my eyes flew wide open with fright, though i was so exhausted and muddled that iwas not yet positive whether i was awake or asleep.
something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound.
confused and clumsy with sleep, i stumbled out of my bed and to the window, blinking the lingering tearsfrom my eyes on the way.
a huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it wasgoing to smash right through. i staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream.
victoria.
she'd come for me.
i was dead.
not charlie, too!
i choked back the building scream. i would have to keep quiet through this. somehow. i had to keepcharlie from coming to investigate…and then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape.
"bella!" it hissed. "ouch! damn it, open the window! ouch!"i needed two seconds to shake off the horror before i could move, but then i hurried to the window andshoved the glass out of the way. the clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense ofthe shapes.
"what are you doing?" i gasped.
jacob was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of charlie's little frontyard. his weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung—his legs dangling twenty feetabove the ground—not a yard away from me. the thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against theside of the house again with a grating squeal.
"i'm trying to keep"—he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him—"my promise!"i blinked my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that i was dreaming.
"when did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of charlie's tree?"he snorted, unamused, swinging his legs to improve his balance. "get out of the way," he ordered.
"what?"he swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. i realized what he was ttyingto do.
"no, jake!"but i ducked to the side, aecause it was too late. with a grunt, he launched himself toward my openwindow.
another scream built in my throat as i waited for him to fall to his death—or at least maim himself against the wooden siding. to my shock, he swung agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with alow thud.
we both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had wokencharlie. a short moment of silence passed, and then we heard the muffled sound of charlie's snore.
a wide grin spread slowly across jacob's face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. it wasn't thegrin that i knew and loved—it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on thenew face that belonged to sam.
that was a bit much for me.
i'd cried myself to sleep over this boy. his harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what wasleft of my chest. he'd left a new nightmare behind him, like an infection in a sore—the insult after theinjury. and now he was here in my room, smirking at me as if none of that had passed. worse than that,even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward, it reminded me of when edward used to sneak inthrough my window at night, and the reminder picked viciously at the unhealed wounds.
all of this, coupled with the fact that i was dog-tired, did not put me in a friendly mood.
"get out!" i hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as i could.
he blinked, his face going blank with surprise.
"no," he protested. "i came to apologize.""i don't accept!"i tried to shove him back out the window—after all, if this was a dream, it wouldn't really hurt him. it wasuseless, though. i didn't budge him an inch. i dropped my hands quickly, and stepped away from him.
he wasn't wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver, andit made me uncomfortable to have my hands on his bare chest. his skin was burning hot, like his headhad been the last time i'd touched him. like he was still sick with the fever.
he didn't look sick. he looked huge. he leaned over me, so big that he blacked out the window,tongue-tied by my furious reaction.
suddenly, it was just more than i could handle—it felt as if all of my sleepless nights were crashing downon me en masse. i was so brutally tired that i thought i might collapse right there on the floor. i swayedunsteadily, and struggled to keep my eyes open.
"bella?" jacob whispered anxiously. he caught my elbow as i swayed again, and steered me back to thebed. my legs gave out when i reached the edge, and i plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.
"hey, are you okay?" jacob asked, worry creasing his forehead.
i looked up at him, the tears not yet dried on my cheeks. "why in the world would i be okay, jacob?"anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. "right," he agreed, and took a deep breath. "crap.
well… i—i'm so sorry, bella." the apology was sincere, no doubt about it, though there was still anangry twist to his features.
"why did you come here? i don't want apologies from you, jake." "i know," he whispered. "but i couldn't leave things the way i did this afternoon. thar was horrible. i'msorry."i shook my head wearily. "i don't understand anything.""i know. i want to explain—" he broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut offhis air. then he sucked in a deep breath. "but i can't explain," he said, still angry. "i wish i could."i let my head fall into my hands. my question came out muffled by my arm. "why?"he was quiet for a moment. i twisted my head to the side—too tired to hold it up—to see his expression.
it surprised me. his eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, his forehead wrinkled in effort.
"what's wrong?" i asked.
he exhaled heavily, and i realized he'd been holding his breath, too. "i can't do it," he muttered,frustrated.
"do what?"he ignored my question. "look, bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"he looked at me with knowing eyes, and my thoughts jumped immediately to the cullens. i hoped myexpression didn't look guilty.
"something you felt like you had to keep from charlie, from your mom… ?" he pressed. "something youwon't even talk about with me? not even now?"i felt my eyes tighten. i didn't answer his question, though i knew he would take that as a confirmation.
"can you understand that i might have the same kind of… situation?" he was struggling again, seeming tofight for the right words. "sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. sometimes, it's notyour secret to tell."so, i couldn't argue with that. he was exactly right—i had a secret that wasn't mine to tell, yet a secret ifelt bound to protect. a secret that, suddenly, he seemed to know all about.
i still didn't see how it applied to him, or sam, or billy. what was it to them, now that the cullens weregone?
"i don't know why you came here, jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers.""i'm sorry," he whispered. "this is so frustrating."we looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless.
"the part that kills me," he said abruptly, "is that you already know. i already told yon everything!""what are you talking about?"he sucked in a startled breath, and then leaned toward me, his face shifting from hopelessness to blazingintensity in a second. he stared fiercely into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. he spoke thewords right into my face; his breath was as hot as his skin.
"i think i see a way to make this work out—because you know this, bella! i can't tell you, but if you guessed it! that would let me right off the hook!""you want me to guess? guess what?""my secret! you can do it—you know the answer!"i blinked twice, trying to clear my head. i was so tired. nothing he said made sense.
he took in my blank expression, and then his face tensed with effort again. "hole on, let me see if i giveyou some help," he said. whatever he was trying to do, it was so hard he was panting.
