french cooks are not to be scared by an owl. the more he can dress a rat like a squirrel, the greater his celebrity as an epicure of the most refined taste. if you go to market in paris, you will see under a butcher’s stall, whole herds of rabbits, for rabbits are domestic animals in france. this butcher lives at the upper end of the market, and has nothing to do with mons. ledeau, who lives at the other end, and who sells little cats under the disguise of amusing les enfants de paris. but mons. feteau, the restaurateur, knows both, and takes particular care to invite mons. ledeau chez lui to take dinner with him, when they have a good deal of unknown talk. after this interview, the trade in rabbits gets dull, and the vender wonders who can sell them on more advantageous terms than he can. he looks all around the market, and finds that his price is the usual price. it never enters his head that cats are substituted for rabbits.
now reader, don’t accuse me of trying to become conspicuous by asserting more than others, for you know nothing about it, and i do. i have seen a landlord stand behind a post in his own restaurant, watching some of his patrons trying to cut what he called poulet (chicken), but no mortal man could tell what it was but a french cuisineur. i have dined at the maison doree, trois freres, cafe anglaise, and vachettes, and then gradually down to the lowest grade, the socialists, and i ought to know something about it.
oh, how delightful it is to walk on the champ elysee and take a seat among the french girls, au fait, and order your caffee au lait. then take from your pocket a sou, sit cross legged and toss it up and down, and turn it over and, look at it, and while waiting for the light guitar, to fend off those nimble fingers, that are taking from it its sweetest notes, you can think what an immense deal of pleasure you are getting for the mere anticipation of a sou. then look around, not slyly, but boldly, and you see some unassuming french demoiselle gazing upon you with such riveted force of interest, that the lashes of her eye moveth not. after this you walk into some valentino cassino, or jardin, and you will see some 80 or 100 modes of cupids and psyches, keeping time to a parisian band, and there will appear to your mind a perfect agreeing correspondence between the music and the figures that dance around it. never will you see the right foot of one couple up while the left foot of another is down, such perfection of dancing is to be found in all classes in paris.
very candid, frank and free is a frenchman. if one admires a lady, she knows it almost before an opportunity presents itself. if he is encouraging a useless desire, he always manages it before it can do a serious injury. little trouble dwells within the mind of a frenchman; he makes much of to-day, to-morrow’s trouble must dawn or die with itself. he finds more pleasure in going to the opera, with his five francs, than he does by sitting in the house, waiting for the morrow that never comes, or if it does come, bringing with it a greater anxiety and love for another morrow.
there is an amusement in paris, which language is inadequate to express the vulgarity of. it is called the “industrious fleas.” the name does not indicate the performance. it changes its location every night in fear of the police. its supporters are merely curious young men, who wish to see as strange a sight as the mind of woman can picture. their performance commences with a dozen beautiful women habited like eve before she devised the fig leaf covering. they first appear in the form of a wreath, with each one’s head between another’s legs; the rest must be imagined. au revoir.
