secrets of saintly spouses:—a visit from my talkative friend.
not long after i had received my endowments, my talkative friend, of whom i have already spoken, came to see me and to offer her congratulations. she was quite enthusiastic upon the subject, spoke of the honour which had been conferred upon us, and promised to call frequently “to build me up.” she was particularly anxious to learn whether i did not feel much better and happier now.
on that point i could say little, for to have answered her truthfully would have provoked discussion, into which i did not care to enter. i knew, too, that anything i said to her would soon be known to every one else. so i told her that i was feeling well enough.
“‘well enough!’” she said. “is that how you feel? come now, i thought you would have got over all that when you had been through your endowments. you remind me of what brother brigham says,—we have so many whining women in zion that it is quite a reproach. i do hope that you are not going to become one of them. let me give you a bit of advice: the wisest thing that you can do is to look out for another wife for your husband, and get him to marry her.”
“oh my!” i said; “what are you talking about? you surely cannot be in earnest.”
“i never was more earnest in my life,” she answered. “if you had persuaded your husband to take another wife when you went through your endowments, you would have got over all your troubles at one time. the anticipation is ten times worse than the reality.”
“i do not see it in that light,” i said. “my own opinion is that my troubles in that case would only then have begun. i do not think that you yourself are really happy.”
“oh, nonsense!” she exclaimed. “why you can see[203] how happy i am. my husband has two other wives, besides myself, and a more comfortable family could not be.”
“you never told me,” i said, “how your husband managed to get those wives. i should like to hear.”
“my husband managed! why he did not manage at all; it was i who arranged everything for him, and i’ll tell you how it was done.
“during the reformation,” she continued, “you, of course, know the men were constantly urged to take more wives; but my husband was rather backward, and used to tell me there was plenty of time, and not the slightest occasion for him to be in a hurry. i had my own opinion of the matter and did not agree with him, for you see i was afraid that after all, he would pick up some young girl or other and fall in love with her, and all my plans would be disarranged. it is, you know much the best for the first wife to look out for some girl who will look up to her and respect her, but not love her husband too much, and then they are likely to get on well together. if the first wife selects the other wives, it has the effect of showing them that the husband thinks much of her judgment and is willing to abide by it, and that they will have to do the same. this, of course, is as it should be. but if she lets her husband choose his own wife, he is almost certain to take a fancy to some one whom the first wife does not like at all, and consequently her authority is undermined. the first wife ought to keep all the power in her own hands.”
“well,” i said, “i should not care much, i think, who ruled in my home if another wife was there.”
“you think so now,” she replied; “but when you get used to polygamy you will feel quite otherwise. people get used to it—the women as well as the men—and then they leave off fretting and become less selfish. but i was going to tell you how i managed my husband.
“i was very anxious, as i told you, to find another wife for him, and i took into consideration all the suitable girls i knew. there was some objection to almost every one. some were too pretty and i knew i should detest them; and others were not good-looking, and those my husband could not bear. so i waited patiently, but did not give up the hope of succeeding eventually. at last i met with a girl who i thought would do. she was certainly not bad-looking, but she was very young, and i thought i should be able to manage her. the name of this girl was alice maynard; she was a neighbour of ours, and one of a large family. she seemed to me[204] to be a quiet modest little creature, and i knew that she had to work hard and received very little in return. in fact, she led at home a life of drudgery, and even her very clothing bore witness to the poverty of the family. her mother had often told me that she felt badly for alice, for mr. maynard had three other wives, and it was more than he could do to support them all properly.
“i called one day on mrs. maynard to broach the matter to her. she received me very kindly, and entered into my views at once. she was anxious, she said, for alice to get married, for then she would be better off. i asked her how she would like her to marry my husband, and told her that we were very comfortably off—as you know we are—and that my husband owned his house and lot, and was doing a very good business, and, of course, ought to take another wife. would she agree to my proposal, and let me mention alice to him?
