"i will hold your hand but as long as all may,
or so very little longer."
—browning.
after half an hour's continuous walking—for the roads out of london were over-bad after the heavy rains during the past week—the huguenot clerk, closely followed by master legros, who had his daughter on his arm, turned into the new parish of soho, where a number of fine houses had been recently erected, and a few more were even now in process of construction.
the clerk had at first seemed desirous of imparting various scraps of topographical information to his compatriots, but to his interesting conversation the tailor only responded in curt monosyllables. he still harboured a vague mistrust against his guide. the latter part of the walk through the ill-paved, muddy and evil-smelling streets of london was therefore accomplished in silence. rose marie's nerves were tingling with excitement, and she shivered beneath her cloak and hood, despite the warmth of this fine summer afternoon.
soon the little party came to a halt before a newly-built house, fashioned of red brick with a fine portico of stone, richly carved and tall, arched windows set in flush with the outside walls and painted in creamy white.
"here lives my lord of stowmaries," said the clerk, as without waiting for further permission he plied the brass knocker vigorously. "shall i ask if he hath come home?"
[328] the tailor nodded in assent. he, too, was now getting too excited to speak. the next moment a serving-man, dressed in clothes of sober grey, opened the front door, and to the clerk's query whether my lord was at home, he replied in the affirmative.
master legros and rose marie were far too troubled in their minds to notice the furnishings and appointments of the house. rose marie threw the hood back from her face, and asked whether they could speak with my lord forthwith.
"will you tell him, i pray you," she added, "that monsieur legros from paris desires speech with him."
legros dismissed the clerk—who was eager enough to get away—by bestowing a shilling upon him, and after that he and his daughter followed the serving-man through the hall into a small withdrawing room where they were bidden to wait.
a few moments of suspense—terrible alike to the girl and to the father—then a firm tread on the flagged floor outside; a step that to rose marie's supersensitive ear sounded strangely, almost weirdly familiar.
the next moment michael kestyon had entered the room.
"you have come to speak with me, good m. legros—" he said even as he entered. then he caught sight of rose marie and the words died on his lips.
they looked at one another—these two who once had been all in all one to the other—parted now by the shadow of that unforgettable wrong.
instinctively—with eye fixed to eye—each asked the other the mute question: "didst suffer as i did?" and in the heart of each—of the defiant adventurer, and the unsophisticated girl—there rose the wild, mad thrill, the tri[329]umphant, exulting hosanna, at sight of the lines of sorrow, so unmistakable, so eloquent on the face so dearly loved.
rose marie saw at once how much michael had altered—that tender, motherly instinct inseparable from perfect womanhood told her even more than that which the sunken eyes and the drawn look in the face so pathetically expressed.
yet outwardly he had changed but little; the step—as he rapidly crossed the room—had been as firm, as elastic as of old; he still carried his head high, and his manner—as of yore—was easy and gracious. when he had first entered, there was even an eager, joyful expression in his face. he did not know, you see, that m. legros' visit to him was the result of a mistake, the freak of a mischievous clerk. he really thought that the good tailor had come here to see him, michael, and the news had brought almost joy to his heart and had accelerated his footsteps as he flew down to greet his visitor.
no, the change was in none of these outward signs. it was the spirit in him which had changed. the dark eyes once so full of tenderness had a cold, steely look in them now, which was apparent even through the first pleasurable greeting. the mouth, too, looked set in its lines; the lips, which ere this were ever wont to smile, were now tightly pressed as if for ever controlling a sigh or trying to suppress a cry of pain.
michael—with the eyes of a man hungering for love—gazed on his snowdrop and saw the change which the past dark months had wrought on the former serenity of her face. and if he had suffered during that time the exquisite pangs of mad and hopeless longing, how much more acute did that pain seem now that he saw her, looking pale and fragile, almost frightened, too, in his presence, cold as she[330] had been ere that mad glad moment when he had held her—a living, loving woman—in his arms, with the hot blood rushing to her cheeks at his whispered words of passion, and the light of love kindled in her eyes.
can brain of man or of torturing devils conceive aught so cruel as this living, breathing embodiment of the might-have-been; this tearing of every heart-string in the maddening desire for one more embrace, one last lingering kiss, one touch only of hand against hand, one final breath of life—after which, death and peace?
as in a dream, good master legros' diffident voice struck on michael's ear:
"it was with my lord of stowmaries that we wished to speak."
and directly after that, rose marie's trembling tones, half-choked with sobs resolutely suppressed:
"let us go, father—we—we must not stay here—let us go—"
she had drawn close to her father, and was twining her hands round his arm trying to drag him away.
the sad pathos of this appeal—this clinging to another as if for protection and help, whilst he—michael—stood by—nothing to her, less than nothing, a thing to fear, to hate, mayhap, certainly to despise—struck him as with a whip-lash across his aching breast. but it woke him from his dream. it brought him back to earth, with senses bruised and temples throbbing, his pride of manhood brought down to the dust of a childish desire to keep her here in his presence if only for a moment, a second; to hear her speak, to look on her, to endure her scorn if need be, only to have her there.
therefore, he turned to papa legros and almost humbly said:
[331]
"will you at least tell me, good master, if i cannot serve you in any way?"
