from the little window at my bed-head, i noticed all the varying seasons of the year; and, when the spring put in, i felt charmed with the music of birds, which strained their little throats to proclaim it. the chief business imposed upon me as a task, at this season, was my being set to work to “scale” the pastures and meadows; that is, to spread the mole-hills over the surface of the ground. this, with gardening, and such like jobs, was very hungry work, and often made me think dinner was long in coming; and, when at last it was sent to me, be it what it might, i sat down on the “lown” side of a hedge and eat it with a relish that needed no sauce.

as soon as the bushes and trees began to put forth their buds, and make the face of nature look gay—this was the signal for the angler to prepare his fishing tackle. in doing this i was not behind hand. fishing rods, set gads, and night lines were all soon made fit for use, and with them, late and early, i had a busy time of it, during the summer months, until the frosts of autumn forbid me to proceed. the uneasiness which my late evening wadings by the waterside gave to my father and mother, i have often since reflected upon with regret. they could not go to bed with the hopes of getting to sleep, while haunted with the apprehension of my being drowned; and well do i remember to this day my father’s well-known whistle, which called me home. he went to a little distance from the house, where nothing obstructed the sound, and whistled so loud, through his finger and thumb, that in the still hours of evening it might be heard echoing up the vale of the tyne, to a very great distance. this whistle i learned to imitate, and answered it as well as i could, and then posted home.

from early in the morning till night, i was scarcely ever out of an action either good or bad; or, when not kept close at school, or in doing jobs such as those i have described, i was almost constantly engaged in some mischievous prank or other; but with a detail of these it would be wearisome to load my narrative: they were occasioned by the overflowings of an active, wild disposition. at one time, in imitation of the savages described in “robinson crusoe,”—or some other savages,—i often, in a morning, set off stark naked across the fell, where i was joined by some associates, who, in like manner, ran about like mad things, or like bedlamites who had escaped. climbing the tall trees at eltringham for rook nests, at the hazard of breaking our necks or our bones, was another piece of business which employed our attention. i was also engaged in another equally dangerous. having formed the resolution of curing a vicious, “runaway” horse belonging to my father, which no one durst mount, i, however, took the opportunity, when out of sight of any of the family, to do so. with my hand entwined in his mane, and bare-backed, i set him a-going, and let him run over “sykes” and burns, up hill and down hill, until he was quite spent. in a short time i discovered that, to make him run at all, he must be whipt to it. at other times i swam him in the river. this, and such like treatment, made him look ill, and quite tamed him.

i have often since shuddered at the thoughts of doing these and such like desperate acts, and wondered how i escaped; but neither caution nor fear had at that time taken a place in the mind; on the contrary, any uncommon or frightful exploit had charms in it that i could not resist. one of these pranks, however, attracted the attention of the neighbourhood, brought me into a great dilemma, and occasioned me a severe beating. i engaged a constant associate, who was ever ready at my command to help me, as soon as i communicated any design to him. i had discovered two oxen in a little savannah, or bit of grazing ground, surrounded with hazel and other bushes, near the brink of the river. thither we went in order to enjoy so tempting a sight as to see them plunge overhead into the flood. when all was ready, we suddenly, with long branches in our hands, sprang upon them from the bushes overhanging the precipice, the danger of which they did not see; and they were plunged, with such a delightful dash, overhead into the river! they, however, happened to be no worse for it; for they were driven down by the rapid current of the flood, and landed safely at a distance below. this exploit, happening on a sunday forenoon, was an aggravation of the crime.

after this my father mostly took me with him to church, where i frequently employed myself in drawing figures upon the soft, painted book-board with a pin. in doing this, no one noticed me, especially as i held down my head; and, having got the church service off, i repeated it the same as the congregation. this apparently regular behaviour was not, however, of long duration, and was broken in upon at last. sunday after sunday a clownish fellow had obtruded himself into our pew. i did not think this quite right, and wished to put an end to it; and this happened in a very rude way in the end. a dumb man (“dummy, of wylam”), a constant church-goer, had a seat in a pew before ours, where, regularly during the service, he fell fast asleep. when in that state, and sitting right before our obtruder, i reached aside, and gave “dummy” a smart blow on the head, and instantly, as if i knew nothing of the matter, i seemed to be quite grave, and intent on looking on my prayer book, while the obtruder was putting on a broad grin. at this poor dummy was enraged, and with a distorted countenance, he kept thumping the man on the face and head, at the same time making a hideous noise, which was heightened by the fellow’s shouting, and calling him “fool,” at the same time assuring him that it was i who gave the blow, and not he. to the deaf man this was a waste of words. it need not be added that the congregation was greatly disturbed, while perhaps none knew or suspected the cause except my father and my preceptor in the pulpit.

