the last fragments of antwerp
by artillery captain m—— c——
the retreat
we were approaching the frontier——
behind those trees, five hundred yards away, was holland, the boundary of our country. to cross that frontier meant the end for the time being of our resistance.... what would be done with us there? would they—? ah no, at that idea, my whole soul revolted and strengthened me against the force of things. cross that frontier? never! and once more the idea which had come into my mind, and taken possession of me ever since leaving antwerp, became imperious: "join the king once more or—die." good, this time i felt ready to risk everything.
confusion reigned supreme. everything seemed to be mixed up in inextricable disorder. in the narrow streets of this frontier village, men of all kinds of arms, belonging to every different unit, were gathered together pêle-mêle. the retreat had brought them all here together to this spot. soldiers were looking for their chiefs, officers were looking for their troops and, whilst trying to bring some kind of order[pg 210] into the chaos, they were hindered by carts and vehicles of all sorts, the drivers of which were endeavouring to make a way for themselves through the seething crowds. i had never felt, until this moment, all the horror of the defeat and the strange impotence of the army that has experienced it.
these lamentable fragments were all that remained of the antwerp garrison. assailed on all sides in the last redoubt of the fortified place, they had held out against the victorious enemy to the very end. the cannons, dragged along for miles by the men themselves, had been turned round and pointed backwards, on the city from which the germans were already coming. then the retreat had taken place, the interminable, exhausting retreat, when, in order to avoid being surrounded, we had marched, without halt, in the dust and heat of the sun, half dead with hunger and parched with thirst, the enemy harassing our flanks and threatening to cut us off all the time.
at present, we were here, at the frontier, and were in the position of an army in a blind alley. the darkness came on and we were surrounded by the enemy. we had been without food for two or three days. the men were dazed and bewildered by the commotion and could no longer hear the orders they received. one of them came wandering towards me and i told him where he would find his company. he looked at me in a dazed way. i seized him by the shoulders and pushed him in the direction of his troop. under the impulse of the strength acquired by my push, he walked a few steps and then rolled into a ditch, and remained there stretched out as though lifeless.
vague rumours were circulating, discouraging,[pg 211] gloomy news. some of our troops had gone over into holland and we were going to follow them, as our retreat was cut off and the enemy quite near.... in the midst of the darkness, firing rent the air. i prepared immediately for parrying an attack, as i found myself in the rear-guard.
suddenly, i heard a dull, prolonged sound in the village. i sent a messenger and went myself to the outposts. quartermaster snysters, a volunteer, though quite an elderly man, addressed me: "lieutenant," he said, with an anxious look on his face, "is it true that we are going over into holland?"
"my dear fellow, we shall not go over into holland unless we want to," i answered. "are we both of the same mind?"
"ah, good! as for me, you know——"
he finished with an energetic gesture which required no words.
"where are the others?" i asked.
the others were a few brave sub-officers, who, with my friend snysters, had promised to follow me whatever happened, through everything, through the enemy, through death itself, if necessary. they were all there, awaiting me.
"my friends," i said, "things seem to be in a bad way. the moment has come to prove your mettle. are you all of the same mind still?"
"lieutenant," said big van bastelaer, "we are ready for everything—except to be prisoners."
"good," i answered.
my messenger had not come back though. the sound i had heard in the village seemed farther off and everything appeared to be calm. i went to see for myself and found perfect silence in the dark street.[pg 212] there was not a man to be seen. what was happening? presently, in the deserted square of the little village, i saw a little group of soldiers appear and, at the head of it, i recognised major s——.
"is that you m——?" he called out, and then, in a lower tone, he added, "they have crossed the frontier, we are alone.... have you any men?"
"yes, major, i am holding the outposts."
"bring your men to the square at once."
"my friends," said the major, speaking very gravely, when we were all assembled there, "we are surrounded by big forces. there is nothing left but to cross the frontier and go into holland. those who do not wish to go with me are free."
