london, thy streets abound with incident.—
dashing along, here roll the vehicles,
splendid, and drawn by highly pamper'd steeds,
of rank and wealth; and intermix'd with these,
the hackney chariot, urg'd to sober pace
its jaded horses; while the long-drawn train
of waggons, carts, and drays, pond'rous and slow,
complete the dissonance, stunning the ear
like pealing thunder, harsh and continuous,
while on either side the busy multitude
pass on, various and infinite.—
[122] the following morning presented the exhilarating aspect of an unclouded sky, and the two friends were anticipating, at the breakfast-table, the enjoyment of a fine day,—when
a double rat-tat, quickly doubled again, ?
announced an intruder of consequence vain,
decorum inclin'd to defy all;—
again went the knocker, yet louder and faster,
john ran to the door, and one ask'd for his master,
resolv'd against taking denial.—
“my good fellow,” said the stranger, “will you be after representing my obeisance and all that, to the honorable mr. dashall, and i beg to know whether he is at home?”
“your name, sir?”
“augh, what does it signify?—tell him an old friend with a new face,—arrah, not so,—tell him, that a new friend with no face at all at all, would be glad to wait upon him.—sir felix o'grady, the munster baronet, d'ye mind me?”
this was an unexpected visit, and the more kindly received by dashall and tallyho, who promised themselves considerable amusement in the acquisition of the baronet's society, which was readily conceded for the day, to their request.
[123] “have you breakfasted?” asked dashall. “whether or not,” answered sir felix, “i'll take a cup of taa with you, any how.”
when the repast was finished, the triumvirate set out on their pedestrian excursion; interrupted however, in their progress, by a temporary shower, they took refuge in a coffee-house, where sir felix taking up a newspaper, read from amongst the numerous advertisements, the following selected article of information,—“convenient accommodations for ladies who are desirous of privately lying in, and their infants carefully put out to nurse.” “well now, after all,” observed the baronet, “this same london is a very convanient place, where a lady may gratify her pleasurable propensities, and at same time preserve an unblemished reputation. it is only going into the country, sure, for the benefit of her health; that is to say, she retires to one of the villages in the neighbourhood of london, pays her way without name given or questions asked, and in a few months, returns to town improved in health, but more slender in person, all her acquaintance exclaiming, “la! my dear, how vastly thin you have grown!”—
“there are in london and its neighbourhood,” said dashall, “numerous such convenient asylums; but i cannot acquiesce in their utility.—i am rather of opinion that they have a demoralizing tendency, as accelerating by concealment, the progress of licentiousness.—human failings will still predominate, and the indulgence of illicit intercourse is less frequently prevented by an innate principle of virtue than the dread of shame. when facility of concealment is therefore given to the result, these connexions will still become more prevalent.”
“by the powers,” exclaimed sir felix, “but i think morality ought to feel particularly benefited by these convanient asylums; they preserve reputation, and in some instances have prevented suicide and murder. i know of two cases wherein both crimes were perpetrated through a sense of shame and dread of discovery, which probably would not have happened could the unfortunates have resorted to “convanient accommodations.”—well, here's good luck to the fair sex, the dear cratures! and may they, every one of them, die on a christmas day, any how!”{1}
[124] this eccentric wish elicited a look of surprise from the squire, which sir felix observing,—
“my rason is,” said he, “that the gates of heaven being open all that day long, a body may slip in unknownst, as it is to be hoped that you, mr. dashall, and i may do, some day shortly without any interruption at all, at all.”
this ludicrous finis excited the laughter of the company—
“but lo! the clouds break off, and sideways run,
out from his shelter lively looks the sun:”
and the united observers of real life hailing the favorable presage, resumed their perambulation.—
advancing along piccadilly towards hyde park, they reached the splendid mansion of the hero of waterloo; the gates were open, and a travelling carriage with four horses was in waiting for his grace, who was then about setting off to inspect the fortifications of the netherlands.{2} neither sir felix nor tallyho having ever seen the duke, the triumvirate paused at the entrance of the court-yard, until the carriage came forth, when they saluted the gallant warrior with the tribute of respect due to distinguished services and exalted genius, which his grace very courteously returned.