sometimes the lads in the same class i belonged to, when we had been doing amiss, were sent to cut birch rods to whip us with. at other times we were locked into the belfry, where we often amused ourselves by drawing each other up by the bell ropes to the first floor; but one of our comrades having (by the rope slipping through the hands of those who held it), been precipitated to the ground, by which he was a good deal hurt, that mode of punishment was altogether dropped. the parson, poor man, had a troublesome time of it with one or other of us; and i remember, once in particular, of putting him into very great pain and distress of mind. after a great flood, a large piece of ice, about the size of the floor of a room, had been left in a place called “ned’s hole,” by the side of the river. this i got upon, and persuaded several others to do the same, and we then set to work with a “boat stower” to push it off shore; and, in this manner, we got some distance up the river, opposite to the parsonage garden, where our master happened to be, and saw us. i could see by his agitated motions, and his uplifted hands, that he was put into a state much easier to be felt than described. after having been guilty of misdemeanors of this kind, i did not go back to school for the remainder of the day; but waded, or otherwise crossed, the river, and sat down or amused myself among the bushes, on the water banks, until the rest of the scholars left school, when i joined them and went home. but as it would not have been safe for me to go to bed (if conscious of guilt, or if otherwise betrayed) for fear of a visit from my father, i always took up my abode for the night in the byer loft, among the hay or straw, knowing well that, when his passion subsided, i should escape a beating from his hands.

the first cause of my preceptor beginning a severe system of flogging (beside the quantum i received for mischievous acts), was for not getting off my latin tasks. when this was not done to his mind, he, by way of punishment, gave me another still worse to do, and still longer, till at length i gave up even attempting to get through them at all, and began to stand a flogging without being much put about by it. i think (at this day) my very worthy preceptor, in following this rather indiscriminate system of severe punishments, was wrong. he often beat his own son,[4] a youth of an uncommonly mild, kind, and cheerful disposition, whom i felt more distressed at seeing punished than if it had been myself; for i mostly considered that i richly deserved the stripes inflicted upon me, and that he did not.

there was a misdemeanor for which, above all the rest, i was more severely punished, both at school and at home, than for any other fault; and that was for fighting with other boys. to put a stop to this practice, was the particular request of my mother. to her it was odious in the extreme. her reasons i do not forget. she quoted scripture in support of them. therein, she said, we were directed “if we were struck on one cheek, to turn the other also,” (i forget the exact words): it is a portion of scripture i did not obey. she also maintained that the business of fighting was degrading to human nature, and put a man that practised it on a level with dogs. i am conscious that i never sought a quarrel with any one; but i found an insult very bad to bear, and generally in the most secret manner contrived “to fight it out.”

when the floggings inflicted upon me had in a great measure begun to lose their effect, another mode of punishment was fallen upon; and that was, after the school hours were over, to lock me into the church, where i was kept till the dusk of the evening. this solitary confinement was very irksome to me; as i had not at that time got over a belief in ghosts and boggles, for the sight of which i was constantly upon the look out. oppressed with fear, i peeped here and there into every corner, in dread of seeing some terrible spirit. in time, however, this abated, and i amused myself, as well as i could, in surveying the surrounding objects, and in climbing up the pillars, with the help of a rope or a handkerchief, as i used to do in getting up large trees. it happened one evening, when my master, as usual, came to let me out, that i was sitting astride upon the capital of one of the pillars, where he did not see me. he called on me, but i made no answer, and he then posted off to see if the door was fast, and having ascertained that it was, he marched along the aisles in great perturbation of mind, frequently exclaiming “god bless me!” &c. when he was gone, i slipped down, and found the choir door only bolted on the inside, so i waded the river and posted home, and slept in my old asylum the hay loft. i have frequently bitterly repented of having given a man i afterwards so highly respected through life so much pain and trouble.

i have before noticed that the first time i felt compassion for a dumb animal, was upon my having caught a hare in my arms. the next occurrence of the kind happened with a bird. i had no doubt knocked many down with stones before, but they had escaped being taken. this time, however, the little victim dropped from the tree, and i picked it up. it was alive, and looked me piteously in the face; and, as i thought, could it have spoken, it would have asked me why i had taken away its life. i felt greatly hurt at what i had done, and did not quit it all the afternoon. i turned it over and over, admiring its plumage, its feet, its bill, and every part of it. it was a bullfinch. i did not then know its name, but i was told it was a “little matthew martin.” this was the last bird i killed; but many, indeed, have been killed since on my account.