"good, major," i answered, approaching him. "i will go with you to the frontier, but not beyond it."
the major looked angry, but he restrained himself.
"what do you propose doing?" he asked.
"i intend getting through the german lines or dying in the attempt."
"but it is pure madness."
"i do not care to give up my sword, major, as long as i can use it."
he reflected for a minute and then held out his hand. "good," he said, "you are free. adieu!"
four men then left the ranks. they were my four friends, who all preferred a glorious death to servitude.
"attention! right flank! right! forward—march!"
silently and with dragging footsteps, the troop set out and was soon at some distance. it then disappeared in the darkness.
the thing was done and we were alone, separated[pg 213] from our army by streams of enemies, against whom we had to fling ourselves, and either pass or die in the attempt. courage! the moment had come for us to prove our filial love for our beloved country! we were not conquered, we four, and in spite of the disaster hovering over us, in spite of death, which we expected awaited us over yonder, we felt our hearts full of joy, hope, and pride....
in the german lines
before setting out, we held council together for a few minutes. the german lines now reached from st. nicolas to the frontier. in a movement as rapid as theirs had been, it was very probable that they had left gaps between these two points, and we had to try to pass through these gaps. i took the direction and we set out. i made the sign of the cross and committed my soul and the souls of my companions to the god of justice. we each had a good gun, a bayonet, and our pockets full of cartridges. we set off across the fields in the darkness.
after walking about fifty yards, i was compelled to come to a stand-still. the nervous tension which had kept me up whilst with the troop had suddenly given way and, suddenly, the fatigue of the preceding days seemed to come upon me and stiffen all my limbs. i felt giddy and the whole country seemed to be turning round and round. i fell to the ground, and my whole body seemed to be seized with an immense weariness. i dare not give way to it, as it was necessary to move on.
"forward!" i said to myself, "for the king's sake!"
[pg 214]
presently we came to a cross-roads and it seemed to us as though something had moved behind the hedge. one of us crawled towards the spot and made a sign to the others that it was nothing. the wind had probably stirred one of the branches. we walked on and on, straight in front of us, across the immense polder, jumping over ditches full of water, and stumbling over the turnips in the field, for we passed through one after another of these turnip fields. i tore up a beet-root and ate it greedily as i walked along.
in the distance, we saw a group of houses standing out vaguely against the horizon. this was probably the dyke which forms a passage over the water. if this dyke should be guarded, which was very probable, we should have to look to ourselves. as we approached, we saw that the houses were lighted up. peasants would not have lights at that hour. i crept along stealthily to one of the windows and gazed eagerly through a crack in the shutters. there was a room full of boches in grey coats, some of them snoring and the others talking.
we slipped round towards the entrance to the dyke. at the bend was a sentinel, motionless. i rubbed my chin and thought things over. if we went along by the water, keeping at the bottom of the embankment, there must surely be a way of crossing, if there were not a second sentinel. holding our breath and watching every shrub, we crept slowly along. we came to the end of the dyke and had met no one.
this then was the first obstacle cleared without any difficulty. our prayer was that heaven would protect the slumber of the boches!
we were now once more in the endless desert,[pg 215] stumbling along in the furrows, eating turnips, crossing fields, our gaze searching for landmarks, which always seemed to draw farther away as we approached. our minds were occupied with a vision of our army, that army which needed our arms and which had conquered our hearts.
soon we came to a little hamlet. there were no lights and, if the germans were not there, we thought we might be able to take shelter during the day. we approached a courtyard and there we saw some weapons. in the sheds, we heard sonorous snores. we went on very quietly, but we were glad to see how badly the prussians kept guard. if only they had known that five well-armed belgians were having a look round their quarters!
we continued our way and had now to go through meadows with hedges and barriers of barbed wire. here and there were solitary houses. we came to one with a light in the window. we went some distance round in order to avoid it. suddenly, big jeanjean, who was ahead of us, called out:
"this way, lieutenant, there is a good path here."
