the following four additional “dreams” were added when man’s rights; or, how would you like it? was reprinted in woodhull and claflin’s weekly, new york, sep 3-nov 19, 1870.
i have just awoke. what a bad night! how it rains! why, it is pouring down.
once again i have been to my dreamland, where the respective conditions of men and women are reversed. my watch lies on the table and its pointers tell me it is five minutes past two o’clock. my husband is sound asleep. sleep on, my dear, good fellow! don’t open your eyes until my dream is written down. but i must write down the two headings at once, before they are forgotten:
the delirium protest and the sheepman-yellow-green protest.
there! i am glad they are down before my memory has any chance to prove treacherous. dear me! my husband awakes.
“why, annie, what are you doing at midnight, with that gas burning? you know i cannot sleep with a light in the room. writing! what in the world are you doing writing at midnight?”
“i have had another dream,” i replied; “so please don’t say another word. just turn on the other side, then the gas will not shine in your face.” there – he has done so; good, obliging fellow! so now to my dream, in which it seemed to me i had the power of hovering in the atmosphere. below me was the city which i had so often visited, and there, as heretofore, were the gentlemen parading the streets, their elaborately trimmed coats, pants and vests emulating the colors of the rainbow. with astonishment i beheld that beneath every coat-tail was a grecian bend, which caused said caudalities to project at an angle of forty-five degrees. many of these “well dressed” gentlemen were accompanied by dignified ladies, whose beauty, dress and carriage all denoted that women were there decidedly the superior sex. “oh, sad sight!” i said to myself. “oh, terrible condition for man!” then, as my heart went out to them in pity and commiseration, i found myself walking in the broad, beautiful avenue of that city; and it seemed to me, as it had often seemed before, that i had the power to look into the minds of these poor men, and also into the minds of those grand, beautiful women. i found that many of those degraded men were planning cajolery and deceit, by means of which they expected to extract money from their wives for the purchase of costly suits of clothing. as they occasionally lingered to observe the beautifully-embroidered vests, the elegantly-trimmed coats and other extravagant paraphernalia peculiar to man’s wardrobe there, i saw that, in many instances, their mental structure was essentially inferior to that of women, and that this was a necessary result of inherited degradation. i then thought of darwin’s observations and experiments, proving that in certain species of ants and other animals, peculiarities of sexes are transmitted, so that what one sex inherits the other does not; and i said to myself, “here is a terrible exemplification of this principle in the genus homo, for this inferiority has even permeated cerebral tissues.”
but at that moment i remembered the man’s rights meeting which i had attended, the noble men i had seen there, and the great speech of mr. sammy smiley, which proved that many men were, and many men might be, equal to the best of women, and i inwardly exclaimed, “thank god for man’s rights!” then my attention was called to large posters on the walls, around which troops of little, fantastically-dressed gentlemen had gathered.
“sheepman-yellow-green protest” met my eye in one place, while on the opposite corner, in yet larger head letters, i saw “delirium protest”.
the little darling gentlemen tittered and laughed as they read. “that is good, that is excellent for those men’s rights folks!” exclaimed one of them. “i will certainly sign that.”
just them a young girl came along with an armful of papers which she began to distribute to these gentlemen and also to the passers by. one found its way into my hands, and lo, it was the sheepman-yellow-green protest. i put on my spectacles and read about as follows.
“the petition of the undersigned gentlemen to the congress of the united republics protesting against the extension of the suffrage to men.
“we, the undersigned gentlemen, do most respectfully appeal to your honorable body against the extension of the suffrage to men. we shrink from notoriety, and would fain hide ourselves from woman’s eye, well knowing that it is man’s place to be modest and shame faced, but we are deeply and powerfully impressed by the grave facts which threaten our happiness in view of the proposed granting of the franchise to men.
“because the bible says that woman was made first, then man, proving conclusively that woman was superior to man.
[this reminded me of the idea enunciated by burns, that nature “tried her prentice hand on man, and then she made the lasses, o!” but i read on.]
“because as men we find enough care and responsibility in taking care of our homes, our children, our sewing and knitting, and other et ceteras of man’s life, and we don’t feel strong enough, mentally or physically, to assume other and heavier burdens such as an extension of suffrage to man would bring.
“because the possession of the franchise would be detrimental to the workingmen of our country, especially sewing men, creating among them a discontent and dissatisfaction which would never be assuaged until they should find their way to offices of honor and emolument, which, we all know, belong exclusively to women.
“because the extension of the franchise to man would be terribly detrimental to the marriage relation, resulting in two heads to a family instead of one, and causing married persons who, by reason of mutual unfitness, should never have formed that relation to each other, to seek for its dissolution though bound to each other by the holy ties of matrimony.
“because no general law affecting the condition of all men should be enacted to meet the exceptional discontent of workingmen who are needed to perform the labor and drudgery of the world, nor of bachelors, who ought, like ourselves, to have married honorable and respectable women well able to provide for them comfortable homes and all the luxuries of life.
“for these and many other equally important reasons do we beg of your wisdom that no law extending the franchise to the men of our country may be passed.
