o what a town, what a wonderful metropolis!
sure such a town as this was never seen;
mayor, common councilmen, citizens and populace,
wand'ring from poplar to turnham green.
chapels, churches, synagogues, distilleries and county banks—
poets, jews and gentlemen, apothecaries, mountebanks—
there's bethlem hospital, and there the picture gallery;
and there's sadler's wells, and there the court of chancery.
o such a town, such a wonderful metropolis,
sure such a town as this was never seen!
o such a town, and such a heap of carriages,
sure such a motley group was never seen;
such a swarm of young and old, of buryings and marriages,
all the world seems occupied in ceaseless din.
there's the bench, and there's the bank—now only take a peep at her—
and there's rag fair, and there the east-london theatre—
there's st. james's all so fine, st. giles's all in tattery,
where fun and frolic dance the rig from saturday to saturday.
o what a town, what a wonderful metropolis,
sure such a town as this was never seen!
a short time after this day's ramble, the hon. tom dash all and his friend tallyho paid a visit to the celebrated tattersall's.
page160 tattersall's
“this,” said tom, “is a great scene of action at times, and you will upon some occasions find as much business done here as there is on 'change; the dealings however are not so fair, though the profits are larger; and if you observe the characters and the visages of the visitants, it will be found it is most frequently attended by turf-jews and greeks.{1} any man indeed who dabbles in horse-dealing, must, like a gamester, be either a rook or a pigeon; {2} for horse-dealing is a species of gambling, in which as many
1 turf-jews and greeks—gamblers at races, trotting-
matches, &c.
2 rooks and pigeons are frequenters of gaming-houses: the
former signifying the successful adventurer, and the latter
the unfortunate dupe.
[161]depredations are committed upon the property of the unwary as in any other, and every one engaged in it thinks it a meritorious act to dupe his chapman. even noblemen and gentlemen, who in other transactions of life are honest, will make no scruple of cheating you in horse-dealing: nor is this to be wondered at when we consider that the lord and the baronet take lessons from their grooms, jockeys, or coachmen, and the nearer approach they can make to the appearance and manners of their tutors, the fitter the pupils for turf-men, or gentlemen dealers; for the school in which they learn is of such a description that dereliction of principle is by no means surprising—fleecing each other is an every-day practice—every one looks upon his fellow as a bite, and young men of fashion learn how to buy and sell, from old whips, jockeys, or rum ostlers, whose practices have put them up to every thing, and by such ruffian preceptors are frequently taught to make three quarters or seventy-five per cent, profit, which is called turning an honest penny. this, though frequently practised at country fairs, &c. by horse-jobbers, &c. is here executed with all the dexterity and art imaginable: for instance, you have a distressed friend whom you know must sell; you commiserate his situation, and very kindly find all manner of faults with his horse, and buy it for half its value—you also know a green-horn and an extravagant fellow, to whom you sell it for twice its value, and that is the neat thing. again, if you have a horse you wish to dispose of, the same school will afford you instruction how to make the most of him, that is to say, to conceal his vices and defects, and by proper attention to put him into condition, to alter his whole appearance by hogging, cropping, and docking—by patching up his broken knees—blowing gun-powder in his dim eyes—bishoping, blistering, &c. so as to turn him out in good twig, scarcely to be known by those who have frequently seen and noticed him: besides which, at the time of sale one of these gentry will aid and assist your views by pointing out his recommendations in some such observations as the following:
?there's a horse truly good and well made.
?there's the appearance of a fine woman! broad breast, round hips, and long neck.
?there's the countenance, intrepidity, and fire of a lion.
?there's the eye, joint, and nostril of an ox.
[162]'there's the nose, gentleness, and patience of a lamb.
?there's the strength, constancy, and foot of a mule.
?there's the hair, head, and leg of a deer.
?there's the throat, neck, and hearing of a wolf.
?there's the ear, brush, and trot of a fox.
?there's the memory, sight, and turning of a serpent.
?there's the running, suppleness, and innocence of the hare.
