useful! i was making myself useful! the captain's words rang in my ears.
i remembered how i had wondered quite lately what use my life was, and who in the world would have suffered by it, or missed me if i had disappeared. instead of which i filled a place well, to-day. my death would have been a loss. i certainly exaggerated the importance of my r?le, but the satisfaction each evening of having kept intact or added to the strength which was given to me, was so sweet to me.
it did me more credit, perhaps, than some of the others. i had always professed not only a lack of curiosity about all manual labour, but a disgust of it. it was the stupidity of a young intellectual inclined to consider everything which did not show off the superior play of thought as a vulgar task. who would dream how far i carried this detachment? the farthest i ever got, towards the end of my term of service, was to do up the buckles of my pack,—guillaumin always had to help me. i had begun to realise during the last few days what grandeur may lie in the fulfilment of humble duties. a leader of men, especially in the modest sphere in which i gravitated owing to my lowly rank, has no right to shirk any subjection. he does not get into touch with his subordinates, or[pg 358] inspire them with complete esteem and confidence, unless he succeeds in proving to them that even in the field of everyday tasks, he is cleverer, better informed, and more expert than they are. the complete man calmly considers all the difficulties which may arise, from the most trivial to the most serious, and being unworthy of none of them, considers none of them unworthy of him.
so i no longer avoided, but rather sought, occasions to expend myself. i followed guillaumin's example, and drew on all i had read and remembered. to speak the truth, when i tried, inexperienced as i was, to put my ideas into practice, my advice was not very much to the point.
bouillon doubled up with laughter when i told him to damp the case of his water-bottle, or again when we got to our quarters that rainy evening and i advised him to stuff his boots with dry straw.
"go an' teach yer grandfather! just take a look at yours, an' see if i 'aven't done it!"
the last of my poilus could have put me right on endless questions of a practical nature. quite so! but i could be useful to them in other ways. once when arms were being cleaned, gaudéreaux had seen fit to take his repeating apparatus to pieces, and came to grief over putting it together again. he called me to his aid. it was a difficult problem. guillaumin certainly offered me his help, but i refused it, anxious to find out how to do it myself. it took me a long time, but i succeeded at last, which was satisfactory.
there was a large field open to me. i had retained the knowledge i had acquired as an instructor of recruits. it was not a question of worrying the men with theories, but they willingly collected to have[pg 359] friendly chats, and ended by enjoying the séances, where one evening, after having explained the principles of orientation to them, i taught them how to recognise the great bear and the polar star. on other days we went into other matters: to do with the advance under fire, of the artillery and infantry (we knew all about that!), of the supply of ammunition and the commissariat; or of subjects vaster still—germany's ambitions, and the causes of the present war. when we were marching we organised competitions in judging distances. we picked out a tree or a house, and then each one had to calculate how many steps he expected to take, and count them afterwards to see how far out he was. lamalou proved to be extraordinarily gifted in this respect. he was never more than twenty yards out. we would find a way of making use of that.
after a few tentative ventures, i found my bent. i had always been interested in medicine. a handbook on hygiene, which de valpic lent me, completed my sketchy equipment. the next thing to be done was to put it into practice. the soldiers suffered chiefly, as usual, from sore feet—a crop of blisters and sores. i preached cleanliness first, and methodical greasing. but the sore places, some of which were septic, must be cured. most of the men seemed entirely ignorant of how to treat a blister. guillaumin and i arranged a demonstration one evening with great success. once having won their confidence, we treated them for various little ills—diluted tincture of iodine did wonders.
one great danger was the water, which caused a great deal of diarrh?a. it was not always possible to boil the contents of our water-bottles. i had some[pg 360] permanganate of potash; a few crystals placed in the water-buckets assured a relative sterilisation. our platoon made it a point of honour to have as few men as possible at sick parade. we only had two in a week. trichet, who sprained his ankle, wept with rage at leaving us.
my little cures were appreciated. men came to ask my advice now, even from no. 1 platoon. i had some idea of massage and set up a surgery. the men appealed to me in doubtful cases. one evening, i remember, the party sent on ahead to choose the camp had picked some mushrooms on the way. breton insisted on their waiting for me. i really was not very well up in the matter. however, i did not quite like the look of the valvular formation at the base, and ordered them to throw them away. they obeyed without protesting. i learnt shortly afterwards from de valpic, that it had saved a good many lives.
how much joy i got out of my disinterested efforts! not only that of useful labour accomplished. the incessant contact, our conversations, the services rendered mutually, made me fonder of each of my companions every day. i was getting into touch with the people again. i no longer considered, as i used to, that it would satisfy me to live in the bosom of a restricted caste of beings brought up in the same way as i had been. i suddenly once more became aware of the ascendency of certain doctrines.
social morality had always seemed to be a poor morality for those on the right side of the barrier, as i was. now i realised my mistake. there should be neither oppressors nor oppressed, neither dominators nor dominated,—alliance and not confusion of[pg 361] the different social classes. "each for all and all for each," as the old saying is. were we not all co-operating with the same heart in the same work? if between these soldiers and me there was a dissimilarity in education and disposition, if i, at their head, was exempt from the most thankless fatigues, did that prevent reciprocal collaboration and esteem, or stop any one being satisfied with their fate? no, no. prunelle agreed; the chief thing was that each class should know the other, then it would not be long before they appreciated each other, and recognised each other as brothers, and not such very different brothers either!
this idea, in particular, clung to me. disparities due to education and upbringing, to the style of life, are, to a certain extent, exterior. how little they count for in comparison with the tongue, the customs, and disposition which are shared in common by the sons of one nation and which draw them together. between the people and the aristocracy the difference is simply that which exists between youth and ripe middle age. the people are like a young and lusty lad, who only asks to be allowed to grow! what were the common sense of an icard, the animation of a judsi, the self-denial of a bouillon, if not the deep-rooted qualities of our soil and race? there is enjoyment in breathing them, when one also exhales them!
