before the italian husbands could adopt or reconcile their minds to a custom so opposite to their former practice, they took some measures to secure a point which they had always thought of the highest importance. finding that confinement was a plan generally reprobated, and that any appearance of jealousy subjected the husband to ridicule, they agreed that their wives should go into company and attend public places, but always attended by a friend whom they could trust, and who, at the same time, should not be disagreeable to the wife. this compromise could not fail of being acceptable to the women, who plainly perceived that they must be gainers by any alteration of the former system;[409] and it soon became universal all over italy, for the women to appear at public places leaning upon the arm of a man; who, from their frequently whispering together, was called her cicisbeo. it was stipulated, at the same time, that the lady, while abroad under his care, should converse with no other man but in his presence, and with his approbation; he was to be her guardian, her friend, and gentleman-usher.

the custom at present is, that this obsequious gentleman visits the lady every forenoon at the toilet, where the plan for passing the evening is agreed upon; he disappears before dinner, for it is usual all over italy for the husband and wife to dine together tête-à-tête, except on great occasions, as when there is a public feast. after dinner the husband retires, and the cicisbeo returns and conducts the lady to the public walk, the conversazioné, or the opera; he hands her[410] about wherever she goes, presents her coffee, sorts her cards, and attends with the most pointed assiduity till the amusements of the evening are over; he accompanies her home, and delivers up his charge to the husband, who is then supposed to resume his functions.

from the nature of this connection, it could not be an easy matter to find a cicisbeo who would be equally agreeable to the husband and wife. at the beginning of the institution, the husbands, as i have been informed, preferred the platonic swains, who professed only the metaphysicks of love, and whose lectures, they imagined, might refine their wives ideas, and bring them to the same way of thinking; in many instances, no doubt, it would happen, that the platonic admirer asked with less seraphic ends; but these instances serve only as proofs that the husbands were mistaken in their men; for however absurd it may appear in the eyes[411] of some people, to imagine that the husbands believe it is only a platonic connection which subsists between their wives and the cicisbeos; it is still more absurd to believe, as some strangers who have passed through this country seem to have done, that this whole system of cicisbeism was from the beginning, and is now, an universal system of adultery connived at by every italian husband. to get clear of one difficulty, those gentlemen fall into another much more inexplicable; by supposing that the men, who of all the inhabitants of europe were the most scrupulous with regard to their wives chastity, should acquiesce in, and in a manner become subservient to, their prostitution. in support of this strange doctrine, they assert, that the husbands being the cicisbeos of other women, cannot enjoy this privilege on any other terms; and are therefore contented to sacrifice their wives for the sake of their mistresses. that some individuals may be profligate enough to act in this manner,[412] i make no doubt. similar arrangements we hear instances of in every country; but that such a system is general, or any thing near it, in italy, seems to me perfectly incredible, and is contrary to the best information i have received since i have been here. it is also urged, that most of the married men of quality in italy act in the character of cicisbeo to some woman or other; and those who are not platonic lovers, ought to suspect that the same liberties are taken with their wives which they take with the spouses of their neighbours; and therefore their suffering a man to visit their wives in the character of a cavaliero servente, is in effect conniving at their own cuckoldom. but this does not follow as an absolute consequence; for men have a wonderful faculty of deceiving themselves on such occasions. so great is the infatuation of their vanity, that the same degree of complaisance, which they consider as the effect of a very natural and excusable weakness, when indulged by any woman for themselves,[413] they would look on as a horrible enormity if admitted by their wives for another man; so that whatever degree of licentiousness may exist in consequence of this system, i am convinced the majority of husbands make exceptions in their own favour, and that their ladies find means to satisfy each individual that he is not involved in a calamity, which, after all, is more general in other countries, as well as italy, than it ought.

even when there is the greatest harmony and love between the husband and wife, and although each would prefer the other’s company to any other, still, such is the tyranny of fashion, they must separate every evening; he to play the cavaliero servente to another woman, and she to be led about by another man. notwithstanding this inconveniency, the couples who are in this predicament are certainly happier than those whose affections are not centered at home. some very loving couples[414] lament the cruelty of this separation, yet the world in general seem to be of opinion, that a man and his wife who dine together every day, and lie together every night, may, with a proper exertion of philosophy, be able to support being asunder a few hours in the evening.

