for i often found it blessed to be waiting upon, and waiting for god. i often envied the felicity of those who could say, my god.—when i was a little indisposed in body i was much afraid i should die in the pit—this made me in a hurry to get out of it. i think such a state is described by isaiah—the captive exile hasteneth that he may be loosed, lest he should die in the pit, and that his bread should fail. here such a case is exactly set forth; and fast held we are—i felt it so—held by the chains of sin, the iron bars of unbelief, the curses of the law, the fears of death, and the dread of future judgement. sometimes i got very cold and p. 21indifferent about it—then that text would make me tremble—ephraim is joined to idols; let him alone! this made me chuse my burden, for i was always afraid of ease, or losing my burden i knew not how. sometimes i got sweetly refreshed under the word; then my hope was busy, expecting greater things than those—at other times i got cut up, root and branch; this made me go away, groaning in spirit, yet obliged to go to the same place where i had been wounded, and there god generally healed me. i felt great liberty at times, in reading some of mr. huntington’s works, namely, the letters to the late tried mr. jenkins—one passage especially, which is rather too long to transcribe, was particularly blessed to me, in the first volume of the “living testimonies,” page 61—the latter part of the sermons on “the dimensions of eternal love,” and “the law established by faith.” these were marrow and fatness to my soul; but after waiting, seeking, longing, desiring, fearing, desponding, and praying, the lord descended to give me a clearer illumination of mind—it shone into my heart, lifted me up with joy, overcame me with love, made me cry, my father! my god! my beloved! my portion! my all!—i wondered, i rejoiced, i wept, i was completely absorbed in love, wonder, and joy. one day at work, thinking over my state, and inwardly fretting in my heart, the lord suddenly whispered, with peculiar power, and clothed it with much light—the son of man is come to save that p. 22which was lost! there was such a peculiar emphasis upon the word, that i stood still; i was, for a few moments, quite confused, but presently i felt a sweet sensation of gratitude, love, and joy. i was enabled to see my sins were forgiven, my soul justified in christ, god well pleased with me, and a throne of grace open to me. i humbly conceive this was the joy of faith, god had blest me with the grace of it before—now i had the joy of it—i was happy in christ. this pleasure of mind gradually abated. on the following sunday morning i went, as usual, to providence chapel. mr. huntington preached on, cast out the bond-woman and her son. when the text was read i thought there would be nothing for me—but o! the sweet surprize! god spoke almost every word of the sermon to me. the preacher was led to describe bondage and liberty; the latter he shewed was gradual—in some cases sudden; in short, it was the making my new birth clear to me; nor have i had the fears of death and dread of hell, in that legal, horrid manner, come upon me ever since. thus the light came—light of the knowledge of his glory. this has been often renewed to me since, but never in so glorious a manner—god has led my faith often to make use of the same precious truth that was so directly applied to my heart. this experience is described by john—perfect love casteth out fear—this love leads up the mind to jesus; and it being attended with sweet views of him in his p. 23offices, and those offices exercised in our hearts—his prophetic office, in the teachings of his word and spirit; his priestly office, in the application of pardon; we are made his willing subjects, while he reigns king in our affections.—this leads to the name

jered, which signifies reigning. christ’s spiritual reign in the soul; his reign in the church, as his holy hill; and our reigning with him. much is said in scripture about the saints’ reign—hence they are called kings; christ reigns in them; their hearts are his throne for ever—as christ reigns in their hearts so do they in his, and they shall overcome and sit down with him in his throne. this is accomplished in some degree, in a time state, when we are led to the atonement, and faith receives it; all the while we enjoy the blessing of it we shout victory through his blood. faith in jesus overcomes the world, the fears of death, and our own inbred corruptions—they overcame by the blood of the lamb—and being favored with victory, we are crowned—we take our rest in the love of god; this is the throne on which we sit, and shall reign for ever—we shall likewise reign in the new heaven and earth a thousand years—blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth—we shall reign on the earth; and they lived and reigned with christ a thousand years; this last reign is as sure to us as we are crowned conquerors now. as christ p. 24lives in us and reigns king in our affections, so he gives us grace to swear eternal allegiance to him. thus we are led to the next name,

