i sing of joys, and junketings,
of holly, and of such-like things;
i sing of merry mistletoe,
and,—pardon me,—i sing also
of jeremiah scoles.
i sing of mister scoles because
so singular a man he was,
and had so very strange a way
of celebrating christmas day—
unlike all other souls.
myself, i am a cheerful man,
enjoying life as best i can.
at christmas-time i love to see
the flow of mirth and jollity
about the festive board;
i love to dance, i try to sing;
on enemies, like anything,
at christmas-time i heap hot coals,
but not so jeremiah scoles—
he loves a miser's hoard.
i chanced one year, on christmas day,
to call upon him, just to say
that we'd be very pleased to see
him, if he'd care to come to tea.
i found him quite alone.
he sat before a fireless grate;
the room looked bare and desolate,
and he, unkempt, in dressing-gown,
received me with an angry frown,
and spoke in surly tone.
"ha! what d'ye want?" said he to me
and eyed me most suspiciously.
i laughed and gave a hearty smack
upon the grumpy fellow's back,
and cried: "come home with me.
we'll treat you well. there's lots of fun—"
but ere i scarcely had begun
he cut me short. "pooh! folly! stuff!
see here; i've fun—quite fun enough!"
he laughed, but mirthlessly.
before him on the table lay
gold, silver, coppers, in array;
some empty bottles; stacks of bills;
some boxes for containing pills—
and that was all. said he:
"this gold is what i haven't spent
in presents; and the silver's meant
to show what could be wasted in—
pah!—christmas boxes. 'tis a sin
i don't encourage—no, not me?
"the coppers—little boys, no doubt,
would like 'em—they may go without;
while these long bills i should have had
from tradesmen, had i been so mad
as to have bought the things
they represent for christmas cheer;
these bottles and pill-boxes here
show what i will not have to take,
because i'll have no stomach-ache
that over-eating brings.
"and thus i spend my christmas day,
thinking what silly fools are they
who spend so much in solid cash
on so much sentimental trash.
and now, good-day to you!"
he showed me out, he banged the door,
and i was—where i was before.
* * *
i really think, upon my word,
his line of reasoning's most absurd.
no doubt you think so, too?
