a letter with a great black seal!
i knew then what had happened as well as i know it now. but which was it, father or mother? i do not like to look back to the agony and suspense of that moment.
my father had died at new orleans during one of his weekly visits to the city. the letter bearing these tidings had reached rivermouth the evening of my flight -- had passed me on the road by the down train.
i must turn back for a moment to that eventful evening. when i failed to make my appearance at supper, the captain began to suspect that i had really started on my wild tour southward -- a conjecture which sailor ben's absence helped to confirm. i had evidently got off by the train and sailor ben had followed me.
there was no telegraphic communication between boston and rivermouth in those days; so my grandfather could do nothing but await the result. even if there had been another mail to boston, he could not have availed himself of it, not knowing how to address a message to the fugitives. the post-office was naturally the last place either i or the admiral would think of visiting.
my grandfather, however, was too full of trouble to allow this to add to his distress. he knew that the faithful old sailor would not let me come to any harm, and even if i had managed for the time being to elude him, was sure to bring me back sooner or later.
our return, therefore, by the first train on the following day did not surprise him.
i was greatly puzzled, as i have said, by the gentle manner of his reception; but when we were alone together in the sitting-room, and he began slowly to unfold the letter, i understood it all. i caught a sight of my mother's handwriting in the superscription, and there was nothing left to tell me.
my grandfather held the letter a few seconds irresolutely, and then commenced reading it aloud; but he could get no further than the date.
"i can't read it, tom," said the old gentleman, breaking down. "i thought i could."
he handed it to me. i took the letter mechanically, and hurried away with it to my little room, where i had passed so many happy hours.
the week that followed the receipt of this letter is nearly a blank in my memory. i remember that the days appeared endless; that at times i could not realize the misfortune that had befallen us, and my heart upbraided me for not feeling a deeper grief; that a full sense of my loss would now and then sweep over me like an inspiration, and i would steal away to my chamber or wander forlornly about the gardens. i remember this, but little more.
as the days went by my first grief subsided, and in its place grew up a want which i have experienced at every step in life from boyhood to manhood. often, even now, after all these years, when i see a lad of twelve or fourteen walking by his father's side, and glancing merrily up at his face, i turn and look after them, and am conscious that i have missed companionship most sweet and sacred.
i shall not dwell on this portion of my story. there were many tranquil, pleasant hours in store for me at that period, and i prefer to turn to them.
one evening the captain came smiling into the sitting-room with an open letter in his hand. my mother had arrived at new york, and would be with us the next day. for the first time in weeks -- years, it seemed to me -- something of the old cheerfulness mingled with our conversation round the evening lamp. i was to go to boston with the captain to meet her and bring her home. i need not describe that meeting. with my mother's hand in mine once more, all the long years we had been parted appeared like a dream. very dear to me was the sight of that slender, pale woman passing from room to room, and lending a patient grace and beauty to the saddened life of the old house.
everything was changed with us now. there were consultations with lawyers, and signing of papers, and correspondence; for my father's affairs had been left in great confusion. and when these were settled, the evenings were not long enough for us to hear all my mother had to tell of the scenes she had passed through in the ill-fated city.
then there were old times to talk over, full of reminiscences of aunt chloe and little black sam. little black sam, by the by, had been taken by his master from my father's service ten months previously, and put on a sugar-plantation near baton rouge. not relishing the change, sam had run away, and by some mysterious agency got into canada, from which place he had sent back several indecorous messages to his late owner.
aunt chloe was still in new orleans, employed as nurse in one of the cholera hospital wards, and the desmoulins, near neighbors of ours, had purchased the pretty stone house among the orange-trees.
how all these simple details interested me will be readily understood by any boy who has been long absent from home.
i was sorry when it became necessary to discuss questions more nearly affecting myself. i had been removed from school temporarily, but it was decided, after much consideration, that i should not return, the decision being left, in a manner, in my own hands.
the captain wished to carry out his son's intention and send me to college, for which i was nearly fitted; but our means did not admit of this. the captain, too, could ill afford to bear the expense, for his losses by the failure of the new orleans business had been heavy. yet he insisted on the plan, not seeing clearly what other disposal to make of me.
in the midst of our discussions a letter came from my uncle snow, a merchant in new york, generously offering me a place in his counting-house. the case resolved itself into this: if i went to college, i should have to be dependent on captain nutter for several years, and at the end of the collegiate course would have no settled profession. if i accepted my uncle's offer, i might hope to work my way to independence without loss of time. it was hard to give up the long-cherished dream of being a harvard boy; but i gave it up.
the decision once made, it was uncle snow's wish that i should enter his counting-house immediately. the cause of my good uncle's haste was this -- he was afraid that i would turn out to be a poet before he could make a merchant of me. his fears were based upon the fact that i had published in the rivermouth barnacle some verses addressed in a familiar manner "to the moon." now, the idea of a boy, with his living to get, placing himself in communication with the moon, struck the mercantile mind as monstrous. it was not only a bad investment, it was lunacy.
'we adopted uncle snow's views so far as to accede to his proposition forthwith. my mother, i neglected to say, was also to reside in new york.
i shall not draw a picture of pepper whitcomb's disgust when the news was imparted to him, nor attempt to paint sailor ben's distress at the prospect of losing his little messmate.
in the excitement of preparing for the journey i didn't feel any very deep regret myself. but when the moment came for leaving, and i saw my small trunk lashed up behind the carriage, then the pleasantness of the old life and a vague dread of the new came over me, and a mist filled my eyes, shutting out the group of schoolfellows, including all the members of the centipede club, who had come down to the house to see me off.
as the carriage swept round the corner, i leaned out of the window to take a last look at sailor ben's cottage, and there was the admiral's flag flying at half-mast.
so i left rivermouth, little dreaming that i was not to see the old place again for many and many a year.