enoch, dedicated. our souls and bodies are his, by the eternal gift of the father—he purchased the church with his own blood—and having conquered our hearts with his love, we are his willing subjects—made willing to be, to do, and suffer any thing and every thing he calls us to, and gives us grace for. we wish him to have the whole heart, without a rival—our time and talents we would give to him, who has done such great things for us; not that we must for a moment, think we can do any thing for god, no; he must work all in us, and do all for us; and by all-powerful grace keep us in the good ways of god. this operation of light, and reign of love, is always attended with a devotedness of spirit to god; hence the apostle says, none of us should live to himself, but to god—and again, i beseech you, brethren, by the mercies you have received, that you present yourselves a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto god, which is your reasonable service. the apostle here addresses converted men, who have received christ, the mercy promised, and all blessings in him. these blessings are communicated to the soul, and manifested in the exercises of faith and love. life—this makes us a living—a new nature—this makes us a holy, sacrifice. it is our desire p. 25to be the lord’s for ever; to enjoy him in all, to see him in all, to be dependent on him, and to praise him for all, in life, death, and eternity; while, as it respects the church and the world, we wish to walk as he walked; this is summed up in that striking passage—that we, being delivered from our enemies, might serve him without fear, (servile, slavish fear) in holiness and righteousness all our days—this, arising from love, is the service in the spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter—not from a fear of death and judgment, or from the pride of the heart, hoping to bring in god a debtor; but from the influence of sovereign love—

’tis love that makes our willing feet

in swift obedience move—

thus we run the way of god’s commandments, as he enlarges the heart with the influence and full persuasion of his love. this is highly commended of the lord; hence he says, i remember thee, the kindness of thy youth, and the love of thine espousals, when thou wentest after me in a land that was not sown. so he complains of others, that they had left their first love. with respect to this willingness to serve the lord, i am sure, as i felt this love, so i was anxious to spread the savour of it in every place; and though entirely destitute of human learning, eloquence, and oratory, yet the lord went before me, opening my mouth, and opening doors p. 26in his providence for me, giving testimony to the word of his grace; some were convinced, others comforted, some brought into sweet liberty, some were brought out of damnable errors, and many sweetly instructed in the grand plan of a sinner’s salvation; and i bless god there are many witnesses to these things to this day. this incurred the displeasure of the devil, of the citizens of a barren country, and those preachers who knew nothing of the power of god in their souls, and of course never were the instruments of communicating it to others. though in this work i have discerned in myself too much a savoring of flesh and blood—a willingness to cry, a confederacy, to any—and i have sorely smarted for my folly, though i never gave up an inch of truth to please any; yet being naturally facile, and filled with zeal, with but little knowledge, perhaps, in many instances, i have not acted so decidedly as i ought to have done—i hope my lord has forgiven me this wrong, and of the church i must beg pardon, while i must plead youth and inexperience—but by many scourges, reproaches, temptations, and trials, i have been since a little better informed, and now understand the meaning of that singular text in the proverbs—a whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool’s back. it is now my most sincere desire to glorify god, to speak good of his name, to be of use to his dear people, and to make manifest the savoriness of divine truth in every place; p. 27but this cannot be done, either by a minister or private believer, without opposition. this leads me to the following names, which in the experience of god’s saints are inseparable—