“she said she herself had no objection, but that perhaps my husband might not like alice, or alice might not like him.
“i felt indignant at the idea that any girl should hesitate to marry my husband, and i told sister maynard that there could not possibly be any hesitation on alice’s part. ‘i’m sure i have no objection,’ she said, ‘if alice has none. i should only be too happy to see my child in a more comfortable home.’
“well, then, we’ll consider the matter settled, i said, and asked if i could see alice; so her mother called her in, and i proposed to her for my husband. you can guess, perhaps, how astonished i was when she actually laughed in my face, and said she should like to consider the matter! i did not, however, show her what i thought, but assented to what she said, and invited her to come and take tea with us.
“my husband had often told me, when i was teasing him about taking another wife, that he would willingly marry any girl i might choose for him; and i felt pleased at this, for it showed confidence in my judgment. so when he came in, later in the day, i told him i had found a wife for him at last, and that i knew he would like her. ‘why, ann,’ he said, ‘i do believe you are going crazy over the wife question; but if you are, i do not want you to drive me crazy also.’ i really thought this was too bad, after all my trouble for him; but nevertheless i was resolved that the marriage should take place.
[205]
“three days after that, in accordance with my invitation, alice came to take tea with us, and i fixed her up to look nice. when she was ready, i took her into the parlour to introduce her to my husband, who was sitting there reading. henry, i said, this is miss maynard—the young lady of whom i spoke to you the other day. he looked up from his paper, and, to my astonishment, said, ‘why, alice, my girl, how do you do? how are mother and father?’
“‘what, i said, do you know alice, henry?’”
“‘certainly i do,” he answered; ‘alice and i have met many times before this, haven’t we, alice?’
“‘yes, sir,’ she said, and, oh, so demurely. why, sister stenhouse, i began to think that i had actually been deceived, and that while i had innocently supposed that i had found out the girl myself, it was the very one upon whom my husband had had his eye for a long while past. i watched them, however, very narrowly, for i was determined that if my husband had really taken a fancy for the girl he should never have her.”
“why, that would have facilitated matters, would it not?” i said.
“do you think,” she replied, “that i would have allowed them to marry if they loved each other? no, indeed! the saints marry from principle and not from love, as brother brigham has often told us. i hope you believe me, dear, when i say that i am not at all a jealous woman, but if my husband dared to fall in love with a girl and to hide it from me, i could not stand it i am sure. no! principle is the only thing—there can be no love in polygamy. if a man loved his wife, do you think he could have the heart to pain her by taking another? on the other hand, it is because of the love which still remains in their hearts, and which they weary themselves to crush out, that so many of the first wives are miserable. but i was going to tell you about alice. i was mistaken in thinking that my husband had been paying her any attentions. it appeared that he was acquainted with her father and mother, and that at their house he had frequently seen the child alice, but never supposed she was the miss maynard of whom i had spoken. but now they had come together at last he took to her kindly and she to him, and really i sometimes almost thought they wished to ignore me altogether.
“i did not let them waste much time fussing with one another, but they got on very rapidly, nevertheless; and[206] before i had time to arrange matters properly, my husband told me that to please me he was going to marry alice. only fancy me being pleased at him marrying alice! why, it wasn’t to please myself that i introduced the child to him, but simply because, if he must have another wife, it was certainly best for me to choose one whom i could manage. however, they were married not long after, and really i think i never was more disgusted in my life than i was on that occasion. i was not jealous, but i do think he might have paid her a little less attention. in fact i quite regretted, when it was too late, that i had ever brought them together.
“the mormon men always do make themselves silly over their new wives, and i did not expect my husband to be an exception to the rule; but i was perfectly astonished at the change that took place in alice. instead of the quiet, modest girl she used to be, she put on all sorts of airs, and treated me as if i were of not the slightest consequence. i couldn’t stand that, and i resolved, if it were only to take the pride out of her, i would get my husband to marry another wife still. he wouldn’t object, i knew, for he takes life very easily, and he has a great respect for my opinion. besides which, he is quite well enough off to support three wives; and as a matter of duty, if nothing else, he ought to do so. that would soon bring miss alice to a proper state of mind, and she needed something of the sort; for, do you know, she had actually made that silly husband of mine think that she ought to be treated with the same consideration as myself.”
