"well, is it all that you expected? does the reality come up to the dream?"
"it does. i never knew a dream that tallied so exactly with the reality."
frida was leaning back in a deck-chair, looking at durant, who sat beside her on the schooner's rail. [pg 329]
for three days the windward had sailed up and down the coast of cornwall; for three days the little torch, with all sails set, wheeled round her moorings or followed her flight. durant had accepted miss tancred's invitation to join them in a week's cruise in english waters. he spent his mornings in his own yacht, his afternoons and evenings on board the schooner. the proposal had been a godsend to him in his state of indecision. after his aimless wanderings he was exhilarated by this eager challenge and pursuit, absurdly pitting the speed of his own small craft against the swiftness and strength of the larger vessel. but he enjoyed still more sitting on the rail of the windward and talking to frida. there was something infinitely soothing in the society of a woman who knew nothing and cared nothing about his fame. he was not the only guest. besides miss chatterton there was mr. manby, a little middle-aged gentleman, who called himself an artist; miss manby, a little middle-aged woman, who seemed to be his sister; and two little girls with their hair down their backs, his daughters, eileen and ermyntrude manby. durant was a good deal alone with frida, for a stiff breeze had kept the artist and his sister much below, and georgie and the little girls hardly counted.
they were alone now.
frida had smiled as she spoke, a smile of intelligence and reminiscence; and he was irresistibly reminded of the first and last occasion when he had discoursed to her about realities.
"and what are you going to do with it?" he asked.
"with what? with the reality or the dream?"
"with both, with life—now you've got it?"
"why should i do anything with it? unless you're [pg 330] talking of moral obligations, which would be very tiresome of you."
"i'm not thinking of moral obligations."
"what were you thinking of, then?"
"i was thinking—of you."
frida lay back a little further on her cushion as if she were withdrawing herself somewhat from his scrutiny. she clasped her hands behind her head; her face was uptilted to the sky.
his eyes followed her gaze. over their heads the wind had piled up a great palace of white clouds; under the rifted floors the blue sky ran shallow in a faint milky turquoise, while above, between, beyond those aerial roofs and pinnacles and domes it deepened to lapis lazuli, luminous, transparent, light behind color and color behind light. the green earth looked greener under the low-lying shafts of blue and silver; far off, on the sea, the shadows of the clouds lay like the stain of spilt red wine.
"who was the great man?" she asked with apparent irrelevance, "who said that women were incapable of a disinterested passion for nature?"
he knitted his brows. frida had proved a little disconcerting at times. he had had to begin all over again with her, aware that, though ostensibly renewing their old acquaintance, he was actually making a new one, to which faint recognitions and perishing reminiscences gave a bewildering, elusive charm. but frida remembered many things that he had forgotten, and a certain directness and familiarity born of this superior memory of hers puzzled him and put him out. this time, however, he had a dreamy recollection.
"fancy your remembering that!"
"i remember everything. at any rate, i remember quite enough to see that you're just the same; you [pg 331] haven't changed a little bit. except that you don't look as you did the first night i met you."
"and how did i look then?"
she paused, carefully selecting her phrase. "you looked—as if—i'd given you a shock. you had expected something different. that dream did not tally with the reality."
"how on earth——"
"how on earth did i know? you may not be aware of it, but you have a very expressive face."
"i was not aware of it."
poor durant. his face was expressive enough now in all conscience. she held out her hand and laid it on his sleeve, and he remembered how she used to shrink from his touch.
"my dear mr. durant, don't look like that; it makes my heart bleed. of course i saw it. i saw everything. i saw your face looking over the banisters as i was going downstairs, when i've no doubt you thought you'd caught sight of a very pretty woman; and i saw it with a very different expression on it when you shook hands and found that the woman wasn't a bit pretty, after all. of course it was a shock to you, and of course i understood. i knew so exactly how you felt, and i was so sincerely sorry for you."
"sorry! i have a distinct recollection of being abominably rude to you that night, and unpleasant afterward. can you, will you forgive me?"
"what? five years after the offense? no. i forgave you at the time; i'm not going to do it all over again. what does it matter? it's all so long ago. the funny part of it was that i wasn't a bit annoyed with you, but i was furious with—whom do you think?"
"i haven't a notion if it wasn't with me." [pg 332]
"it was a she—the other lady, the woman i wasn't, the woman you thought i was, my ideal self. needless to say, my feminine jealousy was such that i could have throttled her. i suppose i did pretty well do for her as it happened. there can be nothing deader than a dead idea."