methuselah, which signifies the sending forth of death—and lamech, the cutting down. indeed what was death ever sent for but to cut down? death penal, temporal, spiritual, or eternal. it appears the above characters were the father and grand-father of noah, and seem to be prophetic of the flood which should destroy an ungodly world; that at the death, or soon after the death of methuselah the flood would break out, and cut or sweep away the old world, which was soon accomplished. but, to carry on the figure, as expressive of the work of the spirit, may not these names set forth that internal war which every convinced, mourning, illuminated believer experiences in his own soul? there is a warfare before we know our part and lot in jesus; and there is a perpetual one after—the one before, is between hope and despair; the life, or salvation of the soul, hanging in doubt for years together; but upon the accomplishment of this warfare, through the application of pardon, and receiving the double exchange of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, as the light of god’s countenance and his glory shines upon the soul—this is the sending forth of death, to cut down p. 28the old man with his deeds; and as the new man receives and enjoys the above blessings, so the old man is put off, nor can our weaker passions dare consent to sin, for god is there. but is it not a truth in the experience of god’s elect, in a greater or less degree, that they are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breast, that they must be conformed to their covenant head in suffering?—that as our blessed jesus, after his glorious baptism, was led into the wilderness, to be tempted of the devil, so must his followers, else what is the use of the spiritual armoury, whereon there hangs a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men—the very idea of conquest must, of course, imply a war; and this is carried on between the flesh and the spirit, the old man and the new; these are yet like the philistines and israelites—we are in the field, with our spiritual david, and goliah, the devil, at the head of each—army, against army—the flesh lusteth, warreth against the spirit, the spirit warreth against the flesh—these are contrary, the one to the other, as light and darkness, sin and grace, god and the devil can be. he that has sent forth light to see and enjoy god’s salvation, sends forth death to the old man—so the apostle says, we are dead to sin by the body of christ; sin is not dead to us, though we die to it, through an application of the atonement; and as we live upon it from day to day, this leads us to long for the time when we shall get entirely rid of it. but into the field of battle we are p. 29led, to prove our spiritual armour; to make use of the helmet of salvation, the shield of faith, the breast plate of righteousness, the sword of the spirit, and the iron shoes of gospel peace; all of which centre in one word, and that is christ—this is the captain of our salvation; he heads the train of graces, for they are all given to us, to be exercised on christ and his finished salvation; and as they are exercised on him so they are a death blow to all that oppose, both within and without, and we rejoice in hope that as he has praised the devil’s head on the cross, and in our hearts, he has dethroned him; so he will, shortly, bruise satan under our feet this is our prospect, nor shall we be disappointed—our way to the kingdom is hard and rugged, through the corruptions of the human heart and the wiles of the devil; he has the impudence, at times, to dispute every inch of ground. we have been brought to raise up some sin in our nature, to oppose some grace in the new man; this i find in my own experience—and if any tried, benighted travellers can get any comfort from my afflictions they are welcome to it; but the true state of the case is this, i find a law in my members, warring against the law in my mind, always trying to bring me into captivity to the power of sin and death—but i am happy at times that christ has engaged that grace shall reign, nor do i wish a greater felicity in death than to be enabled to exclaim, grace reigns! faith and unbelief strive p. 30in their turns for the mastery—hope and despondency, love and hatred, joy and sorrow, patience and murmuring, resignation and complaints, carnality and spirituality—sometimes i am really overcome by this troop; but as soon as jesus puts fresh strength in these graces, the enemy is routed, and i can sing, nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors, through him that hath loved us—his appearance cuts down all my foes; as soon as he is gone they all come again, and vex my soul. as he shines upon my faith, leads forth my love, and invigorates my hope, i die to the world, to sin, to self, to the creature, and live only to, as i live only upon, a precious saviour! this is a little of what i do know of the subject, but must not enlarge here, only remark, that as this world is not our rest, nor the arm of the creature our strength, so the blessed sprit by this warfare, leads us to see the vanity of the world, the emptiness of the creature, the vast importance of a work of grace upon the heart, and the malice of the devil, the deceitfulness of our own hearts, and all this, that we may highly prize, make much of, and find rest and consolation only in jesus. this leads us to the name,

noah, rest or consolation.—this only is to be found in christ; hence david said, upon the reflection of his sad troubles, return unto thy rest, o my soul!—the learned say in the original it is noah, p. 31perhaps in allusion to the dove, who was sent out of the ark, but could find no rest for the soul of its foot, till it returned. so we find it, experimentally, in all seasons of worldly-mindedness, carnality, and backsliding; we are truly miserable, we are out of our element; we can get no consolation, no rest, till we have a sweet, cordial reception from our dear lord again—the spirit has engaged to glorify jesus, and he does it in presenting him in his beauty and glory to the mind, by bringing us to enjoy him, to prize him, and keep near him; hence the command, abide in me. so the blessed spirit carrying on the work of faith in our minds, by exercising it on the person, work, and love of jesus, here we find rest; we which believe do enter into rest; christ is our rest—here we cease from legal striving, and find a sabath rest in christ alone:—hence he is called the consolation of israel, and we want him, as such, all the way to glory.—considering the sins, the trials, the crosses, losses, and disappointments of god’s children, no doubt sent on purpose to keep us near the saviour, and that we might make up all our happiness in him; hence he says, cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils. we must learn to cease from the best of men—god often tries his people with his people; perhaps this made the prophet exclaim, the best of them is a briar, the most upright it sharper than a thorn edge. how wisely has our english poet expressed it—

p. 32i can not on earth; ’twill pierce thee to the heart!