"help?" i asked, trying to keep up. my lids wanted to slip closed, but i forced them open.
"yeah," he said, breathing hard. "like clues."he took my face in his enormous, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his. he stared intomy eyes while he whispered, as if to communicate something besides the words he spoke.
"remember the first day we met—on the beach in la push?""of course i do.""tell me about it."i took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. "you asked about my truck…"he nodded, urging me on.
"we talked about the rabbit…""keep going.""we went for a walk down the beach…" my cheeks were growing warm under his palms as iremembered, but he wouldn't notice, hot as his skin was. i'd asked him to walk with me, flirting ineptlybut successfully, in order to pump him for information.
he was nodding, anxious for more.
my voice was nearly soundless. "you told me scary stories… quileute legends."he closed his eyes and opened them again. "yes." the word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edgeof something vital. he spoke slowly, making each word distinct. "do you remember what i said?"even in the dark, he must be able to see the change in the color of my face. how could i ever forgetthat? without realizing what he was doing, jacob had told me exactly what i needed to know thatday—that edward was a vampire.
he looked at me with eyes that knew too much. "think hard," he told me.
"yes, i remember," i breathed.
he inhaled deeply, struggling. "do you remember all the stor—" he couldn't finish the question. hismouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat.
"all the stories?" i asked.
he nodded mutely.
my head churned. only one story really mattered. i knew he'd begun with others, but i couldn'tremember the inconsequential prelude, especially not while my brain was so clouded with exhaustion. istarted to shake my head.
jacob groaned and jumped off the bed. he pressed his fists against his forehead and breathed fast andangry. "you know this, you know this," he muttered to himself.
"jake? jake, please, i'm exhausted. i'm no good at this right now. maybe in the morning…"he took a steadying breath and nodded. "maybe it will come back to you. i guess i understand why youonly remember the one story," he added in a sarcastic, bitter tone. he plunked back onto the mattressbeside me. "do you mind if i ask you a question about that?" he asked, still sarcastic. "i've been dying roknow.""a question about what?" i asked warily.
"about the vampire story i told you."i stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. he asked his question anyway.
"did you honestly not know?" he asked me, his voice turning husky. "was i the one who told you whathe was?"how did he know this? why did he decide to believe, why now? my teeth clenched together. i staredback at him, no intention of speaking. he could see that.
"see what i mean about loyalty?" he murmured, even huskier now. "it's the same for me, only worse.
you can't imagine how tight i'm bound…"i didn't like that—didn't like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound.
more than dislike—i realized i hated it, hated anything that caused him pain. hated it fiercely.
sam's face filled my mind.
for me, this was all essentially voluntary. i protected the cullens' secret out of love; unrequited, but true.
for jacob, it didn't seem to be that way.
"isn't there any way for you to get free?" i whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his shornhair.
his hands began to tremble, but he didn't open his eyes. "no. i'm in this for life. a life sentence." a bleaklaugh. "longer, maybe.""no, jake," i moaned. "what if we ran away? just you and me. what if we left home, and left sambehind?""it's not something i can run away from, bella," he whispered. "i would run with you, though, if i could."his shoulders were shaking now, too. he took a deep breath. "look, i've got to leave.""why?""for one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. you need your sleep—i need youfiring on all pistons. you're going to figure this out, you have to." "and why else?"he frowned. "i had to sneak out—i'm not supposed to see you. they've got to be wondering where iam." his mouth twisted. "i suppose i should go let them know.""you don't have to tell them anything," i hissed.
"all the same, i will."the anger flashed hot inside me. "i hate them!"jacob looked at me with wide eyes, surprised. "no, bella. don't hate the guys. it's not sam's or any ofthe others' faults. i told you before—it's me. sam is actually… well, incredibly cool. jared and paul aregreat, too, though paul is kind of… and embry's always been my friend. nothing's changed there—theonly thing that hasn't changed. i feel really bad abour the things i used to think about sam…""sam was incredibly cool." i glared at him in disbelief, but let it go.
"then why aren't you supposed to see me?" i demanded.
"it's not safe," he mumbled looking down.
his words sent a thrill of fear through me.
did he know that, too? nobody knew that besides me. but he was right—it was the middle of the night,the perfect time for hunting. jacob shouldn't be here in my room. if someone came for me, i had :o bealone.
"if i thought it was too… too risky," he whispered, "i wouldn't have come. but bella," he looked at meagain, "i made you a promise. i had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean i'm notgoing to try."he saw the incomprehension in my face. "after that stupid movie," he reminded me. "i promised you thati wouldn't ever hurt you… so i really blew it this afternoon, didn't i?""i know you didn't want to do it, jake. it's okay.""thanks, bella." he took my hand. "i'm going to do what i can to be here for you, just like i promised."he grinned at me suddenly. the grin was not mine, nor sam's, but some strange combination of the two.
"it would really help if you could figure this out on your own, bella. put some honest effort into it."i made a weak grimace. "i'll try.""and i'll try to see you soon." he sighed. "and they'll try to talk me out of that.""don't listen to them.""i'll try." he shook his head, as if he doubted his success. "come and tell me as soon as you figure it out."something occurred to him just then, something that made his hands shake. "if you… if you want to.""why wouldn't i want to see you?"his face turned hard and bitter, one hundred percent the face that belonged to sam. "oh, i can think of areason," he said in a harsh tone. "look, i really have to go. could you do something for me?" i just nodded, frightened of the change in him.
"at least call me—if you don't want to see me again. let me know if it's like that.""that won't happen—"he raised one hand, cutting me off. "just let me know."he stood and headed for the window.
"don't be an idiot, jake," i complained. "you'll break your leg. use the door. charlie's not going to catchyou.""i won't get hurt," he muttered, but he turned for the door. he hesitated as he passed me, staring at mewith an expression like something was stabbing him. he held one hand out, pleading.
i took his hand, and suddenly he yanked me—too roughly—right off the bed so that i thudded against hischest.