1 on the subject of “convenient accommodation for ladies
who wish privately to ly in,” if we might hazard an opinion,
it would be in coincidence with that of our friend dashall.
these establishments' are certainly an encouragement to
licentiousness, and it is well known, that in many of these
receptacles, “where the strictest honor and secrecy may be
relied on,” the allurement of abortion is held out to the
unhappy female, if she declines the anticipation of maternal
solicitude.
2 thirty-two great personages! anecdote of the duke of
wellington,—his grace, the duke of wellington, when last in
the netherlands, and travelling without attendants, in a
part of the country where his multitudinous titles were not
well understood, was overtaken on the road by a veteran
officer, whose route lay in the same direction with that of
his grace. the duke having occasion to stop; and as the
officer would reach a certain town several hours before him,
he requested that the veteran would take the trouble of
ordering dinner for him, at the principal inn. the old
officer made his congee, and pro-ceeded on his mission. “i
am desired to order dinner here,” said he, to the landlord;
“but stay, i had better state who for.” then calling for
pen and ink, he presented the astonished and delighted host
with the following list of his forthcoming illustrious
guests.
the prince of waterloo!
the duke of wellington.—the duke of ciudad rodrigo,
and the duke of vittoria.
the marquis of douro, and a marshal general of france.
master general of the ordnance.
colonel of the royal regt. of horse guards, blue.
colonel of the rifle brigade.
the lord lieutenant of hampshire.—and
the governor of plymouth.
field marshal of austria,
——————————russia,
——————————prussia,
——————————france,
——————————england, and
——————————the netherlands.
a grandee of the highest class.
a captain general of spain.
knights of the orders of
the garter, in england.—st. andrew, in russia.—the black
eagle, in russia.—charles iii. in spain.—st. ferdinand and
merit, in spain.—the golden fleece, in spain.—maximilian
joseph, in bavaria.—st. maria theresa, in austria.—the
sword, in spain.—st. esprit, in france.—st. george, in
russia.—the tower and sword, in portugal.
and, (to bring up the rear,)
a doctor of civil laws!
“mon dieu!” exclaimed the host, in extacy, “what a noble
company!” he then began to tell them over;—“one prince,”
he continued,—“three dukes—one marquis—a marshal general
of france—an english governor—an english lord lieutenant—
the master general of the ordnance, and two english
colonels—six field marshals—one grandee of the highest
class—a captain general of spain—twelve knights, and a
doctor of civil laws!.'—mon dieu! thirty-two great
personages!!”
all the provisions of the town, all the delicacies of the
season and all the celebrated wines, were immediately put in
requisition for the illustrious company in expectancy.
at last the duke of wellington arrived, and was ushered into
a spacious dining-room, where a cloth was laid with thirty-
two covers. the person of the duke was unknown to the
innkeeper, who, full of important preparations for the
thirty-two great personages, thought not of any thing
else.—“i ordered dinner here,” said his grace.—“mon
dieu!” responded the innkeeper, “are you one of the thirty-
two great personages?” presenting the list at same time. his
grace glanced his eye over it,—“they are all here!” said
he, “so send up the dinner immediately.” the inn-keeper
stood aghast with amazement; at last finding utterance, he
ventured to express a hope that his grace would be pleased
to take into consideration, that he (the innkeeper,) had, at
great trouble and expence, provided a most sumptuous
entertainment for thirty-two great personages. “d——n
the thirty-two great personages,” exclaimed the duke, “send
up the dinner, and your bill.—thus i must pay the penalty,”
said he, “for not having invited the old veteran to be of
the party!!”
[125] the squire observed, that the brilliant victories of his grace, although acknowledged and rewarded by all the potentates of europe, had not procured him much popularity at home. the remark was confessed by dashall to be correct, but whence the public indifference originated, he could not presume to explain.
crossing hyde park, which a celebrated physician denominated the lungs of the metropolis, our pedestrians made their egress into oxford-road. this fine street, with longitudinal reference the first in london, excited the admiration of the baronet; the long line of perspective indeterminable to the view, stretching from hyde park corner to st. giles's, the general uniformity of the buildings, the neatness, and in many instances the splendor of the tradesmen's shops, together with the comfortable manner of their perambulation, unjostled and unimpeded by the hurry, throng and bustle of passengers, with which [126] many other parts of the town are annoyed, gave an additional zest of enjoyment to the trio in their excursion, while the squire observed, that he felt in this part of the town, always as if he had been suddenly removed to some other region of the world, far remote from the city of london, its dissonant uproar, and crowded inconveniences.
turning into blenheim street, dashall apprized his companions, that if they felt inclined to take a peep into the theatre of anatomy, he could procure their admission.
the squire seemed to recoil from so disgusting an exhibition; while on the other hand the baronet expressed a great desire to enter the theatre. “i have been used to murder and mutilation!” said he.