"no, sir, you cannot," replied papa legros gruffly. "i would have you believe and know that we came here under a misapprehension. a miscreant interpreter brought us hither, though he was bidden to take us to the house of lord stowmaries. we did not know that this was your house, sir, or believe me, we had never entered it."
"this is not my house," rejoined michael gravely. "it is that of my mother, who hath left her kentish village in order to dwell with me. for the rest, the misapprehension is most easy of explanation; nor is your interpreter so very much to blame."
he paused for the space of a second or two, then fixing steady eyes on the face of rose marie and throwing his head back with an air that was almost defiant in its pride, he said:
"you asked to speak with my lord of stowmaries—'tis i who am the lord of stowmaries now."
then, as legros, somewhat bewildered, stared at him in blank surprise, he added more quietly:
"you did not know this, mayhap?"
"no—no—my lord," stammered the tailor, who of a truth felt strangely perturbed, "we—that is, i and my daughter did not know that—"
"his majesty gave his decision late last night."
there was a moment's silence in the room. it seemed as if michael was anticipating something, waiting for a word from rose marie. his very attitude was an expectant one; he was leaning forward, and his eyes had sought her lips, as if trying to guess what they would utter.
"then the title which you borrowed from your cousin[332] awhile ago, and to some purpose, you have now succeeded in filching from him altogether?" said the girl coldly.
if she had the desire to hurt him, she certainly did succeed. michael did not move, but his cheeks, already pale, turned to ashy grey; the eyes sank still deeper within their sockets, and in a moment the face looked worn and haggard as that of a man with one foot in the grave.
then he said slowly:
"your pardon, mistress; i have filched naught which was not already mine, mine and my father's before me. that which i took was my right; it is also my mother's, who for years had been left to starve whilst another filched from her that which was hers. for her sake did i claim that which was mine, because during all those years of starvation, misery and degradation—her misery and mine own degradation—she kept up her faith in me. and also for mine own sake did i claim my right, and in order to mend a wrong which, it seems, i had committed. good master legros," he added, turning to the vastly bewildered tailor, "as lord of stowmaries i entered your house and, methinks, your heart. of this i am not ashamed; the wrong that i did you is past; the righting thereof will last my lifetime and yours. i was lord stowmaries then by the word of god—i am that now by the word of the king and parliament. that which seemed a lie i have proved to be true. will you give me back your daughter, whom the caprice of a wanton reprobate would have cast from him, and whom i have justly won, by my deeds, by my will, by my crime if you call it so, but whom i have won rightfully and whom i would wish to render happy even at the cost of my life."
gradually, as he spoke, the tone of defiance died out of his voice and only pride remained expressed therein—pride[333] and an infinity of tenderness. there was no attempt at mitigating the fault that was past, no desire to excuse or to palliate. the man and his sin were inseparable; obviously had the sin to be again committed, michael would have committed it again, with the same determination and the same defiance.
"i am a man, and what i do, i do. i won you by a trick. i fought for your love and won it. mine enemy put a weapon in my hand. with it i conquered him; i conquered fate and you. had i been ashamed of the act, i had never committed it. i looked sin squarely in the face and took it by its grim hand and allowed it to lead me to your feet. to you i never lied; you i do not cheat."
these thoughts and more were fully expressed in his eyes as they rested on rose marie, and so subtle is the wave of sympathy that she understood every word which he did not utter; she understood them, even though she steeled her heart against the insidious whisperings of a drowsy conscience.
we may well imagine that on the other hand, good m. legros, though he did not altogether grasp the proud sophistries of such a splendid blackguard, nevertheless quickly ranged himself against the whole array of all the grim virtues. would you blame him very much if you knew that within the innermost recesses of his kindly and simple heart he no longer greatly desired to speak with the man whom he had come all the way from paris to supplicate and to warn?
was it very wrong, think you, very self-interested on the part of this amiable little tailor to be now cursing those very necessities engendered by an ultrasensitive sense of loyalty which imposed on him the task of cleaving to that[334] man who was now dispossessed, beggared, a most undesirable husband for his beautiful daughter?
truly the situation, from the point of view of conscience and of decency, was a very difficult one. is it a wonder that the doting father was quite unable to grapple with it?
