being appointed captain's coxswain and valet suited thompson to a nicety, and it was amusing to see how he adapted himself to his new position, as from a merry wag he suddenly quieted down into a solemn-looking fellow. we hardly need say this was all assumption on his part, but "quiet dignity tinged with a slight shade of melancholy" he considered the correct sort of thing for the role, and no one who saw him recognized the gay and festive youth of old times.
"promotion's ruined thompson," said the boatswain to price. "he ain't hisself. i shouldn't wonder if he goes into a consumption."
"i wish he would," feelingly replied the boatswain's mate, "provided the captain would give me a chance to ketch the complaint arter him."
commander puffeigh had shipped as his steward a young and aspiring cockney, who entered the service with the full determination of becoming an admiral, but finding his chances in that particular direction rather few, gave up the idea, and devoted his attention to the acquirement of grand words. the doctor was his great fountain-head; and when that gentleman dined with the captain, mr. boyldwyte would be on the alert, and listen to every word which fell from the medico's lips.
the appointment of jerry in a double capacity annoyed the steward. he did not mind the sailor attending to his master when on board ship, but to be taken on shore, and regularly installed as captain's valet, was rather too much of a good thing. whenever, therefore, the grave face of mr. thompson appeared at his pantry door, the steward forthwith would stand on the offensive. the sailor knew this, and aggravated his opponent accordingly.
the ship had been anchored in simon's bay about twenty-four hours, and puffeigh was comfortably quartered on shore, before the coxswain made his appearance on board again. after delivering letters and messages to the first lieutenant, he proceeded to the steward's pantry, where he found mr. boyldwyte deep in the mystery of plate cleaning, and evidently not in the very best temper.
"good morning, mister biled-up," whispered the sailor.
the steward took up a spoon and leathered away as if quite unconscious of the coxswain's presence.
"mr. biled right! i begs your pardon," insinuated the mischievous jerry. "i'm come from the captain with orders, mr. b."
"cuss your mr. b., you infernal collyoptera!" retorted the now thoroughly-roused flunkey. "my name is boyldwyte! yes, sir, boyld—wyte. i want none of your cheek! speak to me on duty, sir! yes, sir!—on duty. i don't belong to your class of society." having thus delivered himself, he stared hard at thompson, and breathed defiantly, as much as to say, "i'm ready for you,—come on."
the coxswain-valet smiled, unhooked the half-door, walked into the pantry, and took a seat beside the ferocious one, who immediately turned his back upon him. when his anger had evaporated the steward demanded what the sailor required, and added, "why didn't you tell me when you come in?"
"my dear mister b., wot with your colly-wotshisnames and other blowings up, i[pg 45] haven't had a chance of getting a word in edgeways. please don't use such teatotal long words; i ain't got a pocket jaxionaiary with me, you know."
"did the captain give you any instructions for my guidance, mr. thompson?"
"yes, mr. b."
"what was they, mr. thompson?"
"well, he says to me, says he, 'jerry, that infernal fool of mine—meaning you—ain't worth him salt, ses he, and for two pins i'd sack him and take you in his place.'"
"the captain made use of that observation, did he, mr. thompson?"
"he did, mister b."
"he were not speaking anamgretically, were he, mr. thompson?"
"i dont know what you means by adamgratcolly. is it one of your french ragouts, mister b.?"
"no, it ain't; i forgot i was talking to a man of no education," replied the steward. "we'd better drop the subject."
"come, don't be put out, old man; i was only joking—the fact was—now this is truth. the captain says, 'give my regards to broiled-tight—beg your pardon, mister boyldwyte,—and tell him to give you all the little extras we require.'"
"we! who's we, mr. thompson?"
jerry did not notice him, but went on. "we have lots of shirts and other linen, but we want more private brandy and some solder water, as ours is all out."
"mister thompson, i won't stand by and hear the likes of you, a person in your position in society, say we in eproximation with the name of our noble commander. i wont stand it, sir."
