ways and works of the saints:—the prophet’s millinery bill.
when i arrived in utah i found that nearly all the elders with whom i had formerly been acquainted had more than one wife there. many of these brethren called to see me, and kindly insisted that i should visit their families; but this i felt was almost an impossibility.
my whole nature rebelled at the thought of visiting where there were several wives; for, in defiance of all the teaching that i had listened to, and the tyranny to which we had submitted, human nature would assert itself, and my womanly instincts revolted against the system. i could not endure the thought of visiting those families in company with my husband. i thought that perhaps sometimes i might venture alone; but, oh, not with him,—no, not with him. it was bad enough and humiliating enough for me to witness by myself the degradation of my sex; but to do so in the presence of my husband was more than i could calmly contemplate. i knew that i should not be able to control myself, and might probably say some very unpleasant things, which i should afterwards regret; for i so thoroughly loathed even the idea of polygamy at that time that i was filled with a desire to let every one know and understand just what my feelings were on that subject.
i had left new york against my will, although i had not openly rebelled. i had never reproached my husband about it, for i felt that his lot was irrevocably cast with the mormons: i knew that when i married him, and it was of no use now for me to repine. i must go on to the end—there was no help for me. the journey across the plains, and all the discoveries which i had made, had not tended to soothe my rebellious heart, and i am not quite sure that i did not sow by the way a little discontent among the sisters. the idea, however, that such was the case did not, i must admit, fill me with much repentance. to my husband i had said very little, but i[180] think he would bear me witness that what i did say was said effectively. now when i was brought face to face with practical polygamy and could observe it in its most repulsive phases, i hated it more than ever.
one day not long after our arrival, as we were taking a walk together, i saw across the road a man gesticulating after an eccentric fashion and beckoning to us. mr. stenhouse said, “that is brother heber c. kimball;” and i looked again with interest to see what that celebrated apostle was like. i had both heard and read a great deal about brother heber, and what i had learned was not at all of a character to impress me favourably—he had been so severe in his denunciation of every woman who dared to oppose polygamy. on the present occasion his conduct was, i thought, anything but gentlemanly; and when we crossed the road to him,—which on account of his position in the church—next to brigham himself—we, of course, were compelled to do,—my face must have betrayed my feelings i am sure, for almost his first words after shaking hands were, “have you got the blues?”
my answer was ready in a moment. “i have had nothing else ever since i came here.”
“well,” he replied, “it is time that you should get rid of them, and i am going to talk to you some day soon, for i rather like your looks.”
i did not like his looks much, however, nor was i at all pleased with his manner. i do not say that i was altogether without blame in feeling thus, for i was prejudiced. of course i was prejudiced. from the first moment when i heard that polygamy was a doctrine of the church, i was predisposed to be dissatisfied with everything: i was henceforth not myself, for the terrible apprehension of my own fate in the “celestial order” had changed my whole nature, and that change of itself was a great source of grief to me. i keenly realized that i was no longer the light-hearted, pleasant companion to my husband that i had been, and many a time and oft i wished for his sake that i could die, for i felt that i never could be happy in mormonism again.
how many times have i knelt by my husband’s couch when he was unconscious of it, and have wept bitter tears of sorrow, earnestly praying to the lord to subdue my rebellious heart, and, if it were necessary, rather than i should be a continual annoyance to my husband, whom i loved with all my soul, that every particle of love in my heart should be withered, so that i might perchance, if without love, be able at least to do my[181] duty. i fully realized that in polygamy there could be no real love; and while my affections were still placed upon my husband, it was torture to live in a community where i was compelled to listen to the “counsels” which were given to him, day after day, regardless of my presence, to take another wife. i was too proud to notice any ordinary allusion that was made to the subject before me; but when the conversation was turned in that direction by those who professed to be sincere friends and to entertain a kindly interest in my welfare, i was compelled to listen and reply.
in my unhappy condition, i thought that perhaps i might derive some consolation from the sermons in the tabernacle—something that might shed a softer light upon my rugged pathway. but instead of obtaining consolation, i heard that which aroused every feeling of my soul to rebellion, and kindled again within me the indignation which i had been so long struggling to conquer. i heard that woman was an inferior being, designed by the lord for the special glory and exaltation of man, that she was a creature that should feel herself honoured if he would only make her the mother of his children—a creature who if very obedient and faithful through all the trials and tribulations in life, might some day be rewarded by becoming one of her husband’s queens, but should even then shine only by virtue of the reflected light derived from the glory of her spouse and lord. he was to be her “saviour,” for he was all in all to her; and it was through him alone and at his will that she could obtain salvation. we were informed that man was the crowning glory of creation, for whom all things—woman included—were brought into being; and that the chief object of woman’s existence was to help man to his great destiny.
