my husband’s mission—i am left alone.
when the apostle snow called upon mr. stenhouse to go to italy, the saints willingly accepted the responsibility of providing for me during his absence.
they thought it was more an honour than a burden to have this charge committed to them; but it was very humiliating to me to be placed in such a position, however anxious they might be to assist me and to serve the general cause. to face opposition, or to give my all for my religion, i was willing indeed; but to depend upon others for my daily bread was utterly repugnant to my feelings, although, of course, if the church sent away my husband, whose proper place and duty it was to support his family, it was only right that the members of that church should undertake the responsibility. but then, and at many other times during my life, i have learned the truth of christ’s precept, “it is more blessed to give than to receive.”
the american apostle was not without worldly wisdom when he proposed that an unmarried man should be appointed to preside over the southampton conference, as his wants would be few. but mr. stenhouse had been solicited by a friend, who had a wife and children, to secure his appointment; and with ready confidence in that friend, he overlooked his own interests and my welfare, and i was left to pass through trials and privations which i can never forget.
the saints were very kind, and took pleasure in doing all they could for me; but the mistake which my husband committed in leaving his friend to succeed him as president of the conference was soon apparent. the “friend” thought of his own family first, and the family required all that the saints could reasonably be expected to contribute; and even then they had not enough. i therefore received only such little sums as could be withheld from them; and to make the matter worse, those who had any property or estate were counselled to sell all,[42] and “gather to zion.” the more wealthy saints were soon gone; and the current expenses of the church fell heavily upon those who were hardly able to support their own families.
they tried to send me something every week, and i have no doubt they did send me all that they could. when their contributions reached four or five shillings (about $1) i thought myself fortunate; more often i did not receive the value of fifty cents in the whole week, at times less, and sometimes nothing at all. that unfailing comfort to respectable english poverty, a cup of tea, was my greatest luxury, but at times for weeks together i had not even that; i had nothing but bread; but i never complained.
whenever it was possible i concealed my true situation from every one, and in my almost daily letters to my husband not a shadow of a hint was ever dropped relative to my own privations. i wanted him to be successful in his mission, and i feared that his energy would desert him if he knew of my difficulties. i was in extreme poverty, certainly, but for myself i was not in trouble. god would provide for me, i felt; and it was glorious to suffer in a sacred cause.
but darker days, days of severer trial, were creeping slowly near me. up to this time i had worshipped god and loved my husband with a perfect heart. now the dark shadow of an accursed thing was looming in the distance, and approaching surely if slowly.
in some way an idea had got abroad that the mormons were somewhat unsound respecting the marriage question. still the elders stoutly denied the charge, and the more they were accused the more strenuous became their denials.
at a public discussion at boulogne-sur-mer, in france, the apostle john taylor, in reply to the accusations of polygamy which were brought against him, said,—
“we are accused here of actions the most indelicate and disgusting, such as none but a corrupt and depraved heart could have conceived. these things are too outrageous to admit of belief.... i shall content myself with quoting our views of chastity and marriage from a work published by us, containing some of our articles of faith—doctrine and covenants.”
he then proceeded to quote from the “book of doctrine and covenants” such passages as the following:—
“marriage is ordained by god unto man; wherefore it is lawful that he should have one wife, and they twain should be one flesh” (p. 218).
[43]
he quoted many other things also, among which might be enumerated the following:—
“thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her, and none else.”
he quoted also many other passages of scripture which had reference to the subject—each powerful to put aside even the idea of polygamy; and each equally powerful as an argument against polygamy itself.
let the reader here note the value of what mormons say when their faith is called in question. see and judge.
brother taylor, who spoke at that meeting, and utterly denied polygamy, had himself—at that very moment when he so atrociously perjured himself, and when he swore that no mormon had more than one wife—five wives living in salt lake city. one of his friends there present had two wives; and the other was married to a mother, and her own daughter!
any conclusion, any expression of disgust at these abominations and deliberate perjuries, i leave to the reader.
among those who came to see mr. stenhouse before he left for italy, was elder margetts, an english elder of some prominence in the british mission. at the picnic of which i have already spoken, i noticed that this elder was more than usually attentive to a pretty young sister who was also present. there was always an affectionate familiarity among the saints; as i previously mentioned, they were like brothers and sisters, and addressed each other as such. but the attentions of the elder i speak of pointed a little beyond all this. he could not, perhaps, be accused of any open impropriety, but he certainly looked much more like the girl’s lover than an ordinary friend or her spiritual adviser.
