it is true —— suffered through my cold and hard feelings. but it was her fault, for i say now as then to —— that she, absorbed in ——, neglected my members, who are my children, and for whom i wanted her best and got her worst. that made me cold, of course, and i had to fight it, and didn't care if —— did not like it: i have no time to care. i am glad she has gone to ——. it is her trial and her chance and when she sets back she can see for herself if she is able to prevent the "big head" from coming on as has happened with others. if she does, then she will have stood the reaction and i have faith she will stand; but still it has to be met. time comes on sure, and with it trial. h. p. b. was her preparer and comfort, but men are not made into steel by comfort, and note that h. p. b. then died off.
my trip all over this country shows me that it is of more consequence that i should now work up the u. s., where the masters first worked in this century. it needs all i can do.... so when i have fulfilled my engagement on the english stage i shall skip back here quickly and do this work. the field is even greater than i thought, although i had a big idea of it. from the united states we can affect the world and they will come to us from all places either for solid work or for help in their need....
well now, of you: i feel it all. it is up, and down. it is well you are courageous, and to endure55 you are able. indeed endure is the best word, for that is what the oak does when the storms rage, for it is better to endure when we can do nothing than to faint and fall. the facts are to be faced. i hope they may turn out otherwise, but if not, it is karma. aside from pain, it is the same as anything else. if it comes, it will not last long. still, i hope it cometh not. i think much of it, but know the bravery of you and the high soul that dwells there. all the time of pain and dogged fighting i know your real self sits up above it all unaffected, and so does mine, and from that let us take comfort. all things in this age move like lightning and so with all our karma, though mine has so often seemed slow, so far as concerns me. well, i cannot go on with this: i feel as you do: i stand by you in heart and have often of late sent you messages of hope and power to help you.
i advised —— to do her part to lessening the constant bringing forward of the name of h. p. b., instead of independent thought on theosophy. we have too much of it and it is no proof of loyalty, and it gives rise to much of the foolish talk of our dogmatism. you will understand, and may be able to influence some to a more moderate though firm attitude that will not lessen their loyalty and devotion. one good point is that the true chêla does not talk much of his master and often does not refer to that master's existence. it has almost become the same as unnecessarily waving the red flag to a bull. those of us who have experience do not do it; but the younger ones do. x —— does it here in his speeches and i am going to speak to him of it. if it be not avoided the first thing we know there will be a split between the h. p. b.'ers and the theosophists pur sang, the latter claiming to be the real thing because devoid of any personal element. you and i and —— do not find it necessary all the time to be flinging her (h. p. b.) in the faces of others, and it is56 well now to take the warning offered from the outside. besides, i have had a very strong inside warning on it. my best love now that we are near christmas and new year, and may there be some sunshine to light the path. i send you my love unsullied by a mere gift.
i hope —— will be firm and proceed as indicated, but she, like us all, must meet her own old enemies in herself.
again i go, as for evermore.