“and if a horse sold for sound wind, limb, and eyesight, with all the gentleness of a lamb, that a child might ride him with safety, should afterwards break the purchaser's neck, the seller has nothing to do with it, provided he has received the bit,{1} but laughs at the do.{2} nay, they will sometimes sell a horse, warranted to go as steady as ever a horse went in harness, to a friend, assuring him at the same time that he has not a fault of any kind—that he is good as ever shoved a head through a horse-collar; and if he should afterwards rear up in the gig, and overturn the driver into a ditch, shatter the concern to pieces, spill ma'am, and kill both her and the child of promise, the conscientious horse-dealer has nothing to do with all this: how could he help it? he sold the horse for a good horse, and a good horse he was. this is all in the way of fair dealing. again, if a horse is sold as sound, and he prove broken-winded, lame, or otherwise, not worth one fortieth part of the purchase-money, still it is only a piece of jockeyship—a fair manouvre, affording opportunities of merriment.”
“a very laudable sort of company,” said bob.
“it is rather a mixed one,” replied tom—“it is indeed a complete mixture of all conditions, ranks, and orders of society. but let us take a peep at some of them. do you observe that stout fellow yonder, with a stick in his hand? he has been a daisy-kicker, and, by his arts and contrivances having saved a little money, is now a regular dealer, and may generally be seen here on selling days.”
“daisy-kicker,” said bob, “i don't comprehend the term.”
“then i will explain,” was the reply. “daisy-kickers are ostlers belonging to large inns, who are known to each other by that title, and you may frequently hear them
1 bit—a cant term for money.
2 do—any successful endeavour to over-reach another is by
these gentlemen call'd a do, meaning—so and so has been
done.
[163]ask—when did you sell your daisy-kicker or grogham?—for these terms are made use of among themselves as cant for a horse. do you also observe, he is now in close conversation with a person who he expects will become a purchaser.”
“and who is he?”
“he is no other than a common informer, though in high life; keeps his carriage, horses, and servants—lives in the first style—he is shortly to be made a consul of, and perhaps an ambassador afterwards. the first is to all intents and purposes a lord of trade, and his excellency nothing more than a titled spy, in the same way as a bailiff is a follower of the law, and a man out of livery a knight's companion or a nobleman's gentleman.”
their attention was at this moment attracted by the appearance of two persons dressed in the extreme of fashion, who, upon meeting just by them, caught eagerly hold of each other's hand, and they overheard the following—'why, bill, how am you, my hearty?—where have you been trotting your galloper?—what is you arter?—how's harry and ben?—haven't seen you this blue moon.'{1}
?all tidy,' was the reply; 'ben is getting better, and is going to sport a new curricle, which is now building for him in long acre, as soon as he is recovered.'
?why what the devil's the matter with him, eh?'
?nothing of any consequence, only he got mill'd a night or two ago about his blowen—he had one of his ribs broke, sprained his right wrist, and sports a painted peeper{2} upon the occasion, that's all.'
?why you know he's no bad cock at the fancy, and won't put up with any gammon.'
?no, but he was lushy, and so he got queer'd—but i say, have you sold your bay?'
?no, d——n me, i can't get my price.'
?why, what is it you axes?'{3}
?only a hundred and thirty—got by agamemnon. lord, it's no price at all—cheap as dirt—but i say, bill,
1 blue moon—this is usually intended to imply a long time.
2 painted peeper—a black eye.
3 axes—among the swell lads, and those who affect the
characters of knowing coveys, there is a common practice of
endeavouring to coin new words and new modes of expression,
evidently intended to be thought wit; and this affectation
frequently has the effect of creating a laugh.
[164]how do you come on with your grey, and the pie-bald poney?'
?all right and regular, my boy; matched the poney for a light curricle, and i swapped{1} the grey for an entire horse—such a rum one—when will you come and take a peep at him?—all bone, fine shape and action, figure beyond compare—i made a rare good chop of it.'
?i'm glad to hear it; i'll make a survey, and take a ride with you the first leisure day; but i'm full of business, no time to spare—i say, are, you a dealer?'
?no, no, it won't do, i lost too much at the derby—besides, i must go and drive my girl out—avait, that's the time of day,{2} my boys—so good by—but if you should be able to pick up a brace of clever pointers, a prime spaniel, or a greyhound to match smut, i'm your man—buy for me, and all's right—price, you know, is out of the question, i must have them if they are to be got, so look out—bid and buy; but mind, nothing but prime will do for me—that's the time of day, you know, d——n me—so good by—i'm off.' and away he went.
“some great sporting character, i suppose,” said bob—“plenty of money.”