"just in case," he muttered against my hair, crushing me in a bear hug that about broke my ribs.
"can't—breathe!" i gasped.
he dropped me at once, keeping one hand at my waist so i didn't fall over. he pushed me, more gentlythis time, back down on the bed.
"get some sleep, bells. you've got to get your head working. i know you can do this. i need you. tounderstand. i won't lose you, bella. not for this."he was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly, and then disappearing through it. i listened for him tohit the squeaky step in the stairs, but there was no sound.
i lay back on my bed, my head spinning. i was too confused, too worn out. i closed my eyes, trying tomake sense of it, only to be swallowed up by unconsciousness so swiftly that it was disorienting.
it was not the peaceful, creamless sleep i'd yearned for—of course not. i was in the forest again, and istarted to wander the way i always did.
i quickly became aware that this was not the same dream as usual. for one thing, i felt no compulsion towander or to search; i was merely wandering out of habit, because that was what was usually expectedof me here. actually, this wasn't even the same forest. the smell was different, and the light, too. itsmelled, not like the damp earth of the woods, but like the brine of the ocean. i couldn't see the sky; still,it seemed like the sun must be shining—the leaves above were bright jade green.
this was the forest around la push—near the beach there, i was sure of it. i knew that if i found thebeach, i would be able to see the sun, so i hurried forward, following the faint sound of waves in thedistance.
and then jacob was there. he grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.
"jacob, what's wrong?" i asked. his face was the frightened face of a boy, and his hair was beautifulagain, swept back into a ponytail on the nape of his neck. he yanked with all his strength, but i resisted; ididn't want to go into the dark.
"run, bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified.
the abrupt wave of deja vu was so strong it nearly woke me up.
i knew why i recognized this place now. it was because i'd been here before, in another dream. amillion years ago, part of a different life entirely. this was the dream i'd had the night after i'd walkedwith jacob on the beach, the first night i knew that edward was a vampire. reliving that day with jacobmust have dredged this dream out of my buried memories.
detached from the dream now, i waited for it to play out. a light was coming toward me from the beach.
in just a moment, edward would walk through the trees, his skin faintly glowing and his eyes black anddangerous. he would beckon to me, and smile. he would be beautiful as an angel, and his teeth wouldbe pointed and sharp…but i was getting ahead of myself. something else had to happen first.
jacob dropped my hand and yelped. shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet.
"jacob!" i screamed, but he was gone.
in his place was an enormous, red-brown wolf with dark, intelligent eyes.
the dream veered off course, like a train jumping the tracks.
this was not the same wolf that i'd dreamed of in another life. this was the great russet wolf i'd stoodhalf a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago. this wolf was gigantic, monstrous, bigger than a bear.
this wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes. the black-brown,familiar eyes of jacob black.
i woke screaming at the top of my lungs.
i almost expected charlie to come check on me this time. this wasn't my usual screaming. i buried myhead in my pillow and tried to muffle the hysterics that my screams were building into. j pressed thecotton tight against my face, wondering if i couldn't also somehow smother the connection i'd just made.
but charlie didn't come in. and eventually i was able to strangle the strange screeching coming out of mythroat.
i remembered it all now—every word that jacob had said to me that day on the beach, even the partbefore he got to the vampires, the "cold ones." especially that first part.
"do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from—the quileutes, i mean?" heasked.
"not really," i admitted.
"well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the flood—supposedly,the ancient quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive,like noah and the ark." he smiled then, to show me how little stock he put in the histories.
"another legend claims that we descended from wolves—and that the wolves are our brothersstill. it's against tribal law to kill them.
"then there are the stories about the cold ones." his voice dropped a little lower.
"the cold ones?" "yes. there are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent.
according to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. he was the one who madethe treaty that kept them off our land." jacob rolled his eyes.
" your great-grandfather?""he was a tribal elder, like my father. you see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf—well, not the wolf really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. you would callthem werewolves.""werewolves have enemies?""only one."there was something stuck in my throat, choking me. i tried to swallow it down, but it was lodged there,un-moving. i tried to spit it out.
"werewolf," i gasped.
yes, that was the word that i was choking on.
the whole world lurched, tilting the wrong way on its axis.
what kind of a place was this? could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering aroundthe borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? did this mean every impossiblefairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? was there anything sane or normal at all, or waseverything just magic and ghost stories?
i clutched my head in my hands, trying to keep it from exploding.
a small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. hadn't i already acceptedthe existence of vampires long ago—and without all the hysterics that time?
exactly, i wanted to scream back at the voice. wasn't one myth enough for anyone, enough for alifetime?
besides, there'd never been one moment that i wasn't completely aware that edward cullen was aboveand beyond the ordinary. it wasn't such a surprise to find out what he was—because he so obviouslywas something.
but jacob? jacob, who was just jacob, and nothing more than that? jacob, my friend? jacob, the onlyhuman i'd ever been able to relate to…and he wasn't even human.
i fought the urge to scream again.
what did this say about me?
i knew the answer to that one. it said that there was something deeply wrong with me. why else wouldmy life be filled with characters from horror movies? why else would i care so much about them that itwould tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along their mythical ways?
in my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that had meant one thing before, nowmeant something else.
there was no cult. there had never been a cult, never been a gang. no, it was much worse than that. itwas a pack.
a pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multihued werewolves that had stalked right past me in edward'smeadow…suddenly, i was in a frantic hurry. i glanced at the clock—it was way too early and i didn't care. i had togo to la push now. i had to see jacob so he could tell me that i hadn't lost my mind altogether.
i pulled on the first clean clothes i could find, not bothering to be sure they matched, and took the stairstwo at a time. i almost ran into charlie as i skidded into the hallway, headed for the door.