a broken reed at best, but oft a spear;

on its sharp point peace bleeds and hope expires!

this is designed to lead us to jesus, as our consolation—christ is set before us as our rest, a resting and a dwelling place; and if i may express a few words on this part of the subject, i must confess that i have found, and do find rest alone in him; in his precious atonement i get rest from sin—in his imputed righteousness, i cease from legal striving and rest alone on it—in the witness of the spirit i find rest from doubts, fears, and the accusations of satan, and a quickened conscience—in point of felicity, i feel rest in the eternity of his love, the unalterableness of his covenant, the immutability of his nature, decrees, and purposes; and although that declaration made me tremble in my first setting out, i rejoice in it now—he is in one mind and none can turn him; this is our mercy and our rest; this is what satan, by the instrumentality of false preachers, labours to destroy—but if the foundation be removed, what can the righteous do? this warfare, and the consolation we find in jesus, proves to us our adoption; as this is a path no fowl knoweth, and the vulture’s eye hath not seen, so, on the contrary, the blessed spirit leads his people into this path—a way of holiness, and an highway. this leading, teaching, and witnessing, evidences we have a place in his heart, in his covenant, in his house, and that we p. 33belong to god—hence the apostle says, as many as are led by the spirit of god they are the sons of god. this naturally leads me to the 11th name,

shem. this word signifies a name or renown. are not god’s children renowned—some for faith, others for love, for wisdom, for devotedness, and above all, for objects of eternal discriminating grace? has not our dear lord given them a name, even that of sons and daughters—of children—of beloved—of a spouse?—and, to shew our union to christ, were not the disciples first called christians at antioch? and no one has a just right to this name who has not received the spirit of christ;—hence, it was long before prophesied that they should be called by a new name, which the mouth of the lord should name. so when god makes our eternal election manifest, he says, i know thee by name. he knew our persons, and what names we should be called by, even literally, before the world was made; and appointed all the circumstances which should bring about our birth and name; and this he does in a very singular way, to many of his people, to shew we are preserved in christ jesus, until called. perhaps many in infancy and youth, have met with great pain, poverty, want, and cruelty, from parents, friends, and guardians; others have been in deaths oft, yet could not be destroyed, for of such was the kingdom of god to be composed; others have been forsaken p. 34of parents entirely, they have forgot their sucking children, and left them to perish in helpless infancy, either through want, shame, or cruelty. i, myself, was so left, forsaken by parents and friends, if report be true; and according to my name i was left in a church, as it is usual to name foundlings where they are found. this was really the case with my brother, moses, who was found in the bulrushes by pharoah’s daughter, and she called him moses, (drawn out of the water) because she took him out of the water. yes, my parents, whoever they were, forsook me in infancy, and left me, probably, to perish!

left on the world’s bleak waste, forlorn,

in sin conceiv’d, to sorrow born;

no guide the devious maze to tread,

above no friendly shelter spread.

but,

when parents, deaf to nature’s voice,

their helpless charge forsook;

then, nature’s god, who heard my cries,

compassion on me took.

thus i can testify to the truth of the prophet, in thee the fatherless findeth mercy; for when my father and my mother forsook me, then the lord took me up, and gave me the name he had appointed me from eternity.—this is our mercy—adopted into his family as his sons and his daughters, he has given a name, ye shall be called the children of god—and to be favored with the witness of our p. 35adoption in the soul, is an unspeakable blessing indeed; every sweet view of this privilege is calculated to warm the heart, animate the mind, fill it with holy fervour, inflame the affection, and fill it with burning zeal. this is included in the 12th name,