i knew this elder’s family in london, and his conduct pained me a good deal. so i drew the attention of my husband to the circumstance; and he said the elder was foolish, but he would speak to them both; and this he did.
after the departure of the missionaries, this elder remained for several days. he then returned to london, but it was not long before he was again in southampton, and he still paid marked attention to the same young sister. this caused unpleasant remarks among the saints, who at this time certainly did not believe that polygamy was practised in utah.
at a later date this elder, with some others, was again in southampton, and i was invited to take tea with them at the house of one of the saints. in the course of the evening[44] there was a general conversation on “the work of the lord,” in which i, of course, was greatly interested.
whenever any of the missionaries were visiting, the saints would seek their society, just like children who were glad to meet again their parents after a long absence; and at such times they were at liberty to ask what questions they pleased. on the evening i speak of, i well remember that the general subject of conversation was the apostasy of the christian church from the true order of god’s salvation. prominence was given to the history of abraham and his descendants, and occasional allusion was made to their marital relations; but nothing directly was spoken. it was very evident that these elders only wanted to drop a word or two here and there, to suit those who wanted it; but nevertheless they spoke so obscurely and mysteriously that they could easily have retracted what was said if any one had accused them of teaching a doctrine which they were unwilling openly to avow.
when i returned home that night i was fully satisfied that the elder i have spoken of had a reason for his frequent visits to southampton, and shortly after the young sister went to london. whether polygamy was ever to be a doctrine of the church or not, it was very clear to me that the london elder was a polygamist at heart. the more my mind dwelt on these things, the more sick at heart did i become, and faint and weary.
i had, however, personal cares and trials enough to engage my attention. i found that i could not depend upon the saints to provide me with even the barest necessaries of life, so i looked about me and made inquiries for some light employment by which i might support myself. my health at that time would not have allowed me to do much, but for a long time i could not get anything at all to do. i had, of course, been used to teaching, but employment of that kind it was just then impossible for me to take, even if i could have got it; the only resource which seemed left to me was to find occupation for my needle, and it was a long and weary time before i could obtain even this.
at length i got a little plain sewing to do, and out of the miserable pittance thus earned i contrived to pay my rent and provide a few necessaries; but at times that too was beyond my power, and i have gone a fortnight at a time with nothing to eat but dry bread. still my faith never failed. and thus the weary days passed by.
now, however, a new interest began to gather round my life,[45] for i expected before the end of the year the arrival of a little stranger to share my affections and my care. this certainly was a sad beginning of domestic bliss, but still the thought was pleasant to me. i had at that time no one to aid me or comfort me. the saints were very kind, but they could not supply the place of an absent husband. my dearest friend, mary burton, used to come as often as she could to see me, and her presence was like a gleam of sunshine; but she was so young, and innocent, and happy, that i had not the heart to trouble her with my sorrows. all my jewellery and trinkets, and the greater part of my wardrobe, had gone in providing for my daily wants, and in preparing those necessary trifles upon which a young mother bestows so much loving care. my health was daily failing, and sometimes i doubted if i should ever be well and strong again. but all that i suffered was for the church, and that thought sustained me.
often i would sit alone and think—think of the past, and all my early day-dreams of love, and hope, and bliss; think of my husband in a far-off land devoting his life and all his energies to the preaching of the latter-day glory; think of those whisperings of that accursed doctrine which has since brought desolation and anguish to the hearts of so many weary women; think of my future life, dark as its promise even then appeared.
sometimes i heard from italy—heard how my husband was progressing with his work, and with wifely love i sympathized with him in all his difficulties, for he told me how arduous the task was in which he was engaged.
it was not the expectation of the mormon apostles that the missionaries would do much in catholic italy. the same causes were in operation there as affected the work in france. few, if any, really good roman catholics have ever joined the saints. the irish mission was never successful, and the same may be said of the french and italian missions. in france and italy by far the greater part of the people might be classed under two heads—roman catholics, and infidels. the first had already an infallible guide in which they trusted; and as for the infidels, they ridiculed the idea of any guide at all. both classes were utterly devoid of that acquaintance with scripture of which the mormon missionaries understood so well how to take advantage, and which rendered those so susceptible to religious influences who took the bible as their basis. the missionaries in italy soon experienced the difficulties presented by these facts.