“no such thing,” said tom, drawing him on one side—“you will hardly believe that bill is nothing more than a shopman to a linen-draper, recently discharged for malpractices; and the other has been a waiter at a tavern, but is now out of place; and they are both upon the sharp look-out to gammon the flats. the former obtains his present livelihood by gambling—spends the most of his time in playing cards with greenhorns, always to be picked up at low flash houses, at fairs, races, milling-matches, &c. and is also in the holy keeping of the cast-off mistress of a nobleman whose family he was formerly in as a valet-de-chambre. the other pretends to teach sparring in the city, and occasionally has a benefit in the minories, duke's place, and the fives court.”
“they talk it well, however,” said bob.
1 swapp'd—exchanged.
2 that's the time of day—that's your sort—that's the
barber—keep moving—what am you arter—what am you up to—
there never was such times—that's the dandy—go along bob,
&c. are ex-pressions that are frequently made use of by the
people of the metropolis; and indeed fashion seems almost to
have as much to do with our language as with our dress or
manners.
[165]"words are but wind, many a proud word comes off a weak stomach,” was the reply; “and you may almost expect not to hear a word of truth in this place, which may be termed the sporting repository—it is the grand mart for horses and for other fashionable animals—for expensive asses, and all sorts of sporting-dogs, town-puppies, and second-hand vehicles. here bets are made for races and fights—matches are made up here—bargains are struck, and engagements entered into, with as much form, regularity, and importance, as the progress of parliamentary proceedings—points of doubt upon all occasions of jockeyship are decided here; and no man of fashion can be received into what is termed polished society, without a knowledge of this place and some of the visitors. the proceedings however are generally so managed, that the ostlers, the jockeys, the grooms, and the dealers, come best off, from a superiority of knowledge and presumed judgment—they have a method of patching up deep matches to diddle the dupes, and to introduce throws over, doubles, double doubles, to ease the heavy pockets of their burdens. the system of puffing is also as much in use here as among the lottery-office keepers, the quack doctors, or the auctioneers; and the __knowing ones, by an understanding amongst each other, sell their cattle almost for what they please, if it so happens they are not immediately in want of the ready,{1} which, by the way, is an article too frequently in request—and here honest poverty is often obliged to sell at any rate, while the rich black-leg takes care only to sell to a good advantage, making a point at the same time not only to make the most of his cattle, but also of his friend or acquaintance.”
“liberal and patriotic-minded men!” said bob; “it is a noble society, and well worthy of cultivation.”
“it is fashionable society, at least,” continued tom, “and deserving of observation, for it is fraught with instruction.”
“i think so, indeed,” was the reply; “but i really begin to suspect that i shall scarcely have confidence to venture out alone, for there does not appear to be any part of your wonderful metropolis but what is infested with some kind of shark or other.”
“it is but too true, and it is therefore the more necessary to make yourself acquainted with them; it is rather a long lesson, but really deserving of being learnt. you
1 the ready—money.
[166]perceive what sort of company you are now in, as far as may be judged from their appearances; but they are not to be trusted, for i doubt not but you would form erroneous conclusions from such premises. the company that assembles here is generally composed of a great variety of characters—the idler, the swindler, the dandy, the exquisite, the full-pursed young peer, the needy sharper, the gaudy pauper, and the aspiring school-boy, anxious to be thought a dealer and a judge of the article before him—looking at a horse with an air of importance and assumed intelligence, bidding with a trembling voice and palpitating heart, lest it should be knock'd down to him. do you see that dashing fellow nearly opposite to us, in the green frock-coat, top-boots, and spurs?—do you mark how he nourishes his whip, and how familiar he seems to be with the knowing old covey in brown?”
“yes; i suppose he is a dealer.”