“the devil you have!” ejaculated the squire, “where, how?”
“where else should it be but in ireland?” replied the baronet:—“and as to the how, was it not, sure, after the manner of my profession, while i was a member of a corps of yeoman cavalry, during the rebellion, when we whipped, hanged, beheaded, and mutilated men, every day, by dozens! so you may guess, my good [127]friend, that cutting up a human carcase is nothing new to me. only now, i should like to see if there is any difference in the mangling of human bodies by the anatomical artists of london from the ci-devant military professors, “the loyal troop of doneraile.”
the hesitation manifested by the squire yielded, ultimately, to the importunity of the baronet, and they entered the human shambles, where the cutters up were at work upon a subject, securing to themselves the advantage of personal experience, in the process of dissection; the abdomen had been already cleared out, and the corpse was portioned out to the different students of anatomy for the purpose of illustration; the arms to one class, the legs to another, the head to a third, &c. so that in less than a quarter of an hour, decapitation and dismemberment were completely effected; and the trunk was deserted, as an uninteresting object, from which there could not be derived any information of importance, further than that which the students had already obtained!!!
sir felix whispered his friends, that these adepts in human mutilation far exceeded in apathy of feeling and adroitness of execution, even the ci-devant loyal troop of doneraile!—but when one of the young artists brought forward in his hands smeared with gore, a human heart for the operation of the dissecting knife, tallyho declaring that he could bear it no longer, rushed out of the theatre, and was followed by his two companions, all disgusted with this spoliation of the dead, however conducive it might prove to the interests of the living.{1}
1 the human subjects for these theatres of anatomy and
private dissection, are chiefly supplied by
“resurrectionists;” a class of depraved wretches whose only
employment is that of body-snatching, or robbing the graves
of their dead; from which they derive a ready and lucrative
emolument. the anatomists are ready at all hours to receive,
without questions asked, and with prompt remuneration, the
produce of these unsanctified depredations.—dreadful must
be the feelings of the fond relatives of a departed friend,
to learn that the sanctuary of the grave has been violated,
and the body of perhaps a beloved wife, sister, or other
revered female, exposed to the gaze, and subjected to the
scalping-knife, of these butchers.
iron coffins have been resorted to as a safe-guard, which
once closed cannot be opened. for this improvement the
artist obtained a patent; but he is not likely to derive
much advantage from his invention, as the parish officers
within the bills of mortality have generally refused the
rites of sepulture to bodies cased in iron; alleging, that
the almost imperishable material would shortly compel an
enlargement of burying ground, at a vast expence, which it
is the duty of the parish officers to prevent, by resisting
the interment of bodies in iron coffins; and this resolution
has lately had the sanction of legal authority.
[128]
proceeding along oxford street, sir felix enquired for the holy land, informing his friends, at same time, that his servant, whom he had entrusted the preceding day with a cheque on his banker, had not been at home all night, and the probability was, that he had got amongst his munster friends in palestine. sir felix was therefore desirous of ascertaining, if possible, the sanctuary of the fugitive; and with that view requested his friends to accompany him in a perambulation of discovery, through (to him) these hitherto unexplored regions.—this application was readily assented to, and the triumvirate passed onwards to the place of destination.
they had now reached the church of st. giles in the fields, situated in broad street, st. giles's; and their attention was immediately directed to that fine piece of sculpture over the iron gateway, leading into the church-yard, representing the resurrection and last judgment. the figures are in basso relievo, and although diminutive, are admirably grouped, and the expression of each gives to the whole a finished and impressive effect.
two minutes more, and the three friends were on the boundaries of the holy land, namely, george street, or, as formerly cognomened, dyott street, bloomsbury.
at the end of this street, next to st. giles's, were several of the lower irish, of both gender, who, clustering together, seemed to hold a close confabulation, casting occasionally, an inquisitive eye on sir felix o'grady.