"where are you going?" he asked, as surprised to see me as i was to see him. "do you know what time itis?""yeah. i have to go see jacob.""i thought the thing with sam—""that doesn't matter, i have to talk to him right now.""it's pretty early." he frowned when my expression didn't change. "don't you want breakfast?""not hungry." the words flew through my lips. he was blocking my path to the exit. i consideredducking around him and making a run for it, but i knew i would have to explain that to him later. "i'll beback soon, okay?"charlie frowned. "straight to jacob's house, right? no stops on the way?""of course not, where would i stop?" my words were running together in my hurry.
"i don't know," he admitted. "it's just… well, there's been another attack—the wolves again. it was realclose to the resort by the hot springs—there's a witness this time. the victim was only a dozen yardsfrom the road when he disappeared. his wife saw a huge gray wolf just a few minutes later, while shewas searching for him, and ran for help."my stomach dropped like i'd hit a corkscrew on a roller coaster. "a wolf attacked him?""there's no sign of him—just a little blood again." charlie's face was pained. "the rangers are going outarmed, taking armed volunteers. there're a lot of hunters who are eager to be involved—there's areward being offered for wolf carcasses. that's going to mean a lot of firepower out there in the forest,and it worries me." he shook his head. "when people get too excited, accidents happen…""they're going to shoot the wolves?" my voice shot through three octaves.
"what else can we do? what's wrong?" he asked, his tense eyes studying my face. i felt faint; i must bewhiter than usual. "you aren't turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?"i couldn't answer. if he hadn't been watching me, i would have put my head between my knees. i'dforgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints… i hadn't connected those facts to my firstrealization.
"look, honey, don't let this scare you. just stay in town or on the highway—no stops—okay?""okay," i repeated in a weak voice.
"i've got to go."i looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hikingboots on.
"you aren't going out there after the wolves, are you, dad?""i've got to help, bells. people are disappearing."my voice shot up again, almost hysterical now. "no! no, don't go. it's too dangerous!""i've got to do my job, kid. don't be such a pessimist—i'll be fine." he turned for the door, and held itopen. "you leaving?"i hesitated, my stomach still spinning in uncomfortable loops. what could i say to stop him? i was toodizzy to think of a solution.
"bells?""maybe it's too early to go to la push," i whispered.
"i agree," he said, and he stepped out into the rain, shutting the door behind him.
as soon as he was out of sight, i dropped to the floor and put my head between my knees.
should i go after charlie? what would i say?
and what about jacob? jacob was my best friend; i needed to warn him. if he really was a—i cringedand forced myself to think the word—werewolf (and i knew it was true, i could feel it), then peoplewould be shooting at him! i needed to tell him and his friends that people would try to kill them if theywent running around like gigantic wolves. i needed to tell them to stop.
they had to stop! charlie was out there in the woods. would they care about that? i wondered… upuntil now, only strangers had disappeared. did that mean anything, or was it just chance?
i needed to believe that jacob, at least, would care about that.
either way, i had to warn him.
or… did i?
jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? a real one? a bad one? should i warn him, if heand his friends were… were murderers! if they were out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? ifthey were truly creatures from a horror movie in every sense, would it be wrong to protect them?
it was inevitable that i would have to compare jacob and his friends to the cullens. i wrapped my armsaround my chest, fighting the hole, while i thought of them.
i didn't know anything about werewolves, clearly. i would have expected something closer to themovies—big hairy half-men creatures or something—if i'd expected anything at all. so i didn't knowwhat made them hunt, whether hunger or thirst or just a desire to kill. it was hard to judge, not knowingthat.
but it couldn't be worse than what the cullens endured in their quest to be good. i thought of esme—thetears started when i pictured her kind, lovely face—and how, as motherly and loving as she was, she'd had to hold her nose, all ashamed, and run from me when i was bleeding. it couldn't be harder than that.
i thought of carlisle, the centuries upon centuries that he had struggled to teach himself to ignore blood,so that he could save lives as a doctor. nothing could be harder than that.
the werewolves had chosen a different path.
now, what should i choose?
12闯入者
尽管此刻我已经精疲力竭、头脑昏沉，甚至不确定自己是在现实中还是在梦境里，我仍然惊恐万分地睁开了双眼。
窗户上又一次响起了尖锐刺耳的声音。
我笨拙地从床上爬起来，踉踉跄跄地朝窗户走去。我眨了眨含泪的双眼，让视线变得更加清晰。
一个高大的黑影在玻璃窗外摇晃，它朝我这边倾斜过来，好像要破窗而入。我吓得往后一个踉跄，几乎要尖叫出来。
维多利亚。
她来找我了。
我死定了。
查理不能死！！
我强忍住堵在喉咙口的尖叫。我必须保持安静，不管发生什么，不能把查理卷进这个危险地带.....