"then," replied the sailor, "sit down to it, my pretty fellow, and hold your helloquence, or i'll call myself co., there now."
this was a finisher for mr. boyldwyte, who thereupon procured the stores, and got rid of his tormentor. when the latter received the packages he asked if "there was anything in the message line for the captain."
the steward did not condescend to reply, so thompson helped him to a parting shot.
"i say, mr. b., can't you chuck in one of them long words of yours? one on 'em would be enough to give all the fellers ashore the colic," saying which his face resumed its melancholy cast; and waving a farewell to his victim, he went on shore.
there was more meaning in the word we than thompson cared to explain, as during the day time he fortified himself with sundry nips of the captain's private brandy, and after dismissal in the evening would array himself in his master's plain clothes, in which he called upon his acquaintances; so the terms we and co. were correctly used by him when speaking to the steward.
the domestics of the shore establishment in which they were located were coloured persons, the only exception being the housekeeper, an old irish woman named maggy, who, although a great admirer of thompson, was much too aged a party for him to think of. however, in twenty-four hours he had made the acquaintance of every good-looking girl in the place, and in eight-and-forty was head-over-heels in love with a saffron-headed damsel of the heavy teutonic order of architecture, by name wallburg pferdscreptern.
this young lady was the only child of a sturdy german, who dealt in flour, axes, pork, dumb-bells, cheese, ales, coffins, wine, fresh beef, hides, soft-bread, fat-tailed sheep, and other luxuries required by the men-of-war frequenting the place, and as labour was considered honourable in simon's bay, the fraulein attended to the sale department of her papa's store.
wallburg's beauty was without a crease. her very dimples had long ago given[pg 46] out, like the seat of a spring chair when the tyings snap; she was one harmonious whole, and nobody for a moment imagined she would ever fall in love. great was the excitement in the bay when her mother announced, "tas fraulein wallburg vas in lofs mit ter matrose scherry."
thus it came about: puffeigh, who possessed most of old falstaff's weaknesses, had, on the day of his arrival, spied out the lovely fraulein, and marked her as his own. quite taken in with his coxswain's quiet manner, he ordered him to carry a note down to her. jerry did so—went, saw, and fell in love right away. the young lady soon explained matters in her most choice english, and they determined to take advantage of the old man's foolishness, and have a good time generally. it was love at first sight on the part of the maiden,—she had never been smitten before; but cupid had fixed her this time, and in spite of "vater or mutter," she declared she would have her way or perish.
four or five times a day was the coxswain sent to the german's store, where he delivered the billet-doux of the amorous puffeigh. when he had read those charming epistles to the m?dchen, he would write a suitable reply, and take it back to the delighted old fellow, his master.
"was she pleased to get my letter?" demanded puffeigh on one occasion; "did she look delighted?"
"yes, sir. ses she, 'yaw, yaw, tell dem alten narren i loaf him very much.'"
"what's alten narren, my man?"
"it means splendid gentleman, sir, in english."
"you're picking up german very fast."
"yes, sir; it's a picking me up, sir. i'm learning fast, sir; so as to be useful to you, sir."
this quite satisfied puffeigh, who began to look upon his new coxswain as a treasure, and a very model of circumspection and perfection in his line.
jerry, on his part, would invent the most astonishing yarns to get sent down to the store. sometimes it was, "her father was in the last time, and he could not get a chance to speak to her;" at others "her mother was there."
"what is her mother like?" demanded puffeigh.