not a sentence—indeed, not a word—did we ever hear as to the possibility of womanly perfection and exaltation in her own right; and not only so, but, as if this were not enough to crush all ambition out of our souls, we were instructed in some new views of marriage. the great object of marriage, we were told, was the increase of children. those diviner objects—the companionship of soul, the devotion of a refined and pure affection, the indissoluble union of two existences—were never presented to the yearning hearts of those poor women who listened to the miserable harangues of the tabernacle: such aspirations had nothing to do with the hard, cruel facts of their life in polygamy.
and this i found was how the women of utah were spiritually[182] sustained. seldom, indeed, was taught anything better, but frequently much that was worse. if nature, asserting its right to a full return of love, should manifest itself, and inspire some of these poor wives to rebel against the lives which they were compelled to lead in polygamy, then it would be said, in the language of the tabernacle, that the women were “filled with the devil,” and that unless they repented speedily, they would “apostatize and go to hell;”—an assurance which was scarcely necessary, for many of those poor souls were enduring as much as if they were there already. or if some woman was found objecting to polygamy on account of its crushing and degrading effects upon women generally, then, as i just said, she was told in the coarse language of brigham young himself, that “such women had no business to complain; it was quite enough honour for them to be permitted to bear children to god’s holy priesthood.”
i found, therefore; that the sermons in the tabernacle were not calculated to help me much spiritually. i had neither friend nor counsellor on earth to whom i could turn for help—my god alone remained to me. but, ah, how different were my ideas of god then, from those which i entertained before and since. once i could look upon the beauties of nature and the varied experiences of human life, and while my soul was lifted up with devotion and gratitude, i could see the loving hand of my heavenly father in everything around me. now there was neither light nor beauty before my eyes—all was dark and dreary; there was nothing to draw away my heart from such sad thoughts as these. it was painfully clear to my understanding, then as now, that in mormonism woman was to lose her personal identity. all that christianity had done to elevate her was to be ruthlessly set aside and trampled under foot, and she was instantly to return to the position which she occupied in the darkest ages of the world’s existence.
i had at that time the daily and hourly cares of a family devolving upon me, and had not therefore much leisure to spend in visiting my friends even if i had desired to do so. notwithstanding that, however, i had abundant opportunities of observation; and thus my experience of mormonism and polygamy in utah is much the same as that of any mormon woman of ordinary sense; i only tell what others could relate if they had the inclination to do so. it was not possible for me to live in salt lake city without being brought face to face with polygamy in some shape or other every day of my life.[183] had it been otherwise, and if remaining at home would have kept it from my view, i probably never should have had the courage to enter a house where it was practised. to those who know nothing of that degrading system this may seem rather an exaggeration of feeling; and yet, even at that early day, i had seen so much of the folly and weakness of the mormon brethren, both in london and new york, before we went to utah, and had witnessed so many evil results of their teachings, that it was with the greatest difficulty that i could control my feelings sufficiently to call upon any family where there was more than one wife. and yet what i knew then was nothing in comparison to what i afterwards witnessed—yes, that i myself endured.
during the winter, although i visited very little, i attended a good many parties at the social hall; but i did so more from a wish to be agreeable to my husband than from any pleasure that they afforded me, for life had long since been losing almost all its charms for me. how many times have i gazed wistfully at those lofty mountains which surrounded the city, and felt that they were indeed my prison walls. how bitterly have i realized that i should never be able to go beyond them. but in a new country, with a family to provide for, a mother has not much time to waste in pining, even if it be for liberty itself, and i would willingly draw the veil over that portion of my life.
as my husband had been on mission for so many years and had spent all his time in the service of the church, with the exception of a few brief months before we left new york—when he was engaged on the staff of the new york herald—i naturally enough thought that when we reached zion his occupation would be gone. there would be no need of preaching to the saints: on the contrary they would be able to teach us; and we should have to find out what we could do in this new country to support ourselves and our children. in this i was not mistaken.
now among the “absolutely necessary” things which i had brought with me from new york, were about three hundred dollars’ worth of millinery goods, which i had secreted among our other properties, thinking that they would very probably come in useful to the fair daughters of zion—notwithstanding that the elders had told me of fiery sermons, delivered by the prophet himself, condemning all feminine display, and that the sisters would scorn to wear gentile fashions. i knew my own sex too well to believe that all this was strictly true, and[184] i felt certain that i should find, even among the saints, some weak sisters who would appreciate my thoughtfulness in bringing such articles for their use. i had also noticed that the american elders themselves would frequently inquire where they could buy the best gloves and the prettiest ribbons and laces, and that looked a little suspicious.