黑影发出熟悉的嘶哑的声音。
“贝拉！”它叫道，“诶哟！见鬼，开开窗！诶哟！”
我从惊恐中回过神来，快速走到窗户边，推开了玻璃窗，窗外微弱的光亮足以让我看清楚黑影的模样。
“你在这里做什么？”我喘着粗气说。
雅各布趴在前院栽种的云杉上，树枝被他压得倒向房子这边，他在树顶上来回摆荡——她的双腿悬在离地二十多英尺的半空中——离我不过三英尺。纤细的树枝摩擦着房子的墙壁，发出刺耳的声音。
“我来履行”——他气喘吁吁地说着，在树顶上不断调整着姿势——“我的诺言。”
我眨了眨湿润的眼睛，突然间确信自己是在做梦。
“你什么时候承诺过要从树上掉下来摔死？”
他哼了一声，样子非常严肃，不停地摆动着双腿保持平衡。“让开。”他命令道。
“什麽？”
他前后摆动着双腿，为自己增加冲力，我终于明白他想干什么了。
“不，杰克！”
但是已经来不及了，我闪到一旁，他憋足了劲朝着敞开的窗户跳过来。
我几乎又要叫出声来，我会眼睁睁地看着他摔死——或者看着他撞到墙壁上受伤。出乎意料得失，他敏捷地跳进了我的房间，脚掌落在地上发出沉闷的一响。
我们同时朝房间望去，屏住呼吸，看看查理会不会被这噪音吵醒。一阵沉寂过后，我们隐约听到查理的鼾声。
雅各布咧嘴一笑，他似乎十分满意自己的身手。他的笑容不是我所熟悉和喜爱的——这是一张不同的笑脸，在这张属于山姆的脸上已经看不到以往的真诚。
我受够了。
我整晚以泪洗面，因为这个男孩儿而辗转难眠。他冷酷地拒绝了我，在我的旧伤口上无情地撒了把盐。他留给我的噩梦挥散不去。就像是伤口引发的感染——就像遭人侵犯后赶到的羞辱。而现在，他在我的房间看着我傻笑似乎什么事情都没有发生过一样。更糟糕的是，尽管他闯入是的动静很大，动作笨拙，还是让我想起了爱德华，他也曾在深夜时分穿过窗户来到我的房间。回忆又一次狠狠地刺痛了我尚未痊愈的伤口。
想到这些，再加上沉沉的倦意，我的心情就好不起来。
“出去！”我愤愤地说道，语气中满是怨恨和不满。
他眨了眨眼睛，露出吃惊的表情。
“不，他坚持道，”我是来道歉的。”
“我不接受！”
我拼命把他往窗户外推——反正这是梦境，他不会真正受伤，但是，我的努力是徒劳的，他仍然一动不动地站在原地。我放下双手，退到远离他的位置。
吹进房间的凉风让我打了个冷战，而他连衬衫都没穿。我的手碰到他的胸膛时的感觉很不舒服，他的皮肤像在燃烧一样发烫，就跟我最后一次触摸他前额时的感觉相同，难道他还没退烧？
他看上去不像生病的样子，身体壮实得很。他朝我弯下身子，几乎挡住了整扇窗户，对我暴怒的反应他一言不发。
突然间，我再也撑不住了——好像所有不眠之夜的疲乏都在这一刻朝我袭来。我觉得天昏地暗，整个人就快要崩溃倒地。我左右摇摆了两下，挣扎地睁开了双眼。
“贝拉？”雅各布焦急地喊着我。他抓着我的胳膊肘，扶我回到床上。我刚到床边腿就软了，一头倒在软绵绵的床垫上。
“嘿，你没事吧？”雅各布问道，担心地皱起眉头。
我抬头望着他，脸上还挂着泪水：“我怎么可能没事呢，雅各布？”
他倔强的脸上露出一丝痛苦。“对，”他赞同道，然后深吸一口气，“我问了句废话。好吧.....我——我对不起你，贝拉。”他的道歉是真心的，这点毫无疑问，尽管他的脸上仍带着些许怒色。
“你来这里做什么？我不想听你道歉，杰克。”
：我知道，“他低声说道，”但是我不能原谅自己今天的所作所为，简直太伤人了，对不起。“
我疲倦地摇摇头：”我不明白你为什么那样对我。”
“我知道，我想对你解释......“他突然停了下来，张着嘴巴，好像有东西止住了他的呼吸。过了一会儿，他又深吸一口气。”但是，我不能解释，“他气愤地说道，”我也希望自己能解释。”
我把头埋入手掌心，说话声变得模糊不清：“为什么？”
他沉默不语。我扭过头——实在没力气抬起头来——看着他，他的表情让我感到惊讶。他半眯着眼睛，咬紧牙关，眉头紧锁。
“怎么了？”我问道。
他大口地喘着粗气，我这才发现他一直都凝神屏息。“我不能说。”他心灰意冷地说道。
“说什么？”
他不理会我的问题：“贝拉，难道你就没有不能说的秘密吗？”
他看着我，眼神中带着某种暗示，我一下子就想到了卡伦一家，但愿他没有察觉到我的心虚。
难道那你就没有瞒着查理、瞒着你母亲的事情？“他追问道，”实质是不愿对我提及的事情?
我睁大眼睛，没有回答他的问题，但我知道他把沉默当作认同。
“我现在也有相同的......处境，你能理解吗？”他断断续续地说着，似乎在寻求最切当的字句来表达，“有时候，诚实反倒会坏事。有时候，你保守的也许不是你一个人的秘密。”
我没法同他争辩，因为他说的完全正确——我隐瞒的不是我一个人的秘密，我必须守住它，而他似乎已经对我这个秘密了如指掌。
我始终不明白这跟他、山姆还有比利有什么关系。既然卡伦一家已经无影无踪了，他们又何必在意这件事呢？
“如果你来是为了让我猜谜，而不是澄清问题，雅各布，我认为你根本没必要来这里。”
“对不起，”他轻声说，“实在是叫人难受。”
我们在黑暗的房间里对视许久，两个人都心灰意冷。
“最要命的是，”他突然说道，“其实你早就知道了一切，我曾把所有的事都告诉了你！”
“你说什么？”
他猛吸一口气，然后朝我靠过来，脸上又重燃起希望。他直勾勾地盯着我的眼睛，说话声迅速、急切。他正对着我的脸，我能感受到他的呼气就和他的皮肤一样火热。
“我想到一个办法就绝所有问题——因为你什么都知道，贝拉！虽然我不能对你说，但你自己可以猜到！！这样我也能摆脱困境！”
“你想让我猜？猜什么呢？”
“我的秘密！！你能猜到——你知道答案！”
我眨了眨眼，让头脑保持清醒。我太困了，根本想不通他说的话。
他注意到我一脸茫然，努力振作起来。“等待，也许我能帮帮你。”他说道。我不知道他到底要做什么，只听到他急促的喘息声。
“帮我？”我硬撑着睁大眼睛，拼命抵抗着睡意。
“对，”他喘着粗气说道，“我可以给你一些线索。”
他用那双厚实、温暖的双手捧起我的脸，直视着我的眼睛，压低嗓音就好像暗示我他的话里有的话。
“还记得我们第一次见面的那天吗——在拉普西的海滩上？”
“当然记得。”
“跟我说说。”
我深吸一口气，让自己集中精神：“你问了一些关于我的小卡车的问题......”