he had scarcely finished speaking when i heard a tremendous splash and the sound of a body struggling in the water. the unfortunate man had taken one of those moss-covered canals, which intersect the district, for a dry path, and had hurried forward with an eagerness worthy of a better reward. a shot was heard almost immediately. jeanjean freed himself and came out of his bath, but bullets whizzed by our ears, as we had been discovered.
we crawled along by the wretched ditch, and we jumped over another one, and then hurried along[pg 216] under the hedges like hunted foxes, but we were followed all the time by bullets.
in front of us, at the end of a field, i saw a row of houses, but we had to be cautious, for the building on the right was the house with a light that we had been avoiding. to the left were more houses, and above them emerged a church steeple. it was a village, then, and we knew it must be st.-gilles-waes, which was full of germans. i noticed a huge patch of big cabbages. we crept quickly to them and then, crouching down amongst the leaves, with our fingers on the triggers of our guns, we awaited events.
the firing gradually ceased, as the boches had evidently lost track of us. it was necessary for us to get away from there, though, before daybreak and it was high time to start.
we came quietly out of our hiding-place, fifty yards from a sentinel, whose back was turned towards us. we had to keep quite close to the walls of farms which were swarming with the enemy. on passing in front of the house with the light, i saw a figure lean out of the window, and then the light was extinguished. the village behind us became animated and the pursuit commenced.
a hundred yards in front of us, a group of men suddenly appeared at the turn of the road. it was a patrol. we crept down an embankment and then slipped, one after the other, into a little ditch which was covered by the branches of filbert trees. the patrol passed by and disappeared.
the hour was advancing though, and day began to break. our poor jeanjean was shivering all over. we could not possibly think of spending the whole day like this. i saw a house, which looked very[pg 217] peaceful, outside the village. perhaps it was empty. we decided to go and find out. under the shelter of ditches and hedges, we arrived at the back of the house. in the courtyard there were guns and bags lying about. this was ominous, but our enterprising van bastelaer had already crossed the fence and was quite near to it.
"lieutenant," he said, "they are belgian haversacks."
we hesitated a moment, and then all five of us entered the courtyard. some of us searched the bags, whilst the others began to explore the house. i went to have a lookout from the little lane that led into the road. at the other end of it, ten yards away from me, i saw a motor-car and by it ... a german officer!
just as i was looking at him, he turned round facing me, and our eyes met. i went back to my men, but the boche followed me. we were only three steps away from each other, looking into each other's eyes. with a quick gesture, he drew out his pistol and took aim. i unsheathed my sword and held its point under his nose. i shall never forget what i then saw. the prussian officer turned deadly pale. like a flash of lightning, i saw a look of unutterable terror pass over his face and then suddenly, before i had time to strike, this man, who had held my life in his hands, turned on his heels and disappeared in the lane.
but at the same moment there was a general stir in the barns near by. heads looked out from everywhere. this time, it was going to be a tough business. without waiting for our change, we all sprang over the palisadings. the first one caught his foot and fell, the next one fell on him, and all five of us rolled one[pg 218] over the other into the ditch, laughing in a way that must have made all the boches in the farm wild with fury.
facing us was an immense, open space, as flat as a glacis. there was nothing for it but to cross this. we started at full speed, but it was over ploughed land.
"i fancy this stroke of business will be the end of us!" said snysters, gasping for breath.
"yes," replied jeanjean, who was breathing like a seal.