“you are right, he is a dealer, but it is in man's flesh, not horse flesh: he is a bum trap{1} in search of some friend
1 bum trap—a term pretty generally in use to denominate a
bailiff or his follower—they are also called body-
snatchers. the ways and means made use of by these gentry to
make their captions are innumerable: they visit all places,
assume all characters, and try all stratagems, to secure
their friends, in order that they may have an opportunity of
obliging them, which they have a happy facility in doing,
provided the party can bleed free.* among others, the
following are curious facts:
a gentleman, who laboured under some peculiar difficulties,
found it desirable for the sake of his health to retire into
the country, where he secluded himself pretty closely from
the vigilant anxieties of his friends, who were in search of
him and had made several fruitless attempts to obtain an
interview. the traps having ascertained the place of his
retreat, from which it appeared that nothing but stratagem
could draw him, a knowing old snatch determined to effect
his purpose, and succeeded in the following manner:
one day as the gentleman came to his window, he discovered a
man, seemingly in great agitation, passing and re-passing;
at length, however, he stopped suddenly, and with a great
deal of attention fixed his eyes upon a tree which stood
nearly opposite to the window. in a few minutes he returned
to it, pulled out a book, in which he read for a few
minutes, and then drew forth a rope from his pocket, with
which he suspended himself from the tree. the gentleman,
eager to save the life of a fellow-creature, ran out and cut
him down. this was scarcely accomplished, before he found
the man whom he had rescued (as he thought) from death,
slapp'd him on the shoulder, informed him that he was his
prisoner, and in return robbed him of his liberty!
another of these gentry assumed the character of a poor
cripple, and stationed himself as a beggar, sweeping the
crossing near the habitation of his shy cock, who,
conceiving himself safe after three days voluntary
imprisonment, was seized by the supposed beggar, who threw
away his broom to secure his man.
yet, notwithstanding the many artifices to which this
profession is obliged to conform itself, it must be
acknowledged there are many of them who have hearts that
would do honour to more exalted situations; especially when
we reflect, that in general, whatever illiberality or
invective may be cast upon them, they rarely if at all
oppress those who are in their custody, and that they
frequently endeavour to compromise for the debtor, or at
least recommend the creditor to accept of those terms which
can be complied with.
* bleed free—
[167]or other, with a writ in his pocket. these fellows have some protean qualities about them, and, as occasion requires, assume all shapes for the purpose of taking care of their customers; they are however a sort of necessary evil. the old one in brown is a well-known dealer, a deep old file, and knows every one around him—he is up to the sharps, down upon the flats, and not to be done. but in looking round you may perceive men booted and spurred, who perhaps never crossed a horse, and some with whips in their hands who deserve it on their backs—they hum lively airs, whistle and strut about with their quizzing-glasses in their hands, playing a tattoo upon their boots, and shewing themselves off with as many airs as if they were real actors engaged in the farce, that is to say, the buyers and sellers; when in truth they are nothing but loungers in search of employment, who may perhaps have to count the trees in the park for a dinner without satisfying the cravings of nature, dining as it is termed with duke humphrey—others, perhaps, who have arrived in safety, are almost afraid to venture into the streets again, lest they should encounter those foes to liberty, john doe and richard roe.”
?if i do, may i be——' the remainder of the sentence was lost, by the speaker removing in conversation with another, when tom turn'd round.
“o,” said tom, “i thought i knew who it was—that is one of the greatest reprobates in conversation that i ever met with.”
“and who is he?”
“why, i'll give you a brief sketch of him,” continued dashall: “it is said, and i fancy pretty well known, [168]that he has retired upon a small property, how acquired or accumulated i cannot say; but he has married a bar-maid of very beautiful features and elegant form: having been brought up to the bar, she is not unaccustomed to confinement; but he has made her an absolute prisoner, for he shuts her up as closely as if she were in a monastery—he never dines at home, and she is left in complete solitude. he thinks his game all safe, but she has sometimes escaped the vigilance of her gaoler, and has been seen at places distant from home.{1}
1 it is related of this gentleman, whose severity and
vigilance were so harshly spoken of, that one day at table,
a dashing young military officer, who, while he was
circulating the bottle, was boasting among his dissipated
friends of his dexterity in conducting the wars of venus,
that he had a short time back met one of the most lovely
creatures he ever saw, in the king's road; but he had
learned that her husband so strictly confined and watched
her, that there was no possibility of his being admitted to
her at any hour.
“behave handsome, and i'll put you in possession of a gun
that shall bring the game down in spite of locks, bolts and
bars, or even the vigilance of the eyes of argus himself.”
“how? d——me if i don't stand a ten pound note.”
“how! why easy enough; i've a plan that cannot but succeed—
down with the cash, and i'll put you up to the scheme.”
no sooner said than done, and he pocketed the ten pound
note.