the cicisbeo, in many instances, is a poor relation or humble friend, who, not being in circumstances to support an equipage, is happy to be admitted into all the societies, and to be carried about to public diversions, as an appendage to the lady. i have known numbers of those gentlemen, whose appearance and bodily infirmities carried the clearest refutation, with respect to themselves personally, of the scandalous stories of an improper connection between cavaliero serventes and their mistresses. i never in my life saw men more happily formed, both in body and mind, for saving the reputation of the females with whom they were on a footing[415] of intimacy. the humble and timid air which many of them betray in the presence of the ladies, and the perseverance with which they continue their services, notwithstanding the contemptuous stile in which they are often treated, is equally unlike the haughtiness natural to favoured lovers, and the indifference of men satiated with enjoyment.

there are, it must be confessed, cicisbeos of a very different stamp, whose figure and manners might be supposed more agreeable to the ladies they serve, than to their lords. i once expressed my surprise, that a particular person permitted one of this description to attend his wife. i was told, by way of solution of my difficulty, that the husband was poor, and the cicisbeo rich. it is not in italy only where infamous compromises of this nature take place.

i have also known instances, since i have been in this country, where the characters of the ladies were so well established, as not[416] to be shaken either in the opinion of their acquaintances or husbands, although their cavaliero serventes were in every respect agreeable and accomplished.

but whether the connection between them is supposed innocent or criminal, most englishmen will be astonished how men can pass so much of their time with women. this, however, will appear less surprising, when they recollect that the italian nobility dare not intermeddle in politics; can find no employment in the army or navy; and that there are no such amusements in the country as hunting or drinking. in such a situation, if a man of fortune has no turn for gaming, what can he do? even an englishman, in those desperate circumstances, might be driven to the company and conversation of women, to lighten the burden of time. the italians have persevered so long in this expedient, that, however extraordinary it may seem to those who have never tried it, there can[417] be no doubt that they find it to succeed. they tell you, that nothing so effectually sooths the cares, and beguiles the tediousness of life, as the company of an agreeable woman; that though the intimacy should never exceed the limits of friendship, there is something more flattering and agreeable in it than in male friendships; that they find the female heart more sincere, less interested, and warmer in its attachments; that women in general have more delicacy, and—. well, well, all this may be true, you will say; but may not a man enjoy all these advantages, to as great perfection, by an intimacy and friendship with his own wife, as with his neighbour’s? “non, monsieur, point du tout,” answered a frenchman, to whom this question was once addressed. “et pourquoi donc? parceque cela n’est pas permis.” this you will not think a very satisfactory answer to so natural and so pertinent a question—it is not the fashion! this,[418] however, was the only answer i received all over italy.

this system is unknown to the middle and lower ranks; they pass their time in the exercise of their professions, and in the society of their wives and children, as in other countries; and in that sphere of life, jealousy, which formed so strong a feature of the italian character, is still to be found as strong as ever. he who attempts to visit the wife or mistress of any of the tradespeople without their permission, is in no small danger of a coltellata. i have often heard it asserted, that italian women have remarkable powers of attaching their lovers. those powers, whatever they are, do not seem to depend entirely on personal charms, as many of them retain their ancient influence over their lovers after their beauty is much in the wane, and they themselves are considerably advanced in the vale of years. i know an italian nobleman, of great fortune, who has been[419] lately married to a very beautiful young woman, and yet he continues his assiduity to his former mistress, now an old woman, as punctually as ever. i know an englishman who is said to be in the same situation, with this difference, that his lady is still more beautiful. in both these instances, it is natural to believe that the beautiful young wives will always take care to keep their husbands in such a chaste and virtuous way of thinking, that, whatever time they may spend with their ancient mistresses, nothing criminal will ever pass between them.

whatever satisfaction the italians find in this kind of constancy, and in their friendly attachments to one woman, my friend the marquis de f—— told me, when i last saw him at paris, that he had tried it while he remained at rome, and found it quite intolerable. a certain obliging ecclesiastic had taken the trouble, at the earnest request of a lady of that city, to arrange matters between her and the marquis, who[420] was put into immediate possession of all the rights that were ever supposed to belong to a cicisbeo. the woman nauseated her husband, which had advanced matters mightily; and her passion for the marquis was in proportion to her abhorrence of the other. in this state things had remained but a very short time, when the marquis called one afternoon to drive the abbé out a little into the country, but he happened to have just dined. the meals or this ecclesiastic were generally rather oppressive for two or three hours after they were finished; he therefore declined the invitation, saying, by way of apology, “je suis dans les horreurs de la digestion.” he then enquired how the marquis’s amour went on with the lady. “ah, pour l’amour, cela est à peu près passé,” replied the marquis, “et nous sommes actuellement dans les horreurs de l’amitié.”