she needn't have worried. wrapped tight, hunched forward, as she started home her mind was busywith the things she could forget.
thank god i don't have to rememory or say a thing because you know it. all. you know i neverwould a left you. never. it was all i could think of to do. when the train came i had to be ready.
schoolteacher was teaching us things we couldn't learn. i didn't care nothing about the measuringstring. we all laughed about that — except sixo. he didn't laugh at nothing. but i didn't care.
schoolteacher'd wrap that string all over my head, 'cross my nose, around my behind. number myteeth. i thought he was a fool. and the questions he asked was the biggest foolishness of all.
then me and your brothers come up from the second patch. the first one was close to the housewhere the quick things grew: beans,onions, sweet peas. the other one was further down for long-lasting things, potatoes, pumpkin, okra, pork salad. not much was up yet down there. it was earlystill. some young salad maybe, but that was all. we pulled weeds and hoed a little to giveeverything a good start. after that we hit out for the house. the ground raised up from the secondpatch. not a hill exactly but kind of. enough for buglar and howard to run up and roll down, runup and roll down. that's the way i used to see them in my dreams, laughing, their short fat legsrunning up the hill. now all i see is their backs walking down the railroad tracks. away from me.
always away from me. but that day they was happy, running up and rolling down. it was earlystill — the growing season had took hold but not much was up. i remember the peas still hadflowers. the grass was long though, full of white buds and those tall red blossoms people calldiane and something there with the leastest little bit of blue — -light, like a cornflower but pale,pale. real pale. i maybe should have hurried because i left you back at the house in a basket in the yard. away from where the chickens scratched but you never know. anyway i took my timegetting back but your brothers didn't have patience with me staring at flowers and sky every two orthree steps. they ran on ahead and i let em. something sweet lives in the air that time of year, andif the breeze is right, it's hard to stay indoors. when i got back i could hear howard and buglarlaughing down by the quarters. i put my hoe down and cut across the side yard to get to you. theshade moved so by the time i got back the sun was shining right on you. right in your face, butyou wasn't woke at all. still asleep. i wanted to pick you up in my arms and i wanted to look at yousleeping too. didn't know which; you had the sweetest face. yonder, not far, was a grape arbor mr.
garner made. always full of big plans, he wanted to make his own wine to get drunk off. neverdid get more than a kettle of jelly from it. i don't think the soil was right for grapes. your daddybelieved it was the rain, not the soil. sixo said it was bugs. the grapes so little and tight. sour asvinegar too. but there was a little table in there. so i picked up your basket and carried you over tothe grape arbor. cool in there and shady. i set you down on the little table and figured if i got apiece of muslin the bugs and things wouldn't get to you. and if mrs. garner didn't need me rightthere in the kitchen, i could get a chair and you and me could set out there while i did thevegetables. i headed for the back door to get the clean muslin we kept in the kitchen press. thegrass felt good on my feet. i got near the door and i heard voices. schoolteacher made his pupils sitand learn books for a spell every afternoon. if it was nice enough weather, they'd sit on the sideporch. all three of em. he'd talk and they'd write. or he would read and they would write downwhat he said. i never told nobody this. not your pap, not nobody. i almost told mrs. garner, butshe was so weak then and getting weaker. this is the first time i'm telling it and i'm telling it toyou because it might help explain something to you although i know you don't need me to do it. totell it or even think over it. you don't have to listen either, if you don't want to. but i couldn't helplistening to what i heard that day. he was talking to his pupils and i heard him say, "which one areyou doing?" and one of the boys said, "sethe." that's when i stopped because i heard my name,and then i took a few steps to where i could see what they was doing. schoolteacher was standingover one of them with one hand behind his back. he licked a forefinger a couple of times andturned a few pages. slow. i was about to turn around and keep on my way to where the muslinwas, when i heard him say, "no, no. that's not the way. i told you to put her human characteristicson the left; her animal ones on the right. and don't forget to line them up." i commenced to walkbackward, didn't even look behind me to find out where i was headed. i just kept lifting my feetand pushing back. when i bumped up against a tree my scalp was prickly. one of the dogs waslicking out a pan in the yard. i got to the grape arbor fast enough, but i didn't have the muslin. fliessettled all over your face, rubbing their hands. my head itched like the devil. like somebody wassticking fine needles in my scalp. i never told halle or nobody. but that very day i asked mrs.
garner a part of it. she was low then. not as low as she ended up, but failing. a kind of bag grewunder her jaw. it didn't seem to hurt her, but it made her weak. first she'd be up and spry in themorning and by the second milking she couldn't stand up. next she took to sleeping late. the day iwent up there she was in bed the whole day, and i thought to carry her some bean soup and ask herthen. when i opened the bedroom door she looked at me from underneath her nightcap. already itwas hard to catch life in her eyes. her shoes and stockings were on the floor so i knew she hadtried to get dressed.
"i brung you some bean soup," i said.
she said, "i don't think i can swallow that.""try a bit," i told her.
"too thick. i'm sure it's too thick.""want me to loosen it up with a little water?""no. take it away. bring me some cool water, that's all.""yes, ma'am. ma'am? could i ask you something?""what is it, sethe?""what do characteristics mean?""what?""a word. characteristics.""oh." she moved her head around on the pillow. "features. who taught you that?""i heard the schoolteacher say it.""change the water, sethe. this is warm.""yes, ma'am. features?""water, sethe. cool water."i put the pitcher on the tray with the white bean soup and went downstairs. when i got back withthe fresh water i held her head while she drank. it took her a while because that lump made it hardto swallow. she laid back and wiped her mouth. the drinking seemed to satisfy her but shefrowned and said, "i don't seem able to wake up, sethe. all i seem to want is sleep.""then do it," i told her. "i'm take care of things."