quite a number of such articles, therefore, found their way into my list of “absolute necessaries,” and i know that my husband was secretly quite at a loss to know what had become of a certain sum of money which he was aware i had obtained from the sale of some of our things in new york. but my foresight in this instance was very useful to us when we arrived in zion.
one day when mr. stenhouse was absent seeking employment, i thought i would make a display of my treasures and surprise him on his return. accordingly, with the assistance of our faithful domestic, whom i had brought with me across the plains, and who had also lived with me in switzerland, we contrived to place two or three planks in such a way as to make a rough table on which to display the goods. i had been secretly at work for about two weeks, trimming the bonnets and hats, and making a number of head-dresses, such as were worn in new york when we left; and, although we had been three months on the plains, and quite a month in utah, yet those bonnets and head-dresses were of the very latest style to the ladies of salt lake city.
my swiss girl was quite a carpenter, and when my temporary table was arranged, i placed a pretty-looking cloth over it to hide its defects, and then began to arrange the various articles. i found that i had a much finer assortment than i had imagined, for i had bought them at different times, and had packed them away hurriedly, lest mr. stenhouse or some of the other elders—for there were generally one or two in the house—should object to my taking them. when my table was filled, and i found that i had still more to display, i was very much pleased, for i saw in my hats and bonnets, flour, meat, and potatoes for my children, and i felt hopeful, for one of the sisters had assured me that i should be certain to sell them. the next thing to do was to advertise my stock. after some reflection, i remembered another of the sisters, who was quite a good talker, and who felt very kindly towards me. i had known her in england—she had been in utah about three years, and her husband had by that time been blessed with two other wives. she used to say that she had[185] no patience with a set of grumbling women, who did not know what was good for them. i do not think that the blessedness enjoyed by her husband was shared by the two wives, for more forlorn-looking women i never saw. my husband, however, told me that this was none of my business, and i believed him, of course, after the fashion of all good wives.
but to return. this good sister, besides being an excellent talker, had really nothing else to do except visiting her neighbours, for the other wives now took entire charge of all the household duties. so i made her a present of a new bonnet, as i knew that then in two days my goods would be quite sufficiently advertised; and in this i was not mistaken.
almost the first visitors who called to see me were a lady and her daughter. i talked freely to her and answered her inquiries, and she told me that she herself had had some experience in the business. “in salt lake city,” she said, “i think you will not be able to sell those goods; they are too fashionable for the people here, and there is no encouragement given to any one in this business. i am afraid you will be disappointed.”
i believed every word she said, and felt all my airy, hopeful castles begin to crumble away. before she left, however, she very kindly offered to purchase all my goods at a low figure and thus relieve me of the anxiety and trouble of selling them. but i had had a little experience in the world,—although probably i appeared to her somewhat innocent,—and i thought that if she could sell them, there was a chance at least that i also might be able to do so. at any rate, i resolved to try, and i told her so, when she left me with many kind wishes for my success. but what she had said during her visit had chilled my enthusiasm, and i pictured all my pretty newly-made articles becoming soiled and faded, with no one to buy them; while the little ones, barefooted—like so many children in utah then—were running about crying for bread which i could not buy them. i felt sad, and, if i must confess it, i sat down and had a good cry.
just at that moment i heard a knock at the door, and hastily drying my eyes, i opened it, and there stood my talkative friend.
“stop crying!” she exclaimed. “what is the matter, my dear? oh do stop crying. i don’t like crying women: we see so many of them among the saints of god that it is really a shame and a disgrace. tell me what is the matter? has[186] your husband got another wife? or are you afraid he won’t be able to get one? come, tell me!”
all this was uttered in a breath, and without the possibility of my putting in a word by way of reply or remonstrance. at last i told her that i had just had a visit from one of the sisters and her daughter, whom i described.
“i know,” she said; “i met her as i was coming here. do you know who she is?”
“no,” i replied, “i do not think she told me her name; she simply came to look at the goods.”
“and did she tell you that they would sell well, and that they are the best investment that you could have made?”
“quite the contrary,” i said, “she discouraged me so much that i could not help shedding tears.”
“well now,” she answered, “that was mrs. c——, one of our milliners here; and you suppose she was going to encourage you to set up an opposition shop, do you? if you do, why, you’ve got something yet to learn.” indeed i felt that i had got a great deal to learn.
“now i have come to tell you quite a different story,” she said. “this very afternoon you will have at least a dozen ladies here; and ladies, too, who have got the money to pay for what they have, and who won’t pay you in salt chips and whetstones.”
“do they ever pay in such things?” i inquired.
