“in that new world which was the old.”
there had been several days of thick, murky weather—dull, uncomplaining days that bore their burden of fog and rain in monotonous endurance. six of such i had lived through; a passive existence, parcelled out to me by the uncomprehended clanging of bells, and the, to me, still more incomprehensible clatter which, recurring at regular intervals, told that a hungry{2} multitude were plying their knives and forks in the saloon.
but a change had come at last; and on saturday morning, instead of the usual heaving ridges of grey water, i saw through the port-hole the broken green glitter of sunlit waves. the s.s. alaska’s lurching plunge had subsided into a smooth unimpeded rushing through the water, and for the first time since i had left new york, the desire for food and human companionship awoke in me.
“stewardess,” i said, “get me a cup of tea. i am going on deck.”
it was early when i came on deck. the sun was still low in the south-east, and was spreading a long road of rays toward us, up which the big steamer was hurrying, dividing the radiancy into shining lines, that writhed backwards from her bows till they were lost in the foaming turmoil astern.{3}
a light north wind was blowing from a low-lying coast on our left, bringing, as i fancied, some faint suggestion of fields and woods. i walked across the snowy deck, to where a sailor was engaged in a sailor’s seemingly invariable occupation of coiling a rope in a neat circle.
“i suppose that is ireland?” i said, pointing to the land.
“yes, miss; that’s the county cork right enough. we’ll be into queenstown in a matter of three hours now.”
“three hours more!” i said to myself, while i watched the headlands slowly changing their shapes as we steamed past. it would soon begin now, this new phase of my life, whether i wished it or not. it had once seemed impossible; now it was inevitable. my destiny was no longer in my own control, and its secret was, perhaps, hidden among those blue irish hills, which{4} looked as if they were waiting for me to come and prove what they had in store for me.
“well, it has been my own doing,” i thought; “whatever comes of it, i have only myself to thank; and whether they like or dislike me, i shall have to make the best of them, and they of me.”
“first breakfast just ready, miss,” said one of the innumerable ship-stewards, scurrying past me with cups of tea on a tray.
i paid no attention to the suggestion, and made my way to a deck chair just vacated by an elderly gentleman. i could not bring myself to go below. the fresh sweet wind, the seagulls glancing against the blue sky, the sunshine that gleamed broadly from the water and made a dazzling mimic sun of each knob and point of brasswork about the ship,—to exchange{5} these for the fumes of bacon and eggs, and the undesired conversation of some chance fellow-passenger, seemed out of the question.
moreover, i was too restless and excited to care about breakfast just then. the sight of the land had given new life to expectations and hopes from which most of the glory had departed during the ignominious misery of the last six days. i lay in my deck chair, idly watching the black river of smoke that streamed back from the funnels, and for the first time found a certain dubious enjoyment in the motion of the vessel, as she progressed with that slight roll in her gait which the sea confers upon all its habitués.
most people appear to think that sea-sickness, if spoken of at all, should be treated as an involuntarily comic episode, to be dealt with in a facetious manner.{6} but for me it has only two aspects—the pathetic and the revolting; the former being the point of view from which i regard my own sufferings, and the latter having reference to those of others. in the dark hours spent in my state-room, i had had abundant opportunity to formulate and verify this theory, and i have never since then seen any reason to depart from it.