他点点头，鼓励我往下说。
“我们谈论你的‘兔子’车......”
“接着说。”
“我们在海滩边散步......”我的脸蛋在他的手掌下越来越热，几乎和他滚烫的皮肤一样热，但他一点不在意。我回忆当初邀请他同我一道散步，还为了从他那里获取更多的信息，笨拙地同他调情，结果相当成功。
他又点点头，焦急地等待下文。
我的声音几乎轻得听不见：“你给我讲了恐怖故事.....《奎鲁特传奇》。”
他闭上双眼，然后睁开。“对。”他紧迫而激动地说道，好像正等着做什么至关重要的事情。接着，他放慢语速，让每一个字都听得清清楚楚：“还记得我说了些什么吗？”
即使身处黑暗中，他也一定能察觉到我脸色的变化。我怎么可能忘记他的话呢？当时，雅各布无意中说出了我正想要知道的事情——爱德华是吸血鬼。
他会意地看着我。“使劲想想。”他说道。
“是的，我记得。”我喘喘气。
他深吸一口气，艰难地问道：你还记得所有的故事......“他问不下去了，嘴巴张的大大的，好像嗓子眼儿被堵住。
”所有的故事？“我问道。
他默默地点点头。
我在脑海里快速地搜寻。对我来说，只有那一个故事很重要。我记得刚开始的时候他讲了好几个故事，但是我记不清这些无关紧要的内容，更何况我现在精疲力竭、一头雾水。我摇了摇头。
雅各布叹了口气，从床上跳起来。他用拳头抵着前额，急促地喘息着。“你一定知道，你一定知道。”他对自己低语道。
“杰克？杰克，我现在累极了，没精力去回想这些，也许早上.....”
他调整呼吸使自己镇静下来，点了点头：“也许你会回想起来。我理解你为什么只记得那一个故事。”他的语气充满讽刺和挖苦，他又在我身边坐下，“你介意我提一个问题吗？”他问道，还是用那种讥讽的口气，“我一直都想知道。”
“关于什么的问题？”我小心的问道。
“关于我告诉你的那个吸血鬼的故事。”
我用警惕的眼神盯着他，不置可否，他还是提出了问题。
“你之前确实不知道吗？”他问我。声音变得沙哑，“我说了以后你才知道他的真实身份，对吗？”
他怎么知道这些事？！他为什么会相信这些事？为什么现在才信？！
我咬紧牙齿，狠狠地盯着他，没打算回答他，他也看出了我的反应。
“明白我所指的诚实是什么了吧？”他低声说道，声音变得更加沙哑，“我的状况也一样，甚至更糟，你想象不到我被约束得多么紧.....”
我不喜欢他这个样子——不喜欢他说道约束是紧闭双眼痛苦的模样。不只是不喜欢——是憎恶，我憎恶一切让他感到痛苦的东西，强烈地憎恶。
山姆的脸出现在我脑海中。
我所做所为都是自愿的，是因为爱而守住卡伦一家的秘密，心甘情愿，发自内心。
而雅各布却不一样。
“有没有办法解脱出来？”我轻声问道，摸着他扎手的短发。
他紧闭双眼，手开始颤抖。“没有，我一辈子都被约束，终身监禁，”他苦笑着说道，“也许更久。”
“不，杰克，”我痛苦地说道，“我们逃走吧？只有你和我，我们离开这里、离开山姆吧？”
“这不是逃脱能解决的问题，贝拉，”他低声说，“如果可以，我也愿意跟你一起逃走。”他的肩膀开始颤抖，他深深地吸一口气，“好了，我得走了。”
“为什么？”
“你看上去随时都会昏倒，你得睡觉——我需要你养精蓄锐。你会回想起一切的，你必须想起来。”
“还有其他原因吗？”
他皱起眉头。“我是溜出来的——我不应该来见你，他们一定会猜想我在哪里。”他咬了咬嘴唇，“我想我应该回去告诉他们一声。”
“你没必要什么事情都对他们说。”我不满地说道。
“我还是会说的。”
一腔怒火在我身体里燃烧：“我恨他们！”
雅各布吃惊地睁大眼睛看着我：“别这样，贝拉，别恨他们。这并不是山姆或者他们中任何人的错。我对你说过——是我的错。实际上，山姆这个人......好极了。杰瑞德和保罗他也很好，尽管保罗有一点......还有恩布里，他永远都是我的朋友。什么都没有改变——这是唯一不变的事实。我后悔以前误解了山姆.....”