"don't be too sure. i have known them come to life again."
his gaze, that had fallen, and was resting on the hem of her blue serge gown, now traveled up the long, slender line of her limbs, past the dim curves of her body to the wonder of her face. how marvelously changed she was! she was not only both younger and older than when he had left her five years ago, she was another woman. the heaviness had gone from her eyes and forehead, the bitter, determined, self-restraint from her mouth and chin; instead of self-restraint she had acquired that rarer virtue, self-possession. her lips had softened, had blossomed into the sweet red flower that was part of nature's original design. her face had grown plastic to her feeling and her thought. she was ripened and freshened by sun and wind, by salt water and salt air; a certain nameless, intangible grace that he had caught once, twice, long ago, and seen no more, was now her abiding charm. the haggard, sallow-faced provincial, with her inscrutable manners and tumultuous heart, had developed into the finished cosmopolitan; she had about her the glory and bloom of the world. for once his artist's instinct had failed him; he had not discovered the promise of her physical beauty—but that he should have ignored the finer possibilities of her soul! if she had really known all that he had thought and felt about her then, had understood and had yet forgiven him, frida was unlike any other woman in the world. [pg 333] he was not sure that this was not the secret of her charm—the marvelous dexterity of her sympathy, the swiftness with which she precipitated herself into his point of view. it had its drawbacks; it meant that she could see another man's and her own with equal clearness.
the sound of voices from a neighboring cabin, followed by the noise of unskillful footsteps stumbling up a companion ladder, warned them that they were not alone. mr. manby appeared on deck with great noise and circumstance, skating, struggling, clutching at impossible supports, being much hampered by a camp stool and a sketching block which he carried, and his own legs, which seemed hardly equal to carrying him. durant had recognized in the little artist a familiar type. a small, nervous man, attired in the usual threadbare gray trousers, the usual seedy velveteen coat and slouch hat, with a great deal of grizzled hair tumbling in the usual disorder about his peaked and peevish face. durant sprang forward and helped this pitiful figure to find its legs; not with purely benevolent intentions, he settled it and its belongings in a secure (and remote) position amidships.
"glad to see you back again!" frida sang out.
mr. manby screwed up his eyes, put his head very much on one side, and peered into the wild face of nature with a pale, propitiatory smile.
"yes, yes; i mustn't neglect my opportunities. every minute of this weather is invaluable."
"it strikes me," said frida, as durant established himself beside her again, "that it's you artists whose devotion to nature is—well—not altogether disinterested."
"manby's affection seems to be pretty sincere; it stands the test of seasickness." [pg 334]
"oh, mr. manby doesn't really care very much for nature or for art either."
"what does he try to paint pictures for, then?"
"he tries to paint them for a living, for himself and the little girls." and frida looked tenderly at mr. manby as she spoke.
at that moment durant hated mr. manby with a deadly hatred. he had gone so far as to find a malignant satisfaction in the thought that mr. manby's pictures were bad, when he remembered that frida had a weakness for bad pictures. art did not appeal to frida. she talked about paris and florence and rome without a word of the louvre or the uffizi gallery or the vatican. she didn't care a rap about raphael or rubens, but she hampered herself with manbys.
"is there a mrs. manby?" he asked gloomily.
"no. mrs. manby died last year."
"h'mph! poor devil! lucky for her, though."
frida ignored the implication. "to go back to the point we were discussing. if you were honest you'd own that you only care for nature because you can make pictures out of it. now i, on the contrary, have no ulterior motives; i don't want to make anything out of it."
"i wasn't talking about nature. i want to know what you are going to make of your life."
"there you are again. why should i make anything of it? you talk as if life were so much raw material to be worked into something that it isn't. to my mind it's beautiful enough as it is. i should spoil it if i tried to make anything of it."
he looked at her and he understood. he was a man of talent, some said of genius, but in her there was something greater than that; it was the genius of temperament, an infinite capacity for taking pleasures. [pg 335] to her life was more than mere raw material, it came finished to her hands, because it had lived a long life in her soul. her dream had tallied.
beside that rich creative impulse, that divine imagination of hers, his own appeared as something imitative and secondhand, and his art essentially degraded. he was nothing better than a copyist, the plagiarist of nature.
he looked up to where mr. manby sat smiling over his sketching block, mr. manby, surrounded by his admiring family. mr. manby did not see them; he was wrapped in his dream, absorbed in his talent with all its innocent enormities. he at any rate had no misgivings. the little girls, eileen and ermyntrude, played about him; they played with blocks and life-buoys and cables, they jumped over coils of rope, they spun round to leeward till the wind wound their faces in their long hair, they ran for'ard, shrieking with happy laughter as they were caught by the showers of spray flung from the yacht's bows. frida's eyes followed them, and durant's eyes followed frida's.
"they are seeing the world, too, it seems."
"yes; they have caught the fever. but they are young, as you see; they have taken it in time. some day they'll be tired of wandering, and they'll settle down in a house of their own, over here in england, and be dear little wives and mothers."