ham, which signifies warmth or heat. this, in one sense, distinguishes the mere nominal professor and the real professor; one may have some light, be in the judgment clear, and like a frosty night, clear, but very cold; but god has promised to his children these two should go together—a spirit of judgment and a spirit of burning. when we are favored with peculiar seasons of holy familiarity with god our covenant father, when divine love is shed abroad, and flows out to jesus, in sweet return—when we meet with a brother in christ, and he gives a sweet account of the lord’s gracious dealings with him—when we are particularly blest under the word, or impressed with grand and precious ideas of jesus, these things kindle a holy flame in the spirit. or when we fall in company with the enemies to jesus, to the father or the spirit, or to any of the leading doctrines of the gospel, we may be silent a little, while musing on their errors, boldness, and effrontery; but while we are silent his word is as a fire shut up in our bones; we are weary with forbearing, and at last, speak we must; the fire of holy zeal is kindled in the p. 36heart, and though we can say but little, yet we must plead for our master’s honour, his perfection, and his saints. this zeal is discovered, at times, by the enemies of truth, and by them called bigotry, or a bad spirit. but holy zeal is tempered with love to god and truth, and springing from a real spiritual knowledge, can never be a bad spirit.—the many storms a child of god meets with from satan, the world, a body of sin and death, persecution, and infirmities, these wean him from the world, while the love of god sweetly operating upon his mind, he longs to be dissolved and be with christ, which is far better for him. his soul feels at times like a bird in a cage; it beats its pinions, and longs for enlargements. this leads me to the last name,

japheth—this signifies enlargement. hence the promise and prophecy, god shall enlarge japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of shem. this is a sweet hint dropped of the salvation of the gentiles, and a gracious promise of a saviour—he, (that is) god, shall dwell in the tents of shem.—this was verified when the word was made flesh and dwelt among us, and when the gentiles were fellow heirs with the believing jews, in a gospel church state. this name was figurative of that enlargement the souls of god’s dear people experience in life, and in the article of death, when the spirit is freed from its cumberance. perhaps the greatest part of a believer’s life is in a state of bondage; p. 37this comes from various quarters, and on many accounts; this makes him sigh, for in this we groan being burdened; and feeling this we exclaim, bring my soul out of prison, that i may praise thy name. while the gospel is a proclamation of liberty to the captive, the holy spirit brings that enlargement to the mind; and every child of god is sensible when he is in liberty and when in bondage—when shut up and when at large. perhaps the frequent enlargements with which we are favored, are the earnests of our entire discharge from earth to heaven. ’tis blessed to notice these enlargements in our own experience, and compare them with what the saints of old have experienced; the apostle paul knew these things, and at one time speaks of being straitened—at another he says, our mouth is opened unto you, our heart is enlarged. i must confess i am glad these were the feelings of an apostle, as i have felt them so frequently—in many sermons, alas, how i have been shut up—often in prayer—in the company of god’s people, and in the presence of his adversaries. at other times i have felt sweet liberty in speaking of the glory of god’s kingdom, and talking of his power. so, also, in the defence of truth, god has given me a mouth and wisdom, that no adversary could gainsay or resist. the first enlargement i found was when god led my mind to jesus, as my surety, advocate, ransom, righteousness, and remedy. when he shed abroad his love, i lost p. 38that kind of fear that tormented me, and i could say, o thou whom my soul loveth—and in sweet confidence—he loved me; my mouth was enlarged to pray, to praise, and bless my god—his ways were pleasantness, and his paths peace, and i could run the way of his commandments, while his love enlarged my heart—though many things have too often occurred to bring me into bondage again, which has raised the cry in my soul, restore unto me the joys of thy salvation—and the piteous moan of one of old, he hath fenced up my way that i cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths; while i sensibly, at times, felt a backwardness to all that was good—no pleasure in the bible—reluctantly going to a throne of grace—fit for no company—ordinances very dry to me—my love cold, hope low, faith weak, and every thing god did, my heart fretted against him for it, so that i was ready to cry out to all the people of god i was acquainted with—

ye that love the lord, indeed,

tell me—is it so with you?

