the report of the pastor's collapse produced an emergency meeting of the leading sheep. the mid-day dinner-hour was chosen as the slackest. a babble of suggestions filled the parnass's parlour. solomon barzinsky kept sternly repeating his delenda est carthago: 'he must be expelled from the congregation.'
'he should be expelled from the town altogether,' said mendel. 'as it is written: "and remove satan from before and behind us."'
'since when have we owned sudminster?' sneered the parnass. 'you might as well talk of expelling the mayor and the corporation.'
'i didn't mean by act of parliament,' said mendel. 'we could make his life a torture.'
'and meantime he makes yours a torture. no, no, the only way is to appeal to his soul——'
'may it be an atonement for us all!' interrupted peleg the pawnbroker.
'we must beg him not to destroy religion,' repeated the parnass.
'i thought mr. gabriel had done that,' said the gabbai.
'he is only a minister. he has no worldly tact.'
'then, why don't you go?' said solomon barzinsky.
[147]'i have too much worldly tact. the president's visit might seem like an appeal to authority. it would set up his bristles. besides, there wouldn't be me left to appeal to. the congregation must keep some trump up its sleeve. no, a mere plain member must go, a simple brother in israel, to talk to him, heart to heart. you, barzinsky, are the very man.'
'no, no, i'm not such a simple brother as all that. i'm in the same line, and he might take it for trade jealousy.'
'then peleg must go.'
'no, no, i'm not worthy to be the sheliach tzibbur!' (envoy of the congregation).
the parnass reassured him as to his merits. 'the congregation could not have a worthier envoy.'
'but i can't leave my business.'
'you, with your fine grown-up daughters!' cried barzinsky.
'don't beshrew them—i will go at once.'
'and these gentlemen must await you here,' said the president, tapping his snuffbox incongruously at the 'here,' 'in order to continue the sitting if you fail.'
'i can't wait more than a quarter of an hour,' grumbled various voices in various keys.
peleg departed nervously, upborne by the congregational esteem. he returned without even his own. instead he carried a bulky barometer.
'you must buy this for the synagogue, gentlemen,' he said. 'it will do to hang in the lobby.'
the parnass was the only one left in command of his breath.
'buy a barometer!' he gasped.
[148]'well, it isn't any good to me,' retorted peleg angrily.
'then why did you buy it?' cried the gabbai.
'it was the cheapest article i could get off with.'
'but you didn't go to buy,' said the parnass.
'i know that—but you come into the shop—naturally he takes you for a customer—he looks so dignified; he strokes his beard—you can't look a fool, you must——'
'be one,' snapped the parnass. 'and then you come to us to share the expenses!'
'well, what do i want with a barometer?'
'it'll do to tell you there's a storm when the chimney-pots are blowing down,' suggested the parnass crushingly.
'put it in your window—you'll make a profit out of it,' said mendel.
'not while simeon samuels is selling them cheaper, as with his sabbath profits he can well afford to do!'
'oh, he said he'd stick to his sabbath profit, did he?' inquired the parnass.
'we never touched on that,' said peleg miserably. 'i couldn't manage to work the sabbath into the conversation.'
'this is terrible.' barzinsky's fist smote the table. 'i'll go—let him suspect my motives or not. the almighty knows they are pure.'
'bravo! well spoken!' there was a burst of applause. several marine-dealers shot out their hands and grasped barzinsky's in admiration.
'do not await me, gentlemen,' he said importantly. 'go in peace.'
