that man had a lot of lunch, pickles and bologna and a pail of spaghetti and bread and everything, and there was only one thing that we didn’t like about it, and that was that he had already eaten it about an hour before. so it didn’t do us much good. it only made us hungrier when he told us about it. he said, “badda luck, hey, boss? spagett, ah, what d’you call it, nice. you lika, huh?”
warde said, “we don’t like spaghetti that’s already passed into history.”
“we don’t like history, anyway,” i said. “but have you got any matches?”
the man said, “hey, sure, boss, plenty de match.”
so he gave us some matches and about half a loaf of shiny looking bread that he had left from his own lunch and then he went along across the bridge. we asked him how business was and he said, “no biz.”
after that we got our fire started and we cooked our fish on the tin that pee-wee had found and, yum yum, but that lunch tasted good. maybe if you were ever a starving mariner shipwrecked on a desert island, you’ll know how that lunch tasted.
we were good and tired so we sprawled around in the woods near the creek and jollied each other, especially pee-wee.
warde said, “the next time anybody mentions a funny-bone hike to me——”
“what do you know about funny-bone hikes?” hervey shot back. “you’ve only seen the beginning of one. what we’ve been doing up to now is just a demonstration.”
“good night, have a heart,” i said.
hervey just lay there on his back with one leg up in the air, catching that crazy hat of his on his foot and trying to kick it back on his face—honest, that fellow’s a scream. all the while he was singing:
the land is very funny,
??and the water’s very wet,
we’ve been everywhere,
but up in the air;
??and we haven’t done anything yet.
i said, “sure, maybe if we’re patient we’ll have some mishaps. while there’s life there’s hope.”
“trust to hervey,” bert said.
pee-wee said, “i could do without the mishaps if i had some more food.”
“when you’re hungry you’re supposed to eat a little at a time,” i told him. “don’t you know when a man is starving they give him one spoonful of milk to begin with? you have to get used to eating.”
“i’m used to it already,” our young hero shouted.
warde said, “you’d better look out; did you ever hear about the fish——”
“there isn’t any more fish,” i said.
“he was in a globe,” warde said, “and the man that owned him took a spoonful of water out of the globe each day until that fish gradually learned to live on dry land.”
“what are you talking about?” pee-wee screamed.
“i knew that fish personally,” warde said; “and one day the man took him out for a walk and the fish fell into a pond and was drowned.”
“that’s nothing,” hervey said. “i knew a snake that lived in the tropics where it was very hot and he came to new york on a visit, and he fell into a furnace and froze to death.”
“do you expect me to believe that?” pee-wee yelled.
“sure,” hervey said, “if i believe it you’ve got to believe it, because i’m your leader. from this time on we’re going to play the game right, if i’m going to be leader.”
“we have more fun doing things wrong,” i said.
“sure,” he said, all the while kicking his hat; “the things may be wrong but we’re supposed to do them right.”
“now i know you’re crazy,” pee-wee said.
“are you all willing to play the game right?” hervey wanted to know.
“anything you say,” i told him; “we’re prepared for the worst.”
“you needn’t think i’m going without supper and breakfast,” the kid said.
hervey just lay there on his back putting his hat onto his foot and trying to kick it onto his head.
“are we supposed to do that?” i asked him.
he said, “this is intermission, this is lunch hour. but when i jump up and say, ‘scrhlmxmi’——”
“what?” pee-wee yelled.
“it’s a greek word, it means ‘we should worry,’” i said.
hervey said, “i’ll tell you how it is if you want to play the game right. you’re supposed to follow your leader in everything. if he laughs, you must laugh; if he keeps still, you must keep still; if he has a headache, you must have a headache.”
“do you think i’m going to have a headache just to please you?” pee-wee shouted in his face. “how about toothaches, and—and—appendicitis—and——”
“follow your leader,” hervey said.
“yes, and where will we be at supper-time?” the kid wanted to know.
“there’s another verse that goes with that game,” hervey said. then he began singing all the while trying to balance a stick on his nose while he was lying on the ground. gee whiz, i had to laugh, he looked so funny. this was the song:
on a funny-bone hike you don’t get in a rut,
the best kind of leader is one that’s a nut;
just keep your feet moving and keep your mouth shut,
and the shortest way home is to take a long cut.
??and go north,
????and go south;
??????and go east,
????????and go west;
the wrong way to get there is always the best.