"it'll be good for your cold!" shouted little gilissen, who was acting as our rear-guard. and all five of us, keeping up our speed, laughed heartily.
presently we came to a road. jeanjean rushed a little way towards us, then stopped short and muttered: "attention, lieutenant!" i looked and saw a german sentinel, leaning on his weapon, stationed at a little building some five yards away from us. there was no time to man?uvre; i turned to my men and, whilst running, shouted out to them "es geht wohl! kommen sie hierdurch!"
we crossed the road under his very nose and rushed into a little wood which skirted the opposite side. the sentinel did not move, deceived probably, thanks to the dim light, to my words, and to the audacity of our man?uvre.
to our joy, at the other end of the wood, we saw a dark line stretching out towards us. it was the labyrinth of fir-trees, of tall broom and brushwood, which skirts the northern part of the country. we crossed a glade, and then a clearing and a railroad. the enemy post there had not time to stop us. there was another wood and then, at last, we were in the[pg 219] thicket. behind us, we gradually heard less and less noise, and the firing was farther off and at longer intervals. still running, we described a series of zigzags and curves, leaving behind us ditches, clearings, and glades.... finally, in the midst of a patch of young fir-trees, i fell down. i could not have got up again though for anything. the others stretched themselves out near me and we all lay there, like so many dead men, in the wet grass.
the day broke, a fine rain fell persistently, wetting us through to the skin. we were shivering in every limb. jeanjean coughed, snored, and talked in his sleep. the two flemish men joked, swore, and insulted each other, each treating the other as a coward.... gilissen, the little liége "rossai," was the only one who kept silence. he was trying, conscientiously, to sleep with one eye and to take stock of our surroundings with the other one. i reminded him of that time when he had been on observation for the barchon fort and had remained for forty-eight hours perched up on his steeple, surrounded by germans, and had come back to the fort with all the material of the observation post.
jeanjean, who certainly did not appear able to sleep well, now felt it his duty to compose the menu. "anchovies," he said, "salmon trout, stuffed chicken, cream cakes," and i do not know what beside. i found half a turnip in my pocket, gilissen had three sweetmeats, and the ground near us was strewn with acorns. we were all right, and could certainly sustain a regular siege!
i looked at my map, a touring club map, which was the only one i had. to my horror, i discovered that all the incidents of the night, and the various[pg 220] turns we had been obliged to make, had made us describe an immense semi-circle and that, at that moment, we were less than a mile from the frontier and surrounded on all sides by germans.
in the wood, the firing began again. we heard it in the distance and then nearer to us. it was an organised search. presently, this pursuit made us a little anxious, for the bullets broke some branches near us. we were obliged to leave our shelter and we went along under cover of a deep ditch. at the end of this we came out and found ourselves—ten yards away from a group of prussians. we rushed into a thicket and the hunt began again.
presently there was a fresh respite for us, as quite suddenly some quick firing was heard near by in a southerly direction. it sounded like an engagement and we wondered what it could be. perhaps it was a belgian troop, trying, like us, to get free. extraordinary as this supposition was, it was the only one that seemed probable. in case we were right, it was our duty to endeavour to join it, at any cost, and work together. perhaps our unexpected intervention, insignificant though it should be, might be sufficient to decide the issue of the fight. we moved on and had scarcely gone two hundred yards, when we saw a group of peasants coming out of a glade. they looked terrified. we questioned them and found out that the boches were firing on the houses in the village, under the pretext that the inhabitants had hidden some belgian soldiers. the brutes! instinctively, i moved forwards, but the bullets whizzed by, quite close to our ears. this time, they came from every side. on the left, on the right, the germans were everywhere, the whole place swarmed with them,[pg 221] like a veritable ant-heap. from thicket to thicket, from ditch to ditch, we struggled along in order to avoid being surrounded. but, alas, we were going backwards and behind us was the frontier! finally, we reached it. there was the line and that open view beyond—a hundred yards away from us was holland! it was the only side on which death would not mow us down. snysters swore like a demon. we took counsel together in whispers. there were three things open to us. first, we might give ourselves up to the germans, but we had no idea of doing that. secondly, we might let them kill us here, on the last little corner of our native land. this was tempting, but we could not rejoin our army if we decided on it. there was one other alternative, and that was to keep close to the frontier and continue our way, endeavouring to escape the german pursuit and the dutch sentry. this seemed to us the wisest plan of the three. we soon cleared the hundred yards. there was an iron milestone at the corner of a wood. a few steps and then we were in holland.
prisoners
the enemy from henceforth was the sentry, whom we had to avoid in order to continue our way. we started along a sandy road in the midst of a thick fir-wood. we had not gone a hundred yards, when we found ourselves in front of a tall dutch sergeant, who made a sign for us to stop. i looked all round just as a hunted beast does. in the clearing, out of which the sub-officer had stepped, i saw a multitude of soldiers, with orange-coloured stripes, walking along a road, together with civilians.