"eileen and ermyntrude—by the way, i never know which is eileen and which is ermyntrude. and you, will you never be tired of wandering?"
she looked at him with the lucid, penetrating gaze he knew so well. "never. i took the fever when i was—not young, and it goes harder with you then. there's no hope for me; i shall never be cured."
she rose and joined the manbys. the little girls ran [pg 336] to meet her, they clung to her skirts and danced round her; she put her arm round ermyntrude, the younger, and durant saw her winding her long fingers in and out of the golden hair, and looking down into the child's face, madonna-like, with humid, tender, maternal eyes.
he thought of her as the mother of manby's children, and he hated the little girls.
there was a voice at his elbow. "isn't she splendid?" miss chatterton had seated herself in frida's chair.
her presence brought him instantaneous relief. he had been glad to meet miss chatterton again. not that he would have known her, for time had not dealt very kindly with the young girl. her face, from overmuch play of expression, showed a few little wrinkles already, her complexion had suffered the fate of sanguine complexions, it had not gone altogether, but it was going—fast, the color was beginning to run. but time had not subdued her extravagant spirits or touched her imperishable mirth. in spite of a lapse of five years she gave him a pleasant sense of continuity; she took him up exactly where she had put him down, on the platform of the little wayside station of whithorn-in-arden. unlike frida, miss chatterton had not developed. when she began to talk she had the air of merely continuing their last important conversation.
"didn't i tell you how she'd come out if she got her chance?"
"you did."
"and wasn't i right?"
"you were."
"but you oughtn't to have needed telling, you ought to have seen it for yourself." [pg 337]
"right again. i ought to have seen it for myself."
"he who will not when he may will live to fight another day; isn't that how it goes on?"
"yes; i congratulate you on your work."
"it isn't my work, lord bless you! nor yours, either—there i was wrong."
"what is it, then?"
miss chatterton stared out over the sea and into the universal air. "why, it's—it's everything! of course you did something, so did i. but if it comes to that, the present mrs. tancred did more than either of us. we couldn't have married the colonel."
"then you think that was the reason why she——"
"i do, indeed. she could have had no other. you see she was awfully fond of frida. and, what's more, she was fond of you."
it was his turn to look out over the sea.
"what do you think? he has never forgiven her for going away, though it happened to be the very thing he wanted. how's that for inconsistency?"
"has she seen the—the colonel since?"
"she has. a strange, unaccountable longing to see the colonel comes over her periodically, like a madness, and she rushes home from the ends of the earth. that's happened three times. it's the most erratic and incalculable thing about her. but going home doesn't answer."
"i should hardly have thought it would."
"except that she's got the control of more money now. tell you how it happened. the last time she went home she found the poor little colonel making his little will. he asked her point-blank what she meant to do with the property when he was in his little grave. he must have had an inkling. and frida, who is honesty itself, said she didn't know, but [pg 338] she rather thought she would sell it and make for the unexplored. then he was frightened, and made her make a solemn vow never to do anything of the kind. somehow the property seems to have recovered itself, with all she put into it; anyhow, after that, it managed to disgorge another thousand a year. so frida's more independent than ever."
durant made an impatient movement that nearly sent him overboard to the bottom of the sea, where, indeed, he wished that frida tancred's thousands were lying. georgie noticed the movement, and blushed for the first time in their acquaintance.
"just look at those children," said she, "they simply adore frida. it's odd, but she's got the most curious power of making people adore her. i don't know what she does to them, but waiters, policemen, porters, customhouse officers, they're all the same. the people in the hotels we stayed in adored her. so did the arabs up the nile and the soudanese in the desert, so did the kaffirs on the veldt and the coolies that carried her up the himalayas—and she's no light weight, is frida."
georgie paused while her fancy followed frida in delightful retrospect. durant said nothing, he sat waiting for her to go on. she went on.
"women, too—i've seen them hanging about drafty corridors for hours on the off chance of seeing her. there was a dreadful girl we knew in paris, who used to grovel on her doormat and weep because she said frida wouldn't speak to her. frida loathed her, but she was awfully nice to her till one day when she tripped over her on the mat. then she wasn't nice to her at all; she hauled her up by the belt, and told her to get up and go away and never make such a fool of herself again." [pg 339]
georgie cast at durant a look that said, "that's how our frida deals with obstructives!"
"and where was all this remarkable fascination five years ago?"
"it was there all right enough, lying dormant, you know. i felt it. mrs. fazakerly felt it—that's why she married the colonel. you felt it."
"i didn't."
"excuse me, you did. that's why you stayed three weeks at coton manor when you needn't have stopped three days. as for mr. manby there, he simply worships the ground she treads on, as they say."
"the devil he does! what's he doing here?"
"as you see, he's painting pictures as hard as ever he can go. he paints them in order to live; but as he has to live in order to paint, frida—well, between you and me, frida keeps him and eileen and ermyntrude, the whole family, in short. but that's a detail. it isn't offered as any explanation of the charm. i don't believe that anybody ever realizes that frida has money."
he could believe that. he had never realized it himself. her enjoyment of life was so finished an art that it kept its machinery well out of sight.
"frida," georgie serenely continued, "has a weakness for landscape painters. the memory of her mother—no doubt."
"don't they—don't they bore her?"
"no. it takes a great deal to bore frida—naturally, after the colonel. besides, she doesn't give them the chance. nobody ever gets what you may call a hold on frida. there's so much more of her than they can grasp. and there are, at least, three sides of her by which she's unapproachable. one of them's her liberty. [pg 340] if you or i or the little manby man were to take liberties with her liberty frida would——"
"what would frida do?"
"she would drop us down, very gently, at the nearest port, and make for the unexplored! and yet, i don't know. that's the lovely and fascinating thing about frida—that you never do know."
