my brother was born on the 18th of september, 1821 at uffington, in berkshire, of which your great-grandfather was vicar. uffington was then a very primitive village, far away from any high road, and seven miles from wantage, the nearest town from which a coach ran to london. there were very few neighbours, the roads were almost impassable for carriages in the winter, and the living was a poor one; but your great-grandfather (who was a canon of st. paul’s) had exchanged a much richer living for it, because his wife had been born there, and was deeply attached to the place. three george watts’s had been vicars of uffington, in direct succession from father to son, and she was the daughter of the last of them. so your grandfather, who was their only child, came to live in the village on his marriage, in an old farmhouse[2] close to the church, to which your grandfather added some rooms, so as to make it habitable. if you should ever make a pilgrimage to the place, you will not find the house, for it has been pulled down; but the grand old church is there, and white horse hill, rising just behind the village, just as they were half a century ago, when we first looked at them. we could see the church from our bed-room window, and the hill from our nursery, a queer upper room amongst the rafters, at the top of the old part of the house, with a dark closet in one corner, into which the nurses used to put us when we were more unruly than usual. here we lived till your great-grandfather’s death, thirteen years later, when your grandfather removed to his house at donnington.
the memories of our early childhood and boyhood throng upon me, so that i scarcely know where to begin, or what to leave out. i cannot, however, i am sure, go wrong in telling you, how i became first aware of a great difference between us, and of the effect the discovery had on me. in the spring of 1828, when he was seven and i six years old, our father and mother were away from home for a few days. we were, playing together in the garden, when the footman came up to us, the old single-barrelled gun over his shoulder which the gardener had for driving away birds from the strawberries, and asked us whether we shouldn’t like to go rook-shooting. we jumped at the offer, and trotted along by his side to the[3] rookery, some 300 yards from the house. as we came up we saw a small group of our friends under the trees—the groom, the village schoolmaster, and a farmer or two—and started forwards to greet them. just before we got to the trees, some of them began firing up at the young rooks. i remember, even now, the sudden sense of startled fear which came over me. my brother ran in at once under the trees, and was soon carrying about the powder-horn from one to another of the shooters. i tried to force myself to go up, but could not manage it. presently he ran out to me, to get me to go back with him, but in vain. i could not overcome my first impression, and kept hovering round, at a distance of thirty or forty yards, until it was time for us to go back; ashamed of myself, and wondering in my small mind why it was that he could go in amongst that horrible flashing and smoke, and the din of firing, and cawing rooks, and falling birds, and i could not.
i had encountered the same puzzle in other ways already. some time before my father had bought a small shetland pony for us, moggy by name, upon which we were to complete our own education in riding. we had already mastered the rudiments, under the care of our grandfather’s coachman. he had been in our family thirty years, and we were as fond of him as if he had been a relation. he had taught us to sit up and hold the bridle, while he led a quiet old cob up and down[4] with a leading rein. but, now that moggy was come, we were to make quite a new step in horsemanship. our parents had a theory that boys must teach themselves, and that a saddle (except for propriety, when we rode to a neighbour’s house to carry a message, or had to appear otherwise in public) was a hindrance rather than a help. so, after our morning’s lessons, the coachman used to take us to the paddock in which moggy lived, put her bridle on, and leave us to our own devices. i could see that that moment was, from the first, one of keen enjoyment to my brother. he would scramble up on her back, while she went on grazing—without caring to bring her to the elm stool in the corner of the field, which was our mounting place—pull her head up, kick his heels into her sides, and go scampering away round the paddock with the keenest delight. he was moggy’s master from the first day, though she not unfrequently managed to get rid of him by sharp turns, or stopping dead short in her gallop. she knew it quite well; and, just as well, that she was mistress as soon as i was on her back. for weeks it never came to my turn without my wishing myself anywhere else. george would give me a lift up, and start her. she would trot a few yards, and then begin grazing, notwithstanding my timid expostulations, and gentle pullings at her bridle. then he would run up, and pull up her head, and start her again, and she would bolt off with a flirt of her head, and never be content till[5] i was safely on the grass. the moment that was effected she took to grazing again, and i believe enjoyed the whole performance as much as george, and certainly far more than i did. we always brought her a carrot, or bit of sugar, in our pockets, and she was much more like a great good-tempered dog with us than a pony.