here was a man who was a terrible scoundrel, yet a mightily pleasing one for all that. he was now rich, of high consideration and power; he professed and undoubtedly felt a great and genuine love for rose marie. on the other hand, the other—his daughter's rightful lord—only too ready, nay, anxious, to repudiate her—who truly was a far greater blackguard and not nearly such an attractive one—he was now poor and insignificant—always providing that michael kestyon's story was true and—and—
good m. legros' conscience was having such a tough fight inside him that he had to take out his vast, coloured handkerchief and to mop his forehead well, for he was literally in a sweat of intense perturbation. he would not meet michael's enquiring eyes, lest the latter should read in his own the ready assent which they proclaimed. the worst of the situation was that good m. legros was bound to leave the ultimate decision to his daughter, and alas, he knew quite well what that decision would be. and god help them all, but he was bound to admit that that decision was the only right one, in the sight of the lord and of all his self-denying and uncomfortably rigid saints.
even now rose marie's clear voice, which had lost all its childlike ring of old and all its light tones of joy, broke in on her father's meditation.
"sir, or my lord," she said coldly, "for of a truth i know not which you are, meseems you do a cowardly thing by appealing to my father. he would only have my[335] earthly welfare in view, and even in this he might be mistaken if he thought that my earthly welfare could lie there, where there is disloyalty and shameless betrayal. for all your pride, good sir, and for all your defiance, you cannot e'en persuade yourself that what you do is right. as for me, i am a wife—not yours, my lord—despite the trick wherewith you drew from me an oath at the altar. i swore no love, no allegiance to any man save to him whom you have now wholly despoiled and beggared—nay," she added with a look of pride at least as great as his own, "i need no reminder, sir, that i stand here, a cast-out wife, repudiated for no fault of mine own, but through an infamy in which you bore the leading hand. but, nevertheless, i am a wife, and as such god hath enjoined me to cleave to my husband. since you have beggared him, i, thank god, can still enrich him. never have i blest my father's wealth so sincerely as now, when it can go to proving to a scoffer that there is truth and loyalty in women, even when sordid self-interest fights against truth and justice. and if all the world, his king and country, turned against my lord, i, his wife, good sir, his wife in the sight of god, despite dispensations, despite courts of law and decrees of popes or kings, i, his wife, for all that would still be ready to serve him."
gradually her voice as she spoke had become more steady and also less trenchant; there was a quiver of passion in it, the passion of self-sacrifice. and he—poor man—mistook that warm, vibrating ring in the sweet, tender voice for the expression of true love felt for another.
"i did not know that you loved him, rose marie," he said simply.
she bent her head in order to hide the blush which rose[336] to her cheeks at his words. was she thankful that he had misunderstood? perhaps! for of a truth it would make the battle less hard to fight, and would guard against defeat. but, nevertheless, two heavy tears rose to her eyes, and strive as she might she could not prevent their falling down onto her hands which were clasped before her.
he saw the tears, and heard her murmur:
"he who was my lord of stowmaries is a beggar now."
"no, not a beggar," he rejoined quietly, "for he is rich beyond the dreams of men."
"good sir—or—or my lord," here interposed papa legros, who was still in a grave state of mental perturbation, "you see that the decision doth not rest with me—heaven help me, but with all your fault i would—somehow—somehow have entrusted my child in your keeping with an easy heart."
"and may god bless you for these words, good master," said michael fervently.
"but you see, kind sir—i mean my lord—that this cannot be. my lord of stowmaries—if so be that he is that no longer—yet as lord of stowmaries he did wed my daughter. she feels—and rightly, too, no doubt—that she owes fealty to him. god knows but 'tis all very puzzling and i never was a casuist, but she says this is right and no doubt it is. it had all been much easier but for this additional grave trouble which threatens my lord."
"what additional grave trouble? i know of none such," queried michael.
"a scoundrel, liar and perjurer hath laid information against my lord, that he did conspire against the king of england."
"impossible."
"ay! 'tis true, good my lord. the damned ruffian[337] came to paris to inform me of all the lies which he meant to tell against lord stowmaries, hoping that i would be pleased thereat and would reward him for his perjuries. i kicked him out of my house, and my daughter and i came to warn my lord of the mischief that was brewing against him."
a frown of deep perplexity darkened michael's brow.
"good master tailor, i pray you leave me to see my cousin forthwith. the trouble, alas, if your information be correct, is graver than even you have any idea of. england is mad just now! terror hath chased away all her reason, and, god help her, all her sense of justice. it may be that i shall have to arrange that my cousin leave the country as soon as may be. an you return to france soon he could travel in your company."
"i would wish to see my lord myself," said rose marie.