"she's more fatter and bigger than the young lady," replied thompson. the captain did not ask further questions.
the coxswain's courtship was conducted upon peculiar principles. he knew the fraulein disliked to exert herself, so, upon entering the little parlour at the back of the store where he usually found her calmly reclining in a rocking-chair, he would at once proceed to kiss her in a most vigorous manner. she, not at all disliking his attention, gazed upon him with a calmly-tickled air; and when he was tired would playfully slap him on the face, and declare he "vos ein goot veller."
after a pause, he proceeded again to salute her, showering the kisses with sounding smack upon her wax-like features, when a smile would extend over her visage like a ripple of air on a pan of oil, and she would ejaculate, "scherry, mein hubscher matrose, runs avay vrom der schips und marrys me," to which jerry would reply with another consignment of kisses,—"yaw, yaw, wall-ker;" from this the fraulein imagined he would desert, and marry her when the ship was gone. "i loves you vorse den nopodys else, scherry," gurgled his fair seducer. this was the signal for more kisses, and a fervent avowal of affection on the part of the coxswain.
one morning captain puffeigh informed his valet, in great confidence that "their destination on leaving the cape would be the east indies:" so during the day jerry[pg 47] broke the news to his enslaver, and declared it would be madness for him to attempt to run away.
the information was a tremendous blow to miss wallburg, who replied, "i veels so pad at ter news, that i almost bust with deers." this catastrophe was averted by a scientific application of kisses on the part of her lover.
miss pferdscreptern was very desirous of knowing all about india,—how far off it was, &c., &c., the following conversation taking place upon the subject:
"india crate vays vrom here, scherry?"
"werry long way, wallbug."
"plack mans, caffres, dere too, scherry?"
thompson was quite posted, so he replied, "well, they're coppery like, wallbug—coppery like, my gal."
"how don't dey know much dere, scherry?"
"well, wallbug, you see, being uncivilized, they're savage; and being savage, they sometimes kills and eats each other." jerry began to suspect she wanted to follow him, so he invented this to frighten her.
"does dey have no rights to do dat?" gasped the fraulein, who was immensely interested with the replies of her othello. "does dey have no rights to do noting vot dey never does?"
this was rather a puzzler for the sailor, who replied, "you see as how it's somemat like flogging; they hasn't no right to do it always as they does, but they do it nevertheless." after delivering this opinion jerry refreshed himself with a few kisses of a choice and deliberate kind.
when she had recovered from the effects of the attack, the m?dchen sadly observed, "ach, scherry, dere's beeples all over der vorld dat does dem sort of tings vot dey never ought to did."
whether she referred to the east indians or thompson we know not, but the latter cut short all further remarks by another and more frantic attack upon her ruby lips.
wallburg's papa was very little seen at the store, his chief duty being to board the ships when they came into the bay, bask in the sun while they remained there, and collect his money from them on their departure. no one informed him of his daughter's indiscretion for some time; and when they did, upon his mildly expostulating with her, he was told to "mind his own business;" he accordingly did so, but at the same time determined to be revenged upon the fellow who was causing his little one to be so lightly spoken of, and he observed to a friend, "schust vait dill i kets hold of der veller, i vil kiv him vits." jerry was too smart, however; and the whole time the ship was in port the parent never set eyes on him.
the day before the stinger departed puffeigh determined, come what might, to risk an interview with the charming girl who had written so many loving letters to him. in vain his coxswain represented the danger to be great, and the chance of seeing her alone very small: go he would.
he dressed himself in his most killing uniform, and in about three p.m. walked gently down to the store. seeing the fair fraulein seated upon a bale of goods waiting for a customer, he thought the coast was clear, and boldly marched in.
considering the numerous loving passages in her letters, the young lady's reception was rather a cool one. he, however, smiled on her, bowed, and said, "i'm captain puffeigh of her majesty's ship stinger."
"you captain buffy? ye-as?" interrogated the lady.
"yes, my dear, i am he who has so often been delighted with your—" here he[pg 48] advanced, and was about to grasp her plump hand, when she gave a little scream, and exclaimed, "gott in himmel. mein vater!"