“well, but,” i said, “if the principle of polygamy is of god, it is only just that all the wives should be treated alike. if my husband were to marry another woman, much as it would pain me, i should treat her as an equal.”
“then,” she replied, “if you do so you will find that the first wives will have nothing to do with you. you will find, when you come to be better acquainted with the people here, that the first wives do not waste much love over the polygamic wives; and, of course, as a rule, the polygamic wives detest the first wives. then the plural wives get together and talk all manner of evil about the first wives, who do pretty much the same in respect to them. it is only natural that they should do so.
“but i was going to tell you,” she continued, “how i selected the third wife. there was an emigrant-train expected in every day; and you know, when the emigrants arrive,[207] all those women who want wives for their husbands, and all those men who want to choose for themselves, go down to the camping-ground, and if they see a girl who takes their fancy they ask her if she has got a place to go to, and if she has not they offer to receive her themselves. there are hundreds of young girls who arrive here without any one to look after them, and who are only too glad to accept a home for the winter. now this was exactly what i did. i went down to the camp and looked round for myself, and at last my eyes rested upon a young woman of about thirty or thirty-five years of age, who i thought would be a more suitable wife for my husband than that giggling chit that i chose for him at first. i decided at once that she would do, so i went up to her and asked her if she had any friends. she said she had a brother living in the city; but when i explained to her how we were situated, and said that i should like her to come and stay with us till she could look round a little for herself, she agreed at once. now—i thought—miss alice, we shall see whether you are going to have things all your own way any longer!
“i told her, however, as well as my husband, that i had brought home a sister to stay with us a while, and they received her very kindly, and she soon made herself very useful and agreeable to us all. the bishop came and talked to my husband, and he made no difficulty at all in acceding to my wishes, and before long he made our visitor wife number three; and alice, as a matter of course, lost a good deal of her influence over him. for my own part, i am much more comfortable. the two plural wives do nearly all the work, and i have little else to do than superintend the household and enjoy myself. my husband is one of those quiet sort of men who never interfere with domestic affairs, and i have matters pretty much my own way now. the only thing that annoys me is his fondness for alice, who makes herself appear most amiable to him, deceitful thing! i can’t break him of that, but i often tell him that he will find her out some day. he tells me that he looks upon her as a child, and feels like a father towards her; no woman, he says, can ever have his love but me. that sounds all very well; but as to believing it, that is quite another thing—i keep my eye on them, and watch them well.”
“but,” i said, “it appears to me that it would have been far better if you had never given him another wife at all, you would have been saved from annoyance, and the privacy[208] of your home would not have been disturbed. i am the more surprised, as your husband did not himself desire it.”
“when you understand better the order of the kingdom, you will not speak in that way,” she said. “do you suppose that i shall be satisfied to be the wife of a man who could not exalt me in the celestial kingdom—a man with only one wife? why i have often told my husband that if he did not get other wives i would leave. it is necessary for a man to have two wives, at least, if he would enter into the celestial kingdom. that is why i have been so anxious to get wives for my husband. at the same time there is no necessity for him to fall in love, and act in a silly way over them. the only way in such a case is to set one to watch the other, and then they are pretty certain to keep the old man straight. you think, perhaps, that i don’t feel all this, but you must not be deceived by appearances. i try to do the will of heaven with a smile on my face; and the brethren have often told me that if the other sisters were more like me they would not have so much difficulty in establishing polygamy. but, dear me, sister stenhouse, what a long talk we’ve had! i’ll come and see you soon again, but i must hasten away now, for my husband will be home to supper by this time.”
so she left me wondering over her strange story of a woman’s experience in supplying her own husband with wives.
