emigrating to zion:—we arrive in new york.
the afternoon following, mary herself came to see me, her face all flushed with excitement, and eager to tell me something.
“whom do you think i’ve been talking to, sister stenhouse?” she exclaimed. “you’d never guess.”
“i don’t think there’s much need for guessing,” i said. “your face betrays the secret, mary.”
“well,” she said, “perhaps it does, but you wouldn’t wonder at it, if you only knew how very anxious i have been. all this time i have kept my word, and i did not see him or speak to him once, except at meetings, and not much then, and i have been very unhappy. this afternoon i came round about an hour ago to see you, and there on the step was elder shrewsbury. he said he was here yesterday, and was just going to call on you again, and then he asked me to go a little way with him, as he had something very important to say to me. at first i refused to go, but he wouldn’t listen to it for a moment. so i went with him, and we have been talking ever since; or rather he has been talking, and i have been listening to him. i can’t tell you, sister stenhouse, all he said—you can guess better than i can tell you. but i’m afraid i shall not be able to keep my resolution much longer, for when we came back to the door again he said he wouldn’t come in to see you now, and when he begged me to let him call at mrs. elsworth’s to-morrow night, i did not feel it in my heart to refuse him;—was it very wrong of me to do so?”
said i, “i’m afraid, mary, my opinion would not matter much either way; elder shrewsbury’s eloquence is the music which you like best to listen to.”
she blushed, and came and sat down beside me, and we talked together until the sun went down and my little room was quite dark. i told her of my troubles in switzerland, and of the miserable effects of introducing polygamy there; and[98] she in return told me all her love affairs with elder shrewsbury and of her resolution not to listen to him unless he solemnly promised never to have anything to do with the hated revelation. her faith in mormonism itself had, as i expected, been very severely shaken; and i think that had it not been for my efforts to reassure her, she would have left the church at that time. would to god she had.
after tea, she said, “have you a copy of the revelation here, sister stenhouse? i want to show you some strong points in it which i think will astonish you. i learned all about it from elder shrewsbury that night when he came to see me, and it was that that disgusted me with the whole affair.” we searched through my trunk but could not find the document, and i told her that i had not patience to read it quite through when it was given to me, and that since then i was not sure that i had even seen it. “never mind,” she said; “i’ll bring it with me when i come again.”
how often have i thought since how much depended upon that trifling circumstance. had we then together read over the revelation and noticed the “strong points” of which she spoke, i believe my eyes would have been opened, and i never should have submitted to the misery which i afterwards endured in utah.
towards the end of the year 1855 it was determined that a company of mormon emigrants, numbering several hundreds, should leave liverpool en route for salt lake city; and for that purpose a vessel was chartered early in november. this was not the ordinary season for emigration, but there were then in england numbers of the saints, anxious to go to zion, but too poor to pay their passage all the way. it was thought that when they arrived in new york they would have time to earn sufficient to carry them on, and it was then supposed they could join those who came over by the ordinary spring emigration. my husband and myself were counselled to join these emigrants in liverpool and proceed at once to new york.
the mormons in london were very kind to us before we left, and did all they could to help us in preparing for our journey. a kinder people than the saints in europe could nowhere be found. my husband had been directed to take charge of the emigrants in the transit from london to liverpool, and consequently i received no assistance from him. it seemed to me a very cruel arrangement for the elders to take away from me and my helpless little ones the[99] very person to whom we ought naturally to have turned for protection; but what were the feelings of a weak woman when they came in conflict with the “counsel” of inspired apostles?
we arrived at liverpool the same evening, and there my husband was relieved of the charge of the company, and some of the brethren were appointed to see that the baggage was safely transferred from the railway to the ship. early the next morning we went on board, and it was not long before we began to experience the pleasures (?) of an emigrant life.
before we set out for liverpool, i had been told that on board ship i should be able to obtain all the “help” that i might desire; and, anxious to provide for the comfort of the children, i engaged the services of two young girls to look after them and assist me generally. this was an imprudent step, as i afterwards found to my cost; but at the time i thought that i had made a very sensible arrangement. help being secured, my next thought was to get our berths fixed, so that all might be ready before the rolling of the ship began. my first inquiries were for our bedding; but it was nowhere to be found. now this was very annoying, for we were all tired, and the children, poor things, were fidgetty; and anticipating a long and unpleasant voyage, i wanted to have everything in readiness. besides which i had made special preparations in the shape of many additional comforts which i knew on board ship would be absolutely necessary, and had even sold my watch and jewellery for that purpose.
i inquired of the proper authorities, but could obtain no information, and nothing remained but for me to wait until the apostle came on board to bid a final adieu to the emigrants. i felt this annoyance all the more, as i considered that we had no right to expect such mismanagement. we would naturally have preferred to make our own arrangements and to go alone, had we been permitted to do so; but we had, over and over again, been instructed not to go by any other vessel than that chartered by the apostle richards, that so we might escape the perils which were sure to overtake the gentiles. imagine our disgust when we found that as there were not enough of the saints to occupy the whole ship, the lower deck was filled with irish emigrants of a very low order, and that their luggage and ours had been thrown together indiscriminately into the hold. most of the mormon emigrants recovered their property when they arrived at new[100] york; but as for our own, personally, we never saw it again, and all the voyage through we were left utterly destitute.