“by the soul of the priest!” at last exclaimed one of the munster emigrees, “but it is him, and i would take my davy on it;—but sure enough, i will ax the jontleman himself now, whether he knows who he is, or if he is any body at all, at all!”
this real representative of the tag-rag and bob-tail of the emerald isle, was arrayed in the appropriate costume of his class and country. a nameless something that had once been a hat, covered a shock head of hair; the redundancy of which protuberated sideways and perpendicularly, [129]from the ci-devant castor, in many a knotty combination, impervious to wind and weather. the fragments of a loose great coat decorated his tall athletic form, which scarcely reaching his knees, exposed fully to observation his nether habiliment,—
“his galligaskins, that had long withstood
the winter's fury and encroaching frost
by time subdued,—what will not time subdue,
now horrid rents disclosed, portending agues.”
his brawny legs were partially cased in worsted hose, the dilapidations of wear and tear ingeniously repaired with cloth, pieced and patched, and comprising all the prismatic colours of the rainbow; his toes, disdaining the trammels of duress, peeped through his brogues, as if anxious for freedom; and to complete the singularity of this strange figure, his vacant face was incrusted with filth, his bristly beard unshorn,—
and stuck in his mouth of capacious dimensions,
that never to similar shape had pretensions,
a pipe he sustain'd, short and jetty of hue,
thro' which the dense clouds of tobacco he drew.
this apparition stalking onwards to our admiring triumvirate,—“may be,” said he, “your honor can be after telling me,—will your honor be sir felix o'grady of munster, that is, long life to it?”—“the same, by the powers of my father who begot me!” exclaimed the baronet: “sure enough i am sir felix o'grady that is, not that will be!” “erin ma vorneen!” rejoined the enquirer,—“the pot of saint patrick be upon you, and may your honor live all the days of your life, and many years longer, if that's all!—arrah, but i'm plased to my heart's content to meet wid your honor in a strange land!”
the congregated expectants now approached, and respectfully united their congratulations with those of their respectable deputy.—“the pot of saint patrick be upon you, and may your reverence live for ever and a day afterwards!” it was in vain that sir felix offered them money. “no, the devil a drap would they taste, unless it was wid his honor's own self, by the holy poker!”
there was no remedy; so sir felix, with his friends dash all and tallyho, who were much amused by this [130]unsophisticated manifestation of irish recognition, accompanied the motley groupe to the blue-ruin shop.{1}
page130 blue ruin shop
entering then, the neighbouring den, of a licensed retailer of destruction, the first object on whom the scrutinizing eye of the baronet cast a glance, was his servant, regaling himself and his blowen with a glass of the “right sort.” the indignant sir felix raised his cane, and was about to inflict a well-merited chastisement, when the transgressor, deprecating the wrath of his master, produced the full amount of the cheque in mitigation of punishment, expressing his obligations to mother cummings for the preservation of the property.
“and who, in the devil's name,” asked the baronet, “is mother cummings?"{2}
“och! a good sowl,” said the valet, “for all that, she keeps convanient lodgings. and so your honor, just having got a drap too much of the cratur last night, this girl and i took up our lodgings at mother cummings's: good luck to her any how! and if your honor will but forgive me this once, i will, as in duty bound, serve you faithfully by night and by day, in any or in no way at all at all, and never will be guilty of the like again as long as i live, gra.”
1 blue-ruin, alias english gin.—not unaptly is this
pernicious beverage so denominated. it is lamentable to
observe the avidity with which the lower orders of society
in london resort to this fiery liquid, destructive alike of
health and morals. the consumption of gin in the metropolis
is three-fold in proportion to what it was a few years ago.
every public-house is now converted into “wine vaults,” as
they are termed, which the venders of poison and their
account in; it is true, that the occupants are compelled to
sell beer also, but in many of these receptacles, there is
not even sitting room, and “something short,” is thus the
resource of men, women, and even children!
2 this discreet matron has realized a very daccnt
competency, by keeping, in the holy land, a house of
accommodation for single, men and their wives.—when a
couple of this description require the asylum of her
hospitable roof, she demands possession of all the money
which the male visitor may have about him. this conceded, it
is told over, and carefully sealed up in the presence of its
owner, and left for the night in charge of the prudent
landlady. the party is then shewn into a room, and in the
morning the money is forth-coming to its utmost farthing.