[46]
after their arrival in genoa, mr. stenhouse was directed to carry the gospel to the waldenses—those brave old protestants of the dark ages, who so manfully suffered, even unto death, for conscience sake; and some time after he had begun his labours among them, the apostle snow joined him.
whatever they might believe or teach theoretically, there can be no doubt that the american apostles were largely endowed with the “organ” of caution. preaching without purse or scrip among people who either detest you as a heretic or else regard you with profound indifference is not a pleasant task, and the mormon apostles very prudently “took up” liberal collections in england before they started. had it not been for this common-sense proceeding, i am at a loss to say what would have become of the missionaries in italy; and as it was, their lot was not a very enviable one.
besides the scarcity of money, the other great difficulty experienced by the missionaries was learning the language of their destined converts. for many years it was supposed among the saints that the “gift of tongues” would be all-sufficient for this purpose. the two distinguished apostles, orson and parley p. pratt, whose writings did so much for mormonism, had both of them eloquently discussed the subject in print; but the missionaries soon discovered that for practical purposes the “gift” was not of much service; and the two pratts themselves afterwards experienced—the one in south america and the other in austria—the fallacy of their theories. without the “gift” in any shape the work in italy was necessarily very slow, and an elder who could speak a little french was sent out from london to assist them. they had at last come to the conclusion that if the lord would not bestow the “gift” upon them, they must try to acquire it themselves.
the apostle snow now thought of sending the gospel to the swiss, and mr. stenhouse was selected for the work. but before he went it was determined that the church in italy should be “organized,” and about a week later, i received a long account of how this was done. i heard how, one pleasant november morning, the apostle snow, elders stenhouse and woodward, together with several waldenses whom they had converted, ascended the mountain side contiguous to la tour, and overlooking the fertile valley of pinerello. there they sang praises and prayed. they christened the place “mount brigham;” and the stone upon which the three elders stood and offered up a written prayer, they named “the rock of prophecy;” and there they organized the church, dedicating[47] the soil of italy to the lord. moreover, then and there my husband was solemnly consecrated a “high-priest after the order of the son of god.”
all this i heard, and much more; and in confiding faith that this was indeed a great and glorious work, i rejoiced that i had been accounted worthy to suffer patiently at home, if only my husband might successfully fulfil his task abroad.
after that i heard that he had left italy, and had arrived in geneva, believing that he would be more successful among the swiss than the italians.
a few days after the arrival of the missionary in geneva, an event occurred which interested my own self personally—my little clara was born. very happy was i when i looked upon her tiny little face for the first time, and kissed her for being the prettiest baby in the world; very happy was i when i folded her in my arms, and talked to her as if she could understand all that i said; very happy indeed, as i looked at her again and again, and marvelled whether she really could be, indeed and certainly, my own baby girl. it seemed as if baby’s papa would never come back again, but i had a companion now in my child; and weak and weary as i was, with new responsibilities and less power to help myself, i found comfort in my new care, and realized the truth of the old scotch song:—
“muckle lichter is the load
when luve bears up the creel.”
i was not now alone.
then, too, came round to see me, mary burton. she was as fond and tender to me as ever, and tripped quietly about the room, and tried to wait upon me, and sat by the bed, playing with baby, calling her all the pretty things she could think of; and i felt that her presence brought new light and life to my room. she brought me another letter from my husband, and i found that he was now acquiring for himself the “gift” of the french tongue, unable to do much else, as he and everybody didn’t understand each other. he could not yet talk to the french-speaking genevese; and the english-speaking residents would not listen to him; they had only heard of mormonism as a clumsy fraud, and looked upon the prophet joseph smith as an impostor. so, for a whole winter, he sat shut up in his own room, poring over a french grammar, and deploring his hard fate in being denied the gift of tongues.
in the spring of the new year i received a distinguished[48] visitor, who kindly interested himself in my welfare. the apostle lorenzo snow left piedmont for england, and passed through geneva en route. on his way to london he called upon me at southampton, and expressed much sympathy for me. he noticed the change in my appearance, and immediately sent for mr. stenhouse to return to england. he acted very kindly by me at that time; did all that he could to assist me, and said that he never again would ask any man to make such a sacrifice. i fully appreciated all his kindness; but much as i wanted to, i did not venture to ask him about the truth or falsity of those terrible suggestions which i had heard whispered of late.
my husband hastened home, coming by way of calais, in order to meet his president and receive his instructions. the apostle showed much sympathy for him, and very early in the morning accompanied him some miles to the railway station; but he never once mentioned how i had been situated in southampton until he left him, and then he exacted from him a promise not to open his lips whatever he might learn.