山姆好极了？我怀疑地盯着他，但没有问他理由。
“那你为什么不应该来见我？”我问道。
“因为不安全。”他压低嗓门，眼睛看着地上。
他的话吓得我浑身一颤。
他连那件事也知道了吗？除了我之外没有其他人知道那件事，但他的话是对的——现在正值深夜，是吸血鬼觅食的最佳时刻。雅各布不应该在我的房间里，他们有可能来这里找我，不能让其他人受到牵连。
“如果我认为非常......非常危险，”他轻声说，“我不会来。可是，贝拉，”他看着我，“我对你承诺过。我不知道履行诺言这么艰难，但是这并不代表我会食言。”
他看出了我脸上的疑惑。“那天看完电影，”他提醒我，“我问你保证永远不会伤害你.....但是我今天确实伤害到你了，对吗？”
“我知道你不是故意的，杰克。没关系。”
“谢谢你，贝拉，”他握住我的手，“我会尽我所能守护你，就像我承诺的那样。”他忽然朝我咧嘴一笑。这张笑脸不属于曾经的他，也不属于现在的他，而是两者奇怪的结合，“你最好能自己解开谜团，贝拉。努力地想想吧。”
我微微露出痛苦的表情：“我会尽力的。”
“我会想办法来看你,”他叹了口气，“他们肯定会劝我不要来。”
“别听他们的。”
“我尽力。”他摇摇头，似乎在怀疑自己能否成功，“你一知道答案就来告诉我。”他突然意识到什么，双手抖动一下，“如果你.....你还愿意见我的话。”
“我为什么不愿意见你？”
他的神色变得僵硬而冷酷，百分之百是那张属于山姆的脸。“噢，我知道原因，”他的声音变得粗暴，“好了，我必须离开。你能为我做件事吗？”
我点点头，他的转变让我有些害怕。
“如果你不愿意见我——至少给我打个电话，让我知道你的答案是否正确。”
“我不会......”
他抬起一只手打断了我的话：“记得告诉我一声。”
他朝着窗户走去。
“别傻了，杰克，”我抱怨道，“你会摔断腿的。从大门出去，查理不会发现你的。”
“我不会受伤。”他说道，但还是转身朝房门走去。
他在我身边停下脚步，转过来盯着我，脸上露出难以忍受的痛苦表情，就好像有利刃正刺入他的身体。他朝我伸出一只手。
我抓住他的手，他突然使劲拉住我——力气特别大——把我拉下床，几乎要把我的骨头挤碎。
“没法——呼吸！”我气喘吁吁地说。
他立刻松开手，一只手扶在我的腰上防止我摔倒。他推着我回到床上，这一次动作更温柔一些。
“好好睡吧，贝尔。你要动脑筋想想，我知道你一定会想到的。我需要你的理解，我不想因为这件事失去你，贝尔。”
他一步跨到房门边轻轻地打开门，然后消失在门口。我竖起耳朵听他下楼梯时的咯吱声，但是什么声音也没有。
我躺在床上，觉得头昏脑涨，一切都是那么混乱，那么伤脑筋。我闭上眼睛，想理出一个头绪，但是很快就被睡意吞噬，失去了方向。
这并不是我所渴望的安宁的无梦的睡眠——当然不是。我又一次来到森林里，像从前一样开始漫步。
不久我就意识到这并非往常的梦境因为，我并不觉得自己是在找寻什么，我只是习惯地散着步，就像一般人在森林里漫步一样。事实上，这片森林也不是从前的那一个，气味和光线都有所改变，闻上去不是树丛中湿土的味道，而是海洋的咸腥味。我看不到天空，但是，一定是艳阳高照——头顶的树叶都是亮闪闪的碧绿色。
这是拉普西周围的森林——就在海滩附近，我敢确定。我想，如果找到海滩，我就能看到太阳，于是，我加快步伐，向着远处隐约的海浪声走去。
这时，雅各布出现了，他拉着我的手，把我拉回到森林中最黑暗的地方。
“雅各布，怎么回事？”我问道。他的脸就像一个受到惊吓的小男孩，长发还像从前一样柔顺，在颈背处扎成一个马尾。他使出浑身的力气拉着我。而我不停的反抗，我不想去黑暗的地方。
“快跑，贝拉，你必须跑！”他惊恐地对我耳语道。
一种似曾相识的感觉强烈地冲击着我，几乎要把我唤醒。
我知道自己为什么会有这种感觉，因为我以前来过这个地方，在另外一个梦境。那是一百多万年前的生活，与现在完全不同。我和雅各布在海滩散步的那一天夜里，我做了这个梦，也正是在那一天，我知道爱德华是吸血鬼。一定是刚才在雅各布的要求下回忆海滩散步的情景，把这个埋藏在我记忆深处的梦境有挖掘出来。
我清楚接下来会发什么。海滩上的一道光亮朝我照射过来，不久，爱德华会穿过树林，他的皮肤发出微光，黑色的眼睛透着杀气。他会微笑着向我打招呼，他的脸庞就像天使一样美丽，牙齿尖锐锋利.....
但是，事情并不是按照我的想象发生。
雅各布甩开我的手，发出痛苦的尖叫。他浑身剧烈地抽搐着，倒在了我的脚边。
“雅各布！”我惊叫着，但是他消失不见了。
在我脚边的是一匹巨大的红棕色的狼，黑色的眼睛机警灵敏。
梦境完全超出了预计，就像脱轨的列车。
这并不是我曾梦到的狼。这匹红棕色的巨狼正是一个星期前我在草地上看到的离我不到半尺远的那匹。它体型庞大、相貌怪异，比起熊来更加威猛。
它直勾勾地盯着我，敏锐的眼睛似乎想向我传达重要信息。这双深棕色的眼睛我再熟悉不过了，正是雅各布·布莱克的。
我尖声惊叫着从梦中醒来。
这一回我倒希望查理进来看看。我的叫声与平常不同，我把头埋在枕头下，想压抑住尖叫触发的歇斯底里。我用枕头紧紧地压住脸，似乎这样就能消除我刚刚恍然明白的事实。
但是查理没有进来，我终于能控制住嗓子眼冒出来的刺耳声音。
我全都想起来了——雅各布那天在海滩边对我说的字字句句，不单是吸血鬼的那部分，还有‘冷血家族’，特别是他最开始说的那段（传说省略）.....
