paragraphs taken from the writings of apostle orson pratt, in the seer, 1853.

let that man who intends to become a husband, seek first the kingdom of god and its righteousness, and learn to govern himself, according to the law of god; for he that cannot govern himself cannot govern others. let him dedicate his property, his talents, his time, and even his life to the service of god, holding all things at his disposal, to do with the same, according as he shall direct through the counsel that he has ordained. in selecting a companion, let him look not wholly at the beauty of the countenance, or the splendor of the apparel, or the great fortune, or the artful smiles, or the affected modesty of females; for all these, without the genuine virtues, are like the dew-drops which glitter for a moment in the sun and dazzle the eye, but soon vanish away. but let him look for a kind, amiable disposition; for unaffected modesty; for industrious habits; for sterling virtue; for honesty, integrity, and truthfulness; for cleanliness in person, in apparel, in cooking, and in every kind of domestic labor; for cheerfulness, patience, and stability of character; and above all, for genuine religion to control and govern her every thought and deed.

you should remember that harsh expressions against your wife, used in the hearing of others, will more deeply wound her feelings than if she alone heard them. reproofs that are timely and otherwise good, may lose their good effect by being administered in the wrong spirit; indeed, they will most probably increase the evils which they are intended to remedy. do not find fault with every trifling error that you may see, for this will discourage your family, and they will begin to think that it is impossible to please you; and, after a while, they will become indifferent as to whether they please you or not. how unhappy and extremely wretched is that family where {454} nothing pleases—where scolding has become almost as natural as breathing.

let each mother commence with her children when young, not only to teach and instruct them, but to chasten and bring them into the most perfect subjection; for then is the time that they are the most easily conquered, and their tender minds are the most susceptible of influences and government. many mothers from carelessness, neglect their children, and only attempt to govern them at long intervals, when they most generally find their efforts of no lasting benefit; for the children having been accustomed to having their own way, do not easily yield; and if peradventure they do yield, it is only for the time being, until the mother relaxes again into carelessness when they return again to their accustomed habits; and thus by habit they become more and more confirmed in disobedience, waxing worse and worse, until the mother becomes discouraged and relinquishes all discipline, and complains that she cannot make her children mind. the fault is not so much in the children, as in the carelessness and neglect of the mother when the children were young. it is she that must answer, in a degree, for the evil habits and disobedience of the children. she is more directly responsible than the father; for it cannot be expected that the father can always find time, apart from the laborious duties required of him, to correct and manage his little children who are at home with their mother. * * * some mothers, though not careless, and though they feel the greatest anxiety for the welfare of their children, yet, through a mistaken notion of love for them, forbear to punish them when they need punishment; or if they undertake to conquer them, their tenderness and pity are so great that they prevail over the judgment, and the children are left unconquered, and become more determined to resist all future efforts of their mothers, until, at length, they conclude that their children have a more stubborn disposition than others, and that it is impossible to subject them to obedience. in this case, as in that of neglect, the fault is the mother's. the stubbornness of the children, for the most part, is the effect of the mother's indulgence, arising from her mistaken idea of love. by that which she calls love, she ruins her children. children between one and two years of age are capable of being made to understand many things; then is the time to begin with them. how often we see children of that age manifest much anger. frequently by crying through anger, they that are otherwise healthy, injure themselves. it is far better in such instances, for a mother to correct her child in a gentle manner, though {455} with decision and firmness, until she conquers it, and causes it to cease crying, than to suffer that habit to increase. when the child by gentle punishment has learned this one lesson from its mother, it is much more easily conquered and brought into subjection in other things, until finally, by a little perseverance on the part of the mother, it learns to be obedient to her voice in all things; and obedience becomes confirmed into a permanent habit. such a child trained by a negligent or over-indulgent mother, might have become confirmed in habits of stubbornness and disobedience. it is not so much in the original constitution of children as in their training, that causes such wide differences in their disposition. it cannot be denied that there is a difference in the constitution of children even from their birth; but this difference is mostly owing to the proper or improper conduct of parents, as before stated; therefore, even for this difference, parents are more or less responsible. if parents, through their own evil conduct, entail hereditary dispositions upon their children, which are calculated to ruin them, unless properly curtailed and overcome, they should realize, that for that evil they must render an account. if parents have been guilty in entailing upon their offspring unhappy dispositions, let them repent, by using all diligence to save them from the evil consequences which will naturally result by giving way to those dispositions. the greater the derangement, the greater must be the remedy; and the more skillful and thorough should be its application, until that which is sown in evil is overcome and completely subdued. in this way parents may save themselves and their children, but otherwise there is condemnation. therefore we repeat again, let mothers begin to discipline their children when young.