i need not say that i was happy to see my husband once again, and to present to him his little daughter, who was now five months old. he was, of course, soon busy in visiting the saints, and he received from them many tokens of attachment.
in the beginning of june a general conference of the branches of the church in britain was held in london. the apostles and foreign missionaries were present, and my husband and i were also there. we had speeches and prayers. the business of the conference occupied but very few minutes, for no measure was questioned. among the mormons there are no opinions, no discussion. the presiding head has made out his programme before he comes to the conference; he knows what he wants to do, and no one ever questions him. he may perhaps for form’s sake invite the brethren to speak on any point he introduces; but when he has furnished the clue to his wishes, the elders who speak only spend their time in arguments in favour of his measures. at the conference of which i speak the reports of the native elders were very cheering to us. throughout england and wales they had been most successful in adding members to the church. mormonism was then most successfully preached in britain. there were more mormons there than in all utah territory: there were fifty conferences, with over seven hundred organized “branches,” and more than six thousand men ordained to the priesthood. that peculiar influence which the mormons[49] call “the spirit,” of which i have spoken elsewhere, was spoken of by the elders as being a common experience everywhere.
during all that conference i listened carefully for a word from the lips of any of the speakers which might indicate in any way that polygamy was part of the mormon faith; but not a whisper, not a hint, was uttered. i naturally concluded that the elders, whose doubtful expressions at southampton had so troubled my mind, were misinformed or unsafe men. still i could not altogether banish my apprehension of coming evil; but so bound to secrecy were those who did know of polygamy being practised in utah, that there was not one who would admit it, and even my own husband’s lips were sealed to me. he did not deny it, but he would not talk about it, and did everything he could to banish the thought from my mind.
at that conference the apostle snow spoke very strongly of the way in which i had been neglected; and it was arranged that elder stenhouse should return to switzerland, and that i should accompany him. my knowledge of french was expected to be very serviceable.
we now made preparations for an early departure, and prepared to leave our friends. to the reader it may seem strange for a man, his wife, and babe, to be sent out in this way on a mission without any proper arrangement for their maintenance; but to my mind, at the time, it seemed to me not only perfectly proper, but altogether in accordance with god’s word and commandment.
my young friend, mary burton, came round to bid me good-bye; and the poor girl wept, and i wept with her, and we kissed one another tenderly as our tears mingled. we had become very dear to each other, and the thought of separation for years, or perhaps for ever, was very painful to us. she hung about my neck at the last moment, kissing me, and begging me not to forget to write to her very, very often; and this i gladly promised her, asking the same in return. then with a fond embrace we parted, and it was years before i saw her dear face again.
thus it was that we three—my husband, my babe, and myself—set forth on our pilgrimage to convert the swiss.
it was with no ordinary feelings that i entered the ancient city of geneva. i was not ignorant of its history, and the struggles of its inhabitants for civil and religious liberty. it had been the refuge for the english protestants during the[50] fiery days of queen mary; just as in the time of the french revolution it was the refuge of infidel and papist, royalist and republican alike. there calvin lived in gloomy austerity, battling with rome; there servetus, the unitarian, was condemned to be roasted alive as a heretic; and there we expected in our own humble way to be able to testify, by our suffering and patience, to what we firmly believed was the truth.
in free countries like england and the united states—free from the surveillance of a military police, it is easy, if he wishes it, for the missionary to mount a chair at a street corner, or hold forth under a tree; and such has often been done. but all over continental europe there is hardly a place where this would be possible. in the various grand duchies, kingdoms, and empires, paternal governments look too closely after the morals and religion of their subjects; while under the ephemeral republics, as long as they happen to last, there is often to be found, under the name of liberty, a despotism more despotic than under the rule of royalty. it is the colporteur, the man of books and tracts, who makes the converts there; and in this slow way we soon found that we were destined to proceed.
during my husband’s former stay in geneva he had had neither mormon books nor mormon papers, with the exception of a paper published at boulogne, containing a letter by the apostle taylor, in french and english. this single copy he lent to a genevese to read, and never saw it again; and yet in a short time, even before he could properly speak french, he converted and baptized two men in the rhone, one of whom is to-day a devoted mormon in southern utah.
