thus peter was done with the goober case, and mighty glad of it he was. he was tired of the strain, he needed a rest and a little pleasure. he had his pockets stuffed with money, and a good fat bank account, and proposed to take things easy for the first time in his hard and lonely life.
the opportunity was at hand: for he had taken mcgivney’s advise and got himself another girl. it was a little romance, very worldly and delightful. to understand it, you must know that in the judicial procedure of american city they used both men and women jurors; and because busy men of affairs did not want to waste their time in the jury-box, nor to have the time of their clerks and workingmen wasted, there had gradually grown up a class of men and women who made their living by working as jurors. they hung around the courthouse and were summoned on panel after panel, being paid six dollars a day, with numerous opportunities to make money on the side if they were clever.
among this group of professional jurors, there was the keenest competition to get into the jury-box of the goober case. it was to be a long and hard-fought case, there would be a good deal of prestige attached to it, and also there were numerous sums of money floating round. anybody who got in, and who voted right, might be sure of an income for life, to say nothing of a life-job as a juror if he wanted it.
peter happened to be in court while the talesmen were being questioned. a very charming and petite brunette—what peter described as a “swell dresser”—was on the stand, and was cleverly trying to satisfy both sides. she knew nothing about the case, she had never read anything about it, she knew nothing and cared nothing about social problems; so she was accepted by the prosecution. but then the defense took her in hand, and it appeared that once upon a time she had been so indiscreet as to declare to somebody her conviction that all labor leaders ought to be stood up against the wall and filled with lead; so she was challenged by the defense, and very much chagrined she came down from the stand, and took a seat in the courtroom next to peter. he saw a trace of tears in her eyes, and realizing her disappointment, ventured a word of sympathy. the acquaintance grew, and they went out to lunch together.
mrs. james was her name, and she was a widow, a grass widow as she archly mentioned. she was quick and lively, with brilliant white teeth, and cheeks with the glow of health in them; this glow came out of a little bottle, but peter never guessed it. peter had got himself a good suit of clothes now, and made bold to spend some money on the lunch. as it happened, both he and mrs. james were thru with the goober case; both were tired and wanted a change, and peter, blushing shyly, suggested that a sojourn at the beach might be fun. mrs. james agreed immediately, and the matter was arranged.
peter had seen enough of the detective business by this time to know what you can safely do, and what you had better not do. he didn’t travel with his grass widow, he didn’t pay her car-fare, nor do anything else to constitute her a “white slave.” he simply went to the beach and engaged himself a comfortable apartment; and next day, strolling on the board walk, he happened to meet the widow.
so for a couple of months peter and mrs. james set up housekeeping together. it was a wonderful experience for the former, because mrs. james was what is called a “lady,” she had rich relatives, and took pains to let peter know that she had lived in luxury before her husband had run away to paris with a tight-rope walker. she taught peter all those worldly arts which one misses when one is brought up in an orphan asylum, and on the road with a patent medicine vender. tactfully, and without hurting his feelings, she taught him how to hold a knife and fork, and what color tie to select. at the same time she managed to conduct a propaganda which caused him to regard himself as the most favored of mankind; he was overwhelmed with gratitude for every single kiss from the lips of his grass widow. of course he could not expect such extraordinary favors of fortune without paying for them; he had learned by now that there was no such thing as “free love.” so he paid, hand over fist; he not only paid all the expenses of the unregistered honeymoon, he bought numerous expensive presents at the lady’s tactful suggestion. she was always so vivacious and affectionate when peter had given her a present! peter lived in a kind of dream, his money seemed to go out of his pockets without his having to touch it.
meantime great events were rolling by, unheeded by peter and his grass widow who never read the newspapers. for one thing jim goober was convicted and sentenced to die on the gallows, and jim goober’s associate, biddle, was found guilty, and sentenced to prison for life. also, america entered the war, and a wave of patriotic excitement swept like a prairie fire over the country. peter could not help hearing about this; his attention was attracted to one aspect of the matter—congress was about to pass a conscription act. and peter was within the age limit; peter would almost certainly be drafted into the army!
no terror that he had ever felt in his life was equal to this terror. he had tried to forget the horrible pictures of battle and slaughter, of machine-guns and hand-grenades and torpedoes and poison gas, with which little jennie had filled his imagination; but now these imaginings came crowding back upon him, now for the first time they concerned him. from that time on his honeymoon was spoiled. peter and his grass widow were like a party of picnickers who are far away in the wilderness, and see a black thunder-storm come rolling up the sky!
also, peter’s bank account was running low. peter had had no conception how much money you could spend on a grass widow who is a “swell dresser” and understands what is “proper.” he was overwhelmed with embarrassment; he put off telling mrs. james until the last moment—in fact, until he wasn’t quite sure whether he had enough money in bank to meet the last check he had given to the landlady. then, realizing that the game was up, he told.
he was surprised to see how charmingly a grass widow of “good breeding” could take bad tidings. evidently it wasn’t the first time that mrs. james had been to the beach. she smiled cheerfully, and said that it was the jury-box for her once more. she gave peter her card, and told him she would be glad to have him call upon her again—when he had restored his fortunes. she packed up her suit-case and her new trunk full of peter’s presents, and departed with the most perfect sweetness and good taste.