do not correct children in anger. an angry parent is not as well prepared to judge of the amount of punishment which should be inflicted upon a child, as one that is more cool and exercised with reflection, reason and judgment. let your children see that you punish them, not to gratify an angry disposition, but to reform them for their good, and it will have a salutary influence. they will not look upon you as a tyrant, swayed to and fro by turbulent and furious passions; but they will regard you as one that seeks their welfare, and that you only chasten them because you love them, and wish them to do well. be deliberate and calm in your counsels and reproofs, but at the same time, use earnestness and decision. let your children know that your words must be respected and obeyed.

never deceive your children by threatenings or promises. be careful not to threaten them with a punishment which you {456} have no intention of inflicting, for this will cause them to lose confidence in your word; besides, it will cause them to contract the habit of lying. when they perceive that their parents do not fulfill their threatenings or promises, they will consider that there is no harm in forfeiting their word. think not that your precepts concerning truthfulness will have much weight upon the minds of your children, when they are contradicted by your examples. be careful to fulfill your word in all things in righteousness and your children will not only learn to be truthful from your example, but they will fear to disobey your word, knowing that you never fail to punish or reward according to your threatenings and promises. let your laws, penalties and rewards be founded upon the principles of justice and mercy, and adapted to the capacities of your children; for this is the way that our heavenly father governs his children, giving to some a celestial, to others a terrestrial, and to others still a telestial law, with penalties and promises annexed according to the conditions, circumstances and capacities of the individuals to be governed. seek for wisdom, and pattern after the heavenly order of government.

do not be so stern and rigid in your family government as to render yourself an object of fear and dread. there are parents who only render themselves conspicuous in the attribute of justice, while mercy and love are scarcely known in their families. justice should be tempered with mercy, and love should be the great moving principle, interweaving itself in all your family administrations. when justice alone sits upon the throne, your children approach you with dread, or peradventure hide themselves from your presence and long for your absence that they may be relieved from their fear. at the sound of your approaching footsteps they flee as from an enemy, and tremble at your voice, and shrink from the gaze of your countenance, as though they expected some terrible punishment to be inflicted upon them. be familiar with your children that they may delight themselves in your society, and look upon you as a kind and tender parent whom they delight to obey. obedience inspired by love, and obedience inspired by fear, are entirely different in their nature. the former will be permanent and enduring, while the latter only waits to have the object of fear removed, and it vanishes like a dream. govern children as parents, and not as tyrants; for they will be parents in their turn and will be very likely to adopt that form of government in which they have been educated. if you have been tyrants, they may be influenced to {457} pattern after your example. if you are fretful and continually scolding, they will be very apt to be scolds too. if you are loving, kind and merciful, these benign influences will be very certain to infuse themselves in to their order of family government; and thus good and evil influences frequently extend themselves down for many generations and ages. how great, then, are responsibilities of parents to their children! and how fearful the consequences of bad examples! let love, therefore, predominate and control you, and your children will be sure to discover it, and will love you in return.

let each mother teach her children to honor and love their father, and to respect his teachings and counsels. how frequently it is the case when fathers undertake to correct their children, mothers will interfere in the presence of the children. this has a very evil tendency in many respects. first, it destroys the oneness of feeling which should exist between husband and wife; secondly, it weakens the confidence of the children in the father, and emboldens them to disobedience; thirdly, it creates strife and discord; and lastly, it is rebelling against the order of family government established by divine wisdom. if the mother supposes the father too severe, let her not mention this in the presence of the children, but she can express her feelings to him while alone by themselves, and thus the children will not see any division between them. for husbands and wives to be disagreed, and to contend, and quarrel, is a great evil; and to do these things in the presence of their children is a still greater evil. therefore, if husband and wife will quarrel and destroy their own happiness, let them have pity upon their children, and not destroy them by their pernicious examples.

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my reasons for leaving the church of england and joining