"because you do not trust me?" he asked.
she would not reply to his look of reproach. how strange it is when a wave of cruelty sweeps over a woman, who otherwise is tender and kind and gentle. rose marie felt herself quite unable to stifle this longing to wound and to hurt, even though her heart ached at sight of the hopeless misery which was expressed in michael's every movement, in the tonelessness of his voice, and the drawn look in his face. who shall probe the secrets of a woman's heart, of a woman who has been cheated of a great love even at its birth, of a woman who thought that she had reached the utmost pinnacle of happiness only to find herself hurled from those giddy heights down, down to an abyss of loneliness, of lovelessness, and of bitter, undying memories.
"the child is unstrung, good my lord," here interposed papa legros gently. "i pray, do not think that we do not[338] trust in you. it were better mayhaps that you did see lord stowmaries—er—your cousin—alas! i know not how to call him now—and we'll to him this afternoon. he can then best tell us what he desires to do."
"come, rose marie, we had best go now," he added with a pathetic sigh, which expressed all the disappointment of his kindly heart.
he picked up his soft felt hat and with gentle, trembling movement twirled it round and round in his hand. rose marie drew the hood over her hair and prepared to follow him.
it was all over then! the seconds had flown. she had come and would now go again, leaving him mayhap a shade more desolate even than before.
it was all over, and the darkness of the past months would descend on him once more, only that the darkness would be more dense, more unbearable, because of this one ray of light—caused by her presence here for these few brief moments.
of a truth he had not known until now quite how much he had hoped, during these past months whilst he fought his battle with grim and steady vigour, winning step by step, until that last final decision of the king, which gave him all that he wanted, all that he desired to offer her.
now she was going out of his life—for the second time—and it seemed more irrevocable than that other parting at st. denis. she was going and there would not remain one single tiny spark of hope to light the darkness of his despair.
nothing would remain, only memory! memory, on which the tears of love would henceforth for ever be fed. her words might ring in his ears, her image dwell in his mind, but his heart would go on starving, starving, athirst[339] for just one tiny remembrance on which to dwell until mercifully it would break at last.
"may i not kiss your finger tips once more, rose marie?" he pleaded.
the words had escaped his lips almost involuntarily. the longing for the tiny remembrance had been too strong to be stilled.
a kiss on her finger tips, one crumb of bread to a man dying of hunger, the sponge steeped in water to slake a raging thirst.
she turned to him. the tears had dried on her cheeks by now, and her eyes were seared and aching. she looked on his face, but did not lift her hand. papa legros, who felt an uncomfortable lump in his throat, busied himself with a careful examination of the door handle.
"it will probably be a long farewell," said michael gently. "will you not let me hold your hand just once again, my snowdrop? nay, not mine, but another's—a king now amongst men."
then, as very slowly, and with eyes fixed straight into his own, she raised her hand up to his, he took it, and looked long at each finger tip, tapering and delicately tipped with rose.
"see the epicure i am," he said, whilst a quaint smile played round the corners of his lips; "your little hand rests now in mine. i know that i may kiss it, that my lips may linger on each exquisite finger tip, until my poor brain, dizzy with joy, will mayhap totter into the land of madness. i know that i may kiss this cold little hand—so cold! i know that it will chill my lips—and still i wait—for my last joy now is anticipation. nay, do not draw your hand away, my beautiful ice-maid. let me hold it just one little brief while longer. are we not to be[340] friends in the future? then as a friend may i not hold and kiss your hand?"
she could not speak, for sobs which she resolutely suppressed would rise in her throat, but she allowed her hand to rest in his; there was some solace even in this slight touch.
"is it not strange," he said, "that life will go on just the same? the birds will sing, the leaves in autumn will wither and will fall. your dear eyes will greet the first swallow when it circles over the towers of st. gervais. nature will not wear mourning because a miserable reprobate is eating out his heart in an agony of the might-have-been."
"i pray you, milor, release my hand," she murmured, for of a truth she no longer could bear the strain. "my father waits—"
"and the husband whom you love—nay, he must be a good man since god hath loved him so—"
"farewell, my lord."
"farewell, rose marie—my rosemary—'tis for remembrance, you know."
he tasted the supreme joy to the full—all the joy that was left to him now—five finger tips, cold against his burning lips, and they trembled beneath each kiss. then she turned and followed her father out of the room.
for a moment he remained alone, standing there like one drunken or dazed. mechanically his hand went to the inner pocket of his coat and anon he pulled out a withered, crumbling bunch of snowdrops, the tiny bouquet which she had dropped at his feet that day in paris, when first he saw her, and her blue eyes kindled the flame of a great and overwhelming passion.
nay! thou art a man, and of what thou doest, thou art[341] not ashamed; but, proud man that thou art, there is thy master, love; he rules thee with his rod of steel, and if thou sin, beware! for that rod will smite thee 'til thou kneel humbly in the dust, with the weakness of unshed tears shaming thy manhood, and with a faded bunch of snowdrops pressed against thy lips, to smother a miserable, intensely human cry of awful agony.