“now,” said the hoary old sinner, little suspecting that he
was to be the dupe of his own artifice: “you get the husband
invited out to dinner, have him well ply'd with wine by your
friends: you assume the dress of a postman—give a
thundering rap at her door, which always denotes either the
arrival of some important visitor or official communication;
and when you can see her, flatter, lie, and swear that her
company is necessary to your existence—that life is a
burden without her—tell her, you know her husband is
engaged, and can't come—that he is dining out with some
jolly lads, and can't possibly be home for some hours—fall
at her feet, and say that, having obtained the interview,
you will not leave her. your friends in the mean time must
be engaged in making him as drunk as a piper. that's the way
to do it, and if you execute it as well as it is plann'd,
the day's your own.”
“bravo, bravo!” echoed from every one present.
it was a high thing—the breach thus made, the horn-work was
soon to be carried, and there could be no doubt of a safe
lodgement in the covert-way.
the gay militaire met his inamorata shortly afterwards in
chelsea-fields, and after obtaining from her sundry
particulars of inquiry, as to the name of her husband, &c.
he acquainted her with his plan. the preliminaries were
agreed upon, and it was deter-mined that the maid-servant,
who was stationed as a spy upon her at all times, should be
dispatched to some house in the neighbour-hood to procure
change, while the man of letters was to be let in and
concealed; and upon her return it was to be stated that the
postman was in a hurry, could not wait, and was to call
again. this done, he was to make his escape by a rope-ladder
from the window as soon as the old one should be heard upon
the stairs, which it of course was presumed would be at a
late hour, when he was drunk.
the train having been thus laid, old vigilance dined out,
and expected to meet the colonel; but being disappointed,
and suspicious at all times, for
“suspicion ever haunts the guilty mind,”
the utmost endeavours of the party to make him drunk proved
ineffectual; he was restless and uncomfortable, and he could
not help fancying by the visible efforts to do him up, that
some mischief was brewing, or some hoax was about to be
played off. he had his master-key in his pocket, and retired
early.
his lady, whose plan had succeeded admirably at home, was
fearful of having the door bolted till after twelve, lest
the servant's suspicions should be aroused. in the mean
time, the son of mars considered all safe, and entertained
no expectation of the old gentleman's return till a very
late hour. when lo and behold, to the great surprise and
annoyance of the lovers, he gently opened the street door,
and fearful of awaking his faithful charmer out of her first
slumber, he ascended the stairs unshod. his phosphoric
matches shortly threw a light upon the subject, and he
entered the apartment; when, what was the surprise and
astonishment of the whole party at the discovery of their
situation!
the old gentleman swore, stormed, and bullied, declaring he
would have satisfaction! that he would commence a civil
suit! the military hero told him it would be too civil by
half, and was in fact more than he expected;—reminded him
of the ten pounds he had received as agency for promoting
his amours;—informed him he had performed the character
recommended by him most admirably. the old man was almost
choked with rage; but perceiving he had spread a snare for
himself, was compelled to hear and forbear, while the lover
bolted, wishing him a good night, and singing, “locks,
bolts, and bars, i defy you,” as an admirable lesson in
return for the blustering manner in which he had received
information of the success of his own scheme.
“mr. c—— on the opposite side is a money-procurer or lender, a very accommodating sort of person, who négociates meetings and engagements between young borrowers, who care not what they pay for money, and old lenders, who care not who suffers, so they can obtain enormous interest for their loans. he is a venerable looking man, and is known to most of the young bloods who visit here. his father was a german cook in a certain kitchen. he set up for a gentleman at his father's death, and was taken particular notice of by lord g——, [170]and indeed by all the turf. he lived a gay and fashionable life, soon run out his fortune, and is now pensioned by a female whom he formerly supported. he is an excellent judge of a horse and horse-racing, upon which subjects his advice is frequently given. he is a very useful person among the generality of gentry who frequent this place of public resort. at the same time it ought to be observed, that among the various characters which infest and injure society, perhaps there are few more practised in guilt, fraud, and deceit, than the money-lenders.
“they advertise to procure large sums of money to assist those under pecuniary embarrassment. they generally reside in obscure situations, and are to be found by anonymous signatures, such as a. b. i. r. d. v. &c. they chiefly prey upon young men of property, who have lost their money at play, horse-racing, betting, &c. or other expensive amusements, and are obliged to raise more upon any terms until their rents or incomes become payable: or such as have fortunes in prospect, as being heirs apparent to estates, but who require assistance in the mean time.