his first attack was upon a shoemaker, whom he visited for the purpose of repairs. while the shoemaker worked, elder stenhouse talked; and as the english are all reputed wealthy on the continent, the friendly overtures of the mormon missionary were graciously received. as they grew intimate, elder stenhouse would sit down on the bench beside the man as he worked, and taking from his pocket a french testament, which he always carried about with him, would try to read it aloud—the good-natured shoemaker undertaking to correct his pronunciation. in this way he kept his auditor’s attention constantly fixed upon certain passages, more especially those which spoke of baptism for the remission of sins, and the laying on of hands for the gift of the holy ghost. so persistent was he that at last the shoemaker’s curiosity was[51] awakened, and finally he was baptized; but unfortunately, not long after a small pamphlet upon the mission of joseph smith fell into his hands, and made shipwreck of his faith.
with his second convert he was much more successful. this time it was his landlord who was to be the subject of attack. he was a tailor, and, fortunately for the missionary, somewhat talkative. the same arrangement was made about reading and correction, and with a like result—the tailor was baptized. just at this time came the apostle snow’s letter, telling my husband to return to england; and as he might not leave the country without a representative, he ordained the tailor a priest in the mormon church.
when we arrived in geneva, monsieur le tailleur was all that constituted the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints in switzerland.
soon a few personal friends began to gather, to hear the english missionary tell about the new religion; and my husband being very much in earnest, interest before long began to be excited. i remember well our first meetings among the swiss—half-a-dozen people sitting round a table with open bibles before them, passages from which mr. stenhouse was trying in very bad french to make them understand. i pitied him very much, but those who were present made as if they did not notice his embarrassment, and listened with marked attention. among the mormons it is a woman’s duty to keep silence; i therefore remained a listener only. but at the close of the service—for such it was regarded—when i might speak, my missionary labours began; i was aroused to eloquence, and our parting was longer than our meeting.
the warmth with which the few who were present responded to our efforts satisfied me that they had come under the same mysterious influence which i had observed in england. i was then convinced that mormonism could awaken the christian soul more to a realization of what it already possessed, than impart to it any new moral or religious qualities. mormonism of itself never made christians, but christianity built up mormonism. it was an awakening to the teachings of christ and his apostles that begat confidence in the mission of the mormon prophet.
although we observed the very strictest economy, it did not take long for us to exhaust what little money we brought from england. this placed us in a very awkward position. it is inconvenient enough to be without money in one’s own country, where one understands and is understood by everybody;[52] but to be in a strange land, especially in a country like switzerland, where every englishman is supposed to be a “milor” and the bounteous dispenser of unlimited wealth, it is more than inconvenient.
we left our first quarters, where we had had so many visitors, and rented a room from a widow woman, who fortunately was not inquisitive. she had a family of children to support; and as we paid our rent monthly in advance, she had no occasion to know whether or not we kept a bank account; and we were thankful that it was so, for, had it been so ordained, we could there have starved to death without attracting the notice of any one. a nice thing to be thankful for!
we were not hopeless, though we were heavy hearted; but we had expected trial, and could not complain, for we knew from the beginning that thus it would probably be.
one day my husband received a letter from an infidel gentleman who lived in lausanne, a neighbouring canton, requesting him to come and see him, that they might talk together over mormonism, for he had heard of us and of our doctrine; and my husband resolved to visit him before our money was all gone.
when mr. stenhouse reached lausanne, he visited first a protestant minister with whom he had some slight acquaintance, and who was also interested in mormonism, and told him that he was going to call upon the gouverneur de l’h?pital. the minister was greatly opposed to my husband visiting such a man. “he is a socialist,” he said, “a revolutionist; he fought at the barricades; he is a mauvais sujet, and anything but a fit person to be spoken to about religion.”
this only increased the interest which mr. stenhouse felt in the governor, and made him more than ever determined to see him; and he did see him, although the good minister had represented him “aussi noir que le diable.” so they met; and my husband began the work for which he had come. they had long talks together, and my husband—as did the elders ever in such cases—spoke to the governor of redemption through christ, and baptism for the remission of sins. faith is not an act of the will. like the unseen wind, it comes, and we see the power thereof, but know not whence it proceeds. thus at first the unbelieving governor found it; he might find himself no match for the arguments of his opponent, but he could not force his heart to believe, and he was by no means a willing convert. my husband, however, remained[53] with him; and before he left, the governor had been baptized into the church.
our new convert proved to be a most excellent and worthy man, notwithstanding his former infidelity, and he was subsequently a great aid to us in our mission. we felt satisfied that the expenses of that journey had been well spent, although a few francs at that time could ill be spared.