nothing remained but for me to put the best face i could upon matters. i took my wearing apparel and other articles out of the trunks and put them into pillow-slips, and extemporized as well as i could a rough substitute for beds. these served for the children, and i covered them with my cloaks and shawls; and for our own berths and bed-covering i had only a few pieces of carpet which i put aside for the cabin floor, together with a worn-out blanket which an old lady on board was good enough to lend me. this was our going to zion.
we had not been long at sea when the young sisters whom i had engaged to help me fell sick, and some of the brethren were very anxious to nurse them. this appeared to be quite the established order of things, for i then found that it was very seldom that a mormon emigrant ship crossed the ocean without one or more marriages on board. it was, no doubt, very interesting to them, but to me it was extremely inconvenient, especially considering that my husband had now taken to his berth, which he did not leave during the remainder of the voyage, and myself and the children were not much better off.
sick as i was, i had to prepare our food and manage everything, for in those times emigrants either took out their own provisions or were allowanced in raw material, and in either case had to do their own cooking. my chief difficulty was in getting what i had prepared to the fire-galley, for i could not leave the children, and i was afraid to venture myself upon deck. so i got any of the brethren who chanced to be passing to take it up, and of course they were willing to oblige me; but the galley was so crowded—every one having his or her own interest to attend to—that i very rarely, if ever, had my provisions decently cooked, and on more than one occasion i never saw them again. this was an inconvenience which emigrants do not suffer at the present day.
unsuccessful with the young sisters, i thought i would try if i could not get one of the brethren to help me, and fortune at first appeared to favour me. there was on board a young man—harry they called him—and he was so situated that i found it easy to open a negotiation with him. he had been a saddler’s apprentice in a country town in england, and having listened to some itinerant preacher, had been converted,[101] joined the church, and began to think for himself. so hearing that terrible judgments were quickly coming upon the old world, he resolved to flee to the new, and in his hurry to get there he forgot to inform his master that he was about to leave. this accounted for his being so badly provided for.
now, harry had those two great blessings—a splendid appetite and unimpeachable powers of digestion. i will not say that he enjoyed these two blessings, for that he did not, on account of lacking a third blessing, namely, the wherewithal to make the first two blessings a pleasure, and not an inconvenience. the ship’s allowance was altogether insufficient for him, and he therefore gladly engaged to do what few things i required upon condition that i should add a little to his own private commissariat.
harry was a smart lad and at first very useful, and he soon convinced me that he had told the truth when he said that he had not had enough to eat ever since he came on board—it seemed to me very questionable whether he ever had before. he had, however, nothing to complain of in that respect while in our employment; for although the children were able to eat whenever we had anything fit for them, my husband and myself could seldom touch our rations, and as everything that was not used fell to harry’s share, he fared pretty well.
harry was not the lad to neglect his own interests, and as our interests appeared just then to be his also, matters worked very harmoniously. our bread was never now brought back to us half raw or burnt to a cinder. it must be properly cooked for our eating or it would not do for harry’s; and as for it being lost or delayed on its way to or from the galley, that was, of course, quite out of the question. but the strangest thing of all connected with harry was that immediately after his coming we were incessantly annoyed by the rats. i had brought for the children’s use a small supply of preserves and other little delicacies; but these mysteriously disappeared with alarming rapidity; and whenever i saved any trifle for the children to eat between meals, that also was gone when it was wanted, and in every instance harry suggested that it was “the rats,” though i never could find any traces of those interesting animals. i was sorry to part with harry, for he used to tell funny stories to the children, and amused them a great deal; but “the rats” and harry were so closely associated in my mind, that i thought if harry left the rats might perhaps[102] also cease their visits. so harry went, and i was once more left alone to do the best i could.
the weather was very cold, and we felt its severity very much. the rigging of the ship was hung with icicles, and, without fire or warmth of any sort, it is no wonder that we all were soon hardly able to move from cold and sickness.
in the midst of my trouble i was told of an ancient scotch sister—a maiden lady, sharp and shrewd—who, like the miser in scott’s “fortunes of nigel,” was willing to help us “for a consideration.” it was agreed that she should give me her services for the remainder of the voyage; and the “consideration” was to be two pounds english. small as was our stock of money, and much as i knew we should need it upon our arrival, i felt that i could do no better than engage her. there was no saying upon whom she might chance to set her maiden fancy, but there was not the remotest chance of any of the brethren falling in love with her; so i considered her a safe investment, and, besides, i must have somebody—there was no alternative.
it was now christmas time—a season sacred to joyous memories and festivities; but to us, exiles and wanderers, seeking a land of which we knew nothing, and which to us was a new and untried world, it was far from being a happy time. in the midst of the wild, dreary ocean there was nothing to recall the pleasant reminiscences of the past, or to inspire us with hope and courage as we thought of the future.
the captain told us that we might prepare to eat our christmas dinner in new york; but he was mistaken in his calculations. we did not eat our christmas dinner in new york, as he had promised. a storm came on, which compelled us to stand out to sea again, and then a dead calm followed, and it was not until new year’s eve that we set foot upon the shore of the new world.