[131] circumstances considered, and as this had been his first offence, the servant, at the intercession of dashall, was let off with a reprimand only, and ordered home, a mandate which he instantly and with many expressions of gratitude obeyed.
the baronet having adjusted this business to his satisfaction, directed his attention to his newly acquired munster friends, whom he not only treated with a liberal potation of aqua vit?, but in the warmth of his kindly feelings, actually drank with them, a condescension infinitely more acceptable to the generous nature of these poor-people, than was the more solid proof which he left them of his munificence; and of which, until absolutely forced upon them, they long and pertinaciously resisted the acceptance.
our party pursuing their route, entered holborn, and ordered refreshment at the george and blue boar coffee-house; a place of excellent accommodation, and convenient for persons coming from the west of england.
here, while our perambulators amused themselves in conversation on the occurrences of the morning, a chaise and four drove rapidly into the yard, the postillions decorated with white ribbons, “denoting,” said dashall, “the successful denouement, perhaps, of a trip to gretna green.” his conjecture was correct; the happy pair just arrived, had been rivetted in the ties of matrimony by the far-famed blacksmith of gretna.{1}
1 in tracing the pursuits of needy and profligate
adventurers, with whom this vast metropolis abounds beyond
that of any other capital in the world, wife-hunting is not
the least predominant. this remark we cannot better
illustrate than by introducing to the notice of our readers,
the following extraordinary detail, exhibiting in high life,
atrocious premeditated villainy, and in the mediocrity of
female rank extreme and fatal cupidity.
an anecdote has come to our knowledge within the last few
days which we think calls for publicity, as it may tend to
place on their guard those tender-hearted spinsters whose
sensibility of feeling may induce them for a moment to
forget that prudence which is at all times the best
safeguard of their sex. the circumstances which we shall
describe are considered quite unique among certain orders of
the sporting world; and the hero of the tale, from the
dashing completion of his plan, has obtained no small
importance in the eyes of his associates.
to our purpose;—about a fortnight back, a person, we will
not call him a gentleman, the first letter of whose name is
not far re-moved from the last letter of the alphabet, and
who has been particularly distinguished for the dashing,
although not very meritorious affairs in which he has been
engaged, both on the turf and the road, as well as in the
stable, found himself (to use one of his own fashionable
phrases,) “hard up.” in plain terms, his exchequer was
completely exhausted, and what was worse, his credit was
altogether “out at the elbows.” all ordinary, and, indeed,
almost all extraordinary modes of “raising the wind,” had
long since been worn threadbare. something, however, must be
done; and to be “well done,” it must be “done quickly.” a
happy thought struck him. he had heard of a lady, some few
years beyond her “teens,” who was possessed of a pretty
round sum; he could not ascertain exactly how much, in her
own right. this was a prize which he thought it would be
most desirable to obtain. it was true, the lady was past
that age when passion is not at all times to be con-trolled;
but then certainly not so far advanced as to have abandoned
all hope of obtaining an agreeable husband, or not to be
perfectly convinced that her attractions entitled her to
entertain such an expectation. the only difficulty which
suggested itself, was the mode of introduction. two heads
are better than one, and our hero called in a friend, to
whom he unfolded his scheme, and whose advice and assistance
he immediately bespoke. the friend had no scruples on the
subject, and at once became a partner in the plot. means
were found to overcome the first impediment, and behold our
two gentlemen in the presence of the fair object of their
attack. the principal was immediately introduced as the
son of sir george ——, a highly respectable baronet of the
same name, but of a very different character. his manners
were chastened for the occasion, his appearance fashionable,
and his address distinguished by a warmth which the
acknowledged purpose of his visit, that of soliciting the
honor of being permitted to pay his addresses, in some
measure justified. the lady was not displeased: to all
appearance the connexion, which was thus offered to her was
most nattering; the son of a baronet, and one especially who
had expressed himself in a most disinterested manner, was
not to be dismissed without due deliberation; she,
therefore, with becoming frankness, consented to grant
another interview on the ensuing day. the friends were
punctual to the time appointed, and came in the carriage
(pro tempore) of the suitor. they were shown into the
drawing-room, and the conversation was mutually pleasing. at
length our hero proposed to the lady to take a short airing
in his carriage. at first she exhibited the usual coyness at
such an invitation from one, to whom she was almost a
stranger; but was ultimately bantered into a consent, and
accordingly dressed for a ride. having taken her seat
between the two gentlemen, they engaged her on such topics
as they thought most amusing, and the time passed so
agreeably that she scarce knew where she was going, till she
had arrived at barnet, on the north road. they stopped at
one of the principal inns, and alighting, a slight cold
repast was ordered. the convenient friend shortly after
quitted the apartment to look to the horses, and the soi-
disant son of the baronet instantly commenced an
assault upon the lady's heart, which it would seem, was but
too well received. he protested that he had long sighed at a
distance, without having the courage to confess his flame;
and, in short, that he could not exist unless she became
his. the lady, whatever might be the feelings of her heart,
laughed at the warmth of his declarations. this only induced
him to become more impetuous; and at last, as a proof of his
sincerity, he proposed, as they were so far on the north
road, that they should order four horses, and set off at
once to gretna green. this produced additional merri-ment on
the part of the lady, which, as there was no specific
refusal, was taken for consent; and on the return of the
friend, he received a wink, which instructed him in the
course he was to pursue, and in a moment, four horses were
clapped to the travelling chariot in which they had arrived.