our first hunting experience now came off. some staghounds—the king’s, if i remember rightly—came down for a day or two’s sport in our part of berkshire, and a deer was to be turned out on the downs, a few miles from our house. accordingly the coachman was to take us both. i was to go before him on one of the carriage horses, made safe by leather strap which encircled us both, while george rode moggy. he was anxious to go unattached, but on the whole it was considered better that the coachman should hold a leading rein, as no one knew how moggy might behave with the dogs, and no one but i knew how completely she would have to do as he chose. we arrived safely at the meet, saw the deer uncarted, the hounds laid on, and lumbered slowly after, till they swept away over a rise in the downs, and we saw them no more. so, after riding about for some time, the coachman produced some bread and cheese from his pocket, and we dismounted, and hitched up horse and pony on the leeward side of an old barn. we had not finished our lunch, when suddenly, to our intense delight, the stag cantered by within twenty yards of us, and, by the time we were on horseback again,[6] the hunt followed. this time george and moggy made the most desperate efforts for freedom, but the coachman managed to keep them in tow, and so the hunt went away from us again. i believe it was in consequence of george’s remonstrances when he got home that it was now settled he should be allowed to go to the next meet of the foxhounds in our neighbourhood without a leading rein. this is his account of that great event, in a letter to his grandmother, almost the first he ever wrote. those of you who have been brought up in the country will see how respectfully he always treats the fox, always giving him a capital f when he mentions him.
“uffington.
“dear grandmama,
“your little dog mustard sometimes teases the hawk by barking at him, and sometimes the hawk flies at mustard. i have been out hunting upon our black pony, moggy, and saw the fox break cover, and the hounds follow after him. i rode fifteen miles. papa brought me home the fox’s lug. i went up a great hill to see the hounds drive the fox out of the wood. i saw ashdown park house: there is a fine brass nob at the top of it. tom and i send best love to you and grandpapa.
“i am, your affectionate grandson,
“george hughes.”
on this first occasion, as you may see by the letter, your grandfather was out with him, and he had not been allowed[7] to follow. but soon afterwards his great triumph occurred, at a meet to which he and moggy went off one morning after breakfast, in the wildest spirits. your grandfather did not go out that day; so one of the farmers who happened to be going was to give an eye to master george, and see that he got into no trouble, and found his way home. this he did about three o’clock in the afternoon, bearing the brush in his hand, with his face all covered with blood, after the barbarous custom of those days. he had been in at the death; and the honest farmer recounted to us in the broadest berkshire the wonders which he and moggy had performed together; creeping through impossible holes in great fences, scrambling along ditches and up banks to the finish, when he had been singled out from outside the ring of horsemen and led up to the master, the late lord ducie, to be “blooded” by the huntsman, and receive the brush, the highest honour the boy foxhunter can achieve.
and so it was with all our games and exercises, whether we were at football, wrestling, climbing, single-stick (which latter we were only allowed to practise in the presence of an old cavalry pensioner, who had served at waterloo). he seemed to lay hold of whatever he put his hand to by the right end, and so the secret of it delivered itself up to him at once. one often meets with people who seem as if they had been born into the world with two left hands, and two left feet, and rarely with a few who have two right hands; and of these latter[8] he was as striking an example as i have ever known. often as a boy, and much oftener since, i have thought over this gift, trying to make out where the secret lay. for, though never very ambitious myself, i was more so than he was, and had the greatest wish to do every exercise and game as well as i possibly could; and by dint of real hard work, and years of practice, i did manage, in one or two instances, to reach the point which he had attained almost as it were by instinct. but i never could get nearer to his secret than this, that it lay in a sort of unconsciousness, which i believe to be natural courage. what i mean is, that what might possibly happen to himself never seemed to cross his mind: that he might get a fall and hurt himself, for instance, or get his head or his shins broken, or the like. and so, not being disturbed by any such considerations about himself, he had nothing to hinder him from just falling at once into the very best way of doing whatever he took in hand. of course, even then, it required a fine body, as i have known boys and men, of equal natural courage, who were awkward and slow because they were very clumsily put together. but, on the other hand, i have known many men with equally fine bodies who never could get any decent work out of them. now, with all the thinking in the world about it, i never could have acquired this natural gift; but, by having an example of it constantly before my eyes, i got the next best thing, which was a scorn of myself for feeling fear. this by[9] degrees hardened into the habit of doing what i saw him do, and so i managed to pass through school and college without betraying the timidity of which i was ashamed.
why do i make the confession now to you? because i see the same differences in you that there were in us. one or two of you are naturally courageous, and the rest as naturally timid as i was. the first i hope will always bear with the others, and help them, as my brother helped me. if he had twitted me because i could not come under the trees at the rook-shooting, or because i was afraid of moggy, i should probably never have felt the shame, or made the exertion, necessary to overcome my natural timidity. and to you who are not naturally courageous, i would say, make the effort to conquer your fear at once; you can’t begin too early, and will never be worth much till you have made it.