thus i generally remained till the application of a promise—one sweet word under a sermon—or a part of an hymn—or opening the mind to plead the promises at a throne of grace—or a sweet ray of light let in upon the mind, that led me to review the way i was led—this brought enlargement again—the above i have experienced many times. ’tis p. 39this makes our life a warfare; while our inbred sins gaining the ascendancy, brings the mind into sad bondage—this even works for our good, leads us to hate self, see the malice of satan, the need of divine keeping, and constrains us from necessity to pray, hold thou me up and i shall be safe. this warfare must be accomplished, this combat must have an end, the sooner the better; our happy release must come, we must soon be put in possession of that glory which we are favored with the earnest of, even eternal light, life, and love. feeling, knowing, and enjoying these things, we shall have the glorious fruition of them by and by; the way to it is painful, and much dreaded by the best of men, but god has always been better to them than their fears, they have been made willing to go; nature has shuddered, but faith has gained the victory; their fears and unbelief has often suggested, who shall roll away the stone from the door?—but lo, the angel of the lord descends in time, to roll it away; hence the redeemer says, i will come again and receive you to myself, that where i am ye may be also. thou shalt come to thy grave in full age, like a shock of corn, fully ripe, that cometh in his season—the wicked is driven away in his wickedness, but the other comes to his grave, or like a lily full blown; for, my beloved (says the church) has gone down to his garden to gather lillies—and as sure as we are gathered from the world, gathered into his church by effectual calling, so p. 40surely shall we be gathered into his garner. o what an enlargement!—now safe arrives the heavenly mariner; the battering storm, the hurricane of life, all dies away in one eternal calm.

with joy divine, and transport in his breast,

he gains the port of everlasting rest.

this will be an enlargement, or freedom from sin, from all temptations to it, from its dominion, from the commission of it, from the very inbeing of it. now shall that promise have its accomplishment, there shall be no more the canaanite in the house of the lord—from satan and his temptations, from evil men, they that offend will be gathered out of this kingdom, from bodily afflictions; the inhabitants shall no more say i am sick—here we shall be at liberty, enjoy father, son, and spirit; hold fellowship with him without interruption, be favored with clear apprehensions of his perfections and glory, as they shine in christ. then we shall see, love, admire, and adore the lamb in the midst of the throne—see the glory of his person, with the eyes of the soul, and his body with our bodily eyes—the glory of his human nature: see him in that nature that bore our sins, wearing the very marks and scars he received for us; that dear head that was once crowned with thorns! that dear face that was once marred more than any! those dear hands, feet, and side, that were wounded! we shall then see him in all his glory—this is the joy set before us, p. 41for which we endure the cross; we shall see him as he is, and be like him for ever—this is the glory to be revealed in the saints, beyond all comparison; this will be a joy unspeakable, and full of glory. how sweet the promise, the ransomed of the lord shall return, and come to zion with songs, and everlasting joy upon their heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away! this shall be the high priviledge of every vessel of mercy.

i close this sermon with an excellent quotation from mr. huntington’s “spiritual sea voyage;” which book has often entertained me.

“free grace and her crew all arrived at last,

no sailor was miss’d, when the muster was past;

by thousands and millions the angels appear’d,

and welcomed us with the anthems we heard.

we sung of redemption, in jesus the lord—

of sovereign love, and how we were restor’d—

the dangers we met, and the helps that appear’d—

of infinite wisdom, by which we were steer’d.

delightful the union, and great was the throng,

the melody charming, delightful the song:

an order came forth for ascending the throne,

and when we were seated the judgment came on.”

thus, christian reader, i have shewn my opinion of the names of the patriarchs. i have not written all i wished, lest it should swell this sermon to a volume. i have noticed some of the lord’s dealings with my own soul—every minister ought to give some account of a work of grace upon his p. 42own heart; i have not made myself all in all, rather nothing at all; i only aimed at the exaltation of that grace it is god’s delight to display. i have chosen this method of sending it into the world, because, as i went over these names, various parts of my own experience appeared so clear i could not forbear mentioning them, to the honour of god. i originally intended to publish an account of the dealings of the lord with me, in a series of letters, when i could have been more explicit and regular in my narrative; but as i intend those letters, only for a few thoughts on some interesting passages of scripture, i have made mention of the above in this sermon; this will no doubt procure me much more opposition from friend and foe; however, what i have written is the truth; to the god of all truth i commit it, hoping it will be blessed to the friends of truth—remembering divine love, or charity, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.