the lady was shortly afterwards handed to her seat, and,
accompanied as before, was whirled off with the utmost
velocity. she had gone thirty miles of the road, however,
before she believed that her lover was really serious. on
alighting at the end of the third stage, reflection came to
her aid, and she began to repent of having suffered herself
to be prevailed on to consent so far to what she still
pretended to believe was but a joke. on our hero quitting
the coom, she represented to his friend the utter
impossibility of proceeding further, and entreated that he
would take means to have her re-conducted to town. the
friend, however, who was too much interested in the success
of a plot so well commenced, endeavoured to dissuade her, by
every argument of which he was master, to go on; but she
positively refused; when, as the last resource, he
determined to work on her fears, and accordingly told her,
that mr.—— had long spoken of her, in terms of impatient
rapture; that he was a man, unhappily, of a most passionate
temper, and that he had vowed, sooner than he would go back
to london without making her his wife, he would blow out his
brains, for which purpose he was provided with a brace of
pistols, then in his pocket, and double loaded. to this was
added the still more persuasive observation, that he was a
gentleman of family and fortune and figure, to whom no
rational objection could be taken by any woman whose heart
had not been previously engaged. the result was, that the
unfortunate woman, half consenting, half relenting, agreed
to go forward, and on they drove till they arrived full
speed at gretna bridge, in yorkshire. here a new difficulty
arose; our hero had exhausted his purse, and had not a
shilling left to enable him to complete his journey; his
good genius, however, had not deserted him, and, with that
effrontery for which he is distinguished, he called the
landlord into a private room, told him he was on his way to
gretna green with an heiress, again described himself to be
the son of a baronet, and finally requested him to give cash
for a cheque which he proposed drawing on a respectable
banking-house in town, (where, by the bye, he happened to
have no account.) the cause he assigned for his distress was
the suddenness of his flight from town. his appeal
proved successful, and he was furnished with the means of
completing his journey. again the trio resumed their course,
and in the end reached the quarters of the celebrated
blacksmith, who was immediately summoned to their presence.
here another impediment threw them into fresh alarm; the
blacksmith seeing the style in which they had arrived, and
judging from that circumstance that they were persons of no
mean consequence, refused to rivet their chains under a
douceur of one hundred pounds. this sum it was impossible,
at so short a notice, they could raise; and their hopes
would have been altogether frustrated, had not the eloquence
of our hero once more proved successful. he explained to the
venerable priest that their finances were but slender; and
having assured him of that fact, he induced him to accept of
five pounds down, and a note of hand for fifty pounds more.
the gordian knot was then tied, and mr. and mrs.——
having received the congratulations of their friend, who
witnessed the ceremony, returned to gretna bridge; where
they agreed to wait a few days, until a remittance for which
the lady, under some plausible excuse, was induced to draw,
had arrived. the necessary sum at length reached their
hands; the bill was dis-charged; the cheque upon which the
cash had been previously advanced, redeemed; and the party
pursued their journey back to the metropolis.
on reaching london, the marriage ceremony was repeated in a
more formal manner, and thus all question of the validity of
the union was set at rest. our hero had now to render
available the funds of his lady; and in a morning tete-a-
tete requested some information as to the state of her
fortune? it was a subject, he said, of no great importance
in his estimation, but still he wished to know what she had?