“why certainly they do. that is the kind of pay that the good saints generally expect their poor brethren and sisters to be satisfied with, and to feed their hungry children upon. but i say that this is wrong. not that i want to set myself up as a judge in zion, or that i should criticize the actions of the brethren, god forbid! but when i see the rich brethren grinding the faces of the poor in that way, why, i say that it is wrong. but you must not take any such pay as that. you may not always get money, but you can at least get flour, potatoes, and molasses. now, i tell you that you are going to sell every article that you have got, and i shall take pleasure in recommending you and talking about it. why, i’ve been to about two score people already; but, there! i see your husband coming, and i must go!” my husband, indeed, was there. he was not very fond of my talkative friend, and passed her by with a polite salutation only; but when he saw what i had been doing, the light dawned upon his mind, he no longer wondered what had become of the dollars in new[187] york, and, astonished at my success, he congratulated me upon the good use to which i had put them.
after this interview i felt quite encouraged, and i very soon found that my friend’s predictions were correct. i had no difficulty in selling, and i created quite a little business, although we lived a considerable distance from main street. and what with my efforts, and some employment which my husband obtained, we contrived to get through our first winter in salt lake city.
but i anticipate.
one day my husband informed me that there was a house about to be vacated shortly, and that brigham young had told him we had better take it. it was pleasantly situated near the tabernacle, and, as houses then were, it was quite a desirable residence. we had it thoroughly cleaned, and then moved in. when i arrived in the evening i found that mr. stenhouse, with the assistance of our faithful swiss girl, had arranged everything as the goods arrived from the other house; and the place looked so clean, and there was such a bright fire burning that i felt that we now had really something like a home, and my heart was filled with gratitude.
soon after our establishment in our new home, brigham sent for me and asked me to make a handsome bonnet for his then favourite wife emmeline. he left it entirely to my taste; i was to make just what i pleased, so that it suited her and gave satisfaction.
i made my bonnet; and when i presented it, brigham young was so pleased that he immediately gave me an order to make one for each of his wives. i was very much pleased at this, for we needed furniture and many other necessaries very badly, and i thought that this would enable me to get them. i expected, of course, that my account would be paid in money, for i did not suppose that the prophet of the lord would offer me chips or whetstones: he could afford to pay cash, and, of course, would do so. he had furnished me with some material out of his own store—for brigham young had a dry-goods and grocery store of his own at that time—and i was to furnish the remainder. it was very little indeed that he supplied, and therefore my account was likely to amount to a considerable sum, for almost every wife had at least one bonnet which she wished made over with new trimmings, besides the new one.
i worked constantly for three weeks, with the assistance of two girls, to each of whom i paid six dollars a week besides[188] board. this was a difficult thing for me to do at that time in utah, for money was seldom seen there then; but i was rejoicing in the prospect of the comfortable new furniture which i should have when it was all done. furniture at that time was very expensive; there was nothing better than white pine articles, stained or painted. the commonest kind of wooden rocking-chair cost fifteen dollars, and common painted wooden chairs were six dollars a piece, with everything else in proportion. this being our first winter, we had not been able to get much, and i thought i would devote the proceeds of the work i was doing for brigham to fitting up the house a little; and, with what i earned from my other customers, i contrived to pay my help, so as to have all the rest clear.
all was completed, and great satisfaction expressed at the result of my labours. so i asked my husband to present my account and, if possible, get it settled; it amounted to about 275 dollars, although i had dealt very liberally with the prophet, and had charged for the goods but little more than they cost me. when he returned, i hastened to meet him, for i had partly selected the furniture and i wanted to go and purchase it. but i was like poor perrette, the milkmaid, who counted her chickens a little too soon; for mr. stenhouse told me that brother brigham had given orders that the amount should be credited to us for tithing! what a shock this was to me; for that sum, small as it may appear, was my whole fortune at the time, and it was gone at one sweep! “can it be possible,” i said, “that he can be so mean as that? where can his conscience be? or has he any; to deprive me of my hard earnings in this way? he shall not do it—i will make him pay me.”
my indignation was so great that i did not reflect how imprudent i was to talk thus of the prophet of the lord; but my husband said, “what can you do? you cannot help yourself. you can do nothing but submit. let us try to forget it; or, if not, it will perhaps be a lesson to us.” but i did not forget it and never could, although i tried very hard; and when many months had passed, and i no longer suffered from the effects of my loss, i still remembered it, and i always shall remember the way in which brigham paid for his wives’ bonnets.
orson hyde,
late president of the twelve apostles.
born january, 1805.
george q. cannon,
utah delegate to congress.
born in liverpool, england, 1827.