[pg 222]
"hang it," i said to myself, "we are in a neutral country and are bound to be polite."
i entered into conversation with the dutchman. i endeavoured to make him understand that everyone is liable to make a mistake in the road. i apologised and, moving back, assured him that we would recross the frontier by the shortest cut possible. this did not meet with his approval, though, at all, and the great lanky fellow smiled amiably in reply to my speech and invited us, very calmly, to accompany him. we had nothing left but to obey, as we were already surrounded by soldiers, and they looked devilishly in earnest. i hid my sword under a bush and i took off my officer's insignia, to spare it shame, and in order to be less noticed myself.
when we were at the police station, we threw our guns down on a heap of plunder and then we were led away.
disarmed and prisoners! ah, there was no more laughing now! my four wolves, transformed against their will into lambs, were furious, and ready to gnaw their own fists. as for me, i felt myself degraded and i could have wept with shame and rage. i thought i could read in the eyes of the people, who were watching us pass by, a smile of pity and of contempt, and i was grief stricken at having exposed our uniform to such dishonour. ah, how i regretted having crossed the fatal line! how stupid of us to have let ourselves be caught like this! not one of us uttered a word. we did not reply to the questions we were asked. we were like feline animals, caught in a trap, looking furtively for any way of escape. it was a fixed idea with us to get back to belgium, and we felt that we must be back there the following day.
[pg 223]
we were put with a convoy of prisoners. how shall i describe the painful journey of that lamentable herd of men! oh, the humiliation of that procession of soldiers without arms! on turning a street, we made off, but we were brought back. at terneuzen, we made a second attempt to escape. together with another comrade, who was ready to make common cause with us, we tried to get some civilian clothes. it was useless. the ready-made-clothes shops were shut and no one would supply us with any. in desperation, i placed my men in two ranks, put on my officer's insignia again, and we marched quietly towards the gate of the town. we were stopped on the way by the sentry.
"where are you going?" we were asked.
"to sas-de-gand."
"what for?"
"to fetch some teams for the ambulance carriages."
"who sent you?"
"the officer at the bridge."
our questioner did not look thoroughly convinced.
"forward—march!"
we did not need telling a second time. at the boundary postern, we were questioned again. as we put on a calm, assured manner and were very gruff, our stratagem succeeded again. we were now on the selzaete main road, and in two hours we should be on belgian soil, if all continued satisfactorily. our feet now seemed to have wings. half way, alas, we came across another sentry-box and here a telephonic message had been received with regard to our escape. in this land of canals and dykes, things are easy for the authorities. we were arrested and taken back to terneuzen, between two rows of soldiers with drawn[pg 224] bayonets. this fresh attempt made things bad for us, and we were now considered dangerous individuals, put on to a boat, and carefully guarded. we were then sent off by water, with a group of prisoners, to an unknown destination.
it was dark and i was lying down on the bridge, although it was icy cold, looking at the stars, whilst on the coast the quays seemed to be flying behind us. we had been sailing along for some time, and i supposed we were now in front of flushing. there were more canals, which seemed to intersect each other endlessly. i wondered where we were going, and all night long we went on and on.