but our circumstances seemed to be getting worse and worse, and my health began to fail. for several months neither of us had had sufficient nourishment, and my anxieties increased my physical weakness. i was dispirited, yet i feared to complain, or even to let my husband know what i felt. at length i fell really ill, and could not leave my bed. i well remember the solemn silence that reigned in our home one day. i had risen from my bed, weak, and oh, so faint-hearted that i had scarcely any desire to live; and i was sitting with my little daughter in my arms. she had cried herself to sleep, cold and hungry, and, much as i loved her—nay, idolized her—i confess that for an instant i harboured in my soul the impious, the unnatural wish, that rather than see my darling awake again to cold and hunger, she might sleep her sweet young life away. for me to yield to such a thought—to wish my child to wake no more! i, who would have given gladly the last drop of my life-blood to save her! for me to look upon her innocent little face with such a thought! i can hardly now believe that such a thing was possible, even for a moment. but i was desperate, and bold, and cowardly—all at the same time; or my heart was humiliated by poverty, and my faith was rousing bitter thoughts in my mind.
my husband was pacing the room. i knew too well all that was passing in his mind, although we had long been silent. at length i said to him, “take courage, dear, for we are the servants of the great god, and surely he will find a means of escape for us. we were sent here; we came because the lord wanted us to come, and surely he will provide for us!”
he turned to me in reply, and said kindly, “we can at least have some water;” and he went for some water; and then, with as reverential feeling in his soul as ever inspired a grace before dinner, he blessed it, and we drank.
we had scarcely done so when the mail-courier brought a letter to our door.
governor stoudeman, with a feeling of delicacy, had hesitated, when my husband visited him at lausanne, to offer him[54] any assistance; but, he said in his letter, he had been “impressed” to do so, and hoped that we should not be offended. as the letter was opened, a piece of gold fell upon the table. we could hardly believe that god had so soon answered our prayers, and sent us relief; and our emotions of gratitude for this timely aid, found expression in tears.
all this time our landlady knew nothing of our distress; she was as ignorant of our situation as if she had never seen us. so long as i was able to walk about, i used at regular hours to go to the kitchen, get the cooking utensils, and go through the routine of cooking, as if we had had a well-filled larder all the time. i set the table with punctilious care, and the good old widow never suspected but that we had plenty. thus supposing that we wanted nothing, she and her children were more than ordinarily kind to us and to our little girl, who was now old enough to toddle round and go from room to room. very often they would get her into their room at meal-time, and give her little things to please her; and while they felt honoured in being permitted to do so, we were silently thankful for our child’s sake, for her sufferings were more than we could endure.
the temporary aid from lausanne was very welcome to us, though it only served to make us feel more keenly our dependent position. i might relate stories, alas, too true! of cold and want; of days, and even almost an entire week, passed at one time without food—stories which for painful detail would eclipse romance. it was a weary waiting for providence! such things are better forgotten. and yet i feel that in after years my temper was more subdued, and my mind more patient under affliction, than it would have been had i not experienced this preparatory discipline.
people who have heard, with a sneer, of mormon missionaries and their work, would perhaps have realized that faith may be sincere, although mistaken, if they could have seen us at that time. the first teachers of a doctrine, whether it be good or evil, if only it stems the current opinions of the hour, have ever found that at the end of a rocky way there was waiting for them a crown of thorns.
many a time since then i have felt the weight of anxious care in providing for my family; the trial of our faith has not been light, or seldom repeated; but those days of trouble in switzerland were, i think, the darkest i ever experienced. we realized literally the necessity of trusting to god’s daily mercies for our daily bread; and the assurance that the lord[55] would provide, was our only hope. to say that we practised the strictest economy, would be to give but a faint idea of the way in which we had to consider and contrive in order to exist at all. for years we kept the “word of wisdom”—a “revelation of joseph smith,” which enjoined abstinence from wine, coffee, tea, or, in fact, warm drinks of any kind; and trifling as such self-denial may at first appear, it was not really so when other privations were added thereto. for months at a time we existed—for i dare not say lived—without what are considered, even by the poorest, the most common necessaries. i can even recall to mind one trying week in switzerland, when, for the whole seven long days, we had less than a pint of corn-flour to live upon, and that was chiefly reserved for our poor child.
as i look back to those dark, painful times i feel that it was by little short of a miracle that our lives were spared. our faith alone saved us.