"what? your father? the deuce!" exclaimed puffeigh, looking round him with a bewildered air; upon which miss pferdscreptern, springing from her seat with a vivacity she rarely evinced, pointed to a narrow door, which the gallant captain hurriedly dashed open, darting into what proved to be a flour-shoot, the young lady immediately turning the button which fastened it.
there was no help for it. puffeigh could "brave the raging of the sea, but not an angry father." soon he heard the guttural voice of old pferdscreptern, who loudly demanded of his daughter "vere vos dat tam sailor who vos schust gome into der store?" the commander trembled, not from fear, of course, so it must have been from the effects of the flour.
the old german was upon the rampage for some time, until at last, being assured by his "kind" "dat the man vos not dere," he quieted down, and calling for his pipe, was soon lost to view in a cloud of smoke.
about a quarter of an hour elapsed, when the lovely fraulein, finding her father asleep, proceeded to mount up into the loft, where, with the ready help of jerry, who had been there all the time, she raised the board which usually covered the shoot, and having untied a sack of flour, she shot the contents down upon the imprisoned captain.
half-choked, blinded, and mad, he burst the latch and staggered into the store. up jumped the parent pferdscreptern, seized a cowhide, and laid it right vigorously across the whitened figure. the flour flew all over the place, and the captain darted about like a man playing blind-man's buff, his assailant holding on to his coat-tails during the last part of the exercise, and occasionally varying the programme with a well-directed kick. at length, becoming somewhat exhausted, he let his victim go, upon which puffeigh gasped out, "wa! what the deuce is all this outrage for, sir? do you know who i am?"
"you—schust—kit—out, and tousent—gifs—no—more—scheek!" panted the irate teuton. "let me catch you mit my kind agin and i vill make it much hotter dan it vas not dis time, mine friend. i tousant care ein heller who you ist. shust you kit out, dat's all; i'm capden of dis schanty."
puffeigh left the store a wiser and more subdued man. as he passed the cause of his trouble he imagined she was crying, her apron being thrown over her head and her shoulders heaving as if with grief. but wallburg did not cry. the strong convulsion moving her frame was not that of woe; and when her father came to her and spoke kindly, she threw off the covering, and fairly roared—with laughter.
when the commander reached his quarters he found no one about, so slipped up to his bed-room, where jerry was sitting on a chair as if fast asleep.
"lord bless us!" said the valet, "has it been a snowin'?"
muttering something about "being attacked and nearly killed," puffeigh directed his man to get a change of clothes. when he was comfortably arranged he turned to his coxswain and asked him "if he could keep a secret?"
"any amount of 'em, sir," replied the sailor.
"then forget you have ever seen me in such a pickle, my man. the day you remember it will be a bad one for you. there's a shilling for you."
"you're too generous, sir," said the amused valet.
the next morning puffeigh announced to his host that he must at once take up his residence on board ship; and much to his man's sorrow, he ordered him "to pack his traps and take them on board."
it was nearly sunset before jerry got off, and the traps were packed in anything[pg 49] but a neat manner. the truth was, the coxswain lingered with the fair wallburg, and had almost made up his mind not to go at all, but a little calculation determined him. "if she weighs one hundred and ninety pounds when she is nineteen years old, what will she turn when she's thirty-eight?" thought he. this and his snug berth of coxswain outweighed her tempting offer, and with one last fond kiss, somewhere about the ten-thousandth, the distracted lover tore himself away.
there was the usual hard work going on in the ship during the time they remained in the bay: the men slaved all day, and sang or fished in the evening. after a lapse of four days the stinger slipped from her moorings and proceeded out to sea. they left simon's bay with little regret, and as the land grew dim in their vision there was but one man on board who wished himself back.
"i shall never have such a big chance again," jerry observed to mr. boyldwyte, as they strained their eyes in the direction of the land.
"what chance do you elude to, mr. thompson?"
"ah, cockney, wouldn't you like to know?"
we regret this inconstancy to his old love, mary ann, on the part of jerry. our only explanation is, that he had an accommodating heart, and was a sailor who
"in every mess would find a friend,
in every port a wife."