the lady candidly told him that all she had under her own
control, was ￡1,100 in the 5 per cents, and a bond of her
brother's for ￡2,500 payable on demand. on the very same
day, the disinterested husband was found soliciting several
brokers in the city, to sell out the stock which his wife
had described, but they all declined, unless the lady were
present. this was an objection easily got over; he returned
to his wife, and having assigned some feasible reason for an
immediate want of ready cash, induced her to accompany him
to the market, where the value of the stock was soon
transferred into his pocket.
the friends of the lady had by this time been apprised of
her marriage, and naturally felt anxious to ascertain the
character of the connexion which she had formed. she, of
course, repeated the story told her by her “lord and
master;” but inquiry having been made as to its truth, it
was found to be fictitious in all its main features. her
husband, although of the same name, was not the son of sir
george, nor was he at all connected with that family; and in
addition to this, it was ascertained that he was, as we have
already described him to be, a gentleman “much better known
than trusted.” it is needless to say that the feelings of
the lady were greatly agitated at these discoveries, and she
did not hesitate to upbraid her husband with his deceitful
conduct. his sensibility, however, was not to be excited
on such an occasion; he coolly told her he knew all she
could say on that subject without putting her to any further
trouble; and, in fine, confirmed all that she had heard to
his prejudice. she had taken him “for better for worse,”
and she must make the best of a bad bargain. the brother
of the lady now interfered; he had an interview with her
husband, and could not suppress the indignation which he
felt in his presence. our hero had too long been accustomed
to the reverses of the sporting world to be easily ruffled;
he preserved his temper with admirable presence of mind, and
having heard the enraged brother to a conclusion, at last
very coolly replied, that “all he had said might be very
true, but that did not alter the fact that his sister was
his lawful wife; and further, that, as her husband, he held
a bond of his (the brother's) for ￡12,500, payable on
demand, and of which he requested immediate payment as he
was short of “the ready.” the cold-blooded gravity with
which this demand was made, incensed the brother still
more, and he gave vent to the feelings which were excited in
his breast. our hero was in no respect thrown off his
guard, and at last, after having heard that the brother, as
well as the lady, whose eyes were now open to his real
character, would be glad to get rid of him on any terms; he
proposed to “do the thing,” what he called “handsomely,” and
with very little qualification suggested, that in order to
settle the business “amicably,” he had no objection to give
up his wife and her brother's bond for ￡1,000 in addition to
the ￡1,000 he had already received. unprincipled as this
offer was, the brother, upon reflection, felt that he was
“in the jaws of the lion,” and therefore, after consultation
with his sister, who was but too happy in escaping from such
a companion, he agreed to the terms proposed. the ￡1,000
was paid, the bond returned, and a separation mutually
agreed upon without further delay, to the infinite
satisfaction of our hero, who tells the adventure among his
friends with extra-ordinary glee, taking no small credit to
himself for its happy issue. we have suppressed the names of
the parties, for obvious reasons; there are those by whom
they will be immediately recognised. we wish, however,
not to give unnecessary pain to the individuals really
injured; and have only to hope the facts we have detailed
may operate as a sufficient caution to others who may be
placed in similar situations in future.
[135] sir felix o'grady was all a-gog to learn from the postillions the names of the party, but nothing satisfactory could be elicited.
our trio now directed their progress along holborn, in which route they had advanced but a few minutes when their attention was arrested by a concourse of people assembled at the door of a linen-draper, who it seems had detected a thief in the person of a pregnant woman. this information excited the sympathy of our three friends, and they accordingly entered the shop. tallyho entreated of the linen-draper, that he would be merciful to the unfortunate woman, in consideration of her being so far in a family way.
“and yet, sir,” answered the shopkeeper, “i fancy we shall be able to relieve the lady without the assistance of a midwife.” the woman was then taken into a back room and searched by two of her own sex. the result [136]of this investigation was soon made known.—the pregnancy was assumed, the better to evade suspicion; her under garments were completely lined with hooks, to which were suspended, in vast variety, articles of stolen property, including not only those of light weight, viz. handkerchiefs, shawls, stockings, &c. but several of less portable description, amongst which were two pieces of irish linen. these articles she had conveyed through an aperture in her upper habiliment of sufficient dimensions to admit an easy access to the general repository. the ingenuity of this invention created much surprise, and as it greatly facilitated concealment and evaded detection, there is no doubt of its having frequently produced a rich harvest. this female adept was now committed to the charge of an officer, the shopkeeper having identified upon her person several articles of stolen property.