“these men avail themselves of the credit, or the ultimate responsibility of the giddy and thoughtless young spendthrift in his eager pursuit of criminal pleasures, and under the influence of those allurements, which the various places of fashionable resort hold out; and seldom fail to obtain from them securities and obligations for large sums; upon the credit of which they are enabled, perhaps at usurious interest, to borrow money or discount bills, and thus supply their unfortunate customers upon the most extravagant terms.
“there are others, who having some capital, advance money upon bonds, title-deeds, and other specialties, or tipon the bond of the parties having property in reversion. by these and other devices, large sums of money are most unwarrantably and illegally wrested from the dissipated and the thoughtless; and misery and distress are perhaps entailed upon them as long as they live, or they are driven by the prospect of utter ruin to acts of desperation or the commission of crimes.
“it generally happens upon application to the advertising party, that he, like moses in the school for scandal, is not really in possession of any money himself, but then he knows where and how to procure it from a very [171]unconscionable dog, who may, perhaps, not be satisfied with the security ottered; yet, if you have bills at any reasonable date, he could get them discounted. if you should suffer yourself to be trick'd out of any bills, he will contrive, in some way or other, to negotiate them—not, as he professes, for you, but for himself and his colleagues; and, very likely, after you have been at the additional expense of commencing a suit at law against them, they have disappeared, and are in the king's bench or the fleet, waiting there to defraud you of every hope and expectation, by obtaining their liberty through the white-washing act.
“these gentry are for the most part attorneys or pettifoggers, or closely connected with such; and notwithstanding all legal provisions to preclude them from exacting large sums, either for their agency and introduction, or for the bonds which they draw, yet they contrive to bring themselves home, and escape detection, by some such means as the following:
“they pretend that it is necessary to have a deed drawn up to explain the uses of the annuity-bond, which the grantor of the money, who is some usurious villain, immediately acknowledges and accedes to; for
“the bond that signs the mortgage pays the shot; so that an act which is fraught with the best purposes for the protection of the honest, but unfortunate, is in this manner subjected to the grossest chicanery of pettifoggers and pretenders, and the vilest evasions of quirking low villains of the law.
“there is also another species of money-lender, not inaptly termed the female banker. these accommodate barrow-women and others, who sell fruit, vegetables, &c. in the public streets, with five shillings a day (the usual diurnal stock in such cases;) for the use of which for twelve hours they obtain the moderate premium of sixpence when the money is returned in the evening, receiving at this rate about seven pounds ten shillings per year for every five pounds they can so employ. it is however very difficult to convince the borrowers of the correctness of this calculation, and of the serious loss to which they subject themselves by a continuation of the system, since it is evident that this improvident and dissolute class of people have no other idea than that of making the day and the way alike long. their profits [172](often considerably augmented by dealing in base money as well as the articles which they sell) seldom last over the day; for they never fail to have a luxurious dinner and a hot supper, with a plentiful supply of gin and porter: looking in general no farther than to keep the whole original stock with the sixpence interest, which is paid over to the female banker in the evening, and a new loan obtained on the following morning to go to market, and to be disposed of in the same way.
“in contemplating this curious system of banking, or money lending (trifling as it may appear,) it is almost impossible not to be forcibly struck with the immense profits that are derived from it. it is only necessary for one of these sharpers to possess a capital of seventy shillings, or three pounds ten shillings, with fourteen steady and regular customers, in order to realize an income of one hundred guineas per year! so true it is, that one half of the world do not know how the other half live; for there are thousands who cannot have the least conception of the existence of such facts.
“here comes a buck of the first cut, one who pretends to know every thing and every body, but thinks of nobody but himself, and of that self in reality knows nothing.
captain p——is acknowledged by all his acquaintance to be one of the best fellows in the world, and to beat every one at slang, but u——y and a——se. he is the terror of the charleys, and of the poor unfortunate roofless nightly wanderers in the streets. you perceive his long white hair, and by no means engaging features. yet he has vanity enough to think himself handsome, and that he is taken notice of on that account; when the attractions he presents are really such as excite wonder and surprise, mingled with disgust; yet he contemplates his figure in the looking-glass with self satisfaction, and asks the frail ones, with a tremulous voice, if, so help them——he is not a good-looking fellow 1 and they, knowing their customer, of course do not fail to reply in the affirmative.