i had been at man-fights, dog-fights, and cock-fights, without feeling much compassion. indeed, with the last of these exhibitions, i was more entertained at seeing the wry faces, contortions, and agitations of the clowns who surrounded the cock-pit, or circle, than i was with the cocks fighting. it was long before i felt disgusted at seeing men fight. this, however, happened at last. a travelling merchant, or respectable pedlar,—a slim-made, genteel-looking man,—had perhaps forgotten himself over a glass, and not minded what company he was in. he could not, however, be long in such society without being insulted; but, be that as it might, a fight ensued, in which the stranger was over-matched. i saw only the concluding part, and was extremely shocked; for the stranger was sitting propped up with his arms behind him, quite spent and speechless, and looked like a corpse. after sitting a short time in this helpless state, his opponent walked coolly up to him, and with a blow on the face or head laid him flat on the ground. i thought he was killed, at which i became so frantic with rage and indignation, that i believe, at the moment, if i had had a pistol at hand, i would have shot the sturdy barbarian.

in going along with my narrative, i have noticed some of the first impressions which produced a change, and left a strong effect on my mind. in some of these, the change was quick and decisive; in others of a more tardy nature; and prejudices which were early rooted were not easily removed. among the worst, was that of a belief in ghosts, boggles, apparitions, &c. these wrought powerfully upon the fears of the great bulk of the people at that time, and, with many, these fears are not rooted out even at this day. the stories so circumstantially told respecting these phantoms and supernatural things, i listened to with the dread they inspired, and it took many an effort, and i suffered much, before it could be removed. what helped me greatly to conquer fears of that kind was my knowing that my father constantly scouted such idle, or, indeed, such pernicious tales. he would not allow me to plead fear as any excuse, when he had to send me an errand at night; and, perhaps, my being frequently alone in the dark might have the effect of enabling me greatly to rise superior to such weakness.

i have known men, both old and young, who dared to encounter almost any danger, yet were afraid of their own shadows; and i remember well of trying the experiment, one night, upon a servant man of my father’s, who was a kind of village c?sar, and feared not to stand the most desperate battles with others of the same cast, upon any occasion. i began by sneering at his courage, and then bet him a penny that i durst do what he dared not. all i intended to do i set about rather deliberately, and then rose to perform my feat, which was to walk along the dark passage to the back door, and to repeat something (rather ominous, indeed) about “silky” and “hedley kow.” after performing my task, i returned with apparent agitation and fear, and sat down in silence close beside him for some time, and then asked him if he durst do the like. i, however, saw, by his hesitation, that the performance by him was given up, and he only remarked that “one may soon get what one’ll never cast.”

at another time, in broad day light, i took it into my head to make another trial of this kind upon my father’s pitmen. for this purpose i detained our cur dog, until i buckled him up in a pair of old “sods,” which covered him beyond both head and tail, and set him off to the pit, knowing well that he would go straight there; for he was accustomed every day to leave the pit lodge, and go home, where he waited until he saw that dinner was ready, and then his reappearance at the pit was as good as telling my father and his servants to come home. i durst not have thus amused myself if i had not known that my father was out of the way. i set off on the inside of the hedge, keeping pace with the dog all the way up to the pit heap, near which i stopped, and peeped to see the effect that would be produced; and this was really curious. one of the men, seeing the odd appearance of something alive, with a long body, without either legs, head, or tail, moving straight forward towards him, knew not what to make of it; and, after rubbing his eyes, he ran off to his companions, who, when they had taken a peep, all set off, with speed, on their way home.

in a business of a similar kind, which happened not long after, it was my lot to be the sufferer. a few companions used to come at nights to our house to play at cards with me, and i, in turn, visited them for the same purpose. we were, however, taken to task by a bigotted old woman in the neighbourhood, who called the cards the “devil’s books.” she told me one night before setting off to play with my companions, as usual, that, if i looked under the table, i would see the devil; and i recollect that i several times peeped to see if he were indeed there. when we were done playing, two of the gamesters, as was customary, set me across part of the fell towards home. i was, however, much surprised at their suddenly leaving me without saying good night, or making any reply to my shouting after them, and they were soon out of sight. this was at a place called the “sand holes,” which i then left, and was turning towards home, when, behold! to my utter amazement, i saw the devil! it was a clear moonlight night; i could not be mistaken—his horns—his great white, goggle eyes, and teeth, and tail—his whole person stood fairly before me! as i gazed, i thought the hair lifted the hat on my head. he stood, and i stood, for some time; and, i believe, if he had then come up to me, i must have dropped down. certain it is, however, that desperation succeeded fear. i moved aside, and he did the same. i involuntarily got my “jackleg knife,” and, if he had then approached me, he to a certainty would have been stabbed. i slipped off my clogs, made a start in a bending direction, and at full speed ran home. he pursued me nearly to the door, but i beat him in the race. i had always understood that any person who had seen a ghost, or evil spirit, would faint on coming into a house with a fire in it. i feared this, but i fainted none! and when my father asked me what was the matter, i told him i had seen the devil. he, perhaps without thinking, gave me a slap on the head. it was not long, however, till the following affair transpired. the man who personated the devil, when he met me, had been on his way to a “kirn supper,” and was going “a guising.” when my father heard the whole transaction, he wrought himself up into a great rage; and very shortly after, meeting the man, in the street at corbridge, who had frightened me, he instantly paid him off by giving him a sound beating. when the people, who always considered my father as a remarkably peaceable man, saw him thus engaged, they expressed their surprise; but, as soon as they heard the reason for what had been done, they were also exasperated, and, i was given to understand, the man was obliged to leave the village.