“[signed] mr. jemima d. hykoolorum, mr. josephine rooster-schmidt, mr. rev. doctor martha manton, mr. rev. dr. jerusa bottler, mr. rev. dr. patience rankskin, mr. betsy b. english, master johnnie carrott, mr. catherine v. morecold, mr. sarah mccowlick, mr. senator mary shearman, mr. senator jayne tocsin, mr. senator caroline telrock, mr. lucretia t. troppick, mr. cynthia walksome, master charlie e. birching.”
as i finished the names i looked up, and there was christiana thistlethwaite before me. “good morning, my friend,” she said; “i am glad to see you perusing that document. as you have probably perceived, the sheepman-yellow-green protest is signed by the husbands of the most honorable and respectable women in our country – husbands of senators and clergymen. come, walk with me to the senate,” she added; and in an instant i found myself in the reception room of that body.
with the “delirium protest” in my hand, i took a chair, readjusted my spectacles and began to look it over. i found it was signed by one hundred and forty-one men (oh, these poor deluded men) of a dorain or norain county – i have forgotten the exact name. the following paragraphs caught my eye:
“we men acknowledge no inferiority to women.”
pretty good! i said to myself; “pretty good! you one hundred and forty-one men are in a very hopeful condition. but i will give, as nearly as i can render it, the delirium protest.
“we believe that god has wisely made men to be husbands, to stay at home, to take care of the children, to look after and keep in repair the wardrobes of the family and attend to all the little etceteras the sum of which makes home comfortable and attractive, these duties being even implied in the very construction and derivation of the word, houseband.
“we believe that god has made woman to legislate, to govern and to fill every department of lucrative labor, and that each sex is well adapted to the duties of each.
“we believe that god has ordained that every man who has not a wife to provide for him is an outcast, and unworthy of our consideration. [well done, podsnap.]
“we feel that our domestic cares, our homes, our children, making and receiving calls, studying the fashions and so arranging our household and clothing that the apparent effect is that of having twice or thrice the income really received, fill up the whole measure of our time, abilities and needs.
“we believe that our duties, as above-defined, are as sacred as any upon earth.
“we feel that those duties are such as no woman could perform, constituting prima facto evidence that god has wisely adapted each sex to its special duties.
“the importance of our duties, as above-defined, urge us to protest against being compelled to accept the franchise, or any of its resultant duties, which could not be performed without sacrificing some duties exclusively appertaining to our sex, and which we therefore feel under obligations to perform.
“our mothers, sisters, wives and daughters represent us at the ballot box; our mothers and sisters love us; our wives are our choice [happy souls!] and are with us; our daughters are what we made them, and we are content. (oh, bliss supreme!) we are content that they represent us at the ballot box, in scientific pursuits, in the lecture room and in the world of business and legislation – in short, in everything that would divert us from our home and domestic duties, as above defined. we are content to represent them in our primary schools, at our firesides, telling stories and amusing the children, warming our wives’ slippers and preparing the dressing-robes for their return home; and we well know that in this way, by the influence we thus gain over our wives, we are better represented, even at the ballot box, than we possibly could be were all men allowed to vote.”
“happy one hundred and forty-one!” i said to myself, as i took off my spectacles; “peace be to your ashes.”
then i looked about the large reception room of the senate; there were young men and old men, in all their finery and frivolity – ribbons and ruffles, trills and flounces – whispering and tittering, swinging and prancing on their little toes, every motion giving perspicuity to grecian bends and long coat tails; their hands were squeezed into small gloves, which gave them a cats’ paw appearance. as they walked to and fro, or stood in groups, their little gossamer fans fluttered like the wings of as many butterflies.
the pages of the senate were young girls, whose countenances bloomed with health and intelligence; and i observed that they were busily engaged carrying to senators in the senate chamber dainty, perfumed cards of these delicate little gentlemen. never had i witnessed so sad a sight. never for an instant did i cease sorrowing for those poor downtrodden men, whom i well knew were capable of filling every department here monopolized by women.
as i sat there watching the visitors at the reception room, a senator, in her stately robes of plain black, without any ornaments, entered from the senate chamber; then three or four of those frivalous creatures i have described minced and bowed, fluttered and chattered, while she, like a superior being, graciously listened, occasionally making a remark. two rows of parchment, tied with blue ribbon, were handed her by one of those little gents. as she unfolded first one and then the other, her eyes rapidly scanning their contents, i saw in large letters on one, “sheepman-yellow-green protest,” and on the other “delirium protest.”
“but i believe in man’s rights,” i heard the senator say.
“o, blessed moment!” i said to myself, as a tear rolled down my face; “there is one noble, beautiful soul, brave enough to say she believes in the rights of these poor, degraded men, who in my world are considered the lords of creation.”
then i reflected, as i sat there on my chair, on the similarity in names, in sentiments and logic between those protests and some that whilom appeared in the papers here signed by the wives of divers high mightinesses in washington, elyria and elsewhere, denouncing woman’s rights, and i concluded that this remarkable parrallelion must be; and the manifestation of that general law of correspondences under which certain changes in the sun are said by savans to be concurrent with magnetic and meteoric terrestrial disturbances; and might also have a bearing on the theory of a parisian bachelor who devoted his life to the investigation of humps, and who, from numerous facts which he had ascertained in all quarters of the globe, concluded that the forms of such protuberances corresponded with the more or less hilly character of the countries in which they respectively originated.
while intensely occupied in these philosophical comparisons, and endeavoring to apply them to reformatory operations in both worlds i became so bewildered that i awoke.
why, it has taken me over an hour to write this dream; the rain is still pouring. i am sleepy, and must retire.