but there was another natural difference between us which deserves a few words, as it will bring out his character more clearly to you; and that was, that he was remarkably quiet and reserved, and shy with strangers, and i the reverse. when we came down to dessert, after a dinner party, and had to stand by our father’s side (as the custom was then in our parts), and say to each guest in turn, “your good health, sir, or madam,” while we sipped a little sweet wine and water, the ceremony was a torture to him; while to me it was quite indifferent, and i was only running my eye over the[10] dishes, and thinking which i should choose when it came to my turn. in looking over his earliest letters, i find in one, written to his mother a few weeks after we first went to school, this passage: “we are both very well and happy. i find that i like tom better at school than i do at home, and yet i do not know the reason.” i was surprised for a moment when i came on this sentence. of course, if love is genuine, the longer people know each other, the deeper it becomes; and therefore our friendship, like all others, grew richer and deeper as we got older. but this was the first time i ever had an idea that his feelings towards me changed after we went to school. i am not sure that i can give the reason any more than he could; but, on thinking it over, i daresay it had something to do with this difference i am speaking of.
i remember an old yeoman, a playfellow of our father’s, who lived in a grey gabled house of his own at the end of the village in those days, and with whom we used to spend a good deal of our spare time, saying to a lady, about her sons, “bring ’em up sarcy (saucy), marm! i likes to see bwoys brought up sarcy.” i have no doubt that he, and others, used to cultivate my natural gift of sauciness, and lead me on to give flippant answers, and talk nonsense. in fact, i can quite remember occasions of the kind, and george’s quiet steady look at them, as he thought, no doubt, “what a fool my brother is making of himself, and what a shame of you to encourage him!” apart altogether[11] from his shyness, he had too much self-command and courtesy himself to run into any danger of this kind.
now, the moment we got to school, my sauciness abated very rapidly on the one hand, and, on the other, i became much more consciously beholden to him. we had scarcely been there a week when the first crisis occurred which made us both aware of this fact. my form had a lesson in early greek history to get up, in which a part of the information communicated was, that cadmus was the first man who “carried letters from asia to greece.” when we came to be examined, the master asked us, “what was cadmus?” this way of putting it puzzled us all for a moment or two, when suddenly the words “carried letters” came into my head, and, remembering the man with the leather bag who used to bring my father’s papers and letters, and our marbles and whipcord, from farringdon, i shouted, “a postman, sir.” the master looked very angry for a moment, but, seeing my perfect good faith, and that i had jumped up expecting to go to the head of the form, he burst out laughing. of course all the boys joined in, and when school was over i was christened cadmus. that i probably should not have minded, but it soon shortened into “cad,” at which all the blood in my eight-year-old veins was on fire. the more angry i was, the more some of the boys persecuted me with the hateful name; especially one stupid big fellow of twelve or so, who ought to have been two forms higher, and revenged himself for[12] his place amongst us little ones by making our small lives as miserable as he could. a day or two after, with two or three boys for audience, he had got me in a corner of the playground, into which he kept thrusting me violently back, calling me “cad, cad,” while i was ready to fly at his throat and kill him. suddenly we heard a step tearing down the gravel walk, and george, in his shirt sleeves, fresh from a game of rounders, rushed into the circle, and sent my tyrant staggering back with a blow in the chest, and then faced him with clenched fists, and a blaze in his eye, which i never saw there more than two or three times. i don’t think many boys, or men, would have liked to face him when it was there. at any rate my persecutor didn’t, though he must have been a stone heavier, and much stronger. so he slunk off, muttering to himself, to the disgust of the boys who hoped for a row, and i strutted out of my corner, while george went back to his rounders, after looking round and saying, “just let me hear any of you call my brother ‘cad’ again.” i don’t think i ever heard that nickname again at our first school, and it must have been very shortly after that he wrote home, “i find i like tom better at school than i do at home, and yet i do not know the reason.” the strongest and most generous natures are always fondest of those who lean on them.
but i am getting on faster than i intended. we have not quite got away from home yet. and now let me turn[13] again to my story. you will, i am sure, be interested by the following letter, which was written to us by miss edgeworth. you probably have never read her books; but in our day, when there were very few children’s books, they were our great delight, and almost the only ones we possessed, after “robinson crusoe,” “the pilgrim’s progress,” and “sandford and merton.” i forget how we discovered that the lady who wrote “frank and rosamond” was really alive, and that our grandmother actually had met her, and knew her. but, having made the discovery; we laid our heads together, and wrote two letters, asking her to tell us what were the contents of the remaining drawers in the wonderful indian cabinet. our grandmother sent her the letters, and in due time we received the following reply:—
“edgeworth’s town, july 20th, 1828.