“he is a well known leg, and is no doubt present on this occasion to bet upon the ensuing epsom races; by the bye his losses have been very considerable in that way. he has also at all times been a dupe to the sex. it is said that susan b——, a dashing cyprian, eased his purse of a ￡500 bill, and whilst he was dancing in pursuit of her, she was dancing to the tune of a fife; a clear proof she [173]had an ear for music as well as an eye to business. but i believe it was played in a different key to what he expected; whether it was a minor key or not i cannot exactly say.
“at a ball or assembly he conceives himself quite at home, satisfied that he is the admiration of the whole of the company present; and were he to give an account of himself, it would most likely be in substance nearly as follows:
“when i enter the room, what a whisp'ring is heard; my rivals, astonish'd, scarce utter a word; “how charming! (cry all; ) how enchanting a fellow! how neat are those small-clothes, how killingly yellow. not for worlds would i honour these plebs with a smile, tho' bursting with pride and delight all the while; so i turn to my cronies (a much honour'd few,); crying, “s—z—m, how goes it?—ah, duchess, how do? ton my life, yonder's b—uf, and br—ke, and a—g—le, s-ff—d, w—tm—1—d, l—n, and old codger c—ri—le.” now tho', from this style of address, it appears that these folks i have known for at least fifty years, the fact is, my friends, that i scarcely know one, a mere “fa?on de parler,” the way of the ton. what tho' they dislike it, i answer my ends, country gentlemen stare, and suppose them my friends.
but my beautiful taste (as indeed you will guess) is manifest most in my toilet and dress; my neckcloth of course forms my principal care, for by that we criterions of elegance swear, and costs me each morning some hours of flurry, to make it appear to be tied in a hurry. my boot-tops, those unerring marks of a blade, with champagne are polish'd, and peach marmalade; and a violet coat, closely copied from b—ng, with a cluster of seals, and a large diamond ring; and troisièmes of buckskin, bewitchingly large, give the finishing stroke to the “parfait ouvrage.”
during this animated description of the gay personage alluded to, bob had listened with the most undeviating attention, keeping his eye all the time on this extravagant piece of elegance and fashion, but could not help bursting into an immoderate fit of laughter at its conclusion. in the mean time the crowd of visitors had continued to increase; all appeared to be bustle and confusion; small parties were seen in groups communicating together in different places, and every face appeared to be animated by hopes or fears. dashall was exchanging familiar [174]nods and winks with those whom lie knew; but as their object was not to buy, they paid but little attention to the sales of the day, rather contenting themselves with a view of the human cattle by which they were surrounded, when they were pleasingly surprised to observe their friend sparkle enter, booted and spurred.
“just the thing! (said sparkle,) i had some suspicion of finding you here. are you buyers? does your cousin want a horse, an ass, or a filly?”
tom smiled; “always upon the ramble, eh, sparkle. why ask such questions? you know we are well horsed; but i suppose if the truth was known, you are prad sellers; if so, shew your article, and name your price.”
“apropos,” said sparkle; “here is a friend of mine, to whom i must introduce you, so say no more about articles and prices—i have an article in view above all price—excuse me.” and with this he made his way among the tribe of jockeys, sharpers, and blacklegs, and in a minute returned, bringing with him a well-dressed young man, whose manners and appearance indicated the gentleman, and whose company was considered by tom and his cousin as a valuable acquisition.
“mr. richard mortimer,” said sparkle, as he introduced his friend—“the hon. mr. dashall, and mr. robert tallyho.”
after the mutual interchanges of politeness which naturally succeeded this introduction—“come,” said sparkle, “we are horsed, and our nags waiting—we are for a ride, which way do you bend your course?”
“a lucky meeting,” replied tom; “for we are upon the same scent; i expect my curricle at hyde-park corner in ten minutes, and have no particular line of destination.”
“good,” said sparkle; “then we may hope to have your company; and how disposed for the evening?”
“even as chance may direct.”
“good, again—all right—then as you are neither buyers nor sellers, let us employ the remaining ten minutes in looking around us—there is nothing to attract here—epsom races are all the talk, and all of business that is doing—come along, let us walk through the park—let the horses meet us at kensington gate, and then for a twist among the briers and brambles.”
this was readily agreed to: orders were given to the servants, and the party proceeded towards the park.[175]