似乎有东西堵住了我的喉咙，让我喘不过气来。我试图把它吞咽下去，但是它堵在那里，一动不动。我又试图把它吐出来。
“狼人。”我喘着粗气说。
是的，就是这个词令我窒息。
整个世界似地轴消失般天翻地覆。
这是怎样一个世界啊？一个小不起眼的城镇里流传着古老的传说、居住着神秘的怪兽，这样的世界真的存在吗？这是否意味着所有难以置信的神话故事实际上都确凿无疑？到底有没有正常、健全的东西？或者说，一切都只是魔幻的故事？
我用手拼命拽着快要爆炸的脑袋。
头脑中一个冷静的声音轻声地问：这又有什么大不了？我不是很早以前就接受力吸血鬼的存在吗？——那时候一点惊惶的反应都没有。
但是，我想冲这个声音还击。对于一个人来说，一辈子有一次传说故事的亲身经历不就已经足够了吗？
而且，我从一开始就完全明白爱德华·卡伦是不同寻常的，知道他的真实身份对我来说并不是什么惊人之事——因为他显然是异族。
而雅各布？雅各布？就是雅各布，不是别的什么，雅各布，我的朋友？雅各布，唯一和我心灵相通的人.....
可是他根本不是人。
我又一次强压住尖叫的冲动。
这一回的事情说明什么呢？
我知道上一回完全是我自己的问题。不然，我的生活里怎么会出现恐怖电影里的人物？不然，在他们神秘离开的时候，我怎么会悲凄欲绝、久久不能痊愈？
我在脑海中将往事扭转、交替、重置，把上一回和这一回区分开来。
没有什么帮派。自始自终都没有什么小团体，没有什么帮派。不过，事实更恐怖，他们是一群！！
一群过目难忘、身材壮实、颜色不一的狼人，他们在爱德华的草地上与我擦肩而过......
我突然意识到什么，看了看钟——时间还太早，但我顾不上这么多。我现在必须去拉普西，我必须去见雅各布，他会证明我还清醒。
我随手抓起几件衣服穿上，不去理会搭配起来是否合适，三步并两步地跨下楼梯。从走廊奔向大门的时候，我差点跟查理撞了个满怀。
”还有什么办法？怎么了？他问道，警觉的眼睛观察着我的脸色。我感到虚弱无力，脸色一定比平常苍白许多，“你不会是要给我讲环境保护的大道理吧。”
我没法回答。如果不是他正看着我，我早就昏倒在地了，这样，我就会彻底忘记失踪的游人、带血的脚印这档子事情......我就不会把它同我不久前意识到的事情联系在一起。
“亲爱的，别吓着自己。好好地待在镇里或者大马路上——别去其他地方——好吗？”
“好的。”我虚弱地回答道。
“我得走了。”
我第一次仔细地打量了他一番，发现他的腰间别着一把枪，脚上穿着长靴。
“你不会去追捕那群狼，对吧，爸爸？”
“我得帮忙，贝尔，有人失踪了。”
我又提高了声音，这一次几乎是歇斯底里地叫起来：“不！不，别去，太危险了！”
“这是我的工作，孩子。别这么悲观——我会没事的。”他转过身打开大门，“你不走吗？”
我犹豫不前，胃里一阵翻江倒海。怎样才能把他留下呢？我的脑袋里一片混乱，想不出任何法子。
“贝尔？”
“也许现在去拉普西还太早了。”我低声说。
“我同意。”他说道，然后关上大门，走了出去，外面正在下雨。
他刚消失在视线之外，我就倒坐在地上，把头放在两个膝盖中间。
我应该去追查理吗？我怎么对他解释呢
雅各布怎么办？雅各布是我最好的朋友，我应该去警告他。如果他真是——我身子一抖，逼着自己想出这个词——狼人（我知道他的确是，我能感觉到），他们会朝他开枪！我必须告诉他和他的朋友们，如果他们这群巨狼总在附近出没，人们会想方设法杀死他们，我必须告诉他们住手。
他们必须住手！查理如今也在森林里，他们会在意他吗？我不知道......到现在为止，失踪的都是陌生人。这是否意味着什么？或者仅是偶然？
我得相信至少雅各布会在意的。
无论如何，我必须去警告他。
但是......我真的必须去吗？
雅各布是我最好的朋友，但他不也是只怪兽吗？一只名副其实的怪兽，一只凶恶的怪兽。如果他和他的朋友是.....是凶手，我有必要去警告他吗？如果是他们无情地杀害无辜的游人呢？如果他们真像恐怖电影里的怪兽一样凶残，保护他们岂不是大错特错？
喔无可避免地将雅各布和他的朋友们同卡伦一家比较。一想到后者，胸口的伤口又隐隐作痛，我只好用手臂挡在胸前。
我对狼人知之甚少，只是通过电影有所了解——他们体型巨大、毛发浓密、半人半兽——仅此而已。因此，我不知道他们为什么要觅食，是因为饥饿、干渴，还是仅仅为了满足杀生的欲望。没弄清这个问题，就很难对他们的行为定罪。
但不管怎样，卡伦一家对善的追求所付出的代价要比他们大得多。我想到了埃斯梅——想起她那善良、美丽的脸庞，我的泪水不禁掉了下来——她慈祥、温柔，但是当我流血的时候，她总是捏住鼻子，不得不弃我而去，狼人所要忍受的痛苦不可能超过这个。我想到了卡莱尔，几百年来，他一直努力告诫自己无视血液的存在，这样，他才能做一名救死扶伤的医生。没有什么比这个更难以忍受了。
狼人选择了一条不同的道路。
而现在，我又应该如何抉择呢？