in the morning the boat stopped. on the quay, the crowd hurried towards us and threw us bread and fruit. there was great confusion, shouting, and a regular tumult. this was the moment for us. we stepped over the netting, jumped on to the quay, and hid ourselves in some enormous packing cases filled with manure, which were standing near. we had not been seen, so that all seemed right. the towing-boat whistled for the departure, but, unfortunately, we were too well known. our absence was noticed, and we were once more discovered and taken on board.
for hours we continued on the water, in the immense arms of the sea and we did not stop anywhere on our way. water, water everywhere! how should we ever escape? the first thing for us to do, evidently, was to procure some civilian clothes. on the boat, certain prisoners were already dressed as ordinary citizens. we talked to some of them quietly, and offered to exchange our uniforms for their garments.[pg 225] very soon, we were wearing the finest dockers' suits imaginable. we could not help laughing to see what ruffians we looked in this fresh disguise. snysters looked like a regular hooligan, jeanjean wore a thread-bare flannel suit, which outlined his corpulent figure admirably. gilissen looked like a collier and i like a miserable beggar. rolent, our new recruit, with his soft felt hat, was the one who looked the most decent. van bastelaer refused obstinately to take off his uniform. it was unfortunate for him, as he was not able to get away with us.
finally, we reached dordrecht. the convoy was allowed to land, so that the prisoners might have a meal at the barracks. after this, we were to be taken to groningen, in friesland, to be interned there.
"groningen, merciful heavens!" we said to ourselves; "we absolutely must find a way of escape from here, as this is the last good card left in our hands."
we were placed four abreast and, between two rows of soldiers, the troop set out. the streets were full of spectators, who asked the soldiers for buttons and cartridges as keepsakes. this was just the thing for us. one of us, at the turn of a street, set to work distributing so generously that a crowd collected and there was disorder, and a break in the line of the troops. that was just what we needed and, very simply, turning half round we took our place with the crowd, and watched the procession pass, like all the other good people.
oh, liberty! in order to relish its sweetness, we must first have been deprived of it for a time! how joyfully we went along in those narrow streets where we were quite unknown! how eagerly we discussed our plans for returning to our "free" belgium!
[pg 226]
the return
we had the good luck to find a courageous belgian boatman at dordrecht. he put us up on his boat and provided us with the wherewithal for reaching flushing. once there, mingling with the refugees, we had no difficulty in passing unnoticed. we were at last on our way to belgium: boat, train, carriages, motor-car, waggons, every kind of transport did we make use of in order to hasten our return. our determination carried us through.
finally, we reached the frontier and our feet were on belgian soil. oh bliss, no words can describe the feelings we had at that moment! it was then that i understood fully what the love of one's country really is. the very air seemed purer, the ground looked different, and we knew all the odours and the grasses which grew in the ditches by the roadside. the trees welcomed us and their branches told us over again old things that we already knew, with their familiar swayings, which awoke in the bottom of our hearts all kinds of adorable and mysterious memories. oh, that profound life in all things, how it drank in and absorbed the life of our very souls, and with what happiness this expanded and mingled again with that other life!
the soul of our country was in everything and, whilst murmuring its captivating song, with its smile both sad and gay, it seemed to take us under its wings and at the same time implore our aid.
poor belgium! mother of my blood and of my life, i should have liked to kiss thy martyred ground! but what my burning kiss could not have told you then, my blood, which is thine, shall tell thee some[pg 227] day, when it waters the soil for thee, glad to fertilise the germ of thy liberty!
we walked on, happy and feverishly anxious, hurrying on with all our strength, in order to be ready for that invading stream which was on its way to our coast and which might cut us off a second time.
finally, at ostend, we found the very last of our columns pressed on closely by the germans. with our columns we reached furnes, where the king was.
no one recognised us at first, such wretched objects did we look. we were all five of us at the end of our tether. one or two of us could not walk any farther, and the others were as though dazed. but we had drawn from the struggle, with the joy of having done our duty, a force that was infinitely greater and more precious than bodily force. it was the force of the heart that loves, whose will is imperious and can accomplish what it wills, for the sake of that love!