the first time i took notice of any of my female school-fellows arose from a reproof i met with, and the manner it was given, from one of them. the amiable person alluded to, was miss betty gregson, my preceptor’s daughter, and somewhere about my own age. she kept a messet dog, and the sleek, fat, useless animal was much disliked by me as well as by some of the other boys. when it made its appearance in the churchyard, which it sometimes did, we set about frightening it; and, for this purpose, some of us met it at every gate and outlet, and stopped its retreat till it became quite distressed. the last time that this kind of sport was practised on her little dog, i happened to be the only actor. having met with it at a little distance from its home, i had stopped it from entering the house, and had pursued it about and about, or met it at the end of every avenue, till it was put into great “bodily fear!” this behaviour towards her little favourite, was very offensive to miss gregson. she could endure it no longer, and she called me to account for it. i can never forget her looks upon the occasion. she no doubt intended to scold me, but the natural sweetness of her disposition soon showed itself in its true colours. she did not know how to scold; for, after some embarrassing attempts at it, and some hesitation, she put me in mind of my being related to her, and of her uniform kindness to me, and with irresistible arguments and persuasions made me see the impropriety of my conduct. with me this left its mark; for from that time forward i never plagued any of the girls at school, nor did any thing that might give them offence; nor has this impression ever been effaced from my mind, but has been there fostered through life and settled into a fixed respect and tender regard for the whole sex.

hitherto my life at school and at home might be considered as a life of warfare, and punishments of various kinds had been inflicted upon me apparently with little effect. as a cure for my misdeeds, my worthy master, however, at length found out a better and more effectual way. he one day invited me to dine with him, and after showing me the greatest kindness, he followed this up in a friendly, plain, and open way, by remonstrating with me on the impropriety of my past conduct, the evil tendency of it, and the pain and trouble it had given him; urging me, at the same time, in such a persuasive tone, instantly to desist from it, that i felt quite overpowered with his discourse, and fell into a flood of tears. the result was, i never dared to encounter another of these friendly meetings; and, while i remained at his school, he never again had occasion to find fault with me.

the transactions in which i afterwards became engaged, afforded me more real enjoyment. as silent time stole away, in the varied seasons of the long-measured years, changes gradually took place in many of the erroneous notions i had formed of things. as the mind became more expanded, curiosity led me to enquire into the nature of the objects which attracted my attention. among the first was that of birds, their nests, their eggs, and their young. these to me were long a source of great delight, and many a spring morning i watched and looked after them. i also spent many a summer evening, on my way home from school, lost in wonder in examining the works going forward among a nation of ants. the place they occupied was on the top of the “boat hill,” near eltringham, and the colony was the largest i had ever seen. from it their narrow roads, through the grass, radiated in various directions to a great distance. these were like as many turnpike roads, and as busily crowded as any among men, leading to or from a great fair. i have sometimes with a stick overturned their accumulated gatherings, when it was curious to observe the effect produced. the greatest bustle and confusion ensued; and yet i have observed with surprise, that next morning every thing was restored to the same order as before. i noticed that they had other enemies that broke in upon them, and which perhaps injured them more than i did; and these were the turkeys from the village, where great numbers were bred every year. as soon as the young brood were able to walk abroad, the mother led them every day to this great ant hill, were they no doubt made terrible havoc among the inhabitants and their works.[5]

bees also attracted much of my attention. i could not see into the interior of their works, but i made every inquiry of those who had long kept them, and gathered, in this way, as good a knowledge of their history and economy as i could. one of my morning jobs was to sit before the hives, with a stick like a spatula, to kill the wasps as they alighted to enter and rob them. i could see the bees enter, loaded with what they had culled from every flower, but never could see them attack or repel their enemies.

i frequently amused myself in observing the murders of a large spider, which had placed its web in a corner of the little window at my bed head. being wishful to see how it managed its affairs, i prevented the servant girl from brushing the web away. its proceedings did not excite in me any favourable opinion. having seen it seize every innocent fly that set foot upon its snares, i had a mind to try how it would conduct itself towards a more powerful opponent. for this purpose, i caught a wasp, which i held by its wings upon the web until its feet got entangled, when out came the hitherto unthwarted tyrant; and, after some apparent hesitation, it at length was tempted to pounce upon the obtruder. the struggle was, however, very short. i soon perceived the wasp double itself up and dart its sting into the body of its enemy, which instantly retired, and never afterwards returned. this is only one experiment, but further trials of the kind might be made to come at truth.