“to my dear young readers, george and thomas hughes.
“i am glad that you can write as well as read; your two letters were both very well written, and i had pleasure in reading them. i am glad that you like harry and lucy and frank and rosamond. i wish i could tell you anything more that would entertain you about the other nine drawers of the india cabinet; but what i am going to tell you will disappoint you i daresay, and i cannot help it. when rosamond opened the 4th drawer she found in it—nothing—but a sheet of white paper at the bottom of the drawer, and on the paper was written only the word china. the writing was in a large round hand, like that in[14] which your letter to me was written. rosamond shut this drawer and opened the next, which was the 5th—empty! on the paper at the bottom of this drawer, in the same handwriting, was constantinople. the 6th, the 7th, the 8th which she opened, one after another as fast as she could, were all empty! on the paper in the 6th drawer, which was very deep, was written—the north pole and iceland—norway—sweden and lapland. in the 8th drawer was written rome and naples—mount vesuvius and pompeii. at the bottom of the 9th drawer, persia—arabia and india.
“then on the paper in the 9th drawer was written in small-hand and cramped writing without lines, and as crookedly as might be expected from a first attempt without lines, what follows:—
“‘i, little matt, (which is short for matthew), promise my dear good kindest of all aunts, aunt egerton, whom i love best in the world, that when i am grown up quite to be a great man, and when i go upon my travels as i intend to do when i am old enough and have money enough, i will bring her home all the greatest curiosities i can find for her in every country for these drawers. i have written in them the names of the countries i intend to visit, therefore i beg my dear aunt will never put anything in these 9 drawers till my curiosities come home. i will unpack them myself. n. b.—i have begun this morning to make a list from my book of travels and voyages of all the curiosities i think worthy my bringing home for the india cabinet.’ (m. e.—a true copy.)
“my dear young readers, this is all i know about the matter. i am sorry i can tell you no more; but to no one else have i ever told so much. this letter is all for yourselves—from one who would like to see you very much, and who hopes that you would like her too if you knew[15] her, though you might not like her at first sight; for she is neither young nor pretty, but an old good-natured friend,
(signed) “maria edgeworth.”
in the winter, before we went to school first, we were left alone at home, for the first time, while our parents paid some visits. george was left in charge of the house (under the governess), with injunctions to see that all things went on regularly in the village. our mother’s saturday clothing club was to be held as usual, and we were not to neglect either the poor, or the birds, who were fed daily through the winter on a table on the lawn, just outside the dining-room window. the following letter will show you how conscientiously the trust was fulfilled:—
“january 21st, 1830.
“dear mama,
“we are all well, and quite free from colds. all the people brought their money correctly last saturday. tims had his chimney began more than a week ago, and no doubt it is finished by this time. i have told cook about making broth and gruel for any who are sick. we constantly feed all your birds, and they eat as much as would give baby two meals. we shall be glad to see you and papa.
“i am, your dutiful son,
“george hughes.”
one other letter i will give to amuse you. you elder boys will say, that if he hadn’t learnt to answer questions better when he went to school, he would never have taken a high degree at oxford:—
[16]
“january 26th, 1830.
“my dear mama,
“we thank you for the conundrums you sent us, and i think we have found out two of them:—‘if all the letters were asked out to dinner, which of them would not go?’ the one that asked them would not go. ‘what thing is that which lights the eyes, yet never fails to blind?’ the sun. you must tell us when you write whether these are right or not. we cannot find out the other one. give my love to papa, and tell him that i will write to him next week. we shall be delighted to see you home again. i think i am going on well with my latin, and i hope papa will be satisfied with me.
“i am, your affectionate son,
“george hughes.”
we went to school together, in the autumn of this year, at twyford, near winchester. on the way there we stayed a few days at lyndhurst, in the new forest, at the house of an old naval officer. he had another house near us in berkshire, our favourite resort, as there were several little girls in the family of our own age, all very pretty. one of these little ladies took a fancy to some water-flower, as we were walking in the forest, the day before the school met. without saying a word, george just jumped into the pond, and fetched it for her; thereby ruining a new suit of clothes (as your grandmother remarked) and risking his life, for there was no one but a nurse with us, and it was just as likely that the pond might be out of his depth as not. however, as it happened, no harm came of it, and we went on next day to twyford.
